Elderly parent - Power of Attorney

Citygirl1

My Mum is in her early 80's, and in fairly good health in body and mind. In conversation recently, the topic of getting a power of attorney put in place came up. It's something that had been suggest by her friend years ago, and I know her brother has this organised also.

So, during the week, she went to see a solicitor, and unfortunately came away very confused, and with the impression that the process was very complex. I've realised I should have gone with her.

Meanwhile, I've just today, started reading on the topic, and have realised that it seems very important thing to get done! Hoping we never need to implement it, but we could be in a very difficult position about managing her house/pension/expenses if she developed dementia.....

Unfortunately, she now seems to have an aversion to the entire idea, due to the bit of work involved, but also she just doesn't want to face the idea that she ever might be incapacitated. She's convinced that if she gives me access to her bank account, all will be well. But I can see it's just not as simple as that.

I think we're going to go ahead with it. (Obviously, I would go with her to the solicitor next time, and organise as much as possible). But, I know she is only doing so, on the basis that I feel it's important. This leaves me with the very uncomfortable feeling that I could be seen as pushing this on her.

Interested to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation, and how you sorted it out?

Ultimately, like most people, I want the best for my relative, which includes being able to manage her affairs, if the need ever arises.....

ohnonotgmail

i've been through the process with my own mother and it was all very straightforward. it is probably facing up to the possibility that she might need it that is putting her. ask her to make an appointment with a solicitor and go with her. there really isnt much for your mother to do.

sillysocks

I’ve done it with my parents. I can’t swear to the details as they are still ok to do most of the organising themselves but from what I remember, my Dad visited the solicitor, gave him my details, their details and details of my brother (he was notified that I was being given Power of Attorney).
The solicitor then drew up the documents and sent us all a copy. My parents had to have their doctors sign The forms which was maybe 80-100 eur each.

Finally the three of us had to go into the office and sign in front of the solicitor.
So a very straight forward process really, a few steps but nothing complicated. You don’t have to give details of all financial affairs, accounts etc or anything like that. It’s just a standard legal document.
Hope that helps.

Citygirl1

Thank you both very much for your input, which helps me to reassure my Mum. She seems to now be much more comfortable with the entire idea! - And we've agreed we'll all be praying for it to never be needed...

Can I ask, in your case, how many visits to the solicitor were involved, in total? And approx how much did you/your parent pay for the work?

sillysocks

I think my Dad had two visits to the solicitor, One to give his details and my info etc, and then we had a second visit with the three of us together (mum , dad and I).
It wasn’t cheap, I think approx 800 eur to solicitor and maybe 100/150 to doctor for the forms. That was for me to get the POA for both of them so maybe it’d be cheaper to get it for just one person, not sure.

Pistachio19

I was given power of attorney for my dad in order to sell his house. That power was to cover the house sale alone, allowing me to sign all the documentation. You can have a more general power of attorney where you can look after finances for your mother.

From my understanding, for a person who wants to look after the affairs of another in the event of dementia, you need Enduring Power of Attorney. Your mother can designate you and this only comes into effect if and when your mother is deemed non compis mentis. You would then be making decisions on her behalf regarding health and finances etc. Best to have this organised now, as if she did get dementia it would be too late to organise it then.

Citygirl1

Thanks Pistachio. Yes, that's my understanding of it also. So, anxious to get this done now, while she's well.

Pistachio19

I'd tell her gently that if it was a thing that her mind started to wander it would then be too late for you to make decisions on her behalf. Assure her that as she's healthy it won't likely come to that but it's best to have the Enduring Power of Attorney paper work sorted just in case. And while you are both with the solicitor you can chat about the Power of Attorney and decide what aspects she would like covered by that.

As regards her finances, if she just has bank accounts she could add you as a full joint account holder and you can do any banking for her.

notsoyoungwan

Pistachio19 wrote: »

I was given power of attorney for my dad in order to sell his house. That power was to cover the house sale alone, allowing me to sign all the documentation. You can have a more general power of attorney where you can look after finances for your mother.

From my understanding, for a person who wants to look after the affairs of another in the event of dementia, you need Enduring Power of Attorney. Your mother can designate you and this only comes into effect if and when your mother is deemed non compis mentis. You would then be making decisions on her behalf regarding health and finances etc. Best to have this organised now, as if she did get dementia it would be too late to organise it then.

Just to pick up on this, as the law currently stands, EPOA does not give you the power to make healthcare decisions for someone. You can make financial and personal care decisions only. A lot of people mistakenly believe it allows them make healthcare decisions.

notsoyoungwan

And if she adds you as a joint account holder on her bank accounts, it means that the funds in them automatically become yours upon her death, which may not be her wish for her assets- she may want them divided/shared etc.

LegacyUser

It's really important to get this done in case anything happens your mother. My father flatly refused to do this when he was still in good health, and unfortunately developed dementia afterwards. This has left us with no access to his bank accounts and as he is now in a home with their bills to pay, this is a huge problem for us. Hopefully it will never have to be used with your mother, but it is so important to have it in place.

Citygirl1

getitdone wrote: »

It's really important to get this done in case anything happens your mother. My father flatly refused to do this when he was still in good health, and unfortunately developed dementia afterwards. This has left us with no access to his bank accounts and as he is now in a home with their bills to pay, this is a huge problem for us. Hopefully it will never have to be used with your mother, but it is so important to have it in place.

Wow - I'm so sorry, to hear of this difficulty you are facing. I hope you get something sorted out. Reading this makes me realise how really important it is to get this matter attended to.

Thanks also to all other posters, for your input, which is very helpful.

ohnonotgmail

Citygirl1 wrote: »

Wow - I'm so sorry, to hear of this difficulty you are facing. I hope you get something sorted out. Reading this makes me realise how really important it is to get this matter attended to.

Thanks also to all other posters, for your input, which is very helpful.

it sounds like getitdones father has been made a Ward of Court. All decisions they would normally make for themselves have to be made by a committee of the high court. this is not a situation you want to be in. It can also affect stuff like emergency medical care as any procedure that requires consent has to be approved by the President of the High Court. If they are not available then the medical procedure cannot take place. I'm not trying to scare you but you need to make your mother aware of this. The decision she has to make is does she want people she knows making the best decisions for her or does she want complete strangers doing it.