Tall tales, urban legends and spoofers

Poor Uncle Tom

Leg End Reject wrote: »

A child goes missing in the supermarket, they're found in the toilets where someone is changing their clothes and cutting their hair. The kidnapper invariably drives a white van.

They have to get someone to mind the dogs...

pgj2015

joeguevara wrote: »

Heard a cracker from a taxi man. He said his mate who was also a taxi man picked up 3 lads who wanted to go to cork from Dublin. Two of the lads got out in the north of the city and said the third guy who was asleep wanted to be dropped off 5 minutes away and he was going to pay. When he arrived at the destination he tried to wake the guy in the back seat only to find out it was a mannequin. He swore blind it was true.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2979386/Taxi-driver-tricked-140-fare-passengers-left-mannequin-wearing-hat-cab-pretended-sleeping-friend.html

Lewis_Benson

Wibbs wrote: »

One more rural legend I used to hear quite a bit when I went fishing all over Ireland(and some beyond) with my dad when I was a kid and later on was that were was often some local lake that was considered "bottomless"(or a layer of mud at the bottom that would drag you down) and full of huge eels, often with a side story of divers went in there once y'know and the size of the eels they saw frightened them. Sometimes eels were replaced by giant pike. Haunted fields were another one. Often attached to the Famine in the narrative.

You'll hear all sorts of rubbish from older lads in the west like that.
Giant sex mad pike who would eat your first born.

Thephantomsmask

One that always did the rounds when I was in college was an email or text along the lines of

Girls!! Don't go to nightclub *crappiest one at the time*. One of my friends had her drink spiked. The guards analysed the drug and it is one used to sterilise horses so this guy can rape women without a risk of pregnancy. Unfortunately his face wasn't caught on the cctv to get an ID so he is still out there.

freshpopcorn

mikemac2 wrote: »

In 1912 a great great grandfather had tickets to board Titanic but went on the lash in Cobh / Queenstown and missed it

Grandmother Freshpopcirn used always say her aunt was going to be on the Titanic but she missed it because she got measles.

NewbridgeIR

Hangdogroad wrote: »

Pre Internet there were always urban legends about famous people who had dropped out of the spotlight. Bobby MacFerrin of "Dont worry be happy" fame had blown his brains out being one example.

Back in the mid 1980s - a rumour that both Arnold and Willis from Diff'rent Strokes were "dead". Or the guy who played Arnold was 30 and Willis was 45.

NewbridgeIR

This story was doing the rounds when I was in primary school.

Young boy makes his first communion and is taken to Tramore for the day by his parents. While there he goes into a public toilet while his mother waits outside for him. Unfortunately he is attacked by punks and has his penis cut off by them. He then bleeds to death.

other variations:
1 it was toilets on O'Connell Bridge, Dublin not Tramore
2 the "punks" made him eat his penis (some say they wrapped it in tissue and shoved it in his mouth)
3 the gang involved were skinheads not punks

angel eyes 2012

Thephantomsmask wrote: »

One that always did the rounds when I was in college was an email or text along the lines of

Girls!! Don't go to nightclub *crappiest one at the time*. One of my friends had her drink spiked. The guards analysed the drug and it is one used to sterilise horses so this guy can rape women without a risk of pregnancy. Unfortunately his face wasn't caught on the cctv to get an ID so he is still out there.

Yes, I remember this one and my mates were convinced it was true even though there was very little evidence of it occurring. It was rare that anyone was ever charged with the offence and you would think the convictions would be high as loads of people claimed it happened to them in the early 2000s.

Maybe it did happen to others but I know in my mates cases back then they were so pi##ed due to drinking too much of a concoction of alcohol that it probably had the same effect as horse tranquilizer.

Thephantomsmask

angel eyes 2012 wrote: »

Yes, I remember this one and my mates were convinced it was true even though there was very little evidence of it occurring. It was rare that anyone was ever charged with the offence and you would think the convictions would be high as loads of people claimed it happened to them in the early 2000s.

Maybe it did happen to others but I know in my mates cases back then they were so pi##ed due to drinking too much of a concoction of alcohol that it probably had the same effect as horse tranquilizer.

the version I heard wasn't horse tranquilliser though, it was always a drug that rendered the victim sterile for life. No such drug even exists but it was pointless trying to explain that to the forwarders.

joeguevara

No doubt you’ve heard the wonderful story of the Bristol Zoo car parking attendant who wasn’t.

The story is that he sets up his own meter in the car park, charging £1.40 for cars and £7 for buses, and does this for 25 years, day in, day out.
Then he suddenly disappears.

The Zoo asks Bristol Council where their bloke was.

Bristol Council responds: he’s not our bloke. We thought he was yours.

Meanwhile, parking attendant is sitting on some Bermudan beach with £7m in his bank account.

Leg End Reject

joeguevara wrote: »

No doubt you’ve heard the wonderful story of the Bristol Zoo car parking attendant who wasn’t.

The story is that he sets up his own meter in the car park, charging £1.40 for cars and £7 for buses, and does this for 25 years, day in, day out.
Then he suddenly disappears.

The Zoo asks Bristol Council where their bloke was.

Bristol Council responds: he’s not our bloke. We thought he was yours.

Meanwhile, parking attendant is sitting on some Bermudan beach with £7m in his bank account.

I want this to be true.

Black Swan

Bean-Sidhe or woman of the fairy mound.

Thespoofer

joeguevara wrote: »

No doubt you’ve heard the wonderful story of the Bristol Zoo car parking attendant who wasn’t.

The story is that he sets up his own meter in the car park, charging £1.40 for cars and £7 for buses, and does this for 25 years, day in, day out.
Then he suddenly disappears.

The Zoo asks Bristol Council where their bloke was.

Bristol Council responds: he’s not our bloke. We thought he was yours.

Meanwhile, parking attendant is sitting on some Bermudan beach with £7m in his bank account.

I'm almost certain this ones true. Was on Sky news I believe.

SuperS54

NewbridgeIR wrote: »

This story was doing the rounds when I was in primary school.

Young boy makes his first communion and is taken to Tramore for the day by his parents. While there he goes into a public toilet while his mother waits outside for him. Unfortunately he is attacked by punks and has his penis cut off by them. He then bleeds to death.

other variations:
1 it was toilets on O'Connell Bridge, Dublin not Tramore
2 the "punks" made him eat his penis (some say they wrapped it in tissue and shoved it in his mouth)
3 the gang involved were skinheads not punks

Remember that one, used to be terrified to use the toilets in Busarus.

McGinniesta

Hangdogroad wrote: »

Pre Internet there were always urban legends about famous people who had dropped out of the spotlight. Bobby MacFerrin of "Dont worry be happy" fame had blown his brains out being one example.

Then you'd have to assume that he had a brain to start with. Another urban legend.

KevRossi

Taxi picks up two lads in Dublin Airport, one is in a wheelchair. Want to go to Drogheda. His mate gets yer man in the car, puts the wheelchair and bags in the boot. Drops the first lad off in his estate, the lad in the wheelchair rings ahead to his family to make sure someone is at home. First, able bodied lad gets out, taxi drives to another estate to let disabled lad out. Driver gets out to get the wheelchair out of the boot, sees the 'disabled' lad jumping out and legging it over a wall. Looks at the wheelchair and it has 'Aer Rianta' or 'Dublin Airport' on it. Has to drive back to Dublin with the wheelchair.

I've had two taxi drivers swear that this happened to them and another couple say it happened last week, or last month. I've been hearing this story since 2006 when I moved back here.

Munstergirl854

I'm sure this is a tall tale that was told among the Irish in England as opposed to something that actually happened.

Young man decides to leave Ireland to emigrate to London for better prospects and on the day he's due to depart he bids farewell to his folks.
As he's walking down the drive, he hears his father beckoning him to come back. He turns and walks back, thinking it a sign maybe he shouldn't leave after all.

Father: "Not you ya thick ****, I'm calling the dog."

joeguevara

Thespoofer wrote: »

I'm almost certain this ones true. Was on Sky news I believe.

Did a friendf a friend see it? Hajaja

Nah, it's been shown as bogus. Be class if it was.

Dub Ste

Duffy the Vampire Slayer wrote: »

Bono and Bruce Springsteen in the restaurant.

I know two people who were there when it happened....imagine that:D:D

sligojoek

Dub Ste wrote: »

I know two people who were there when it happened....imagine that:D:D

You know Bono and Bruce?

kingtiger

Richard Gere and the Gerbil

CrankyHaus

Can we get a full retelling of the Bono and Bruce story. I've seen it referred to for years and some of the more amusing details escape me.

o1s1n

Troy McClure and fish.

joeguevara

CrankyHaus wrote: »

Can we get a full retelling of the Bono and Bruce story. I've seen it referred to for years and some of the more amusing details escape me.

Second one of these. Made graham norton red chair

https://www.dailyedge.ie/best-graham-norton-red-chair-stories-3652323-Oct2017/

Irish_peppa

Im still trying to find that road in the wicklow mountains where your car goes uphill when you let the handbrake off

joeguevara

Irish_peppa wrote: »

Im still trying to find that road in the wicklow mountains where your car goes uphill when you let the handbrake off

https://youtu.be/foIxkFCyL9g

joeguevara

I'm actually a magician. I was able to change my student loan into vodka.

blade1

Irish_peppa wrote: »

Im still trying to find that road in the wicklow mountains where your car goes uphill when you let the handbrake off

No wonder you are still looking for it if you are looking in Wicklow.
It's just before Mahon falls,Co.Waterford.
I've done it a few times.
Not sure if it's an optical illusion or what but it does feel like you're rolling up hill.

Ipso

o1s1n wrote: »

Troy McClure and fish.

I thought he was dead.

For Forks Sake

blade1 wrote: »

No wonder you are still looking for it if you are looking in Wicklow.
It's just before Mahon falls,Co.Waterford.
I've done it a few times.
Not sure if it's an optical illusion or what but it does feel like you're rolling up hill.

There's another one in Sligo as well

https://www.irishexaminer.com/lifestyle/arid-30623485.html

Duffy the Vampire Slayer

According to wikipedia, Ireland has four such magic roads.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_gravity_hills

Hangdogroad

kingtiger wrote: »

Richard Gere and the Gerbil

Lol that inspired a storyline in "Morris Day, sexual pervert" in Viz comic at the time. I still have that issue.

Duffy the Vampire Slayer

Say Your Number wrote: »

Didn't that originate on this site?

There's one that if you meet a badger he'll bite your leg until he hears a snap and breaking a twig can get him to leave, I met a badger on a country road a while ago and it ran into the ditch when it saw me.

Badgers do have a very strong bite, but they're usually shy creatures.

Hangdogroad

That story about some caller on the Gerry Ryan show saying he'd like to be buried "balls deep in Bibi Baskin". I really want that one to be true but I've never seen or read any evidence to convince me that it happened.

Another one that did the rounds early to mid 90s was that 1960s BBC children's cartoon Captain Pugwash had a character called Master Bates and another called Seaman Staines.

Gannicus

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Ah I know what you are saying. The stuff that goes on is unreal. A lot of people live in their bubble and cannot believe Shi* like that happens.

With the whole African buggy thing tho... I've lost count how many times I've heard it. All originating from a friend, or a friend of a friend, or nephew, niece etc. If it was a true story there would had to of been 10 thousand people waiting for a bus at that bus stop :pac:

I actually saw it happen one day at Balseskin Reception Centre just outside Finglas. I was on the bus and it was on its way to town from St. Margaret's. Bus was pretty full as it was a school run hour. Driver pulled up to the stop which is at a ****ty mud patch to be fair and told her she needs to fold the pram as there was another pram on the bus. He never refused her on, he just told her she needed to fold it. She just took the toddler out and left it there.

joeguevara

Hangdogroad wrote: »

That story about some caller on the Gerry Ryan show saying he'd like to be buried "balls deep in Bibi Baskin". I really want that one to be true but I've never seen or read any evidence to convince me that it happened.

Another one that did the rounds early to mid 90s was that 1960s BBC children's cartoon Captain Pugwash had a character called Master Bates and another called Seaman Staines.

Pug wash master bates is true https://youtu.be/pMLkBnyZGP8

I was chatting to a mate last week about overt drug references in kids tv shows. He wouldn’t believe me and thought it was an urban legend until I showed him two songs. His jaw hit the ground.

Firstly, ‘would you like to buy an 8’ (I/8th is 3.5 Grammes usually weed or coke) https://youtu.be/rfelvI_ikf4

Now for the person who wants more weight we have ‘would you like to buy an o’ o being short for an Oz (28 grammes) https://youtu.be/ml6Yqu-spnM

Gannicus

Urban Legend:
One that I heard was that if you remove the licence plates from a car and call the county council and tell them there is an abandoned car,on the street, they will come take it away.

Another I've heard is that if you can get the clamp off without damaging it then you're not required to pay the fine


Spoofers:
A friend of mine (lets call him "JOE") used to work in a big hotel chain, allegedly in the marketing department for them. "Joe" used to tell all of us he was a big deal and that he could get us hotel rooms for €50 for the night (total) in any of these hotels that normally charge €100+ per person per night. Needless to say when we asked him to do it for us for our group xmas party one year he suddenly and coincidentally couldn't be contact for about a month and until after the party happened (he also never attended said party).

We found out a few months later that he was (A) Talking utter b0ll0x because one of the lads happened to get chatting to a girl in the pub near his job who worked with "Joe" and ratted him out. And (B) He actually got himself into a little debt in order to flash the cash to us in this whole lie about being a big shot marketing rep going.

to this day we still don't get the whole lie. None of the rest of us had or have SUPER SUPER HIGH PAYING or HIGH POWER JOBS

Sgt Hartman

I wonder is there any truth to the "Glass Coffee Table" urban legend. It's the one where a certain popular deceased singer from Mullingar liked to visit a brothel in Leeson St Dublin. In the brothel he would lay under a clear glass coffee table looking upwards and jerking off while a rent boy would take a dump onto the table.

Gannicus

Sgt Hartman wrote: »

I wonder is there any truth to the "Glass Coffee Table" urban legend. It's the one where a certain popular deceased singer from Mullingar liked to visit a brothel in Leeson St Dublin. In the brothel he would lay under a clear glass coffee table looking upwards and jerking off while a rent boy would take a dump onto the table.

I hope to high f*ck its not true.

DrPhilG

I heard it was a bath with cling film over it rather than a coffee table.

Can't remember who the celeb was though.

893bet

Cable ties on gates........

Duffy the Vampire Slayer

I once heard Gerry Ryan ask why Tupac wouldn't perform at Live 8 and then discover that he had been dead for years. Nobody else seems to remember this though.

CrankyHaus

Sgt Hartman wrote: »

I wonder is there any truth to the "Glass Coffee Table" urban legend. It's the one where a certain popular deceased singer from Mullingar liked to visit a brothel in Leeson St Dublin. In the brothel he would lay under a clear glass coffee table looking upwards and jerking off while a rent boy would take a dump onto the table.

Perhaps John McAfee heard that one and got the idea for his infamous hammock in Belize from it.

ArnoldJRimmer

Sgt Hartman wrote: »

I wonder is there any truth to the "Glass Coffee Table" urban legend. It's the one where a certain popular deceased singer from Mullingar liked to visit a brothel in Leeson St Dublin. In the brothel he would lay under a clear glass coffee table looking upwards and jerking off while a rent boy would take a dump onto the table.

Have not heard this for yer man, but have heard about this fetish in two other tales

Noddy Holder was on the Frank Skinner show in the early 2000's and said that when Slade were struggling and broke when they first formed, they were paid to do this on a sheet of glass over a bath while someone was underneath

And apparently old Hollywood actor Danny Thomas used to get off on this too

Muahahaha

The priests curse put on Mayo GAA that they wlll never win an All Ireland because the last time they did the team bus overtook a funeral cortege. The curse wont be lifted until all players from their 1951 winning team are dead. I think there are still two players alive and Mayo still havent won an All Ireland since 1951 despite being in several finals in the last few years, they lost them all.

Duffy the Vampire Slayer

Muahahaha wrote: »

The priests curse put on Mayo GAA that they wlll never win an All Ireland because the last time they did the team bus overtook a funeral cortege. The curse wont be lifted until all players from their 1951 winning team are dead. I think there are still two players alive and Mayo still havent won an All Ireland since 1951 despite being in several finals in the last few years, they lost them all.

People often say that the curse happened in Foxford, but that makes no sense because Forxford isn't on the road to Castlebar. When I was a kid I heard it was Tarmonbarry, which made a lot more sense, but nobody says that anymore.

sunnysoutheast

joeguevara wrote: »

Pug wash master bates is true https://youtu.be/pMLkBnyZGP8

It isn't, sadly. The character is Master Mate but the adenoidal pronunciation gave rise to the legend. Also it's Tom the Cabin Boy (not Roger) and there was no "Seaman" character. The programme makers won a legal case I think.

Not sure I've seen the "wake up after a night out in a bath on a drip with a kidney removed" or the "suicide in an exam with two pencils up the nose" urban legends on here yet!

hynesie08

ArnoldJRimmer wrote: »

Have not heard this for yer man, but have heard about this fetish in two other tales

Noddy Holder was on the Frank Skinner show in the early 2000's and said that when Slade were struggling and broke when they first formed, they were paid to do this on a sheet of glass over a bath while someone was underneath

And apparently old Hollywood actor Danny Thomas used to get off on this too

There's also one about 1980s wrestlers, Jimmy valiant is under the table, the rock and roll express walk in, one of them throws up, the other stays to watch.....

EmmetSpiceland

Sgt Hartman wrote: »

I wonder is there any truth to the "Glass Coffee Table" urban legend. It's the one where a certain popular deceased singer from Mullingar liked to visit a brothel in Leeson St Dublin. In the brothel he would lay under a clear glass coffee table looking upwards and jerking off while a rent boy would take a dump onto the table.

I remember hearing that the lads from Status Quo, when they were short of a few bob, would call into a neighbour’s flat and he’d pay them to “dump” on the glass table while he lay under it.

Muahahaha

Duffy the Vampire Slayer wrote: »

People often say that the curse happened in Foxford, but that makes no sense because Forxford isn't on the road to Castlebar. When I was a kid I heard it was Tarmonbarry, which made a lot more sense, but nobody says that anymore.

yeah Ive a mate from Mayo and he thinks the whole team bus passing a funeral cortege and the priests curse thing is an urban myth. However he said his parents are quite religious and his dad genuinely believes that there is a curs. He has taken Mayos recent losses in All Ireland finals as proof of this and he genuinely believes they wont win one again until the two remaining team members from the 1951 winning team have passed away.

He was saying there would be a fair few people in the county who believe in it and he wonders has it effected members of the team who might believe it and then it become a self fulfilling prophecy as they believe they cant win because of this curse. Its mad stuff really