Not caring about my health

ray giraffe

Focus on yourself and your kids.
Your kids need you. Think about the joy you bring to them.
To protect your kids, you have to protect yourself.

If your lung condition is unusual, you might not know other people with it.
If there isn't an active Irish facebook group for the condition, there probably will be a UK facebook group.

If I were you, I would make a post in the group.
It's natural to feel frustration when you and your kids can't socialise like usual.
You will get encouragement and support from lots of parents in the same boat.
To support each other they might have video chats too.

Best wishes x

JustAThought

1,734 people in Ireland have died of covid-19. Many were in the high risk category. Our gov.ie site can list dY by day how many infections were ‘community infections’ - ie from someone you know. Does Kate want you to be a tragic statistic, or does she just listen to the anti- news and march with that? It’s interesting that noone in medical authority has challenged the stat promoted in every news-station yesterday that the chance of catching it from community transmission is one in million - it totlly goes aginst our statistics and promoting it is totally irresponsible. Yeaterday we had over 30 children reported as having caught the covid. You can catch it from your kids via hers. Kate needs to cop on and you meed to stop putting her needs before yours and that of your family and children.
A friend of mine has it - their lungs have filled up with blood clots and they are totlally ****ed. They won’t make RTE news or national TV but they are real and totally screwed.

strandroad

OP best of luck and I hope that the danger to you will pass soon.

One thing about Kate, you're focusing on the wrong aspect. Your mismatch is not about disagreement about scientific facts, but about her not giving a sh*t about you. If she cared about you even a little bit she would accommodate you even if the evidence was weak or risk was low, simply because of the impact on you.

I have a friend who is claustrophobic, she can't be in a lift or she freaks out. If we travel together we can't do any tourist attractions like caves or skyscrapers, can't book rooms on certain floors in hotels or use some underground systems because she always needs to take the stairs. She finds it hard to even be in the airport jetway if there are no windows and she needs strategies to walk it. None of this is technically harmful to her health and the workarounds are often cumbersome but I accommodate her because I care about her; I can't imagine guilt tripping her or leaving her behind. Kate doesn't care about you one bit.

Salthillprom

strandroad wrote: »

OP best of luck and I hope that the danger to you will pass soon.

One thing about Kate, you're focusing on the wrong aspect. Your mismatch is not about disagreement about scientific facts, but about her not giving a sh*t about you. If she cared about you even a little bit she would accommodate you even if the evidence was weak or risk was low, simply because of the impact on you.

I have a friend who is claustrophobic, she can't be in a lift or she freaks out. If we travel together we can't do any tourist attractions like caves or skyscrapers, can't book rooms on certain floors in hotels or use some underground systems because she always needs to take the stairs. She finds it hard to even be in the airport jetway if there are no windows and she needs strategies to walk it. None of this is technically harmful to her health and the workarounds are often cumbersome but I accommodate her because I care about her; I can't imagine guilt tripping her or leaving her behind. Kate doesn't care about you one bit.

You are a kind person to your friend. She's lucky to have you. And yes, I agree that Kate doesn't care for me.

Salthillprom

JustAThought wrote: »

1,734 people in Ireland have died of covid-19. Many were in the high risk category. Our gov.ie site can list dY by day how many infections were ‘community infections’ - ie from someone you know. Does Kate want you to be a tragic statistic, or does she just listen to the anti- news and march with that? It’s interesting that noone in medical authority has challenged the stat promoted in every news-station yesterday that the chance of catching it from community transmission is one in million - it totlly goes aginst our statistics and promoting it is totally irresponsible. Yeaterday we had over 30 children reported as having caught the covid. You can catch it from your kids via hers. Kate needs to cop on and you meed to stop putting her needs before yours and that of your family and children.
A friend of mine has it - their lungs have filled up with blood clots and they are totlally ****ed. They won’t make RTE news or national TV but they are real and totally screwed.

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Horrific. I hope your friend pulls through and recovers. I agree with you about nobody challenging the 1 in a million headline. I thought it was a dangerous headline and only feeds into people like kate's beliefs. That the virus is pretty much gone

Salthillprom

ray giraffe wrote: »

Focus on yourself and your kids.
Your kids need you. Think about the joy you bring to them.
To protect your kids, you have to protect yourself.

If your lung condition is unusual, you might not know other people with it.
If there isn't an active Irish facebook group for the condition, there probably will be a UK facebook group.

If I were you, I would make a post in the group.
It's natural to feel frustration when you and your kids can't socialise like usual.
You will get encouragement and support from lots of parents in the same boat.
To support each other they might have video chats too.

Best wishes x

Thanks, yes it's unusual but I think there might be a couple of hundred others in Ireland with it. I've connected with others who have it - all equally anxious.

Salthillprom

ztoical wrote: »

Friends don't dismiss their friends concerns if they are actually trying to help. Play dates outdoors was offered as a compromise and Kate just refused and wouldn't listen to the OP. The OP isn't over reacting and wrapping her whole family in cotton wool, they've a series health risk and have consulted with their doctor but this isn't a debate on what the risks are for contracting COVID are for the OP, its about a friend respecting their friends wishes.

Yes there's no respect by Kate for my concerns. The whole thing really has me down tbh.

Strumms

the14thwarrior wrote: »

alas Kate is one of those people who has to remain in your life.
So make it work better?

Really ? Why ? She’s attempting to pressure the op into a social arrangement that could seriously jeopardize their health. Not through ignorance, because the condition is known to her, covid is known to everyone but for shîts and giggles she wants something... sorry, that’s piss poor, I’d be deleting her number, without explanation.

Salthillprom

Strumms wrote: »

Really ? Why ? She’s attempting to pressure the op into a social arrangement that could seriously jeopardize their health. Not through ignorance, because the condition is known to her, covid is known to everyone but for shîts and giggles she wants something... sorry, that’s piss poor, I’d be deleting her number, without explanation.

I said in my original post that for reasons I won't disclose, she has to remain in my life. Deleting her number isn't an option.

seenitall

Hi OP,

You are far too amenable for your own good, entertaining all the nonsense from this woman.

Were I in your shoes, she would be getting very short shrift, and in such a way that there would be no feasible comeback for her unless she wanted to make herself look stupid and uncaring (which she most definitely is).

Just ask her what your life is worth to her, does she want you dead? Is that her goal? You've always loved her and supported her, so what can she possibly have against you and your children, that she wants to leave them without their mother? Oh I would be laying on the guilt trip so thick, she would be running for cover, and would never even mention a play date again the rest of her natural life. Yes, she would try to paint you as a drama queen, however something like this would sink in deep regardless. I'd just keep repeating the same uncomfortable (for her) conversation, til it sank in. (In fairness, I'd be livid if I were you, so it would probably come more naturally to me - but you have to get angry sometimes. It's good for you )

Salthillprom

seenitall wrote: »

Hi OP,

You are far too amenable for your own good, entertaining all the nonsense from this woman.

Were I in your shoes, she would be getting very short shrift, and in such a way that there would be no feasible comeback for her unless she wanted to make herself look stupid and uncaring (which she most definitely is).

Just ask her what your life is worth to her, does she want you dead? Is that her goal? You've always loved her and supported her, so what can she possibly have against you and your children, that she wants to leave them without their mother? Oh I would be laying on the guilt trip so thick, she would be running for cover, and would never even mention a play date again the rest of her natural life. Yes, she would try to paint you as a drama queen, however something like this would sink in deep regardless. I'd just keep repeating the same uncomfortable (for her) conversation, til it sank in. (In fairness, I'd be livid if I were you, so it would probably come more naturally to me - but you have to get angry sometimes. It's good for you )

Thank you for your advice. I am livid, disappointed, upset all in one. Its not the first time she has done things to me. I'm sure it won't be the last. I think I'm a nice person, although I'm pretty sure I lack a backbone too.

qwerty13

I wouldn’t let your kids mix with hers even outdoors unaccompanied. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I’d throw her about telling you that it was an outdoor play date - but that then she couldn’t be bothered keeping an eye on them, and next thing there’s a bunch of then crammed into a tent or a treehouse - or indoors if it suited her.

Salthillprom

qwerty13 wrote: »

I wouldn’t let your kids mix with hers even outdoors unaccompanied. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I’d throw her about telling you that it was an outdoor play date - but that then she couldn’t be bothered keeping an eye on them, and next thing there’s a bunch of then crammed into a tent or a treehouse - or indoors if it suited her.

My fear too.

Please don't put your health or your children's health at risk for anybody. I too have been told that I am in the high risk category and am only now being let out for a walk such is the risk of covid to me. Covid 19 is still very much ever present all around us. Some people have become quite complacent but anyone I know with health issues has been quite proactive in keeping themselves safe. To be honest if I were you she doesn't sound like a very good friend she seems very self centred and not at all supportive of you or your feelings or health issues. I would cut her out of your life. People like that you end up stressing about and that in itself can have a detrimental effect on your health. It's one thing I have taken from this Covid 19 pandemic is that my health is my number one priority and I am going to do all I can to keep myself safe and well.

Salthillprom

Deleted User wrote: »

Please don't put your health or your children's health at risk for anybody. I too have been told that I am in the high risk category and am only now being let out for a walk such is the risk of covid to me. Covid 19 is still very much ever present all around us. Some people have become quite complacent but anyone I know with health issues has been quite proactive in keeping themselves safe. To be honest if I were you she doesn't sound like a very good friend she seems very self centred and not at all supportive of you or your feelings or health issues. I would cut her out of your life. People like that you end up stressing about and that in itself can have a detrimental effect on your health. It's one thing I have taken from this Covid 19 pandemic is that my health is my number one priority and I am going to do all I can to keep myself safe and well.

Thanks, good advice and I hope you stay safe during this pandemic. It's nice to hear from someone going through the same thing. Best of luck.

HildaOgdenx

Not much to add, OP. Just keep doing what you are doing.

Your health is far too important for anyone to be trying to put you at risk. There may be an element on the other person's part of trying to justify their own behaviour, by being derisive towards you.
Broken record technique is my advice, 'no, that won't be happening'.
Don't get into any further discussion on it.

Take care.

Salthillprom

HildaOgdenx wrote: »

Not much to add, OP. Just keep doing what you are doing.

Your health is far too important for anyone to be trying to put you at risk. There may be an element on the other person's part of trying to justify their own behaviour, by being derisive towards you.
Broken record technique is my advice, 'no, that won't be happening'.
Don't get into any further discussion on it.

Take care.

Thanks so much for your kind words.

YellowBucket

Unfortunately, when it comes to COVID-19 there are people who are only hearing what they want to hear and will go online and find articles and opinions to support their view that everyone’s making a fuss about nothing.

Take your consultant’s advice seriously. They know they’re talking about.

This Kate person seems to only care about not being inconvenienced.