Surrounded by liars

LegacyUser

I feel like I have the word mug tattood on my forehead

People must think I'm incredibly gullible because I get lied to constantly by people and I'm just so sick of it.

The earliest I can remember is back in school when the guy I walked to school with was always late. Anytime I called him out on it he'd tell me about a rough night they had with his baby sister as she was in and out of hospital. He told me she was on a ventilator one day and the following day I was in his house and asked his mum how the sister was after being in hospital. She looked at me like I'd 10 heads and my friend said 'shut up you weirdo'. After that I stopped walking to school with him and we lost touch.

Another was in my early 20s when a friend who I thought I was very close to told me they had cancer. We were friends for about 3 years and I had no reason to doubt this. She told me stories about how she was getting trialled for a new treatment in America and was waiting for the call to go. She went off the radar for 3 weeks and I messaged her sister asking if she was back from America from her cancer treatment. Que her sister asking me WTF I was talking about. I never heard from her again.

At my wedding one of my wives friend just didn't show up. That's fine, it happens. She got a text message to say that there was an issue with his son and he had to look after him. I work with her friend ex-wife and asked her the next time I saw him if her son was ok. Again, 10 heads, her son is fine. I said that her ex husband told my wife there was an issue and that's why he didn't come to the wedding. She told me that was a load of bull and that he hadn't seen his son in months.

The latest was with my father in law. My wife asked him did want to go out for lunch since he's been alone all throughout lockdown. He said no that he was still very nervous about covid. The next day her brother posts up a picture of them on FB of them out for lunch.

I understand everyone tells a white lie now and again but I just seem to be lied to an awful lot. Should I call these people out on their lies?

so three examples going back years and one lately

Loveinapril

That'a a small example of people who have lied to you/ your wife over the length of your life. Some people (kids included) have issues with telling lies. In regards to the friend not going to your wedding, or your father in law declining lunch, maybe they just couldn't find a polite way of saying they didn't want to go. I would be slightly concerned that this is bothering you that much given the examples you have given.

LegacyUser

Sorry these are just three examples off the top of my head. The school friend lying about his sister being sick and the "friend" lying about having cancer were just two big ones that stood out and made me feel very stupid. For years I believed my friend had cancer. She lied to me for 4 years about having cancer. Had very convincing stories about treatments etc. It was only after her sisters reply to me that I asked around and she had told nobody else she had cancer and this trip to America was a holiday she was planning with other friends. It was only in hindsight I realised the stories she was telling me were absolutely barbaric and stupid but I had no reason to doubt her.

It just seems to me that there is a pattern here. My FIL going for lunch and then it being broadcast on FB is not the first time lies I have been told have been 'found out' by social media. There's been so many instances of colleagues/acquaintances bailing on me last minute saying they are sick etc only for them to post on social media that they are out. If it was me making these arrangements with them I would just assume people didn't like me but a lot of the time it's friends asking me to meet up and then bailing.

I was almost scammed out of thousands by a colleague of mine who told me his father was sick in another country and he needed money for treatment. I was about to lodge money into his account when HR asked for a meeting and told me he had just been fired for scamming money and wanted to know if I had given him any.

To me it's like i'm easy pickings. Maybe I shouldn't let it bother me but it does. I feel stupid for being conned.

I am me123

I think the root of this rests with the people you mentioned in your post. It begs the question why these such people felt the need to tell such elaborate lies?
More to do with them than you OP.

Purgative

Sorry these are just three examples off the top of my head. The school friend lying about his sister being sick and the "friend" lying about having cancer were just two big ones that stood out and made me feel very stupid.

Sorry but you're not the stupid one here, your associates are.


If I say to you, "I'm getting a new car tomorrow", and when we next meet you say "How's the new car?" - if I then say what new car, I'm the idiot, not you.


People lie for all sorts of stupid reasons. They get caught out when people remember the lies and refer beck to them.


Relax you're doing OK.

Airyfairy12

Some people are just liars, it's a common enough to be lied to. Dont make a mountain out of a mole hill, its a reflection on them and not you. Just move on.

rainbowtrout

liarliarpants wrote: »

I was almost scammed out of thousands by a colleague of mine who told me his father was sick in another country and he needed money for treatment. I was about to lodge money into his account when HR asked for a meeting and told me he had just been fired for scamming money and wanted to know if I had given him any.

To me it's like i'm easy pickings. Maybe I shouldn't let it bother me but it does. I feel stupid for being conned.

Maybe you come across as gullible and naive in conversation with people so they try to take advantage / lie to you.

If someone said that to me at work, I'd offer sympathy, but if they asked me for thousands of euro, alarm bells would start ringing because why would you ask a work colleague, people just don't do that. They'd ask a family member, or get a bank/credit union loan. You don't ask the guy who sits at the desk next to you for thousands, you might ask to borrow a tenner for lunch if you forgot your wallet, but nothing more than that.

So the question is why did you think that was a reasonable request that you were just going to hand over the money?

Deeper Blue

No offence intended here OP but the stuff about people lying to get out of lunches and weddings etc has probably happened to 99% of the people reading this. Without meaning to knock you those are extremely trivial.

The friend lying about cancer for 4 years is just bizarre, what benefit was it to them? I think you can write that off as a one in a million psycho.

Regarding almost being scammed at work, again this is a one in a million shot I'd imagine, I've never heard of anything similar even on the news.

The fact that you were willing to give "thousands" to a colleague without issue is a whole other kettle of fish.

In summary, the cancer story/work scam can be marked down as plain bad luck, the cancelling of lunches etc is just part of life.

I wouldn't overthink this. Take care.

Heres Johnny

I've made up lies about holidays/exams /work to get out of weddings loads of times, just didn't want to go and in my opinion, lying was better than saying I've no interest in going. Decent people but acquaintances rather than friends so wasn't pushed. And cousins, did it loads of times at cousins weddings as I don't like big family get together and amn't really close to them. It happens, we all get over it.

tony1kenobi

Could it be that people tell you lies because they know that you not only snoop and scrutinise the things that have been said to you, but also broadcast sensitive information you have been trusted with, to people who may have no business knowing about the beans you have been so eager to spill?

bitofabind

Why don't you deploy some strategies for dealing with liars? If you're told some very specific information, follow up on it are are essentially gaslit and told that never happened, why not call a spade a spade?

"X told me Y happened. So what you're saying is she/you lied about that?"

At least that way you've brought back some control. Someone needlessly lied about something, I'm calling that out as weird behaviour. Unless it's a white lie to get out of doing something, which most of us do on a regular basis. If you're finding it's happening all too often, stop making plans with said people.

cj maxx

I understand where you’re coming from OP. I too seem to be a soft touch and too ready to help people when they ask. Usually at my expense. When I put a counter point it’s dismissed like I’m a imbecile and/or not listened to.
The only thing I can advise is to question everything they say. Ask them details and don’t agree to anything on the spot. Just say you’ll have a think about it and then go and when you’re under no pressure run through it in your own mind