Residential care or adoption for disabled baby

ILoveYourVibes

I have no advice op.

But I hope the best for you whatever you decide.

x

spurious

What a terrible situation to be in.

Regarding your question about people adopting children with disabilities, there are of course people who choose to foster and/or adopt children with severe issues and also children with conditions which mean they will have a very shortened life span..

shesty

The baby might arrive and the OP decide to keep it in the days following birth. But she is certainly entitled to investigate all of her options, get all of the information, at this time. If nothing else, it will help her cope and decide what is next.



When you find out you are pregnant, your world turns on its head. You have 9 months as a mother to try to figure it out.And then the baby arrives and it turns on its head again. Wrapping your head around that alone is one thing - wrapping your head around it alone and with a diagnosis that isn't promising ......I can't imagine.



I am lucky to have 3 healthy babies, but as a mother, it is a life-changer, and I can understand where the OP is coming from. From the position I am now in it is easy for me to say to the OP, ask all your questions. Say the things you are too embarassed to say, to the people who are supposed to listen and help. Don't be afraid to speak up. But before your first baby, you still care an awful lot about what people think - as time goes on, you give a lot less of a sh*t, to be frank.



Asking doesn't mean that you have made any decisions OP, it simply allows you to be informed and gives you time to think about how this might work out for you. So explore all your options, give them all consideration and see where it lands you. Most of all, take your time to think about it. I don't know your information about your life, the baby's father, your family situation, or anything, so that's about the best advice I can give.

TheBoyConor

I am just wondering, what would the OP say afterwards if the baby is given up? Like, i presume people will meet her while she is visibly pregnant and then they will be wondering where the baby is afterwards or what happened?

I doubt the op will hide themselves away for the last few months, or will she?

In years gone by in these situations family often gave cover stories; eg , oh, she's gone off to a big job up in Dublin/minding a sick relative up the country etc so as to stave off the speculation of neighbours.

My point is, if people know you are having a baby, they will be wondering why there isn't a baby afterwards and OP will have to thing about how she will approach those sort of questions.

wildwillow

I reckon that what the neighbours think is the least of her worries.

Galbin

This may seem a bit out there, but it's also important to know that predictions can be wrong. I have known a few people and read many articles where couples were told the child would have X/Y/z disability and things either turned out to be fine or less severe than predicted. In fact, this happened last year where a couple in a Dublin hospital were told their child would have a Trisomy and so they had a termination and later found out that prediction had been inaccurate. I believe they may be suing the HSE. So that is always a possibility.

Other posters above have given practical suggestions, so I hope things turn out okay for you and the baby.

pwurple

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I am just wondering, what would the OP say afterwards if the baby is given up? Like, i presume people will meet her while she is visibly pregnant and then they will be wondering where the baby is afterwards or what happened?.

I would hope people have enough cop on to not stupidly hurt the OP with those questions, as we all know not every pregnancy gets to term.

JustAThought

pwurple wrote: »

I would hope people have enough cop on to not stupidly hurt the OP with those questions, as we all know not every pregnancy gets to term.

And of course ‘I gave the child to be adopted to a loving family who wanted it’ is an entirely acceptable answer. As is, you will
respect that I don’t want to share or discuss that further.

OP - you can see from the 34 people who went to the unusual length of supporting my comment to
you that a lot of people are silently watching and supporting you in your decision. I feel really badly for you as I cannot imagine how much pressure people are putting you under to make decisions that are not good for you, and that will put you and the child under huge financial, emotional and psycholgolical pressure for the rest of your life. A few people here have commented about the unrelenting misery and mental health pressures of struggling for a lifetime with no hope, no money, no resources , rare respite if are lucky and can beg long and hard enough for it and a life sentence for you in a situation you did not choose and do not want to be in for the rest of your life.

While others can go home to their partners and husbands or knock off boards to their jobs having pointed or wagged their fingers at you, it is you who will he left in crippling poverty and lonliness and growing desperation for the rest of your life in a situation you did not sign up for or want to be in.

Don’t be guilted into that life when there are real alternatives there for you - adoption or if you choose, fosterinng. You and the child have had bad luck and been dralt a terrible hand, it dirs not have to be a life sentence for you - there are loving families (maybe some are here on boards) who would happily foster or adopt a disabled child and who ironically will be chosen by the state as having the income, home, support and mentality to deal with it. It is a good choice for you, your mental health and for the child for so many reasons. Why be guilted or coerced by people who will pragmatically tell you it be be hard but then walk away leaving you to a terrible existence of poverty and misery , when there are safe, positive, healthy, nurturing, loving alternatives available - you ‘just’ need to stay strong and be firm with the social worker and not be emotionally blackmailed into doing something that will he negative for both you amd you baby and that you know you do not want. And yes, it IS ok to not want that life, or commitment, or life sentence - no mayter how inconvenient it is for a stranger online or in an office whose life will be utterly unchanged or unaffected by your decision but who will take out all their prissy notions of sacrifice and motherhood to emotionally balckmail you into
something you know is wrong for you. Stay strong. You are an amazing person for being honest, for knowing what you need and what is possible and not desirable for
your life and mental health and sticking by it. And temember, a social
worker is not on your side - there are there to do the work and policy of the state to keep
you with the child and keep their business workload and costs down - stay strong. Good luck.