I Have No Idea WTF I'm Doing

LegacyUser

If you want to skip my big long bore of a panic thought, skip to the last paragraph for a TL; DR.

I am 25, soon to be 26 and tbh I have no idea wtf I am doing with my life. I am an eternally single individual....literally, have never had a relationship, a fling, once I was texting a guy....thats it. Thats as juicy as my life gets on the love side of things. I had a well paid job but I felt like I was wasting my life away, I started working in the company as soon as I finished my final year of college in a low paying role and kept moving around to other low paying roles, till I got a higher paying, easy going but somewhat boring job a few months ago, but I always had medicine on my mind. I quit for a few reasons, one being an ongoing health condition that made working impossible at times, and the other was that I intended on going back to college which I am now not doing. So my work/career situation is very much so up in the air-more on that below. I have never traveled, I have only been on one proper foreign holiday-all my friends are in relationships and have no real interest in travelling with friends anymore, only with their partners. I haven't lived a life. I feel stuck. I was considering doing a solo travel trip, maybe interailling for a few weeks, but then Covid happened, then I quit my job, and now everything is very.....lost. I literally have friends getting married, having babies, graduating with doctorates, buying houses, and I am here, just confuddled and lost and deeply unsure and inexperienced when it comes to everything. Like I even have a medical condition that makes sex painful/impossible something I didnt discover till I was 24 cause that's how little life I have lived; I never even tried having sex with someone till that age. I can't travel with family either, I have one sibling, who is on the spectrum and they do not have the same interests I do and have no interest in travelling.

I sat the GAMSAT-exam to get into med school-in Sept 2018/Mar 2019, and I did reasonably well. I got an offer to start college in Sept 2019 as a secondary school teacher and an offer for medicine and I turned both down as I couldn't make up my mind. I got another offer for medicine this year but I am turning it down as the loan is crazy; I can only take out enough money to cover near the entirety of the fees, and will be paying off the fee loan for the next 10 years at a value of over 100k-over 850 euro per month in repayments for 10 years, I was going to have to work during the evenings and weekends to pay rent/living expenses as well, barely cutting even on what I budgeted, so basically I was looking at being relatively broke till I'm 40. So I am turning down medicine yet again. I decided to compromise with myself and become a psychologist and enrolled in a psychology conversion course but I have rescinded my place on that course after finding out what exactly goes into becoming a psychologist; it would have been literally impossible, I have no idea how anyone becomes a psychologist in this country. I will be 26 soon. I am thinking of resitting the GAMSAT on the hopes I could get a cheaper school in the UK-fees in Scotland are free I believe, England is 10k per year and NI 5k per year; Ireland is 15k per year, hence the loan that works out at over 100k in repayments. Even if I do get NI/Scotland next year I am going to be 30, soon to be 31 graduating. I feel like I am absolutely stuck and really have no idea what I am doing; I also quit my job as I have an ongoing medical condition as well that made working impossible. I think my plan atm is to move away from the city I currently reside in as I have wanted to move away from there for months and I find a menial job. But I feel so behind/stuck. Everyone my age is moving on in my life and I am going backwards with no idea what I am doing, unsure if this is what I really want, I hesitated on my offer in 2019 as I knew so many doctor who complained endlessly about their jobs and how awful it is/the hours/no life/etc, they had literally not 1 positive thing to say about it, and I hated my own job at the time, and I could see the benefit of teaching in that regard as even if you hate your job you had a day/week off every few months to look forward to/give you a break; there were other reasons for the teaching too, I have a knack for teaching, I am good at it, I have many relatives who are teachers-cousins and great aunts, not immediate family, growing up my family really encouraged me to become a teacher from a very young age, they talked about how good the money was and the time off, but people having very negative opinions of teachers has somewhat ingrained in me and I feel a little like I am giving up/into my family if I go into teaching, also I hate most teens, it sounds bad but I was this really smart kid, and in college I had the best grades out of my very ambitious friend group-not that it counts for anything-they really look down on teachers, say I would be wasted in teaching, I should perhaps add that they are dating basically rich aristocratic descedants with PhDs and patents under their belts and they themselves have ambitions to go on and do research in top universities in the USA, being a teacher is a milliion miiles away from the life path they have set up for themselves-I have been to a million and one career guidance counsellors, I find them not that helpful really tbh. If I anage to get medicine next year ys I will not have the 100k loan over my head but I will be a 31 year old intern, intern, SHOs, and even registrars often have to relocate with little to no say in where they end up, thats the age most people are settling down, have a house, have a few kids. I have had a bunch of friends get engaged in the past few weeks, got promotions, going back to college to further their career, finishing up their PhD theses, having kids, and I am here, not knowing what to do with my life, going backwards even-I have a fear of medicine of he intense working hours that apparently ruin your life, like I couldn't stand my 40 hour per week job, how the hell am I going to feel about a 100 hour week job, that is going to require me to work with no breaks, during the day or throughout the year-my friend who works as a doctor in Dublin said she got something like 3 days off entirely in the month of July. I will have little say to where I end up living, etc. But teaching....the short days/term time sound great but teens are horrible ass holes and everyone looks down on teachers, everyone, my friends who are super smart with multiple degrees and came out of school with near 600 points; hate teachers, my friends who came out with averagish LCs; looks down on teachers, my friends who flunked their LC/left school early, look down on teachers. Everyone hates teachers, heck when I was in school I hated most of my teachers, I thought they had it so great, only having to teach the one subject they loved and got paid what I considered to be a hell of a lot of a money at the time whilst I was struggling to balance 8 subjects, most of which I hated. Anytime theres a strike or some job dispute; people always compare it to teachers who 'do nothing' and have 'half the year off full pay'. But ow I am like wtf am I doing I have been accepted to a teaching course 2 years in a row and I've pulled out both years, and the same with medicine, got offered a place two years in a row, pulled out two years in a row. I think I need to see some sort of fricking behaviour specialist or something-probably does not exist- to help with my overthinking, inability to make a decision and anxiety, I literally found myself crying when I was going to do teaching at the thought of actually stepping back into a secondary school, I spent my teen years trying to get out of school. Why would I want to go back in-the call of Jun/July/August and I think its a job I would actually be good at-I feel incompetent in most jobs I have had, including being a maid, a waitress, a lab analyst, working in QA, working in QC, etc; I worked on the line in a factory once, I think thats the only job I have ever felt capable at.

TL;DR: I am soon to be 26 and I have achieved nothing in my life really. I have barely lived life. I have a college degree, and I had a nice job which I quit for reasons. I don't know what direction to take my life, I am confused after much guidance and advice, everything scares me in some form, everything has a 'WRONG' stamp on its head once I get close to deciding to take that path, so much so that I have stopped myself and backed out of many paths I have attempted to take. Even if I pick a certain direction career I am starting much much later than most, I feel like the next few years are very formative years in peoples lives and to spend them in college/starting off a career is sentencing me to a life of spinsterhood, but tbh, I m already a spinster, so why am I even afraid of that? I had a lot of potential but right now I am lost, I have chickened out of most big decisions, if you bothered reading the intricacies of the previous paragraphs do you have any specific advice? If not, have you any general advice from this paragraph?

LegacyUser

You wouldn't repay 60000 loan over ten years at cost of 40000 for a start. A five year repayment plan would suffice and cost little over ten grand.

LegacyUser

Notauser20 wrote: »

You wouldn't repay 60000 loan over ten years at cost of 40000 for a start. A five year repayment plan would suffice and cost little over ten grand.

Its a specialised loan program specifically for the course, it is widely published across the internet and I spoke with the lending officer for this type of loan in my county. The repayments are deferred for the first four years whilst you are studying, all the while interest is accumulating. You start repaying upon graduating over the next 10 years at a cost of 850 euro per month. Its a widely known fact amongst students of this course.

Hannibal_Smith

Think less about what your friends would think about teaching. How would you feel about it? Would it have to be secondary school teaching? What about primary school?

If the loan repayment for medicine is deferred for the first four years then you wouldn't be living as hand to mouth for the duration of the course? Your salary would be increasing within the 10 years, no?

HildaOgdenx

There was a recent thread, quite similar, some of the responses might be helpful to you.

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2058096868

All the best.

Blush_01

I had a long response typed and hit back rather than post, so here goes.

You sound like someone who cares a lot, but who is so lost in the middle of the trees that you can't see the woods around you.

I'm going to share some personal information, if that's ok, for context? I wanted to go back to college to retrain when I was your age. I had my degree and a masters, but I felt lost, I didn't know what to do. I went to career guidance counsellors, and the answers were always inconclusive. I got a number of jobs, some of which I was awful at, others I was excellent at, I made some good and bad career moves geographically and financially, and I'm now in a job I don't like but don't hate, getting paid more than the average wage for that position in the location I'm in. I should be satisfied, but I'm not, so I'm going back to university full time in a few weeks. The course will take a few years. It's complete retraining, so none of my current experience applies. I'll be paid at step 1 on the pay scale when I graduate aged 38, I'm taking on huge debt to do it, and I'll reduce my earning potential by 25% in the short term, and over 50% over my lifetime. I can live with that. That's not my priority.

I am so excited I could burst, I'm going to do what I am absolutely certain I am meant to be doing.

I'll still have decades until retirement when I graduate. Yes, I'll be almost 40, but by the time I'm finished work and retiring, I'll be 70+, so what difference does 3 or 4 years training make now, versus hating what I spend half my waking hours doing for the next 35+ years?

What your friends do or do not do occupationally does not matter, unless you want to work with them.

When your friends do or do not get married does not matter, unless you want to marry them.

When your friends have children or don't have children is not a reflection on you.

Please try to separate what you want from what you think is expected of you.

You have already admitted you're smart and resourceful. If you want to teach, teach. If you want to do medicine, do medicine. Listen to the negative information you're getting, but balance it with the positive. Make a few lists - what you want 1) from a job 2) from your life.

If money is the objective, then go after that. If relationships are the objective, then go after that. If career is the objective, then that's your goal. But everything can't be your priority, or else nothing is.

Stop worrying about how old you are. There are people in their 50s going back to retrain with me. They'll work for 10-15 years after graduation and love it. The role we're training for is the right fit for us.

You can't look to your friends lives and expect to mirror their successes if they're following their path and you're trying to avoid yours because you're scared of making a bad decision. Everything teaches you something, even the things you wish you didn't have to learn. You will meet people and learn things along your path when you walk it. Being scared of taking a risk because of what might happen when it's something you're passionate about is natural but you either choose the fear or the opportunity. Doing nothing is still a choice.

Plus, if your friends will judge you for your choices because they don't reflect their expectations of life, that's a deeper structural issue in your relationship with those individuals.

Finally, are you sure you want to do medicine, or do you want the title of Dr.? If the title is your motivation, there is nothing wrong with that, you need to look at what will give you that instead of studying and training for years to ultimately take a hard route to something you don't want in pursuit of something else that it brings with it.

Good luck!

bitofabind

Stop comparing to your friends, your peers, your former classmates, dogs on the street. What do YOU want? Think with your heart and not your head. Your head is awash with other people’s ideas and googling anything and everything to find objection.

Journal about it every day. Try to visualise life ten years from now. There is no perfect path, each of them has pros and cons. And there is no bad decision. I started off as a journalist and did a u turn into sales almost a decade later. Now I’m about to u-ey again at 35. I wouldn’t change these experiences for the world, I’ve met incredible people, made life long friends, reported from warzones, globe-trotted for business meetings, acquired life skills and life lessons along the way. And now for the next chapter.

There are no wrong decisions here. The key thing is that you HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION. It doesn’t have to be perfectly mapped out and flawless, life is not like that. It will be fraught with fear and uncertainty because you are human. But you need to make a decision.

If it’s still overwhelming and impossible to you, find a CBT counsellor. The paralysis by analysis is just killing your time and your opportunities.

Stop caring about what other people think.
The longer you leave it the older you are getting.
Just decide what you would like & go do it.

LegacyUser

bubblypop wrote: »

The longer you leave it the older you are getting.
Just decide what you would like & go do it.

I am well aware of that, thats part of the reason for my freak out. I cant make up my mind cause everything scares me after a while, and all I can see are the downsides and now I feel far too old to be tarting any career/going back to college. I know time is ticking and trust me, its what keeps me awake at night

LegacyUser

Hi there OP, I TOTALLY get where you are coming from here. I am in the same position as you and am ten years older aaargh :P Over the years I have made lists and lists of jobs to try and get into, have done many many courses and ultimately to no avail. I did very well academically but also felt somewhat incompetant at the jobs I had done such as waitressing, shop assistant, etc...
What I am now doing is something that may help you too? You never know, so here it is
I would say take 2 particular jobs say for example (for arguments sake) 1.Pharmacy assistant (liberties college do a one year course for this) and say 2. Lab assistant, and persue both at the same time so that if one doesn't work out the other may be a backup. I've found that there are usually quite massive downsides to any choice (sometimes it can make a choice totally undoable. This year I found out that I have aspergers which for me explained why my first choice (teacher) never went so well, and subsequent choices where i would have to be around people all day (not that people are particularly bad or anything, just that having to pretend to be what people expect all day is a job in itself, so would be really tiring). So anyhow now i am persuing admin/data entry etc...basically a job which meets my personality requirements, so to speak, rather than a job where i love the subject but have to change myself a lot to do it, if that makes sense. Not sure if any of this is necessarily applicable in your situation, i suppose i would just say be sure to choose something which meets your personality requirements rather than doing a job because the subject matter is your passion. I hope this makes sense! And sorry if i talked about myself too much, i just recognised a lot of what i've been through myself in your situation too

Tork

OP, 26 is not old. Nor is 30. Banishing that negativity from your mind would be a very good start. These days, people are often nearer to 25 than 20 by the time they graduate from college. So really, you're only a few years older than them and you have something they don't have - experience and maturity. I don't see how you'd be any less appealing as a prospective employee if you were to graduate aged 30-ish. You'll still be young but with the added kudos of proving that you're capable of holding down a job. And going back to college in your mid 20s is impressive. You are not old.

I second the advice given by bitofabind to seek out CBT. Between your delusions that you're over the hill and your tendency to analyse things to death, you'll drive yourself crazy. Worse still, you'll end up doing nothing and beating yourself up over it. When it comes to career decisions, most people are blundering around in the dark to a certain extent. There isn't just one career out there that'd suit you down to the ground - there are several. I've lost count of the number of people I know who have had two careers in their lives. Deciding to do something else in one's 20s, 30s or even 40s isn't unheard of. It happens all the time and the sky doesn't fall in.

It's time to stop living your life through what other people think. You're never going to get a consistent opinion on any career. I love my job (result of a career change when I was 29) but other people who started at the same time as me left within months because it wasn't for them. Who's in the right there?

LegacyUser

Hi op, not sure how to phrase my response or what advise to give but just letting you know you're not alone in your circumstances. I'm in a similar situation, 27 y/o male, same kinda lovelife, in and out of work over the years, dole, considering career change ( to be a teacher too ironically). Have a permanent job atm but the wage is miserable , work conditions aren't amazing and have about 2k in savings... Probably gonna leave the job at some point. Struggle on and best wishes!