in need of a poop

GMCED

Sitting outside rotunda hospital waiting for my wife to go to the delivery ward, not allowed in till I get a phone call that shes just about to give birth... thing is i suffer with IBS ... where do I go to the bathroom when places close, as security guard will not allow me inside the hospital until called ?????

unhappys10

Into your hand and then fire it at the security guard

Limpy

Turn on your ringer near him and pretend you got the call

Man with broke phone

I poop at 6 am every morning, its ghost form leaves no need to wipe. I check this by wiping I'm not a heathen. If you remove two or three metres of your intestine yourself you will probably never need to poop again.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

At a hospital with a medical condition, asks for help in AH.

Checks out...

Wesser

Get yourself a nappy?

AndrewJRenko

It's probably a bit embarrassing, but if you beg the security guy, or get him to get a nurse that you can beg, they will probably let you through.

Technically, you are entitled to any 'reasonable accommodation' to accommodate any disability, but it's probably not the time to be quoting the law at people.

Richard Hillman

Pubs are open. Just stroll in.

Jack Imhoff

Ask one of the 9 months pregnant lasess outside the main entrance having a fag and can of red bull if you can borrow the can when they're finished...

cdeb

Anyone who uses the word "poop" should have something stuck forcefully up their hole till the ****e comes flying out.

Two birds with one stone there. You're welcome.

GMCED

If that's what your into who am I to argue... each to their own

Signore Fancy Pants

Thinly veiled, 'I had sex 9 months ago' thread.

Stop showing off OP.

EmmetSpiceland

Head to Centra around the corner, purchase a 4 pack of toilet roll and ask for a plastic bag when you’re paying.

Leg it back to the car, double time, push the driver’s seat forward, place the plastic bag, open, on the floor behind the seat and just “dump” into that.

Now, use the bog roll to clean up and “ditch” the bag into a nearby bin, skip or a discreet corner.

To be honest, you should really have these “supplies” in the boot at all times.

hynesie08

Go for a pint and some spicy wings, if the parnell is open you're only 30 seconds away

Jack Imhoff

hynesie08 wrote: »

Go for a pint and some spicy wings, if the parnell is open you're only 30 seconds away

He's better off shítting in the street than going in there

Your Face

cdeb wrote: »

Anyone who uses the word "poop" should have something stuck forcefully up their hole till the ****e comes flying out.

Two birds with one stone there. You're welcome.

Leave it to a Chess mod to bring some class to the thread.

Jack Imhoff

Your Face wrote: »

Leave it to a Chess mod to bring some class to the thread.

He's the Sebastian Feller of this thread.....
:P

Ted_YNWA

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Head to Centra around the corner, purchase a 4 pack of toilet roll and ask for a plastic bag when you’re paying.

Leg it back to the car, double time, push the driver’s seat forward, place the plastic bag, open, on the floor behind the seat and just “dump” into that.

Now, use the bog roll to clean up and “ditch” the bag into a nearby bin, skip or a discreet corner.

To be honest, you should really have these “supplies” in the boot at all times.

Listen to Emmet, he is the "pro" in this topic.

Boom_Bap

Get a horse costume and start trotting around saying neeeiiiggggghhhhhhh and let loose. Nobody ever questions a horse pooping whilst trotting.

JohnnyFlash

It’s tough for a lad caught short these days. No high footing it into the local McDonalds for a McShíte (or a SuperShïte in Galway).

cdeb

Your Face wrote: »

Leave it to a Chess mod to bring some class to the thread.

You're welcome

Truthvader

What a delightful thread

TuringBot47

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

At a hospital with a medical condition, asks for help in AH.

Checks out...

You've obviously never been to the Rotunda as a male.
They're as welcome as a rat in a tampon factory.
I paid extra for us to be semi private, still stuck with 6 in a room on the 3rd floor and I had to go down to the ground floor for a men's toilet every time.

That's in non corvid times.

Man with broke phone

TuringBot47 wrote: »

You've obviously never been to the Rotunda as a male.
They're as welcome as a rat in a tampon factory.
I paid extra for us to be semi private, still stuck with 6 in a room on the 3rd floor and I had to go down to the ground floor for a men's toilet every time.

That's in non corvid times.

Everytime? Could you not have gone before you left. There is one mens toilet in the whole place and you clogged it up everytime you went there?

How many kids have you got, how much of a backlog did you create in the place over the years?

Purple Mountain

Can you just text your inconsiderate wife and tell her to hurry the hell up and get crowning.

TuringBot47

Man with broke phone wrote: »

Everytime? Could you not have gone before you left. There is one mens toilet in the whole place and you clogged it up everytime you went there?

You obviously don't realise you don't just visit your wife for an hour in a maternity ward and head home...
Or just check her in when she starts labour.

Your ignorance and lack of life experience lets you down there.

Man with broke phone

TuringBot47 wrote: »

You obviously don't realise you don't just visit your wife for an hour in a maternity ward and head home...
Or just check her in when she starts labour.

Your ignorance and lack of life experience lets you down there.

I've had four kids, used the toilet in there maybe twice.

TuringBot47

Man with broke phone wrote: »

I've had four kids, used the toilet in there maybe twice.

You do come across as quite constipated.
You've obviously forgot how they ramp up the temperature for the babies so everyone drinks more water. Sounds like you weren't there all day a few days in a row either.

Gemancy

unhappys10 wrote: »

Into your hand and then fire it at the security guard

:pac:

Rodney Bathgate

Do you have a Pringles tube handy, OP?

Sheep Shagger

Ilac Centre
Jury's
Woolshed Pub

All within ****ting distance.

Unless you are American, it's a ****e or dump you need.

SEPT 23 1989

Give the lad a break

The whole happy carefree world as he knew it is about to come crashing down around him

And his bowels know it

Boom_Bap

You know what the real funny thing here is.
You are about to see your wife poop in front of you.

JohnnyFlash

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Can you just text your inconsiderate wife and tell her to hurry the hell up and get crowning.

The dude was crowning himself. Have some sympathy. Tough times for all involved.

Church on Tuesday

Poop?

Ficheall

I should have one to spare presently, OP - what do you need it for?

Leg End Reject

I hope he managed to deliver his own private progeny before his wife crowned.

He could compare weights to determine which one was the runt of the litter.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

TuringBot47 wrote: »

You've obviously never been to the Rotunda as a male.
They're as welcome as a rat in a tampon factory.
I paid extra for us to be semi private, still stuck with 6 in a room on the 3rd floor and I had to go down to the ground floor for a men's toilet every time.

That's in non corvid times.

Fair point.

Not sure if it tells you more about the Rotunda or AH though.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Get a horse costume and start trotting around saying neeeiiiggggghhhhhhh and let loose. Nobody ever questions a horse pooping whilst trotting.

Ted_YNWA wrote: »

Listen to Emmet, he is the "pro" in this topic.

Borads mods Night out, I see?

Potential-Monke

I thought places couldn't refuse those with certain conditions. Did you not get a card or pass or something to fast track you? I believe Google calls it a Can't Wait card.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Poop?

It's the maternity hospital, so young ears....

Kylta

hynesie08 wrote: »

Go for a pint and some spicy wings, if the parnell is open you're only 30 seconds away

And guaranteed another dose of the Sh!tes after the chicken wings.

SuperS54

Grab a box of Imodium or similar in the nearest chemist, take a couple and you'll be fine until at least the birth. With IBS you'll likely need them with the stress of the birthing anyway.

Gruffalux

Way back when my chap watched me have our first - it is a bit of a headwreck I imagine for a 22 year old lad to be one day full of the innocence of youth and then suddenly to be watching the business end of birthing, the mother does not get to see the full HD version of the shenanigans in the nethers, and how they feel like going back to hot sex afterwards one would have to wonder - but anyhows he went home afterwards and said he delivered a sympathetic offering the size of a large turnip. In short, have mercy on the OP, this is a psychically immense time that does strange things to us all. I hope you found a loo OP.
And congratulations. Hope all is well.

Allinall

GMCED wrote: »

Ok folks on a moan here, my husband recently got ps4 and plays gta... I don't get a look in a the the TV anymore, all our latest arguments are over the ps, it's really starting to piss me off!!

Something don't add up.

OP's world has been turned inside out.

Current dilemma is the least of the problems.

Car99

Fake baby bump , pyjamas, slippers, furry pink dressing gown , wig, waddle walk with hands on hips. Now you can waddle in and out to use the loo.

Kylta

Now while your taken in all the advice of the posters. What did you do. You pooped yourself.

greenspurs

cdeb wrote: »

Anyone who uses the word "poop" should have something stuck forcefully up their hole till the ****e comes flying out.

Two birds with one stone there. You're welcome.

A mod ? Ive been banned for less !!

Lewis_Benson

This is the thread for you my friend,
You can thank me later.

https://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057970654/1

whisky_galore

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Poop?

It's embarrassing when Irish people use this US childrens' tv show term. Faeces, droppings or stool please.

Lewis_Benson

whisky_galore wrote: »

It's embarrassing when Irish people use this US childrens' tv show term. Faeces, droppings or stool please.

Chocolate Snake