So are you single? Argos style....

Tell me how

Tell me how wrote: »

Because I have been the one discussing this back and forth with Candie since she joined the thread and have not queried the ladies behaviour. At all.

It wasn't specifically directed at you TMH, it was a general comment. I know you haven't queried her behaviour.

jaxxx

Esse85 wrote: »

He was wrong to begin with absolutely. You can't use information like that for romantic gain.

She'd be making life easier for herself too, unless she wants all the stress and crap that's come with it.
I bet her life has been far more intrusive since that incident.

I wonder does she even regret reacting to the situation the way she did, on reflection I wonder has she considered a better approach would of been "I'm actually happily married thanks"

But you don't know how she was thinking when she made the decision to post in on Facebook, none of us do. Like I said earlier, it wasn't the best decision in hindsight but she could have been terrified for all we know. Then again, she could have done it completely out of spite! We don't know and we'll never know. She did what she did and now has to live with the fallout, whatever it is. There's no point in saying this would've been the better option or whatever, cos everyone would have reacted to it differently.

Tell me how

Candie wrote: »

Most of the time that kind of thing never enters my head, but you have to be wary at times. I'm small, just under 5ft, and I've had someone once pick me up in a pub and throw me across a table of glasses to his friend.

It's hard to really explain how vulnerable someone could feel if someone knew where you lived and you were put in the position of having to reject them. It must be hard to imagine, if you've never felt physically unsafe, how things like that possibly affect others.

People say size doesn't matter but I can happily say that if someone my own size decides to punch me in the head I stand a much better chance of defending myself than I do if someone over a foot taller and twice my weight or more punches me in the head. In the second scenario, I'd be dead or brain damaged.

Can you maybe understand then how someone who might be interested in a person would go the text route rather than doing so in person?

Is it possible he could have felt it would be less intrusive or intimidating than doing so on her door step?

Tell me how

loalae wrote: »

"All I think she should have done differently is responded to say she wasn't interested and mentioned that he shouldn't have used her number for this purpose.

And then reached out to Tesco directly rather than via FB."

This is a direct quote from one of your previous posts.

Yes and it was made in direct to this response where her actions were commented on.

But, like, why should she have to pretend to be attached (if she is in even single) just to feel safe in her own home. She did nothing wrong and shouldn't have been put in this position. I don't get why people are saying she should have done something differently.

I did not suggest she was at fault for any of this but have discussed the scenario and what is acceptable behaviour. Or more specifically, when does it going from being unacceptable or inappropriate, to creepy.

jaxxx

Tell me how wrote: »

Can you maybe understand then how someone who might be interested in a person would go the text route rather than doing so in person?

Is it possible he could have felt it would be less intrusive or intimidating than doing so on her door step?

I get what you're saying but it was completely unprofessional. Whenever we order things online and give our details, we're doing so in the hope that our personal details are used only for the transaction and nothing more. What he did was completely unacceptable, a huge breach of GDPR and I have no sympathy for him whatsoever. He had no right to use her number to contact her in such a manner, regardless of whether he was interested in her or not.

Tell me how

Tell me how wrote: »

Can you maybe understand then how someone who might be interested in a person would go the text route rather than doing so in person?

Is it possible he could have felt it would be less intrusive or intimidating than doing so on her door step?

We're on different pages here TMH. Both are dreadful ideas.

This isn't a social situation. He was working, he should have left it. The answer isn't ask her out on her doorstep or sent an unsolicited text, it's walk away and leave the woman alone.

He put his interest in her above her privacy, or that she might be put off or intimidated by him knowing where she lives. It was a selfish act that was all about him, and no regard for how she might feel about it.

BorneTobyWilde

The delivery guy has form, this was no random one off, and he probably has success banging a lot of lonely house wives n such. But this time he's actions were made public, so deserves the aggro, but seems like hes the type who could not give a toss. He's hardly a victim, that's for sure. Delivery guys, Pizza guys , Postmen, they all have their tales to tell of sexual encounters.
He messed with the wrong person, and instead of just a knock back he had it all go pubic.

Tell me how

Candie wrote: »

We're on different pages here TMH. Both are dreadful ideas.

This isn't a social situation. He was working, he should have left it. The answer isn't ask her out on her doorstep or sent an unsolicited text, it's walk away and leave the woman alone.

He put his interest in her above her privacy, or that she might be put off or intimidated by him knowing where she lives. It was a selfish act that was all about him, and no regard for how she might feel about it.

Up to 30% of relationships apparently originate in work environments.

On the rest of it, yes, we are on different pages.

Tell me how

jaxxx wrote: »

I get what you're saying but it was completely unprofessional. Whenever we order things online and give our details, we're doing so in the hope that our personal details are used only for the transaction and nothing more. What he did was completely unacceptable, a huge breach of GDPR and I have no sympathy for him whatsoever. He had no right to use her number to contact her in such a manner, regardless of whether he was interested in her or not.

Once more.
Inappropriate behaviour. Yes. It was correct he lost his job.

But I do not see how it was inherently creepy unless all solicited explorations are so.

Feisar

Candie wrote: »

Most of the time that kind of thing never enters my head, but you have to be wary at times. I'm small, just under 5ft, and I've had someone once pick me up in a pub and throw me across a table of glasses to his friend.

It's hard to really explain how vulnerable someone could feel if someone knew where you lived and you were put in the position of having to reject them. It must be hard to imagine, if you've never felt physically unsafe, how things like that possibly affect others.

People say size doesn't matter but I can happily say that if someone my own size decides to punch me in the head I stand a much better chance of defending myself than I do if someone over a foot taller and twice my weight or more punches me in the head. In the second scenario, I'd be dead or brain damaged.

Unfortunately size matters. If it didn't there wouldn't be weight classes in combat sports.

Tell me how

Tell me how wrote: »

Can you maybe understand then how someone who might be interested in a person would go the text route rather than doing so in person?

Is it possible he could have felt it would be less intrusive or intimidating than doing so on her door step?

Or he could have, you know, just not asked her out at all! Ffs he hardly had a life changing interection with her during a brief delivery.

Less intimidating! This knife will be less intimidating than this gun! Is it possible he could have tried not being intimidating at all, acted like a professional and moved on with his day???

AllForIt

Must be psychologically disturbing for women to feel they are attractive to those horrible men types.

CalamariFritti

What a load of bull. Isn't that how sh1t happens? Boy meets girl and takes a chance? (Or the other way around) Was he supposed to think 'oh I met her in a professional capacity this would be inappropriate'. People say he texted her without her consent. Was he supposed to knock at her door and ask for her permission first?

Its hard enough to open yourself up to possible rejection - take a chance, you know, let your guard down - without having to think of a myriad ways of how this might be 'inappropriate'.

Creepy? Who the f*** thinks this is 'creepy'? Must be all those people who won't answer to a knock on their door unless someone announced themselves by phone first. Or wouldnt answer their phone to an unknown number. Scary. All those creepy people out there. Cant be careful enough.

The guy had a lucky escape anyway. What a cow. Perfectly alright to not be interested obviously happens a million times a day but she had to turn it into a social media event. WTF is wrong with people?

Tell me how

Tell me how wrote: »

Once more.
Inappropriate behaviour. Yes. It was correct he lost his job.

But I do not see how it was inherently creepy unless all solicited explorations are so.

You seem to want to overlook that he knows where she lives. He texted her, so she doesn't know how he reacted to the rejection.

Those are gamechangers.

It also was not an unsolicited exploration in a social situation. It just can't be compared to approaching someone on a night out. It's a completely different situation, that's what you need to take on board.

Tell me how

Deleted User wrote: »

Or he could have, you know, just not asked her out at all! Ffs he hardly had a life changing interection with her during a brief delivery.

Less intimidating! This knife will be less intimidating than this gun! Is it possible he could have tried not being intimidating at all, acted like a professional and moved on with his day???

So, is this what you would advise all single people to do for fear of being viewed as creepy?

If so, would you see this as being very different in how people have behaved to this point in society?

Esse85

jaxxx wrote: »

But you don't know how she was thinking when she made the decision to post in on Facebook, none of us do. Like I said earlier, it wasn't the best decision in hindsight but she could have been terrified for all we know. Then again, she could have done it completely out of spite! We don't know and we'll never know. She did what she did and now has to live with the fallout, whatever it is. There's no point in saying this would've been the better option or whatever, cos everyone would have reacted to it differently.

It's pretty clear what she was thinking and how she was feeling if you go back and read the article, a lot of descriptive words used.

Disgusted
Unsafe
Angry
He could get malicious
I don't know his motives.
I do not feel safe
Concerned when I report this breach he may react negatively
Completely disgusted
Reporting this to trading standards and also the government.

Looks to me like she's looking for £££

jaxxx

CalamariFritti wrote: »

What a load of bull. Isn't that how sh1t happens? Boy meets girl and takes a chance? (Or the other way around) Was he supposed to think 'oh I met her in a professional capacity this would be inappropriate'. People say he texted her without her consent. Was he supposed to knock at her door and ask for her permission first?

Its hard enough to open yourself up to possible rejection - take a chance, you know, let your guard down - without having to think of a myriad ways of how this might be 'inappropriate'.

Creepy? Who the f*** thinks this is 'creepy'? Must be all those people who won't answer to a knock on their door unless someone announced themselves by phone first. Or wouldnt answer their phone to an unknown number. Scary. All those creepy people out there. Cant be careful enough.

The guy had a lucky escape anyway. What a cow. Perfectly alright to not be interested obviously happens a million times a day but she had to turn it into a social media event. WTF is wrong with people?

Do you not have any sort of sense of data protection or are you just blatantly ignorant in general?

Esse85 wrote: »

It's pretty clear what she was thinking and how she was feeling if you go back and read the article, a lot of descriptive words used.

Disgusted
Unsafe
Angry
He could get malicious
I don't know his motives.
I do not feel safe
Concerned when I report this breach he may react negatively
Completely disgusted
Reporting this to trading standards and also the government.

Looks to me like she's looking for £££

Because articles are always 100% accurate.. .. right..

Give me strength. I'm done.

Tell me how

Tell me how wrote: »

Up to 30% of relationships apparently originate in work environments.

On the rest of it, yes, we are on different pages.

Where they're both in work. Not where some stranger knows where you live and texts you with private information he shouldn't have used to put you in the position of rejecting him without knowing how he'll react.

Absolutely not remotely comparable to a usual work environment.

Tell me how

Candie wrote: »

You seem to want to overlook that he knows where she lives. He texted her, so she doesn't know how he reacted to the rejection.

Those are gamechangers.

It also was not an unsolicited exploration in a social situation. It just can't be compared to approaching someone on a night out. It's a completely different situation, that's what you need to take on board.

Your neighbour knows where you live Candie. As does mine. And me them.

Should no relationship be pursued amongst people who knows where the other lives for this reason? I would have thought knowing that you were within reasonable distance of each other would be pretty influential element in considering a relationship.

hynesie08

Esse85 wrote: »

It's pretty clear what she was thinking and how she was feeling if you go back and read the article, a lot of descriptive words used.

Disgusted
Unsafe
Angry
He could get malicious
I don't know his motives.
I do not feel safe
Concerned when I report this breach he may react negatively
Completely disgusted
Reporting this to trading standards and also the government.

Looks to me like she's looking for £££

The article that selectively cropped the comments and didn't ask her for a statement??

CalamariFritti

jaxxx wrote: »

Do you not have any sort of sense of data protection or are you just blatantly ignorant in general?

You have obviously no idea what data protection is.

hynesie08

Tell me how wrote: »

Your neighbour knows where you live Candie. As does mine. And me them..

When you moved in did you go door to door asking peoples relationship status without having a conversation with them first????

Tell me how

Tell me how wrote: »

So, is this what you would advise all single people to do for fear of being viewed as creepy?

If so, would you see this as being very different in how people have behaved to this point in society?

Yes I would advise single people not to illegally take a customer's phone number without their explicit permission just because you thought they were hot or whatever.

You seem to be deliberately trying to conflate this incident with normal interactions people have in appropriate places and situations. A single person meeting someone in a club for example, asking for their number and then texting them is hardly the same as this situation is it?? Or two people working alongside each other, building some form of friendship/relationship and then one asking the other out isn't in any way the same as a total stranger taking your number from a delivery docket and texting you. Can you understand that?

Feisar

Candie wrote: »

You seem to want to overlook that he knows where she lives. He texted her, so she doesn't know how he reacted to the rejection.

Those are gamechangers.

It also was not an unsolicited exploration in a social situation. It just can't be compared to approaching someone on a night out. It's a completely different situation, that's what you need to take on board.

I'm in agreement with you on a lot of things. However the whole, "knows where one lives" no. One could follow someone home from Tesco/nite club/nail bar.

Tell me how

hynesie08 wrote: »

When you moved in did you go door to door asking peoples relationship status without having a conversation with them first????

This person did have a conversation with the lady. And then asked her her status.

Aside from doing by text and the GDPR issues associated with that (again, inappropriate) how is that different than how so many other relationships kick off?

kenmm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

You seem to be deliberately trying to conflate this incident with normal interactions people have in appropriate places and situations.

All day long.

CalamariFritti

Candie wrote: »

Where they're both in work. Not where some stranger knows where you live and texts you with private information he shouldn't have used to put you in the position of rejecting him without knowing how he'll react.

Absolutely not remotely comparable to a usual work environment.

Some serious mental gyrations there. The guy actually let his guard down. To possible rejection. As you do when you ask someone out. But in this case clearly also to the possibility that he ran into an absolute cow who goes full mental.

Tell me how

Tell me how wrote: »

Your neighbour knows where you live Candie. As does mine. And me them.

Should no relationship be pursued amongst people who knows where the other lives for this reason? I would have thought knowing that you were within reasonable distance of each other would be pretty influential element in considering a relationship.

They don't know each other. She didn't give him her number.

I'm actually surprised you're pursuing this line of reasoning. It's very clearly not the same thing as neighbours who know each other.

I don't think there's much point in continuing the back and forth, I'm pretty much repeating myself and you're coming up with incomparable situations that don't have any bearing on this particular situation.

If you were a good friend, and asked me if I thought it was okay for you to text a customer out of the blue and ask if they were single, after being at their home, I'd tell you not to. I'd tell you any chance you might have if you meet them socially would be blown out of the water. And I'd tell you it would be seen as creepy.

It's not the same as meeting someone on a night out, or a neighbour who knows you, or meeting someone when you're both at work. She's in her house, he's a stranger. She doesn't know if he's annoyed at being knocked back. He's given her a lot to think about, none of it good.

Tell me how

Deleted User wrote: »

Yes I would advise single people not to illegally take a customer's phone number without their explicit permission just because you thought they were hot or whatever.

You seem to be deliberately trying to conflate this incident with normal interactions people have in appropriate places and situations. A single person meeting someone in a club for example, asking for their number and then texting them is hardly the same as this situation is it?? Or two people working alongside each other, building some form of friendship/relationship and then one asking the other out isn't in any way the same as a total stranger taking your number from a delivery docket and texting you. Can you understand that?

I have repeatedly said it was inappropriate. But, the assertion that it as unquestionably creepy is why I am exploring that in the context of how so many other interactions commence and trying to understand why it is this the case that this was creepy, but others aren't, given as pointed out, virtually any scenario has examples of where one party ended up feeling uncomfortable.

Can you understand that?

hynesie08

Tell me how wrote: »

This person did have a conversation with the lady. And then asked her her status.

Ah yes, I believe the conversation was "just over there please" he was completely within his rights.

Next time I hold a door open for someone with a work uniform and they say thanks, I'll go to their job and ask them if they have a boyfriend. Won't be creepy at all........

The stories I could tell. Again I just think its a real shame that there should be such levels of suspicion and mistrust among people. Knowing where a person lives doesn't make them a serial killer/rapist/axe wielding psychopath/stalker.

I've had taxi drivers ask for my number, I've been chatted up by tradesmen in my house, I've had doctors flirt with me. Some of those encounters went somewhere. Others didn't. I lived to tell the tale. My boundaries I guess are just a little different.

Used to work as a delivery driver for a big nationwide furniture store.

Some lovely ladies would be getting delivered to, and although I'd never actually bother my hole to message any of them, I could understand the temptation. Especially if it seems like they are single or were particularly nice to you at the time. Would make more sense to ask there and then, but I presume he didn't want to be embarrassed by a rejection in front of his workmate in the van.

Probably a stupid thing to do, but the whole situation has been massively blown out of proportion, and she's definitely trying for a claim. If she felt unsafe I very much doubt she'd be making a drama out of this on facebook. She wants attention and money.


The one thing that really annoys me about it, is that he sent her "hey", and then didn't message her again til about half ten at night, if i recall correctly, from looking at the screenshots. If you were gonna ask someone out by text, you'd think the sensible thing to do would be to say hello, introduce yourself, ask them out, and apologise for any hassle, all in the one, single message. Instead of leaving them lingering all day wondering "who the fcuk is this?!".

Esse85

hynesie08 wrote: »

The article that selectively cropped the comments and didn't ask her for a statement??

What information are you working off?

I'm looking at another article from the Daily Mail, her name, photograph and the area she's from are all published.

She's clearly looking for a payout and or attention or else she's wouldn't of reacted like that.

Feisar

AllForIt wrote: »

Must be psychologically disturbing for women to feel they are attractive to those horrible men types.

Yea.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

My boundaries I guess are just a little different.

No, you just have common sense. Too many people are either attention-starved and crave it, so will make a big hullaballoo out of anything, or spend far too much time watching/reading murder/rape stories that you wonder how they ever leave their house.

I actually seen a gorgeous girl today and was severely tempted to say something to her. Thank god I didn't. I seen the reg plate of her car, so she'd probably be in fear for her life. :rolleyes:

Tell me how

Tell me how wrote: »

I have repeatedly said it was inappropriate. But, the assertion that it as unquestionably creepy is why I am exploring that in the context of how so many other interactions commence and trying to understand why it is this the case that this was creepy, but others aren't, given as pointed out, virtually any scenario has examples of where one party ended up feeling uncomfortable.

Can you understand that?

I understand that you're comparing incomparable interactions. I'm not bothered with you anymore. You're not worth my time.

hynesie08

Esse85 wrote: »

What information are you working off?

I'm looking at another article from the Daily Mail, her name, photograph and the area she's from are all published.

She's clearly looking for a payout and or attention or else she's wouldn't of reacted like that.

She had to pull the original review (which didn't feature the screen shots) but there were more replies, and she never tried to get the lad in trouble. She openly asked for him not to be sacked. But the mail selectively cropped the comments and replies (there were dozens)

Tell me how

Candie wrote: »

They don't know each other. She didn't give him her number.

I'm actually surprised you're pursuing this line of reasoning. It's very clearly not the same thing as neighbours who know each other.

I don't think there's much point in continuing the back and forth, I'm pretty much repeating myself and you're coming up with incomparable situations that don't have any bearing on this particular situation.

If you were a good friend, and asked me if I thought it was okay for you to text a customer out of the blue and ask if they were single, after being at their home, I'd tell you not to. I'd tell you any chance you might have if you meet them socially would be blown out of the water. And I'd tell you it would be seen as creepy.

It's not the same as meeting someone on a night out, or a neighbour who knows you, or meeting someone when you're both at work. She's in her house, he's a stranger. She doesn't know if he's annoyed at being knocked back. He's given her a lot to think about, none of it good.

Maybe you would see they aren't incomparable scenarios if you considered that any interaction has the potential for one party to feel uncomfortable (and no doubt there are documented cases of this) but that because she was not interested, this scenario is being said to be creepy.

What about if everything had happened the same, except she had felt an attraction to him and responded to his query with 'Yes, what about you' and ultimately they started some sort of relationship. If that had occurred to a friend of yours and they told you after it happened, would you call it creepy?

Tell me how

Deleted User wrote: »

I understand that you're comparing incomparable interactions. I'm not bothered with you anymore. You're not worth my time.

So why respond to my post then? You won't be banned from Boards if you don't reply.

kowloon

bluewolf wrote: »

and he knows where she lives

I dunno Blue, knowing some delivery drivers they'll probably just murder someone in another part of the country. Having been to the house already doesn't seem to count for much.

hynesie08

Deleted User wrote: »

No, you just have common sense. Too many people are either attention-starved and crave it, so will make a big hullaballoo out of anything, or spend far too much time watching/reading murder/rape stories that you wonder how they ever leave their house.

I actually seen a gorgeous girl today and was severely tempted to say something to her. Thank god I didn't. I seen the reg plate of her car, so she'd probably be in fear for her life. :rolleyes:

Well if for example you used a mate in the guards to use that reg plate to get her name and used that to contact her, would that be romantic?

Esse85

hynesie08 wrote: »

She had to pull the original review (which didn't feature the screen shots) but there were more replies, and she never tried to get the lad in trouble. She openly asked for him not to be sacked. But the mail selectively cropped the comments and replies (there were dozens)

Well that changes a lot so.
It doesn't change the guy was wrong to begin with.
It does change how she responded.

Tell me how

Tell me how wrote: »

Maybe you would see they aren't incomparable scenarios if you considered that any interaction has the potential for one party to feel uncomfortable (and no doubt there are documented cases of this) but that because she was not interested, this scenario is being said to be creepy.

What about if everything had happened the same, except she had felt an attraction to him and responded to his query with 'Yes, what about you' and ultimately they started some sort of relationship. If that had occurred to a friend of yours and they told you after it happened, would you call it creepy?

I literally don't know anyone who'd respond positively to that situation.

I'm sure they exist, and if a relationship did form from the same beginnings it wouldn't make the initial mining of her information and the texts any less creepy.

I'm just repeating myself here. I'm always sorry I reply to these threads.

I just remembered. A whole load of delivery drivers, and not just drivers but MEN! They know my address. I'll be sleeping with one eye open tonight.

CalamariFritti

There are genuine creeps no doubt. But now creepy has simply become a very sad word. Mostly for people for whom it isn't enough to say 'no not interested' but who have to express outrage that someone so obviously below their standards dares to express interest.

There's some crazy amount of putting words in mouths here.

Tell me how

Candie wrote: »

I literally don't know anyone who'd respond positively to that situation.

I'm sure they exist, and if a relationship did form from the same beginnings it wouldn't make the initial mining of her information and the texts any less creepy.

I'm just repeating myself here. I'm always sorry I reply to these threads.

Guess this puts the debate about the concept of love at first sight to bed anyway.

Be glad you are not single and hoping to meet someone in 2020. I'm out.

CalamariFritti

Candie wrote: »

There's some crazy amount of putting words in mouths here.

Not aimed at you, sorry if it sounded like that. Its an observation I have made before this thread.

CalamariFritti

CalamariFritti wrote: »

Not aimed at you, sorry if it sounded like that. Its an observation I have made before this thread.

My comment wasn't specifically aimed at you either.

CalamariFritti

Candie wrote: »

My comment wasn't specifically aimed at you either.

I assumed. Hope that wasn't creepy.