One sided relationship?

1hnr79jr65

Just a bit of a curve ball here, what if his children see from their own view that if they become a big family with your kids, in their minds they would stop being family with their mother. Children can be very funny in how they perceive things with or without influence, maybe part of it is a fear or sense of anxiety at possibly not having a relationship with their mother as the family unit no longer exists as they once had and how all their friends have. They would see things a certain way based on their peers interactions with family.

Also from your last post you passed comment on the "type of mother she is" due to separation agreement your partner has with his ex, again children can pick up on tones and dismissive overtures which adults would explain as something else and could also get a feeling of how you are to them in relation to their mother.

A third point is you do not know how your partner really is in discussion you and his ex with his children, im not saying he could discuss you in a malicious way, however he may feel obligated to be more protective of his ex when dealing with his children and again this may skew perception.

There seems to be a tone of longing for a huge family unit for you with wanting your partners children involved, do you have a desire to have more children ? As much as the following statement is true with adults, your partners children don't owe you a relationship, im not saying this to be harsh, more so they had their own life before you became involved with their father, so that's why i ask about wanting a bigger family unit, as in their eyes you would not be there mother and they could be afraid of thats an objective you want.

cannotlogin

I think Strandroad's post hits the nail on the head & raises a lot of important issues.

In all fairness, you accelerated the breakup of his marraige and brought together two sets of children and at least one difficult ex, it was never going to be easy. This isn't a criticism but more an observation around expectations. Your relationship was always going to have added complications, it cannot be perfect but it seems like that's what you are striving for.

Two of his three kids have a good relationship with you, his ex appears to be somewhat accepting of the situation, your relationship is good most of the time. Is this not a good position. Yes, in an ideal world it would be less complicated but is it enough at the moment? Only you know.

Have you guys considered the future at all? Maybe moving in together down the road? Marraige? Etc.

L2020

cannotlogin wrote: »

Have you guys considered the future at all? Maybe moving in together down the road? Marraige? Etc.

To be honest I don't know that either of us want to even marry again having been through separations. And truth be told I love my own space and independence and would be very afraid of losing everything I've built up if this relationship goes wrong. Theres a lot of love between us but it feels very fragile. My partner (even though he did bring up living together) definitely likes his own space.

ElizaBennett

I'm in a pretty similar position but am in your bf position, though without a toxic ex. We did move in together for financial reasons but I regretted it instantly and would love to have my space back. We're saved by the fact that he works long hours so I at least get a few hours in the evening alone with my kids. If I could have a set up like yours I'd jump at it so be careful what you wish for. I was divorced and wanted a boyfriend not a life partner and definitely not a blended family. I just want you to think about what you actually really want.
If you don't want to marry him or live with him then what's so bad about a couple of evenings together a week and a weekend day together once a fortnight? I get that the Christmas thing is a bit sad but how awful would it be to force those two groups of kids together over the turkey and presents when Christmas should be a relaxed happy family day? As things are you're protecting your kids from a world of pain,, as he is his.
Every relationship like ours doesn't have to involve a forced blended family. We couldn't make it work as we're all too incompatible. My daughter pretty much leaves the room when my bf enters it. Not to be a brat but she has nothing to say to him. He's kind and quiet but hadn't killed himself trying as I haven't with his daughter as she's unpleasant to be around. It's all pretty toxic and extremely stressful so I just keep my life in two halves as much as possible. He and I have a ball when we go away together and I so wish that we didn't always have to come back to reality when the holiday's over

L2020

Thank you so much for your reply. This is a real eye opener.