Feeling lost in life.

S.G.M.

Hi all.

Basically, I’m a 27 year old fella and am feeling lost as to where I want my life to go.

I have found myself lately really questioning my identity. I have always been a very analytical thinker and this stuff has always been at the front of my brain. I used to be very shy growing up and never left my comfort zone but I was happy. I suffered bad with anxiety growing up and it caused me to drop out of university when I was 19. The years after this, I started to come out of my shell and be more comfortable in life situations. However, I still haven’t left my comfort zone that much but the thought of it appeals to me as I feel its the only way you grow as an individual.

I feel like I’ve missed out on a lot of things. I know I’m only 27 but I feel like I’ve wasted so many years that I could have been trying things or doing things in my younger years. Now I know I have to remind myself that my mental illness took a lot from me and some of those years were spent trying to just keep myself from being consumed by darkness. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say and I may not be the man I am today if I didn’t go through it. I’ve worked hard on my personal development over the last three years or so. I’ve hit them gym, started to work more on my mindset and really started to question things about myself which has definitely benefited me but I still feel a little lost in certain areas.

My dating life has been non existent over the years. Have never had a girlfriend or even been on a date that I was excited about. I’ve fancied plenty but they either have been with someone or didn’t like me back. Now one positive is that I don’t think I really want a girlfriend. I’ve learned to be happy on my own but I am a 27 year old man and I would love a bit of excitement in that department, even a few dates with women that I am attracted to. Online dating hasn’t worked and I much prefer meeting in real life. My self confidence in this area wouldn’t have been great as I don’t get much attention from women and have had a lot of rejection but it doesn’t affect my all round self worth which is a positive. It just means I’m not the oozing confidence if I spot a woman I’m attracted to.

Workwise, I got a great job a few months back which I enjoy but its not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I’ve never known what I want to do so this is another area that needs some work. I think if you have a job that you adore, its a great compass in life. I think my ideal job would involve working for myself so I plan to look into that more but its a tough one to try and work out.

Ive barely done any travelling or real living and I know I want to but I’m so used to not doing things over the years due to my mental illness that its almost second nature now. I know there are a load of things I want to do before I get too old to them and I know I’ll regret it if I don’t try and do them but I’m lost as to how to go about it. I’ve got some good friends but I’ve never been one who has been really close to any of them. Like ya see people online posting funny challenge videos with their friends etc and Id love to do stuff like that but I wouldn’t have anyone to do it with.

Overall, if someone was to say to me, ‘Are you happy with your life?’ I would have to say ‘No’. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I am unhappy but I wouldn’t call myself happy. I almost feel like i’m just going through the motions until I get that Eureka moment and we all know that won’t happen without some hard work.

So, if anyone had any advice I would much appreciate it. I know not much is going to change in the immediate due to the virus which is fine. I just want to be ready for when this is over and I can hit the ground running.

Thanks

Ticking and Bashing

I think you're probably being very hard on yourself and putting a lot of pressure on yourself as well. Stand back and assess all the good things you've achieved over the last few years such working on your personal development and for landing a great job. At 27 you're still very young. Well done for all of this. It's important not too dwell too much on past regrets and making comparisons between yourself and other people. Compare yourself on how you were this time last year and how you've grown and developed since and what do you want to be like this time next year.

Regarding moving out of your comfort zone - (1) Is there anything else at work that could push you out of your comfort zone - such as a difficult / challenging task or project or presentations?, or mentoring someone new? (2) would you consider joining any clubs or societies in work or outside of work, (3) would you consider joining a Group Tour? Start off with small manageable tasks / targets first and you'll soon find out that it wasn't so bad.

Attending career guidance sessions to challenge you on potential career paths might be worthwhile looking into. You’ve mentioned that you’d like to work for yourself. Do you know anyone self-employed in the area you’re interested in who you could talk to? To understand how they got set up and what issues they faced along the way.

There are also online and phone counselling services available if you prefer speaking to someone on how you're feeling. Sometimes a chat with a stranger is better than with someone who you might know already.

Good luck

S.G.M.

Ticking and Bashing wrote: »

I think you're probably being very hard on yourself and putting a lot of pressure on yourself as well. Stand back and assess all the good things you've achieved over the last few years such working on your personal development and for landing a great job. At 27 you're still very young. Well done for all of this. It's important not too dwell too much on past regrets and making comparisons between yourself and other people. Compare yourself on how you were this time last year and how you've grown and developed since and what do you want to be like this time next year.

Regarding moving out of your comfort zone - (1) Is there anything else at work that could push you out of your comfort zone - such as a difficult / challenging task or project or presentations?, or mentoring someone new? (2) would you consider joining any clubs or societies in work or outside of work, (3) would you consider joining a Group Tour? Start off with small manageable tasks / targets first and you'll soon find out that it wasn't so bad.

Attending career guidance sessions to challenge you on potential career paths might be worthwhile looking into. You’ve mentioned that you’d like to work for yourself. Do you know anyone self-employed in the area you’re interested in who you could talk to? To understand how they got set up and what issues they faced along the way.

There are also online and phone counselling services available if you prefer speaking to someone on how you're feeling. Sometimes a chat with a stranger is better than with someone who you might know already.

Good luck

Thanks for the reply. Much appreciated.