Lent my cousin €100, you won’t believe what happened next?

Surprise, surprise she is avoiding me and is not going to pay me. Can I do anything I have proof of texts? or is my money gone.

I like to think I’m a good person and I help out where I can, I often loan money to my boyfriend or his mam and they always pay back the following week they are good people so when my cousin desperately texted me saying she needed €100 as she has no electricity or food for her kids I agreed and said agreed she would pay me back a month later.

I didn’t sleep to good last night over this. I’m a upbeat and happy person but this is seriously going to make me bitter and I vowed to never help anyone again as I lent her from my rent money. I’ll be ok as I’ve always looked after myself. People suck.

Thanks for reading and letting me vent

percy007

If 100 quid is the worst you are stung for you have learned a very expensive life lesson very cheap.

skinny90

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Surprise, surprise she is avoiding me and is not going to pay me. Can I do anything I have proof of texts? or is my money gone.

I like to think I’m a good person and I help out where I can, I often loan money to my boyfriend or his mam and they always pay back the following week they are good people so when my cousin desperately texted me saying she needed €100 as she has no electricity or food for her kids I agreed and said agreed she would pay me back a month later.

I didn’t sleep to good last night over this. I’m a upbeat and happy person but this is seriously going to make me bitter and I vowed to never help anyone again as I lent her from my rent money. I’ll be ok as I’ve always looked after myself. People suck.

Thanks for reading and letting me vent

Yup people suck...let this be a lesson to lending money to people. I know your annoyed with your cousin but That’s a risk when opening your wallet/purse.

why is your bf and his mother always asking for money? To me that’s a bigger red flag tbh. It seems like they need to budget as they always depending on you to bail them out

Back on the topic, it’s just a hundred quid, it could be a lot worse.

Irishphotodesk

Yadda Yadda Yadda Shakespeare quote, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend; And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry [economy]"

OU812

Never loan money you’re not prepared to lose.

Oink

When that happens I normally write people off at the same time as the debt.
Forget about the €100 and about the woman. You’ll be better off.

ted1

If she’s behind in her bills with no money. Where do you think she’ll get the money to pay you back ?

lawred2

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Surprise, surprise she is avoiding me and is not going to pay me. Can I do anything I have proof of texts? or is my money gone.

I like to think I’m a good person and I help out where I can, I often loan money to my boyfriend or his mam and they always pay back the following week they are good people so when my cousin desperately texted me saying she needed €100 as she has no electricity or food for her kids I agreed and said agreed she would pay me back a month later.

I didn’t sleep to good last night over this. I’m a upbeat and happy person but this is seriously going to make me bitter and I vowed to never help anyone again as I lent her from my rent money. I’ll be ok as I’ve always looked after myself. People suck.

Thanks for reading and letting me vent

This is about as old a story as you'll hear... £100 is a very cheap life lesson

Faith

ted1 wrote: »

If she’s behind in her bills with no money. Where do you think she’ll get the money to pay you back ?

Agreed. I'd be annoyed if it was money borrowed for a luxury purchase, but if she can't afford necessities and has to borrow money, how can she possibly accrue enough to pay you back and still pay bills/food?

I'd consider this a charitable donation and write it off, unless you have proof the money was used for something else. If you can't afford to give her money without being paid back, then this is a good lesson not to do it again.

When I was 17 my brother and his wife were falling behind on their mortgage, I had a summer job and has been saving up to get a car. Instead I loaned them €700 to help them out, and they never gave me a penny back. Since then they’ve bought a flash new car, done up their entire house, plenty of holidays... but never gave back the money they borrowed. When I ran into debt in college I asked my brother for some of the money back and explained I was struggling and he basically told me no. Awful.

Sorry, your story just reminded me of that and I felt a surge of anger at the memory.

You sound like a thoughtful person, I know this has made you feel angry but you’re better off having no dealings with this person again. In future just be careful who you loan money to (or just try to avoid it in general) and be grateful it was only €100 you lost.

lawred2

Deleted User wrote: »

When I was 17 my brother and his wife were falling behind on their mortgage, I had a summer job and has been saving up to get a car. Instead I loaned them €700 to help them out, and they never gave me a penny back. Since then they’ve bought a flash new car, done up their entire house, plenty of holidays... but never gave back the money they borrowed. When I ran into debt in college I asked my brother for some of the money back and explained I was struggling and he basically told me no. Awful.

Sorry, your story just reminded me of that and I felt a surge of anger at the memory.

You sound like a thoughtful person, I know this has made you feel angry but you’re better off having no dealings with this person again. In future just be careful who you loan money to (or just try to avoid it in general) and be grateful it was only €100 you lost.

they sound like complete c**ts

were your parents aware?

FionnK86

Same as posters above, inexpensive life lesson. I'd make it a bigger lesson for your cousin, you do sound like a good person because you understood she's had to look after her kids. But she should've indicated she was asking for money & not a loan.

Ignore any future requests, in fact best to give her the cold shoulder for a few weeks. If you were cajoled into it, she might think you're gullible. If you're not happy to give €100, you won't be happy to give me. Well done for giving, sorry you got burnt.

Flippyfloppy

[Deleted User] wrote: »

When I was 17 my brother and his wife were falling behind on their mortgage, I had a summer job and has been saving up to get a car. Instead I loaned them €700 to help them out, and they never gave me a penny back. Since then they’ve bought a flash new car, done up their entire house, plenty of holidays... but never gave back the money they borrowed. When I ran into debt in college I asked my brother for some of the money back and explained I was struggling and he basically told me no. Awful.

Sorry, your story just reminded me of that and I felt a surge of anger at the memory.

You sound like a thoughtful person, I know this has made you feel angry but you’re better off having no dealings with this person again. In future just be careful who you loan money to (or just try to avoid it in general) and be grateful it was only €100 you lost.

That's actually really awful. Sorry that happened to you.

rolling boh

You got away fairly lightly a lesson learned you were put in a difficult situation you were asked for a loan by a family member that if genuine was going to have trouble paying it back .So do not lend again unless you are happy to say goodbye to the money also do not think its a great sign your boyfriend and his mother ask you for a loan so easily can they not manage their money properly .

Thanks for the replies I just won’t be helping anyone anymore. Always remember when you help someone put you, yourself is doing without to help someone else because you care.

Daisy78

ted1 wrote: »

If she’s behind in her bills with no money. Where do you think she’ll get the money to pay you back ?

That’s fine but if she can’t pay her back at least do her the courtesy of sending her a message to tell her this and thank her for her generosity. Or if she can’t pay it all back now she could ask if she could give it to her over two or three separate payments. Or offer to do something in return as an act of appreciation of her cousins kindness. She is doing herself no favours in the long run by ignoring her cousins texts, it will be so awkward when she meets her again. It comes across as extremely ignorant to be honest.

salmocab

It’s cost you a hundred to not have to put up with her ever looking for anything again off you.

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

When I was 17 my brother and his wife were falling behind on their mortgage, I had a summer job and has been saving up to get a car. Instead I loaned them €700 to help them out, and they never gave me a penny back. Since then they’ve bought a flash new car, done up their entire house, plenty of holidays... but never gave back the money they borrowed. When I ran into debt in college I asked my brother for some of the money back and explained I was struggling and he basically told me no. Awful.

Sorry, your story just reminded me of that and I felt a surge of anger at the memory.

You sound like a thoughtful person, I know this has made you feel angry but you’re better off having no dealings with this person again. In future just be careful who you loan money to (or just try to avoid it in general) and be grateful it was only €100 you lost.

Jesus. I would be reminding him one more time and then making a point of bringing it up every single chance I got.

The 100 I would be ok losing and consider it a debt in the pocket of I'm ever stuck but not yours.

Daisy78

Daisy78 wrote: »

That’s fine but if she can’t pay her back at least do her the courtesy of sending her a message to tell her this and thank her for her generosity. Or if she can’t pay it all back now she could ask if she could give it to her over two or three separate payments. Or offer to do something in return as an act of appreciation of her cousins kindness. She is doing herself no favours in the long run by ignoring her cousins texts, it will be so awkward when she meets her again. It comes across as extremely ignorant to be honest.

It could also be a case of embarrassment or despair.

To be stuck that much for 100 quid and unable to pay back. That would be embarrassing and worrying to me

bitofabind

Stop lending people money. Someone asking you for a loan is in and of itself a red flag. And certainly if you're going to keep doing it, set an expectation that you will never see that money again. Because this type of situation is all too common.

Stop lending your boyfriend and his mother money too. Their financial problems are not your responsibility. They need to stop leaning on you as a crutch, otherwise they'll continue to not sort out their own money woes and expect you to always step in. This isn't being mean or un-generous - this is having boundaries and practising self-care.

ebbsy

Oink wrote: »

When that happens I normally write people off at the same time as the debt.
Forget about the €100 and about the woman. You’ll be better off.

Great advice.

Doctors room ghost

Do they smoke,drink,gamble or drug?
If any of the above I’d be chalking them down as a selfish fcuker and cut your losses at 100 and don’t be caught again.
If they are genuine and recently lost their job and are genuinely struggling it’s a different story

Airyfairy12

Maybe she just doesnt have it and will it give to you when she does. If she's struggling to pay bills and buy food it's unlikely she has a spare 100 euro to give you.

Tork

The title of this thread reads like one of those clickbait articles that pop up all over the internet. To be honest, I'd have been much more surprised if your cousin had repaid you. She didn't even have the manners to ring you up and ask in person - she just sent a text.

You posted here a while ago about your flatmate. That problem and now your money lending track record make me wonder are you much too soft for your own good. I don't like the way you keep lending money to your boyfriend and his mother either. It's time to call a halt to that and let them sort their own problems out. It's too easy to just keep borrowing off you. What will happen when they can't repay you some day? That old saying about not being a lender or a borrower is as true now as it was ever was. Next time they ask, say No. If you don't have the stomach to say No straight out, tell them you don't have the money. It has become a pattern and it needs to stop.

You can be a nice person and say no at the same time. Your cousin probably saw you as a soft touch and hit you up for this small amount of money. If you don't learn how to say no and to trust everybody, you will have people walking all over you. You're lucky it was only €100. It's a hard lesson learned but if it saves you from losing more money in the future, it will be a good loss.

Tork

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Maybe she just doesnt have it and will it give to you when she does. If she's struggling to pay bills and buy food it's unlikely she has a spare 100 euro to give you.

She's avoiding him though, rather than being straight with him. Why can't she tell him she'll have it by X date or work out some way to pay him back bit by bit? No, she has most likely gone to ground and wants to brazen this out.

gmisk

Maybe phone them? Withhold your number if needs be.
Plus dont let someone you don't trust money again.

Tork

Tork wrote: »

She's avoiding him though, rather than being straight with him. Why can't she tell him she'll have it by X date or work out some way to pay him back bit by bit? No, she has most likely gone to ground and wants to brazen this out.

Embarrassment

Tork

She wasn't embarrassed when she texted him to say she was desperate.

Tork

Tork wrote: »

She wasn't embarrassed when she texted him to say she was desperate.

Maybe she was but at you say, she was desperate.

Jeez guys, must be great to have never found yourself in a hole and needing help. You are lucky.

In my case my parents have had to lend me money. Never so bad that it was 100 but I still needed to ask and yes, as an adult it's embarrassing but I had to swallow the pride. Mind you I fully paid it back faster than agreed but still if something else has gone wrong before I paid it back, then what?

punisher5112

Niner leprauchan wrote: »

Maybe she was but at you say, she was desperate.

Jeez guys, must be great to have never found yourself in a hole and needing help. You are lucky.

In my case my parents have had to lend me money. Never so bad that it was 100 but I still needed to ask and yes, as an adult it's embarrassing but I had to swallow the pride. Mind you I fully paid it back faster than agreed but still if something else has gone wrong before I paid it back, then what?

Difference is you paid it back many don't.....


I lent €5k to a work mate, they were having it bad and fell badly behind with rent and bills etc....

I never asked for the money for 4 years and never actually did as I was told he was paid out from a collision I was in also where he got just shy of €80k....

Few weeks after this he sent me a text to sue home and he not give a fluck..... Again I never asked but the deal was to be paid back... This date and then months became years as he was out of work a year and said then he would pay as soon as insurance came through....

Brought him to court he denied ever recieving money.... Face on him when I was able to show receipts and one bank transfer.... Funnily enough usually these would be gone but found in bottom drawer of a locker.

The bad bastard only paid in €10 amounts and only ever paid back €2k over 3 years and in that time didn't pay for months.....


I've moved on and don't lose any sleep over it, it sure was an expensive lesson especially when it was every cent I had and it actually screwed me up for money for quite some time....

Airyfairy12

Tork wrote: »

She's avoiding him though, rather than being straight with him. Why can't she tell him she'll have it by X date or work out some way to pay him back bit by bit? No, she has most likely gone to ground and wants to brazen this out.

Fair enough, she's not handling it well but maybe she just didnt have it when the OP came looking for it and she's feeling embarrassed, or feels under pressure to give it back or doesn't want a confrontation. Or maybe she cant reply to the OP, who knows whats going on?
Idk if it was me id give her the benefit of the doubt instead jumping to the conclusion that shes just not going to pay it back. She may have a genuine reason for not replying to the OP.

Doctors room ghost

Niner leprauchan wrote: »

Maybe she was but at you say, she was desperate.

Jeez guys, must be great to have never found yourself in a hole and needing help. You are lucky.

In my case my parents have had to lend me money. Never so bad that it was 100 but I still needed to ask and yes, as an adult it's embarrassing but I had to swallow the pride. Mind you I fully paid it back faster than agreed but still if something else has gone wrong before I paid it back, then what?

I’d have no bother lending someone money when they are genuinely stuck and struggling. I wouldn’t go looking for it back either but leave it to them to sort it out in their own time.
If however they come up with a hard luck story but they are smoking,drinking,drugging or gambling I’d have no bother with telling them to rev up and fcuk off.
It all comes back to the old saying “wants and needs” and have a care would you let them take your kindness for weakness.
Anyone who can afford any of the above 4 mentioned habits isn’t actually in bother but in fact are selfish fcukers with a lack of a budget and no financial insight due to being blinded by their own selfish habits

jj880

Reminds me of a woman in my home town.

A plague always arguing in shops over tuppence and tryin to get out of payin for stuff. The type to send her kids round a bar tellin everyone it's their birthdays. Also she is not poor so has no call to be acting like this.

Anyway she got a boy from the local furniture shop to come down to fit carpet in a small room. So they agree a price and she tells him she'll leave a key out for him to get in. So he goes and does the job. Not even the smell of a euro did he get. Think it was 40 euro she owed. A real low life. But the local furniture store got the better deal. She wont set foot in the place in case she's asked to pay the 40 euro. A bargain if you ask me.

You got rid of yer leech of a cousin for 100 euro. Take the positive out of it and don't loan out any more money.

Rubberchikken

There's a reason for the saying ' never a borrower or a lender be'.

Write it off for now. If by some miracle you get it back someday then be thankful and don't make that mistake again.

TheBoyConor

You could screenshot the texts and publicly shame her on social media so all her friends see what kind she is.
Or you could threaten to do so if she does not cough up the bread. Could you go to her parents and complain?

rolling boh

Above advise seems a bit drastic it's a €100 not thousands which would be a different story .As I posted earlier the op got off light enough really and will learn from this and you never know it might be repaid at some point but in the meantime try let it go .

GingerLily

TheBoyConor wrote: »

You could screenshot the texts and publicly shame her on social media so all her friends see what kind she is.
Or you could threaten to do so if she does not cough up the bread. Could you go to her parents and complain?

You'll end up looking like the bad guy if you follow this advice, either the shaming or the threats. Not worth it over 100 quid.

bilbot79

This is lender beware. What's the old saying?

'Never lend money to family and friends that you aren't prepared to write off'

Tork

GingerLily wrote: »

You'll end up looking like the bad guy if you follow this advice, either the shaming or the threats. Not worth it over 100 quid.

It's unlikely to go down well in the wider family either. Nobody likes to have their family's dirty linen washed in public. If it happened in my family, it would make me very wary of the relative doing the shaming. I don't think I'd trust them or their judgement, if they thought shaming somebody on social media was a sensible thing to do.

punisher5112

Op it's a €100 so I wouldn't be losing sleep over it to be honest, more fool them and just make it known and every so often drop a reminder but honestly it's gone, move on...

wiggle16

I think the advice given has been fairly uniform and the OP seems to have agreed. As I don't think there's any further advice to be given I'm going to lock this thread.

Thanks & GRMA all who posted.

Thread locked