What rules would you bring in if you were dictator?

Atlantic Dawn

Another couple...
If you steal someones tools they make a living with you are assigned to them as their personal slave for 5 years.
Sitting in your car eating your fast food and then dumping the litter from it out the window will result in a bin truck visiting your home to deliver 8 tonnes of fresh waste in to your living room.
If you have electric gates going in to your driveway and expect other drivers to wait while they open your car should be blasted off the road by an Apache gunship.

lozenges

Hmm.

Dole to reduce the longer you are unemployed.
No child benefit after third child.

Long term unemployed to be incentivised to take up long term reversible contraception.

Drug addicts to be incentivised to take up permanent contraception (vasectomy/tubal ligation).

Mandatory prison sentence if convicted of crime related to animal welfare and never be permitted to own any animal again. This to be actually enforced.

Cameras to be installed at traffic lights. Automatic fine issued if breaking red light or speeding.

Not permitted to run for election if you have a criminal (but not civil) conviction.

If you are availing of social housing you will be moved to suitable accommodation for your household size (e.g. kids move out - moved from 3 bed to 1 bed).

Attempting to board a luas/bus/train while others are still disembarking shall be an offence punishable by death.

There's more but it's late...

Granny Smyth

Monthly sick leave/reduced hours/ come and go as you please hours for women.
In lieu men can have extra smoke/****/beer breaks.

ExMachina1000

I would make opposition parties illegal and imprison my rivals.
I would spy on then and their families and accuse them of trying to cheat the Irish people.

I would sell off all national resources to foreign companies

I would siphon public money into my own offshore accounts and live like a king.

I would cut all taxes by 95% and put out fake budget reports showing all is well but in reality the country is broke.


On my deathbed I would reveal the truth on national news and tell the nation " The country is ready to collapse and you are all fooked"

I would then die with a smile on my face

Liamo57

Id let that wonderful and well respected ethnic minority who have made a wonderful contribution to our society since the mid 1840's to have their own entity on an island offshore where they can be free from poisoning from the so called settled community. They can live happily among themselves, their own language (gammon), own style of living national anthem (Sullivans John), own flag etc.

riclad

If you steal a phone worth 200 euro, you are fined 1000 euro, 800 go's to a charity, 200 to the owner of the phone.
If you are convicted of selling drugs you are taken off the housing list for 10 years.

Randy Archer

ChelseaRentBoy wrote: »

Middle and upper class people who buy drugs and then complain about working class areas being destroyed by those same drug dealers or being full of scumbags should be shot dead.

Your reign will be lucky to last a week before your palace is stormed and you are dangling from a bridge . Crazy idea

The working class should be made to know their place . We all know that the peasant class can’t organise a piss up in a brewery . Every kingdom and dictator knows that his fate lies in the superior classes tolerating him

It’s one rule for others, and another rule for the tramps

It ain’t the superior class who are the culprits of crimes while on drugs nor are they the ones on welfare , unlike the cretins in council estates on junk . Besides, it’s just a little indiscretion , y the superior class rather than a crime when a few bad eggs get caught doing something bold while on junk. Move along , nothing to see here, boys will be boys

Anyway, if you were dictator , you could decide to either make drugs legal or you wipe out all drug dealers and seize control of the gear so that you could sell yourself

Church on Tuesday

All North Face/Canadian Goose etc wearing scumbags to be relocated to an island off the west coast. No buildings will be provided, basic building material and tools will be on site as budget will allow, sentry guards to give one bag of flour per prisoner once a week. All relocation to take place in the winter.

Capt'n Midnight

Parking in a disabled spot is only for those who are eligible. Or will be. Very soon. And without anaesthetic.

* CCTV could be put up by any Joe soap outside of any man's 'castle', provided the view doesn't extend beyond the curtilage. None of this certified installer crap where all the footage gets loaded or can be accessed by others.

*Metal doors would be allowed. Also metal gates and bars on windows; to keep out the savages who can't get with the programme. As buildings would be up to a high standard it would be several hours before a fire gets to next door, if started in a built up area. Plenty of time for heavy duty equipment to arrive and gain entry to curtail the blaze.

boardise

Change electoral system to single seat PR.
Reduce number of TDs to below 100.
Abolish Senate and Presidency.
Gaelic to cease being designated as '1st official lang. and to be optional in primary and secondary schools.
Take all brown coinage out of circulation.
Everybody would pay some income tax.
Change St.Patrick's Day to May 17th.
New national anthem.
No private cars in city centres.
Expand school bus service to provide shuttle services between rural towns and villages.
Schools and hospitals to be completely removed from any form of religious control.
Apprenticeships to be incentivised so less time wasted in universities doing pointless rubbish degrees.
Legal system to be opened up-more judges ,cap on costs , eliminate delays.[ 'Justice delayed is justice denied'.]
Prisoners would be engaged in socially useful work and their families would contribute to cost of incarceration.
Anyone found cycling on footpath -fined and bicycle confiscated.

Ban C.I.E. make membership of C.I.E. a crime similar to membership of I.S.I.S.

Make hot choclate come out of taps.

Spray Yardley Perfume on Skangers each evening so they can be smelt coming before they break stuff and beat people up.

Tired Gardener

Hairy Japanese BASTARDS! wrote: »

Mine:

Probably a bit Hitler like

• Anyone who becomes a member of, voices support for, funds or attempts or conspires to do any of the aforementioned to a Eurosceptic party will be imprisoned for a duration of my decision in an undisclosed location.
  
• Anyone with a criminal conviction will be sterilised. Three or more convictions equals death.
  
• If you're caught in public without a face covering you will be shot dead on sight.
  
• Speeders will be crushed in their car.
  
• If you close pass a cyclist you will be dropped into an elephant stampede to show you what it's like.
  
• NWCI and pavee point abolished.
  
• Traveller ethnic status removed
  
• Abolish inheritance tax.
  
• Abolish vat on bikes and cycling accessories.
  
• Legalised killing burglars or trespassers.
  
• Teachers union abolished, they will have to do admin work in the summer and pay capped at €40k and 22 days if annual leave like the rest of us.
  
• Twitter to be banned. Bloggers, vloggers and influencers to the gas chamber.
  
• Artificial sweeteners in drinks, foodstuffs, mouthwash, chewing gum to be banned. Possession, consumption or manufacturing or said will result in death by boiling in water.
  
• Slot machines to be banned.
  

I'm aware the EU mightn't agreed with me :pac:

Have you given any thought on moving to North Korea? I think you'd love it over there!

boardise

Plus -
Change structure of National Lottery to cut out large multi million prizes and have more 5 and 6 figure payouts.

freshpopcorn

If your caught say that Ireland is a third world country, we’ve the must corrupt police force in the World, etc. You’d be deported to a place with real issues.

freshpopcorn

freshpopcorn wrote: »

If your caught say that Ireland is a third world country, we’ve the must corrupt police force in the World, etc. You’d be deported to a place with real issues.

Ireland is technically 3rd world country though??


Its a cold war term used to describe non NATO or soviet union aligned countries

freshpopcorn

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Ireland is technically 3rd world country though??


Its a cold war term used to describe non NATO or soviet union aligned countries

Alright then, people who say we’re similar to very poor African countries
I forgot smart arses will be decapitated.
Also those who comment on my spelling.

Tired Gardener

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Alright then, people who say we’re similar to very poor African countries
I forgot smart arses will be decapitated.
Also those who comment on my spelling.

Rodney Bathgate

Scumbag criminals out.

unhappys10

Didn't read the whole thing so could have been mentioned but,

Blanket removal of kids from scum, no more scum within a generation or two, repeat as required.

Job seekers benefit allowed for current duration with job seekers allowance removed after 6 months.

Anti-social offenders lose a body part for each offence including first.
More extreme the crime the more you lose.

All ministers to receive only the old age pension at 70 with their wages drastically reduced until then.

If you become "famous" for nothing like most cnuts do these days you'll be locked up for life and fed a puree of the removed body parts of the above mentioned offenders.

All of these so called gangs would be rounded up and sent to a hunger games type enclosure to kill each other off until the last one is standing. Last one gets shot in the genitals as their reward.

Any bleeding heart dikhead who defends any of the above mentioned dirt bags gets the same treatment as if they were a dirt bag themselves.

That should do it for my first day.

riclad

I.m tired of game reviewers who go on about game x us not good, because it drops some frames if you play it in 4k mode
First say how it plays in 1080p mode
Devs make most games for 1080p mode, they cannot presume everyone has a 4k hdr monitor.
There should be a website dublin crime cork crime etc if you steal a car there's a photo of you
on it, or commit burglary or any violent crime.
Eg Joe bloggs stole a car in coolock.
If you do not commit any other crime your info will be erased after 2 years.
Let's face it our hails are full.
Only people who commit very serious crimes
Actually go to jail
Most first time criminals get probation
On any app store, it should say this app requires acess to your sdcard, contact list. Camera etc
So you can choose to install it or not.
I don't think it makes sense to take a child off a woman because her boyfriend sold drugs.
The child should not be punished for someone else behaviour

Eduard Khil

People not using correct sentence structure, grammar and punctuation get HARD LABOUR.

Igotadose

Everyone must grow attractive flowers, chosen from a list I provide, in their yards if they have one or in pots indoors if not. Rough sleepers can tend public gardens.

Ban all evening sporting events, switching entirely to early afternoon. Free admission to children under 12.

Eduard Khil

Eduard Khil wrote: »

People not using correct sentence structure, grammar and punctuation get HARD LABOUR.

10 years for poor syntax.

Capt'n Midnight

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

10 years for poor syntax.

Ten years ?

They'd get tenure.

Or be forced, even thought it'd be a volition of human rights, to watch and participate in The Late Late Toy Show Singalong.

jaxxx

maherhonda wrote: »

If you pop out a child and can't afford to house it the child will be put up for adoption or you will be given a caravan by the state to live in. Social housing would be done away with. Pay your way or feck off, people are purposely popping out children to get a free house.

Anyone on the dole and are not actively seeking work every week there welfare will be cut altogether. Proof has to be uploaded every week and any interviews done will be sent onto dole office with feedback.

You forgot to add that such people will be neutered.

unhappys10

jaxxx wrote: »

You forgot to add that such people will be neutered.

Good call.

mojesius

- Middle lane hoggers banned from driving permanently.

- Teenagers convicted of a crime go straight to army boot camp for a year

- Adult convicts of any mid-level serious crime (assault, aggravated burglary etc. )should get one chance. If they reoffend after prison, they're shipped off to a colony (uninhabited offshore island) to fend for themselves with minimal provisions provided (building materials, seedlings for vegetables, a few fishing rods).

-rapists and murderers locked up indefinitely on places like spike island

- Dole is paid out based on a % of your average earnings of the last 5 years, reducing each year you remain on the Dole. Those who have never worked (and are able-bodied to) will do manual labour to earn their keep.

- cyclists/drivers texting get a finger amputated for each offense.

-taxi drivers must pass rigorous best route testing to get their licence

- all cosmetic brands/companies that still use animal testing banned

-Introduction of optional 12 hour work days/6 days weeks for workers from October - March to enable them to take more time off during longer, brighter days in spring/summer

-Optional 4 day working week (again this would be 4*10 hour days to ensure businesses don't lose out)

-Creches and care homes to be installed with CCTV monitored by independent group and get an assigned inspector who has unrestricted access at any time to be on premises (visits happen at least twice per week)

Mad_maxx

flat tax of 20% for everyone including corporations ( no more vat or stamp duty)

get rid of the PR electoral system , its the main reason we have such a parish pump clientelist culture

make health insurance mandatory , stop smoking and drinking and you can well afford to pay the premium , the state however must ensure no gouging from insurance companies like in america , our health system is ridden with politics and thus incapable of reform , making it free for everyone wont change that , only make the black hole even bigger

wind down RTE , its a 24hr SJW , WOKE , left wing propoganda machine for the NGO , humanities in university and charity industry sector

anyone who lives in social housing but who engages in repeated anti social behaviour , is black listed for life , who cares if they end up homeless , this will give the law abiding citizens in social housing a clean break , they deserve to live in peace and not be terrorised

893bet

893bet wrote: »

Reregs to be shot on sight.

and ALL THEIR POSTS transferred to the Prison forum. Ah well sure, won't say anymore. More Entertaining to read there is all I'll say.

ExMachina1000

Mad_maxx wrote: »

flat tax of 20% for everyone including corporations ( no more vat or stamp duty)

get rid of the PR electoral system , its the main reason we have such a parish pump clientelist culture

make health insurance mandatory , stop smoking and drinking and you can well afford to pay the premium , the state however must ensure no gouging from insurance companies like in america , our health system is ridden with politics and thus incapable of reform , making it free for everyone wont change that , only make the black hole even bigger

wind down RTE , its a 24hr SJW , WOKE , left wing propoganda machine for the NGO , humanities in university and charity industry sector

anyone who lives in social housing but who engages in repeated anti social behaviour , is black listed for life , who cares if they end up homeless , this will give the law abiding citizens in social housing a clean break , they deserve to live in peace and not be terrorised

I would follow up on that by just stopping building social housing altogether.

Use the land for data centres instead

Randy Archer

ExMachina1000 wrote: »

I would make opposition parties illegal and imprison my rivals.
I would spy on then and their families and accuse them of trying to cheat the Irish people.

I would sell off all national resources to foreign companies

I would siphon public money into my own offshore accounts and live like a king.

I would cut all taxes by 95% and put out fake budget reports showing all is well but in reality the country is broke.


On my deathbed I would reveal the truth on national news and tell the nation " The country is ready to collapse and you are all fooked"

I would then die with a smile on my face

Would you not worry about your heir ? No point being a dictator without ensuring that your legacy survives a few decades though your sons . Need to make sure that his position is stable . (Hardly going to be a daughter ,ra ra ra)

Randy Archer

Liamo57 wrote: »

Id let that wonderful and well respected ethnic minority who have made a wonderful contribution to our society since the mid 1840's to have their own entity on an island offshore where they can be free from poisoning from the so called settled community. They can live happily among themselves, their own language (gammon), own style of living national anthem (Sullivans John), own flag etc.

Meh, just wipe them out inside, they’d make good targets for hunting

blackbox

There are too many criminals. Make it illegal to be a criminal.

Airyfairy12

Free housing for anyone earning under 25k a year. Id buy up every abandoned house and building and have them renovated to make suitable homes.
Implement working from home to ease pressure on Dublin and commuter town traffic and rent prices.
Create a law that ensures every school in Ireland from playschool to post primary teach psychology, emotional intelligence and positive mental health skills.

Gloomtastic!

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Create a law that ensures every school in Ireland from playschool to post primary teach psychology, emotional intelligence and positive mental health skills.

Nonsense! Irish is much more important! :rolleyes:

corner of hells

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Free housing for anyone earning under 25k a year. Id buy up every abandoned house and building and have them renovated to make suitable homes.
Implement working from home to ease pressure on Dublin and commuter town traffic and rent prices.
Create a law that ensures every school in Ireland from playschool to post primary teach psychology, emotional intelligence and positive mental health skills.

A nice dictator.

I'd burn every school to the ground , destroy every house and drive all mercilessly before me and probably invade Luxembourg.

Airyfairy12

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Free housing for anyone earning under 25k a year. Id buy up every abandoned house and building and have them renovated to make suitable homes.

Buy? Sure why would you want to blow taxpayers money like that when you can simply legalise squatting in churches? You are a dictator after all, better remember that you'll be needing the real money to buy a brothel in Nigeria, pay for the crocodiles to feed your enemies to, and so on.

MoashoaM

probably sit on a balcony taking pot-shots at the general public.
kidnap homeless people and send them off to a fate worse than death, Dundalk. Give them 1000 euros each to give them a fighting chance.
appropriate much farmland for native trees and parklands and a huge garden program.
outlaw beardy twats
get the damn trains running like they should. Rebuild many which are gone.
build onto the canal network.
Build a prison island off Donegal for beardy twats and menaces to society.
Order that only classic cars may be driven, and only for leisure, otherwise commute by PT and bicycle.
have laughing gas pumped onto the streets at 4 o clock everyday.
strong nationalization of the health service.
Shoot the heads of insurance companies (cartels) and start a national insurance scheme.
the RTE would be uplifting gardening shows and travel documentaries.

unhappys10

MoashoaM wrote: »

probably sit on a balcony taking pot-shots at the general public.
kidnap homeless people and send them off to a fate worse than death, Dundalk. Give them 1000 euros each to give them a fighting chance.
appropriate much farmland for native trees and parklands and a huge garden program.
outlaw beardy twats
get the damn trains running like they should. Rebuild many which are gone.
build onto the canal network.
Build a prison island off Donegal for beardy twats and menaces to society.
Order that only classic cars may be driven, and only for leisure, otherwise commute by PT and bicycle.
have laughing gas pumped onto the streets at 4 o clock everyday.
strong nationalization of the health service.
Shoot the heads of insurance companies (cartels) and start a national insurance scheme.
the RTE would be uplifting gardening shows and travel documentaries.

I think I found the person who can't grow a beard.

MoashoaM

unhappys10 wrote: »

I think I found the person who can't grow a beard.

I've been found out!

Capt'n Midnight

unhappys10 wrote: »

I think I found the person who can't grow a beard.

That narrows it down to over half the population

Dyr

Hairy Japanese BASTARDS! wrote: »

Mine:

Probably a bit Hitler like

• Anyone who becomes a member of, voices support for, funds or attempts or conspires to do any of the aforementioned to a Eurosceptic party will be imprisoned for a duration of my decision in an undisclosed location.
  
• Anyone with a criminal conviction will be sterilised. Three or more convictions equals death.
  
• If you're caught in public without a face covering you will be shot dead on sight.
  
• Speeders will be crushed in their car.
  
• If you close pass a cyclist you will be dropped into an elephant stampede to show you what it's like.
  
• NWCI and pavee point abolished.
  
• Traveller ethnic status removed
  
• Abolish inheritance tax.
  
• Abolish vat on bikes and cycling accessories.
  
• Legalised killing burglars or trespassers.
  
• Teachers union abolished, they will have to do admin work in the summer and pay capped at €40k and 22 days if annual leave like the rest of us.
  
• Twitter to be banned. Bloggers, vloggers and influencers to the gas chamber.
  
• Artificial sweeteners in drinks, foodstuffs, mouthwash, chewing gum to be banned. Possession, consumption or manufacturing or said will result in death by boiling in water.
  
• Slot machines to be banned.
  

I'm aware the EU mightn't agreed with me :pac:

I always said cyclists were little Hitlers at heart.

ExMachina1000

Randy Archer wrote: »

Would you not worry about your heir ? No point being a dictator without ensuring that your legacy survives a few decades though your sons . Need to make sure that his position is stable . (Hardly going to be a daughter ,ra ra ra)

No it's my country. It dies with me

jaxxx

blackbox wrote: »

There are too many criminals. Make it illegal to be a criminal.

Punish judges who give concurrent/suspended sentences.


.. .. ..


On second thoughts, just burn them at the stake. Foul corrupt beasts. Here's looking at you Nolan you spineless weasel rat snake.

thomil

Mandatory 24 month national service for men and women, split into three categories:
- Defence Forces
- Social / Healthcare / Care services
- National Labour corps

Completion of said national service is mandatory for admission to third level institution or for access to social welfare payments later. Naturally, certain medical exceptions do apply

Ban concurrent sentencing, minimum sentence for anyone who causes bodily or psychological harm to another person to be two years, not suspended obviously

Quintupling of taxes for SUVs and pickups... actually, scratch that, increase taxes for those tenfold

Immediate cessation of all farming subsidies, ditto for fishing. Money will be redirected to the Defence Forces
- Membership of support of this "beef plan movement" will be punished by death via vegan diet!

All transport-related unions outlawed, CIE to be dissolved, ditto for Bus Eireann
- Armed transport police force to be established.

The Healy-Rae clan and its supporters will be deported and have their citizenships stripped. Any attempt to reenter Ireland or get involved in Irish politics will result in the perpetrators being used as the foundation for a random bypass in Kerry...

That should do it for now. I'll cover my plans about an Irish nuclear weapons program sometime later...

JohnnyFlash

Gloomtastic! wrote: »

Nonsense! Irish is much more important! :rolleyes:

Why not both?

the purple tin

Slum Landlords will be made to live in their own hovels for 6 months.


Advertising for all types of gambling on tv or through branding in sport will be abolished.
Hefty tax on bookies, online bingo sites etc.


Anyone abroad who tries to scam people here can be extradited to Ireland put in prison and made to work 40 hours a week sans wages, cleaning sewers, picking up litter etc.


Litterbugs will be publically spanked in the town square.


Politicians will recieve the average wage. NO expenses covered. They will have to have at least a degree in political studies and ministers will have to have hands-on experience in their post. Minister for agriculture must be a farmer etc. Long Summer and Xmas hols for politicians are cancelled, they will get the same amount of annual leave as the rest of us.


Scummers who break into elderly people's homes and assault and rob them will be thrown to the lions in Dublin zoo. The public can buy tickets to watch and all proceeds will go to the elderly victim.


Religious organisations pay tax like everyone else. No more free rides.


Lobby groups and NGOs, think tanks etc can feck off.


If your car exhaust is over a certain decibel, car is crushed.


Tubbs, Joe Duffy are banished.

jaxxx

the purple tin wrote: »

Slum Landlords will be made to live in their own hovels for 6 months.


Advertising for all types of gambling on tv or through branding in sport will be abolished.
Hefty tax on bookies, online bingo sites etc.


Anyone abroad who tries to scam people here can be extradited to Ireland put in prison and made to work 40 hours a week sans wages, cleaning sewers, picking up litter etc.


Litterbugs will be publically spanked in the town square.


Politicians will recieve the average wage. NO expenses covered. They will have to have at least a degree in political studies and ministers will have to have hands-on experience in their post. Minister for agriculture must be a farmer etc. Long Summer and Xmas hols for politicians are cancelled, they will get the same amount of annual leave as the rest of us.


Scummers who break into elderly people's homes and assault and rob them will be thrown to the lions in Dublin zoo. The public can buy tickets to watch and all proceeds will go to the elderly victim.


Religious organisations pay tax like everyone else. No more free rides.


Lobby groups and NGOs, think tanks etc can feck off.


If your car exhaust is over a certain decibel, car is crushed.


Tubbs, Joe Duffy are banished.

This post makes too much f*cking sense!

unhappys10

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

That narrows it down to over half the population

I'd be surprised if there were many female contributors to this thread and not necessarily half!!