Friendship

Phoenix32

I pretty much find all relationships difficult to maintain, though especially friendships. It's not that I have conflict with people, in fact I shy away from conflict so I don't always make it known when something bothers me, usually I just wait for whatever is bothering me to die down. I have difficulty putting down boundaries with people too so I agree to things I don't actually want to do to please people or because I struggle with the guilt of saying no. I've been cocooning in this pandemic and I spend about 90% of my time alone now. I think it's caused me to withdraw from the world even more than usual. If I have a friend who I feel will be annoyed if I don't respond to them I feel even more pressure to reply to them and keep in touch and so my avoidance gets worse, I tend to be better at keeping in touch with people who understand that I just have periods of hibernating or withdrawing. Aside from my boyfriend I am very close to my ex and I have two other close friends, other than that I have some acquaintances or friends that I don't see very often or talk to very much. I've never been great at keeping up long term friendships, my longest friendship is about 13 years, I am not in contact with anyone I grew up with or went to school with.

AlekSmart

[QUOTE=ancapailldorcha;113663059 SNIP/ The other thing is that most people don't really listen any more. They just want to talk themselves. SNIP/
[/QUOTE]

Now,Right there,is a whole other topic of it's very own :eek: !

Randy Archer

BrianD3 wrote: »

I don't have any friends now. Got rid of any so called friends that I had in school as soon as the LC was finished. I did make a small number of good friends in college, we had great times and we maintained those friendships for 10-15 years after graduation, sending emails very regularly and meeting up to play golf etc. I was conscious that some drift was occurring. Once they had children, the friendships basically ended within a couple of years, emails got less and less, efforts to maintain all seemed to be on my part and anytime I did get emails the main topic of conversation was their children. We were no longer "on the same wavelength". Maybe when their children are adults (long way to go) we'll start up again but I highly doubt it.

10-15 years post College /Uni is pretty good going.Excellent even

While I’m still close to two of my college mates, Most of my inner circle (4 ) are from school, one is even from play school .

College they are kinda different to home town /school mates in that when ya move away from home ya kinda just jump into a group ,some you may live with (often ya don’t get to choose who ya live with, least in first year ) , and just go out of yer way to got on with them and hope for the best. With Some of the college chums , one would enjoy their company ,but honestly wouldn’t bother with if ya knew them from home and vice versa

Randy Archer

1. Loyalty and dependability - you don’t ask for much, but they don’t **** your over and you don’t **** them over. Always, bro’s before ho’s

2. Ability to tolerate the weaker points of one’s personalities and you tolerate there’s , within reason of course

3 . Same interests , or close to it, nothing like a lively debate

4. Know what boundaries one can cross and one can’t , and you theirs

5. They don’t bore ya, and you don’t bore them

6. Honesty, even when you don’t like the truth. In the long run, you will thank them for it, assuming they aren’t idiots and you respect their intelligence and cop on

As you get older, you realise, if you got 1 or even 2 mates who you could trust and know ya well etc , brilliant. That’s all ya need . But reality is, family is more important ,be it siblings of a similar age (so be good to them and vice versa ) and later spouse/partner and kids

Panda Killa

Phoenix32 wrote: »

I pretty much find all relationships difficult to maintain, though especially friendships. It's not that I have conflict with people, in fact I shy away from conflict so I don't always make it known when something bothers me, usually I just wait for whatever is bothering me to die down. I have difficulty putting down boundaries with people too so I agree to things I don't actually want to do to please people or because I struggle with the guilt of saying no. I've been cocooning in this pandemic and I spend about 90% of my time alone now. I think it's caused me to withdraw from the world even more than usual. If I have a friend who I feel will be annoyed if I don't respond to them I feel even more pressure to reply to them and keep in touch and so my avoidance gets worse, I tend to be better at keeping in touch with people who understand that I just have periods of hibernating or withdrawing. Aside from my boyfriend I am very close to my ex and I have two other close friends, other than that I have some acquaintances or friends that I don't see very often or talk to very much. I've never been great at keeping up long term friendships, my longest friendship is about 13 years, I am not in contact with anyone I grew up with or went to school with.

You do as you please Phoenix...loads of people care about you.... you know that... sometimes we reach out just to let you know that we care... you're in our thoughts and if you don't reply... then it's actually not a biggie.
You're a wonderful person.... kinda
And you have a multitude of friends here who would walk over hot coals for you ....

Not me..I'd go to the shop and get milk for you though!

Love bombing. Do you know that thing that can occur when you start dating someone? They are all over you physically and emotionally. The moon and the stars are promised. Suddenly they are gone and your left thinking wtf just happened.

Well can it occur with friendships too?

Panda Killa

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Love bombing. Do you know that thing that can occur when you start dating someone? They are all over you physically and emotionally. The moon and the stars are promised. Suddenly they are gone and your left thinking wtf just happened.

Well can it occur with friendships too?

Well, yeah... you are a pain in the ass...so you can't blame me for running away !

Panda Killa

Panda Killa wrote: »

Well, yeah... you are a pain in the ass...so you can't blame me for running away !

Shut your cake hole you auld bollix

Panda Killa

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Shut your cake hole you auld bollix

Christ...I'm soooooo turned on right now!!

Panda Killa

Panda Killa wrote: »

Christ...I'm soooooo turned on right now!!

Phoenix32

Deleted User wrote: »

Love bombing. Do you know that thing that can occur when you start dating someone? They are all over you physically and emotionally. The moon and the stars are promised. Suddenly they are gone and your left thinking wtf just happened.

Well can it occur with friendships too?

I think it can occur with friendships, probably any kind of relationship really.



Who love bombed you Perse, you can tell us

Panda Killa

Phoenix32 wrote: »

I think it can occur with friendships, probably any kind of relationship really.



Who love bombed you Perse, you can tell us

Probably Redneck

Ok you two are banned from this thread. Its supposed to be a thought provoking discussion!

Panda Killa

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Ok you two are banned from this thread. Its supposed to be a thought provoking discussion!

We're just trying to get you to have an original thought Perse...buns and scraggy bay have softened your already dull intellectual reflexes....i say this as a friend!

Panda Killa

Panda Killa wrote: »

We're just trying to get you to have an original thought Perse...buns and scraggy bay have softened your already dull intellectual reflexes....i say this as a friend!

Ok grand but....buns??

Panda Killa

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Ok grand but....buns??

Cakes ..not your saggy ass
:P

Panda Killa

Panda Killa wrote: »

We're just trying to get you to have an original thought Perse...buns and scraggy bay have softened your already dull intellectual reflexes....i say this as a friend!

Deleted User wrote: »

Ok grand but....buns??

Panda Killa wrote: »

Cakes ..not your saggy ass
:P

The line between friendship and erotic impulse has been hoovered up.

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

The line between friendship and erotic impulse has been hoovered up.

Bertie there's something you should know about Panda, if it isn't obvious already. He is a absolutely obsessed with me but is unable to express his desire in a mature manner. So he resorts to these strange.....jibes.

Panda Killa

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Bertie there's something you should know about Panda, if it isn't obvious already. He is a absolutely obsessed with me but is unable to express his desire in a mature manner. So he resorts to these strange.....jibes.

Sorry Bertie...I thought it was painfully obvious I was obsessed with emotionally stunted forty-something saggy booty'd women with an over fondness for cheap IPA....I'll try to make my pent up sexual frustrations more visible from now on.. :P

Panda Killa

Panda Killa wrote: »

Sorry Bertie...I thought it was painfully obvious I was obsessed with emotionally stunted forty-something saggy booty'd women with an over fondness for cheap IPA....I'll try to make my pent up sexual frustrations more visible from now on.. :P

Bertie can I just clarify; Panda in his dotage is experiencing a lot of confusion. He hasn't had any visitors since his nursing home locked down.

Lucky Lou

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I've been having a think about the people in my life and what constitutes a friend. I am in the camp of quality over quantity and prefer a few close friends to a large group of acquaintances. A lot have gone from my life down through the years and I wonder about that. I don't just mean growing apart but actual stuff happening and one or both of us realising that this isn't a friendship we want.
Someone close to me recently made the good point that not everyone wants or is able for long term attachment. I think I have definitely experienced this dynamic.

For me what makes a friend is a person who is loyal, who is kind, has a sense of humour and can have a laugh, who will listen and is reliable.
That's what I offer so I expect the same back.
Tell me great contributors of AH what do you look for in a friendship? Are you content with a fellow shooter of the breeze or do you want your intellect challenged? A yes man/woman or an honest view?

Do you have any sad or funny friendship stories you'd like to share?

Friendship is hard to define.
I have friends that I have known since school. We can be so close then drift apart the reunite like its been yesterday.
I have friends through work that I wouldnt really meet if it wasnt for work occassions.
I have friends that became friends through circumstance.
I have friends who I have met online but not really friends as we have never met.
It all depends on your perspective really.