Parental rights during covid

Captain Flaps

Deleted User wrote: »

I am not getting into the issues of 7 day, 14 day quarantine, or none at all. That is something OP will have to work out, and indeed every single one of us as this goes on. Life has to go on along with Covid. It has been catagorically proven that travel is NOT causing Covid. Groups congregating whether at work or socially are causing the latest spikes. There will always be spikes now.

In my case my 6 month pregnant daughter returned home from Vancouver, along with her 14 month toddler and husband, to live here again in Ireland. If they had missed that window and things close down they would be stuck in Vancouver, with No 2 due she is so relieved they got back. They isolated for 14 days. My other daughter from London visited for 7 days and nobody went outside the door. That was 3 weeks ago, quarantine has passed and we are all well and healthy. Life goes on and people individually have to make that decision about travelling. Neither of my daughters got a phone call even though they filled out the contact tracing form at the airport.

Reading this thread I do think the OP has issues with her ex that are coming across - issues that are nothing to do with the current situation but are probably unresolved things relating to the break up. Again I would say, been there done that.

Mentioning " he will make me look bad" and "this is all because he cares more about his job more than us" kinda point to other issues. Very few people care more about their job than their kids, but maybe his job has been demanding and he needs to climb the corporate ladder/ work longer hours to pay the bills, there is pressure involved with this. Hard to see the other person's side of the story too , particularly if communication is not good and he works in the UK.........when communication, blame, unresolved issues are not dealt with, everything else becomes harder to work out, including access during Covid.

Its not easy, best of luck with it OP, hope you can reach a compromise.

I totally sympathise with your situation, but let's face it - your daughter broke the rules. I don't necessarily agree with the rules myself, but at the same time my friend hasn't met her niece yet either as her sister and partner are in the UK and they've all decided it's safer to wait it out because said friend is an ICU nurse. You've decided to take a calculated risk, which is your call, but don't try and justify it. Your family will probably be fine but if everyone did what you guys are doing we'd be in a much worse place.

Captain Flaps

Captain Flaps wrote: »

I totally sympathise with your situation, but let's face it - your daughter broke the rules. I don't necessarily agree with the rules myself, but at the same time my friend hasn't met her niece yet either as her sister and partner are in the UK and they've all decided it's safer to wait it out because said friend is an ICU nurse. You've decided to take a calculated risk, which is your call, but don't try and justify it. Your family will probably be fine but if everyone did what you guys are doing we'd be in a much worse place.

what was my calculated risk?
To allow my daughter come home after 8 months to finally see her sister , they hadn't seen each other in 2 years as both live abroad? There is quite a difference between a daughter and a niece. I am certainly not trying to justify anything, why would I? Are we meant to live in isolation, quarantine and lockdown forever? We never get a vaccine that works, if we do it could be years away.

I did the entire lockdown completely alone. I lost a daughter to cancer some years ago. My other 2 daughters live in London and Vancouver. I spent the entire lockdown on my own apart from going to work (I work in essential services) and to say it was tough is an understatement.

It is 3 weeks since they returned home and we are all healthy and well. I was off work during this 14 day quarantine so I was no danger to colleagues. If anyone was going to get Covid from them coming home it was just me and I was quite happy to take that chance.
Believe me everyone has a different way of thinking and that is heavily influenced by our personal experiences in life. I would be far more worried about missed cancer diagnosis right now than I would be about Covid. There is so much hysteria in Ireland about Covid, after 6 months it is still 24/7 on all media outlets!


I apologise for going off topic and wish the OP the best of luck.
I would also respectfully suggest that people just look after themselves and stop the finger pointing, blaming and ranting at everything and everyone regarding Covid. (I am not out in pubs, not having house parties, not going abroad on holidays)

Moonriver99

combat14 wrote: »

Why cant you go to the UK for a month or two so your daughter can see her dad?

Most people if they are lucky get 4 weeks holidays in the entire year ... this year has been exceedingly difficult.. what if your ex lost his job and was unable to continue paying child support ... then there would be something additional to whinge about

I'm sure your ex is doing his best cut him some slack for a change!

just a different perspective but I'm probably wrong lol

Um.. Hold on there. Cut him some slack for a change. Have you been part of our relationship? And how do you know if he pays child support or not? Or if ive visited? Lot of assumptions on your part. He could be a snorting cocaine for all you know but clearly you've painted a picture of me in your mind as some kind of difficult female.

I simply asked a question to ask how could i possibly sort it? See what others who may be in the a similar situation. Sort of trying to go by the general consensus here. And yeah, it seems asking him to come back for a little bit more is because im desperate for him to know his child but also keep her safe.

I love my child and only want whats good for her. Sorry if that makes me a whinger, mate.

bee06

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It is 3 weeks since they returned home and we are all healthy and well. I was off work during this 14 day quarantine so I was no danger to colleagues. If anyone was going to get Covid from them coming home it was just me and I was quite happy to take that chance.

You were prepared to take the risk but the OP has vulnerable family members with serious respiratory diseases. She can’t force them to take the risk and shouldn’t have to make that choice either.

jrosen

I simply asked a question to ask how could i possibly sort it? See what others who may be in the a similar situation. Sort of trying to go by the general consensus here. And yeah, it seems asking him to come back for a little bit more is because im desperate for him to know his child but also keep her safe.

I love my child and only want whats good for her. Sorry if that makes me a whinger, mate.[/QUOTE]

Whats good for her is to have her parents in her life. You and her dad need to find a way to make that work. If he lives in the UK and you here you are both responsible for ensuring she maintains a relationships. Its your responsibility to enable access. Covid is going nowhere and you expecting him to isolate each and every time he comes isn't realistic or fair. There is going to need to be some compromise on both sides

Moonriver99

jrosen wrote: »

I simply asked a question to ask how could i possibly sort it? See what others who may be in the a similar situation. Sort of trying to go by the general consensus here. And yeah, it seems asking him to come back for a little bit more is because im desperate for him to know his child but also keep her safe.

I love my child and only want whats good for her. Sorry if that makes me a whinger, mate.

Whats good for her is to have her parents in her life. You and her dad need to find a way to make that work. If he lives in the UK and you here you are both responsible for ensuring she maintains a relationships. Its your responsibility to enable access. Covid is going nowhere and you expecting him to isolate each and every time he comes isn't realistic or fair. There is going to need to be some compromise on both sides[/quote]

Yes exactly hence why im trying to sort it and compromise. That guy saying i would probably "whinge" was trying to provoke a reaction. No one actually knows my relationship and how much ive actually compromised so its best to stop using that word because i really dislike the fact that somehow i havent my childs best interest in place. And yes, i get covid is not going away. I also have been asking for him to come home for longer so im obviously wanting him to be there. You are acting like there are no guidlines in place and sure if everyone decides they are not going with guidelines itll become a real issue.

bee06

bee06 wrote: »

You were prepared to take the risk but the OP has vulnerable family members with serious respiratory diseases. She can’t force them to take the risk and shouldn’t have to make that choice either.

Yes I agree , everyone has to make their own decisions based on what will work for them and their family situation. Covid is going to be here for a long time , we all have to figure out how to make things work over the next 6 months to a year. Meeting outside in a neutral place is a good idea , there are ways if you really want to make it happen. Life, living , relationships can’t go on hold forever .