Was I out of line to send this text?

LegacyUser

Hi all, OP here.

Just to clarify a few things... there was space for a lot of her kitchen utensils but not all. (2 big bags worth). After I sent her the text asking could I pop them up to her room I also sent a follow up text saying it's so annoying we've such limited space and maybe we could get a trolley or stand for the kitchen to make some more room. (I didn't include this in my OP as I didn't think it was relevant.)

Yesterday she actually spent the day with myself and my other housemate (Jane). We had a chill day. I found Sarah friendly but a bit prickly at times. She seemed to have some sort of answer for any comment I'd make and it was a bit uncomfortable. Jane said after she'd noticed the same. Clearly she's not a fan of me for making what I feel was a pretty fair request of her. I don't see any signs of depression or mental health issues as others have suggested.

Moreover, the bags are still there. My mother's birthday was cancelled so I didn't have to move them. But I'm really annoyed at this stage. It's a difficult one to broach as Sarah has already ignored my first request, so I think I'll have to just bring the bags to her room and politely ask her if she minds taking them as I'm just doing a clean up. Jane is annoyed about the bags too but not the most assertive person so it looks like this is going to be on me.

I'd like to reiterate that I know this isn't a massive issue! But I find small issues in a house share can actually begin to take up a lot of mental space.

Tork

All your update has done has reinforced the advice many people gave you in this thread. The three of you really need to have a house meeting - soon. This is going to fester and become more uncomfortable for you all if you don't bite the bullet. You're now learning the hard way that sending texts is a crap way of communicating complicated issues. Perhaps you're also starting to see that if you dance around an issue, it turns into what you experienced yesterday. Sharp remarks that you're now reading into. It makes me wonder how good any of you are at communication.

One thing that isn't clear here is what utensils Sarah is using? While I agree that leaving big bags of them in the kitchen isn't nice, has she any other option? She's the newest person in this house-share but apparently, the least important. Who owns the other kitchen utensils and why are they in the drawers and Sarah's stuff not? Can a compromise not be reached? Now that the weekend has passed and your mum didn't come, it's a good opportunity to open up a conversation about reorganising the kitchen. Get the other two involved in it and you can bring in talk of bins etc. organically.

For what it's worth, I don't think Sarah's depressed or anything like that. Some people just don't make for the easiest of housemates and she may be one of them. That is why it's important to nip problems in the bud and to be direct. If you'd spoken to Sarah properly (i.e. face to face) about where to leave her stuff shortly after she moved in, you wouldn't be in the mess you're in now.

JeffKenna

Why did you have to cancel your mother's birthday over the bags? Surely just lob them in a corner somewhere and forget about them?

LegacyUser

I really don't get all this tip toeing around, if her bags are sitting on a communal kitchen table then pick them up and move them to the floor or similar and if she complains tell her you needed access to the table and she can't store stuff on it.

LegacyUser

Apologies for the length of this!

It's hard having someone new move in, but it's also hard moving into a new house share, so everyone needs time to adjust. A great way for things to go smoothly, is to be open and communicative, face to face. The problem with text messages is that one simple text can be perceived in different ways, they're a handy form of communication but even the most innocent of texts can unintentionally lead to hurt feelings or misunderstandings because the tone is so open to interpretation.
You and Jane sound like nice people, and it just seems like some wires got crossed with the text message, and the air hasn't been cleared because communication isn't flowing. It doesn't help that Sarah isn't making an effort around the house, so with crossed wires and lack of effort, it's no surprise to hear that there's tension starting. The bags on the table is a simple enough fix, you all need to act as a team and organise getting one. From there it's an almost natural step to move onto discussing a cleaning rota for the shared areas.

As others have suggested, talk to the housemates face to face about having a family meeting, and say to Sarah that the bags will be moved to the floor temporarily so that you can sit around the table together. Ask Sarah is that ok with her or is there somewhere else she would like to put them? Give her options instead of her potentially viewing you as dictating to her.

I would recommend that you don't just out of the blue say you are all having a meeting in 5 minutes. Communicate with them and sort out a time and day that suits everyone, mention what you'd like to discuss so that they're not kept in the dark and possibly dreading sitting down with you. You're all adults, and it would be a shame to let a small misunderstanding ruin the atmosphere of a house share that has only just started.
At the meeting, everyone will have the chance to clear the air and find a way forward that will suit you all. At this point you're getting to know your new housemate, and she should give you a fair chance as well.
I would suggest having some snacks or nibbles out on the table, with some low music on, so it's a nice, relaxed atmosphere. Make it fun.

At the meeting, I think you should be the one to bring up the suggestion again for getting a kitchen trolley for Sarah's utensils, and suggest that everyone be involved in the decision of what trolley to get and share the cost equally among the three of you. If you start off with the trolley, hopefully Sarah will realise you're being flexible and inclusive, and will feel less prickly towards you. It most likely won't happen instantly though, it may take a few days for her to absorb the accommodations her new housemates are trying to make for her.
Maybe discuss what can be put on the potential new kitchen trolley, like can anything be moved to the trolley so Sarah can then store her stuff in a cupboard/drawer, this can give Sarah a more permanent place in the kitchen instead of just her stuff being on the trolley. Also, what size trolley would fit? What colour? Also ask if there's anything else that can be gotten for the kitchen/bathroom/house.

Try and get Jane on board with giving a suggestion so it's not all coming from you, such as a rota for the chores in the shared areas. She can put it as a positive, fair way for everyone to do their part to make it a happy living space.

Another suggestion that could be made is to set up a house share group chat, that way it will avoid anyone feeling like they're being left out, or being the single target of perceived passive aggressiveness. I would highlight that it be kept for if someone isnt at home, to share updates, cleaning rota, and shopping lists.

For a house share, I would strongly suggest having a kitty or at least some form of planned agreement for the house (if you don't have one already), so that every one is contributing equally to the costs of cleaning products and other shared items. It will save any tension building up if someone isn't contributing to their share of costs.

It's possible that Sarah is feeling like an outsider and could be feeling very aware that she's moved into a house share with two people who get on well. She's two months in the house and it seems like she's not yet settled in, whether that's because she prefers to keep to herself, or she's shy until she gets to know you both better. She may even feel like she's intruding when you're in the living room, or feels awkward so may need some encouragement said out loud to her. Maybe mention to her about having another chill evening together, or having movie and wine nights once a month or whenever, or see if there's a tv series you could watch together.

LegacyUser

Hi all, OP here again.

Thanks for all the advice so far, it's hard to reply to everything individually but I am taking it all on board!

So yesterday, I mentioned the bag situation to Jane and said "I might just drop them up to her and mention I'm just doing a clean up?" Jane became annoyed and said "You can't do that, me and you will just have to buy a trolley for the kitchen and put the stuff away for her."

Now I'm REALLY annoyed. Jane is lovely she is a people pleaser. When I first moved in, another girl moved out, and she b*tched and moaned about how she never helped out, was rude, messy, didn't contribute anything... when I asked why she never said anything to her he just said "Ah we just left it." I don't want to have to live like that.

But I get the sense I'm going to come out the b*tch in all this. And although we could call a house meeting, which I agree would be a good idea, it honestly doesn't feel right. I feel I'm going to come out of calling a meeting looking dictator-y. Maybe down the line when any tension has settled, but right now I don't think it's going to come across well.

All I can think of is to bring the bags up to her room and nicely ask her can she take them, and then say, maybe we can all chip in for some extra storage in the kitchen?

Moving them to the floor will do nothing because then we'll just have two big bags on the floor rather than on the table.

It's all very annoying and should never have become such a big issue.

LegacyUser

Apologies! I just see now that one part of my post doesn't make much sense "you all need to act as a team and organise getting one" I meant a kitchen trolley

Just because Jane is insisting on being a push over, it doesn't automatically make you the b***h. If the meeting is a no-go, then go to Sarah, and ask her what she thinks of going shopping for a kitchen trolley soon, and say it will be split three ways. Avoid mention of a cleaning rota until things are sorted with the trolley. Once the trolley is on situ, then suggest it.
I would not go with Jane's idea of just the two of you paying for the trolley, and the two of you putting away her stuff, that just doesn't make any sense. If you don't mind me asking, what age group are all the housemates? I'm quite surprised at Jane being so subservient, Sarah hasn't made any such demands, unless I missed something?
A phrase I think is suitable for this situation is, start as you mean to go on. If Jane wants to start off acting like Sarah's maid, then Sarah is hardly going to suddenly start doing her share if someone else is already doing it for her. It's no surprise that Jane has had unresolved issues with previous housemates. I'm sure she's a very nice person, but she's acting like a complete doormat.
I can imagine how frustrated you must feel right now, but it's Jane that is being unreasonable here, not you. No one should be subservient to a new housemate, and I doubt Sarah would be comfortable with it either. Sarah, for all anyone knows, could be just waiting for someone to tell her about the cleaning rota.
Deal with the immediate fixable issue first anyway, get a trolley, and offer to help Sarah set it up, but do not do it all yourselves.

LegacyUser

HouseShareAdvice wrote: »

I would not go with Jane's idea of just the two of you paying for the trolley, and the two of you putting away her stuff, that just doesn't make any sense.

+ 1 to this. Go online price trolleys and send the info to the other two, give them a deadline to get back to you with alternative options to storing excess kitchen stuff otherwise you are buying one and they owe you 1/3 each or your buying it but when you leave it goes with you. When trolley arrives make sure she puts her own stuff away. Your not her mother stop babying her. If you try and be nice and wait to discuss etc nothing is going to change.

Tork

HouseShareAdvice wrote: »

If the meeting is a no-go, then go to Sarah, and ask her what she thinks of going shopping for a kitchen trolley soon, and say it will be split three ways. Avoid mention of a cleaning rota until things are sorted with the trolley. Once the trolley is in situ, then suggest it..

I think this is an excellent idea. It might also go some way towards solving the problem of Sarah being the spare housemate. Leaving aside any faults she might have, your current way of dealing with her is no way to run a shared house. Sarah should be equal to you and Jane, rather than this interloper you're tiptoeing around. It looks like your communication is terrible too. If nobody ever discussed putting the bins out or who does the cleaning with Sarah, how can she know what's expected of her?

There's a difference between being a bitch and being assertive. You can easily make this trolley issue look like something positive. This trolley will give us more room and you can have somewhere to store your things. I assume Sarah is using them, right?

Airyfairy12

Is there a press/hot press/room thats barely used where they could be stored for the time being? Surely that would be a better solution than telling her to keep them in her room? Does she use the cutlery from the bags?

JustAThought

No you were not rude to send the text - it is her who is being extremely inconsiderate and rude. How long is her unpacked belengings going to clutter up the kitchen table - its not like she has left them in a corner or on the floor - but taking up space in an area that could ve used by allglatmates 3 times a day or to work from - totally inconsiderate.

She is probably hoping someone will clear out a press for her or make room and put them away - does she have an allocated press or has she only sommych space and knows they can not fit in there Nd so is hoping to leave them there until someone sorts it out for her? Either way it is relly unacceptable. She might feel isolated or insecure but her golden chance was to reply to your text - it would have fixed the problem easily and given her an out. As it is she now looks childish and selfish. Not a great start.

LegacyUser

JustAThought wrote: »

No you were not rude to send the text - it is her who is being extremely inconsiderate and rude. How long is her unpacked belengings going to clutter up the kitchen table - its not like she has left them in a corner or on the floor - but taking up space in an area that could ve used by allglatmates 3 times a day or to work from - totally inconsiderate.

She is probably hoping someone will clear out a press for her or make room and put them away - does she have an allocated press or has she only sommych space and knows they can not fit in there Nd so is hoping to leave them there until someone sorts it out for her? Either way it is relly unacceptable. She might feel isolated or insecure but her golden chance was to reply to your text - it would have fixed the problem easily and given her an out. As it is she now looks childish and selfish. Not a great start.

Hi, OP again. She does look childish and selfish to be honest and it hasn't been a great start. I don't get any sense of isolation or insecurity from her, she's well able to come join us downstairs when she wants to. So I don't think that was ever an issue to begin with.

For me its created an unpleasant atmosphere which is unnecessary and disappointing as the house has always been a lovely, considerate place to live. It's made worse by the fact that my other housemate, Jane, does not agree with taking the assertive route, so I do feel like I'm becoming the bitch, or being difficult, when I'm really just making a very basic request.

Airyfairy mentioned a hot press which is something I hadn't thought of but is a good idea, I had a look and there is a small amount of storage space there but should be enough to store her things. I guess it's also important to reiterate we made space for her kitchen stuff already, and she herself said when she moved in that she had amassed a lot of stuff over the years, so I don't think we've been unfair with regards to storage.

If I have to keep looking at those bags I'll go crazy so I think I'll just have to ask if she'd mind putting them in the hot press until we sort extra storage in the kitchen. It's difficult to broach seeing as my first request was ignored but the resentment is just going to build otherwise.

Thanks for the advice all - will pop back in with an update for those interested!

LegacyUser

Ok OP here (again), thanks all for listening and letting me vent.

So I said it to Sarah, as nicely as I could, that I'd noticed there is some storage space in the hot press, and would she mind storing her things in there just until we can get some extra storage space sorted in the kitchen? I also said I could give her a hand with bringing the bags upstairs.

She looked at me like I'd asked her to commit a crime. She replied "Eh..... ok...... but I mean, is it really that big of a deal having them on the table?" I replied that it's not a big deal at all it's just making the place a bit cluttered.

I reiterated we would of course make room for them by buying a trolley or stand. She replied "No it's fine, I'll just have to try get rid of them." I responded of course she doesn't have to get rid of them, that's not what I meant, and she said "No, it's fine."

It was a horrible interaction that made me feel really uneasy and I can't believe I've come out of this feeling guilty. Now it's really tense. This is actually ridiculous carry on and I'm upset now that there's going to be an unpleasant atmosphere over something so trivial.

She still hasn't moved the bags and something tells me she isn't going to.

Telly

galgal411 wrote: »

Ok OP here (again), thanks all for listening and letting me vent.

So I said it to Sarah, as nicely as I could, that I'd noticed there is some storage space in the hot press, and would she mind storing her things in there just until we can get some extra storage space sorted in the kitchen? I also said I could give her a hand with bringing the bags upstairs.

She looked at me like I'd asked her to commit a crime. She replied "Eh..... ok...... but I mean, is it really that big of a deal having them on the table?" I replied that it's not a big deal at all it's just making the place a bit cluttered.

I reiterated we would of course make room for them by buying a trolley or stand. She replied "No it's fine, I'll just have to try get rid of them." I responded of course she doesn't have to get rid of them, that's not what I meant, and she said "No, it's fine."

It was a horrible interaction that made me feel really uneasy and I can't believe I've come out of this feeling guilty. Now it's really tense. This is actually ridiculous carry on and I'm upset now that there's going to be an unpleasant atmosphere over something so trivial.

She still hasn't moved the bags and something tells me she isn't going to.

Look you've had the conversation. She doesnt give a shít otherwise she would have moved them so throw them into the hotpress and forget about it.

I'm still confused. Why is there so many utensils around?

There's 3 people. Many 3 bed homes could have 5 people in them without this issue.

Just how many spatulas do you need in a house?

Oh and how about just kicking her out?

LegacyUser

Yikes. I approached with my advice treating Sarah like a reasonable, mature, and maybe shy adult, but from your update it's not looking that way at all. How she is not embarrassed or apologetic, is just beyond me!

I had a few experiences with difficult house shares that I won't get into, and the drama was withering, so I do feel your pain. It's maddening when you're trying to sort out something so simple, and people are just refusing to be reasonable, and bizarrely at the end of it you are looking like the difficult one.

If Sarah has gathered a lot of utensils over the years, then I would assume she's not in her early twenties, and has been in house shares before, so this behaviour just shouldn't be happening.

It is a shame that Jane is burying her head in the sand, and letting the immature behaviour from Sarah continue. Personally, I'd be embarrassed and apologetic to have my stuff left in a communal area after being nicely asked twice to move it. But I'm assuming Sarah is not a very thoughtful person!

It all sounds so needlessly stressful, and please be assured, you are not being a b***h. If you were, would you really be putting in such an effort to talk to these people and resolve the issues before they fester? It sounds to me like you are tip toeing around two people who have been refusing to communicate like adults, or face up to the small issues that are already turning toxic.

A possible next step is that yourself and Jane could put together a cleaning rota shared equally between the three of you, give it to Sarah, and ask her if it suits her, so that she is included in the decision making, and isn't keeping herself at a distance from the house share. Possibly say something like sorry we took so long getting this organised, can't believe it's two months since you moved in etc. etc.

I'd forget about the trolley for now. I just can't understand how she won't put her stuff away in her room, or as suggested, into the hot press. She is doing this on purpose, but I can't fathom why. It's possible she just sees the bags as not her problem, and doesn't care they're in the way of other people. Does she come across as someone who likes to make things awkward? How has she been so far with paying her share of the bills?
Whatever her thought process is behind her current behaviour, she's coming across as a very selfish and thoughtless housemate.

Airyfairy12

galgal411 wrote: »

Ok OP here (again), thanks all for listening and letting me vent.

So I said it to Sarah, as nicely as I could, that I'd noticed there is some storage space in the hot press, and would she mind storing her things in there just until we can get some extra storage space sorted in the kitchen? I also said I could give her a hand with bringing the bags upstairs.

She looked at me like I'd asked her to commit a crime. She replied "Eh..... ok...... but I mean, is it really that big of a deal having them on the table?" I replied that it's not a big deal at all it's just making the place a bit cluttered.

I reiterated we would of course make room for them by buying a trolley or stand. She replied "No it's fine, I'll just have to try get rid of them." I responded of course she doesn't have to get rid of them, that's not what I meant, and she said "No, it's fine."

It was a horrible interaction that made me feel really uneasy and I can't believe I've come out of this feeling guilty. Now it's really tense. This is actually ridiculous carry on and I'm upset now that there's going to be an unpleasant atmosphere over something so trivial.

She still hasn't moved the bags and something tells me she isn't going to.

She's the one that should feel guilty, she's been asked twice now to move her bags from the kitchen and she's creating tension in the house over it. Very strange behaviour on her part.
This on top of all the other stuff you mentioned with not emptying the dishwasher etc and bringing a negative atmosphere into what was a nice space, it's all on her, you tried and she made it awkward. Some people are like that, they would argue with the wall and are completely unreasonable.
Dont give into her and dont let her see that her behaviour has gotten to you or that youre feeling guilty because it will only cause more friction and further make her think she's the victim and is right in this situation.

sunshinew

Well it sounds like there already is an atmosphere now so you've nothing to lose by being more assertive. When she said what's the big deal, you replied saying it isn't a big deal... But that's not the truth. They are obviously annoying you being there and now they are still there. I'm like you though, I hate confrontation and would over analyse most conversations.
I sometimes find the tone of voice you use is really important. A better response would have been to say in a really upbeat chipper voice, ah yeah, I love to eat from a nice clean table, they're driving me nuts if I'm honest, sure look I'll pop them into the hot press for now and we'll get some storage sorted soon...in a tone of voice as if you're telling an 8 year old some exciting plans for the day. It catches people off guard as you sound really cheerful so they can't really react in an angry way. (I used this approach with a really difficult boss once and it worked).
Too late for that now so at this stage I'd just move them. It doesn't bode well that she's being so difficult over something so small so early... She's testing you. If she's grumpy and snarky with you for asking, you may as well move the bags and still have her grumpy with you. The fact you feel guilty for asking such a small request makes me think you may have low self esteem and be quite sensitive. Some people are a*shoes and will walk all over you if they see they can.
Btw, are you sure she isn't using any of the utensils from the bags while she's in the kitchen? Cos I really can't get my head around why she thinks a table is a good storage space for something she doesn't need right now.

dartboardio

galgal411 wrote: »

Ok OP here (again), thanks all for listening and letting me vent.

So I said it to Sarah, as nicely as I could, that I'd noticed there is some storage space in the hot press, and would she mind storing her things in there just until we can get some extra storage space sorted in the kitchen? I also said I could give her a hand with bringing the bags upstairs.

She looked at me like I'd asked her to commit a crime. She replied "Eh..... ok...... but I mean, is it really that big of a deal having them on the table?" I replied that it's not a big deal at all it's just making the place a bit cluttered.

I reiterated we would of course make room for them by buying a trolley or stand. She replied "No it's fine, I'll just have to try get rid of them." I responded of course she doesn't have to get rid of them, that's not what I meant, and she said "No, it's fine."

It was a horrible interaction that made me feel really uneasy and I can't believe I've come out of this feeling guilty. Now it's really tense. This is actually ridiculous carry on and I'm upset now that there's going to be an unpleasant atmosphere over something so trivial.

She still hasn't moved the bags and something tells me she isn't going to.

Wow. What a ****ty response from her! Hate those type of people that play the victim when you make a basic request like that.

'do you mind moving your bags so other people in the house can use the table'

'ugh ill just get rid of them, no its fine ill get rid of them'

She sounds like a stroppy 15 year old.

Any normal person would have the bags gone a long time ago or at least said 'yeah that's perfect, sorry they were there for so long by the way!' and move on with their lives..

Op it's your house too. You've asked her twice or three times now. I suggest you place the bags in the hot press and be done with it. If she genuinely has an issue with that and gets nasty about it then she's psycho.

I would have moved them a long time ago, but now you can just stick them in the hot press, like you suggested. Job done.

ILoveYourVibes

no ...i would not think its out of line to send that text ...nor would i freak out so much about the boxes ....but you would not be out of line to just shift them somewhere either...shrug

Hannibal_Smith

Oh OP, I'd be tempted to just leave them in her room at this stage like suggested earlier in the thread, but I'm not sure that would be me just digging the knife in (no pun intended) which wouldnt help at all.

When I house shared and whenever I first moved into a place I was so careful to make sure I followed whatever house rules or systems were there. Is she using the utensils? Why so many? Is she afraid they'll get mingled in with everyone else's and when she moves out she'll have lost half of them?

She's just being stubborn now and the utensils must be like kryptonite to you every time you see them. But if they're cluttering up the place you're not in the wrong here. The problem is that Jayne is keeping schtum so you look like the crank.

zerosugarbuzz

OP, I think fair play to that girl. Whatever storage space there is in the kitchen should have been divided 3 ways from the day she arrived. You sound a bit passive aggressive and your behaviour is like subtle bullying. I hope this girl gets a new place to live soon. You should show her this thread.

LegacyUser

I couldn't help but think of this thread when I saw this in YLYL earlier

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=114448288&postcount=6203

OP, you've been doing the right thing. You've been communicating but Sarah is being stubborn and rude, and Jane is far from being a helping hand.
Move the bags to the hot press. It's not going to make things all better, but it's a step you can take, when every one else is ignoring the small issues, and letting them fester.

leggo

galgal411 wrote: »

Ok OP here (again), thanks all for listening and letting me vent.

So I said it to Sarah, as nicely as I could, that I'd noticed there is some storage space in the hot press, and would she mind storing her things in there just until we can get some extra storage space sorted in the kitchen? I also said I could give her a hand with bringing the bags upstairs.

She looked at me like I'd asked her to commit a crime. She replied "Eh..... ok...... but I mean, is it really that big of a deal having them on the table?" I replied that it's not a big deal at all it's just making the place a bit cluttered.

I reiterated we would of course make room for them by buying a trolley or stand. She replied "No it's fine, I'll just have to try get rid of them." I responded of course she doesn't have to get rid of them, that's not what I meant, and she said "No, it's fine."

It was a horrible interaction that made me feel really uneasy and I can't believe I've come out of this feeling guilty. Now it's really tense. This is actually ridiculous carry on and I'm upset now that there's going to be an unpleasant atmosphere over something so trivial.

She still hasn't moved the bags and something tells me she isn't going to.

Well done OP, those chats aren’t easy to have and now you can officially say you’ve had it and handled it diplomatically. You can’t control how she reacts but at least you can act knowing you gave her every chance to create harmony here, even if you get guilted into feeling like you’re the one who caused the problem, you really didn’t.

Rubberchikken

That's the most ridiculous behaviour from an adult I've read in a while.

This girl is painful op.
You've gone above and beyond to sort this issue. So as others havel suggested and put these bloody bags in the hot press.
This jane needs a lesson in growing up and manners. Oh and compromising.

Good luck

rock22

Why don't you put your utensils into the hot press and then let her put her utensils into the kitchen drawers etc.?

KiKi III

Can’t believe any three adults could have this much fuss over such a small issue.

Agree strongly that she should have been given equal kitchen space on day one.

Psychiatric Patrick

I think is odd that you texted her rather than spoke to her even though that seems to be difficult.

I think "Sarah's" odd behaviour might be sign of some mental health issues like OCD and I think "Jane" might suspect this too.

Do you think maybe you texted rather than spoke because you suspect mental health issues to?

I'm familiar with OCD and that is what jump out at meme about this. The young lady might just need couple of friends but can't make the move to you herself.

EDIT: Okay you have spoken to her and that is good as uncomfortable as it is. Why try again and her to join you and Jane on some day out or rip to the cinema?

Irish_peppa

just on the texting issue, I actually text my housemates / lodgers as I rarely run into them in the communal areas and to be honest when they move in I allways ask them to text or watsapp me (if they dont see) about anything as its most convienient way to communicate lol.
Last guy that moved in would knock on my door about the most random things from wheres the black bags to I heard a scratching from the wall to did you see my blue coffee mug.
If i need to tell them something I likewise don't like to be knocking on there door annoying them either, so it goes both ways. Hope im not seen as passive aggresive I actually assumed most people preferred texts