Stay at home dad

gifted

I've been working from home the last few months and the kids went back to school last week. I've really enjoyed getting up earlier to get their brekkie and stuff ready and dropping and collecting from school and all the other housey stuff that has to be done ....got me thinking that if herself earned enough money in her job ( she doesn't by the way) I'd love to finish up my job and become a full time stay at home dad .......given a choice would you ever consider it?

gifted

gifted wrote: »

I've been working from home the last few months and the kids went back to school last week. I've really enjoyed getting up earlier to get their brekkie and stuff ready and dropping and collecting from school and all the other housey stuff that has to be done ....got me thinking that if herself earned enough money in her job ( she doesn't by the way) I'd love to finish up my job and become a full time stay at home dad .......given a choice would you ever consider it?

You'll be ridiculed for eternity.

Best keep that nugget hidden in a closet under lock and key.

I remember about 10 years ago in then BDO darts a fella called Glen Moody(?) got to the final and they quoted his job as a house husband ðŸ˜

ancapailldorcha

Think I would actually. I could go to the gym, do the shopping, cleaning and other chores while I had the house to myself. Could be quite nice actually.

How Soon Is Now

I was doing it for the best part of a year while I was between jobs enjoyed it mostly. Ya there where times when i got bored couldn't wait to get out of the house but mostly the routine I had was easy to keep going.

It's really not as hard as some make it out to be having to go to work and be out there can be a lot harder mentally and physically.

The biggest draw back of being a stay at home parent is the isolation from the outside world you can feel at times especially when your bascially talking to kids all day!

Ultimately I don't think men are taken seriously in this role at all even if there actually good at it. You get the impression it's a case of what the **** you doing at home you should be out working!

Also let's be honest in most cases I really don't think men are given much credit when it comes to looking after kids. Where not all hopeless at it either in many cases where actually better!

noby

I did it for about 18 months, several years ago. Great experience.
Dropping the kids to school, minding a toddler, keeping the house ticking over, preparing meals. It's full on, but very rewarding.

Reality meant we eventually needed the second income again.

If you think you'll be "ridiculed for eternity", I would consider the company I keep.

grayzer75

gifted wrote: »

I've been working from home the last few months and the kids went back to school last week. I've really enjoyed getting up earlier to get their brekkie and stuff ready and dropping and collecting from school and all the other housey stuff that has to be done ....got me thinking that if herself earned enough money in her job ( she doesn't by the way) I'd love to finish up my job and become a full time stay at home dad .......given a choice would you ever consider it?

Yes please - no more up at 5.45

brevity

gilberto_eire wrote: »

You'll be ridiculed for eternity.

Best keep that nugget hidden in a closet under lock and key.

I remember about 10 years ago in then BDO darts a fella called Glen Moody(?) got to the final and they quoted his job as a house husband ðŸ˜

It’s 2020 not the 1980’s

TheBoyConor

I don't think men's brains are programmed to be looking after kids all day. I don't think they would be as good at it as women, who are naturally programmed to be caregivers for small babies and children. I think it is why you rarely see male primary school teachers and in creches, motessori schools etc is it most exceedingly rare to see males as staff.

I, as a man, would literally would have no idea whatsoever about what to do with a baby or toddler but I think a woman would just pick it up easier with minimal instruction.

Pherekydes

I quit my job with a pension in 2003 and did the house husband/stay at home dad bit. Wife earns a lot more, and the loss of my salary was mostly offset by savings in creche fees. Fun, hard work, thankless, always the one on call, tiring...

Some of the terms I'd use.

Never ridiculed by anyone ever, though.

How Soon Is Now

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I don't think men's brains are programmed to be looking after kids all day. I don't think they would be as good at it as women, who are naturally programmed to be caregivers for small babies and children. I think it is why you rarely see male primary school teachers and in creches, motessori schools etc is it most exceedingly rare to see males as staff.

I, as a man, would literally would have no idea whatsoever about what to do with a baby or toddler but I think a woman would just pick it up easier with minimal instruction.

I don't think it makes any difference weather your a man or woman sure some women are awful with kids. It's not this natural thing that anyone of any gender is born with.

touts

Absolutely. I'm working from home these days on my own business. But have much more free time to do the stay at home dad stuff. Its the best decision I ever made. Hopefully the business stuff will take off and I'll be busy with that but when it does I'll miss the stay at home dad aspect.

gilberto_eire

gilberto_eire wrote: »

You'll be ridiculed for eternity.

Unadulterated nonsense.

ancapailldorcha

I'm in my thirties and I've realised that life is simply too short to be wasting on what eejits think. If I do the whole marriage and reproduction thing and this were viable, I'd be interested. I'd seriosly consider it and the opinions of the sorts of people who'd judge me for it and deem it worthy of ridicule aren't people I'd be associating with.

popa smurf

I have been doing it for last 12 years, we used to laugh about the idea before we had kids, I worked in construction and work dried up completely during recession and I just stayed at home and herself has a good job and all money goes in to one pot, not a big drinker anymore don't gamble and enjoy keeping a nice house and garden, do all paintings and decorating all repairs and maintenance, cook all meals from scratch and play loads of golf and do a good bit of cycling. Its about turning a negative in to a positive.

Pawwed Rig

gifted wrote: »

I'd love to finish up my job and become a full time stay at home dad .......given a choice would you ever consider it?

In a heartbeat. The main issue for me would be trying to reenter the workforce later on. You would be effectively abandoning your career by taking so much time out at a critical age. Few companies are willing to hire someone 40+ ime

Sonics2k

gilberto_eire wrote: »

You'll be ridiculed for eternity.

Best keep that nugget hidden in a closet under lock and key.

I remember about 10 years ago in then BDO darts a fella called Glen Moody(?) got to the final and they quoted his job as a house husband ðŸ˜

This is something that comes under the toxic masculinity spectrum. The idea that a man can't stay at home and work, or look after and raise his kids instead of the wife doing it.

Speaking as a separated dad, I'd absolutely kill for the opportunity to have my own kids live with me and take the chance to raise them myself.

Being a good dad is about looking after and caring for your kids, not necessarily being out 14 hours of the day at work.

Nickla

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I don't think men's brains are programmed to be looking after kids all day. I don't think they would be as good at it as women, who are naturally programmed to be caregivers for small babies and children. I think it is why you rarely see male primary school teachers and in creches, motessori schools etc is it most exceedingly rare to see males as staff.

I, as a man, would literally would have no idea whatsoever about what to do with a baby or toddler but I think a woman would just pick it up easier with minimal instruction.

just highlighted the only parts of this post that make any sense - this post must be a wind up

IAMAMORON

Go for it.

Much better than farming your own kids off to some childminder to stare out the window for the day.

Kids need the attention of their parents. It is nurture. A total no-brainer for at least one parent per household staying at home to keep the family going.

In saying all that you would not stop me nipping into the bookies for my daily yankee. I would be able to grab 9 holes in most mornings. Nice. Outsourcing the ironing, you can see where this is going don't you? Hoovers are very noisy all things considered. The worktop and the cooker might start looking very used after a while? Mmm ?

OneLungDavy

I'd do it in heartbeat.

Gruffalux

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I don't think men's brains are programmed to be looking after kids all day. I don't think they would be as good at it as women, who are naturally programmed to be caregivers for small babies and children. I think it is why you rarely see male primary school teachers and in creches, motessori schools etc is it most exceedingly rare to see males as staff.
.

This is rubbish. It is not a gender thing. I would say it is a personality thing. Many men are extremely good with children. I stayed home, loved it, kids loved it. Grand job. I was a very affectionate earth-mother-style mammy of small babies, breastfeeding until they were 2, constant sling contact, shared bed etc. But as they grew past infanthood himself became far more the sentimental caregiver, while I was the strict one. He is to this day far more tactile with our grown up kids, spends hours chatting on the phone with them, I loathe talking on phones, he is much more emotionally available to them than me and softer. I absolutely love the freedom from kids, he misses them. I am in short a monster! The kids know all this. They know I love them and would give my life for them but they know to talk to Daddy. Still, if the absolute shyte hits the fan they dial my number.

raclle

Sonics2k wrote: »

Speaking as a separated dad, I'd absolutely kill for the opportunity to have my own kids live with me and take the chance to raise them myself.

I hear ya. Practically missed mine growing up as only saw them on weekends. Was really depressed especially when it came to Xmas and other occasions. Its the small things you miss most though when you're at home with them everyday.

eviltwin

My dad was a stay at home dad in the 80’s. I don’t remember anyone saying anything off about it and in hindsight as a parent I can see what a wonderful job he did. He was far better suited for it than my mother who hasn’t a maternal bone in her body and is too lazy to care for a home.

During the last recession both myself and my husband lost jobs so we each had a spell of being a stay at home parent. I hated it but he enjoyed it bar the lack of adult company.

I admire any person who chooses to do it, there are huge benefits if it suits your personality and lifestyle. I can’t imagine the idea of stay at home dads is ridiculous or joke worthy unless your a bit of a dope.

Jimbob1977

I was the house husband for 9 months between jobs.

I did all the breakfasts, lunches, cleaning, driving to school, collecting from school, homework and evening meals.

It could be intense at times. Although there were periods of tedium and solitude in the dark winter months.

There is still a stigma attached.

Maybe not explicitly mentioned, but sometimes there's a vibe of "What is a man looking after his children for?"

Outkast_IRE

My wife would be the main earner in our household , potentially with far higher earning potential in the longterm. She is in the Pharma sector and is steadily progressing in the company, it would not be unforseeable that in 5-10 years she would earn enough for me to be a stay at home husband if we wanted it.

I work in engineering and whilst its a good job it doesnt pay like pharma does , not unless you want to work away from your family for months at a time.

I would seriously consider it as i generally like cooking , keeping the house tidy, i am pretty good at DIY and would take on plenty of projects to keep the house looking class. But both of us working does provide some additional comfort for luxuries right now.

shesty

Gruffalox wrote: »

This is rubbish. It is not a gender thing. I would say it is a personality thing. Many men are extremely good with children. I stayed home, loved it, kids loved it. Grand job. I was a very affectionate earth-mother-style mammy of small babies, breastfeeding until they were 2, constant sling contact, shared bed etc. But as they grew past infanthood himself became far more the sentimental caregiver, while I was the strict one. He is to this day far more tactile with our grown up kids, spends hours chatting on the phone with them, I loathe talking on phones, he is much more emotionally available to them than me and softer. I absolutely love the freedom from kids, he misses them. I am in short a monster! The kids know all this. They know I love them and would give my life for them but they know to talk to Daddy. Still, if the absolute shyte hits the fan they dial my number.

Nah, you're not.You got all the touchy feely stuff while they were at major touchy feely ages.You can appreciate it more when it moves on.Love ny kiddies (still small) but jebus, personal space and headspace is at a premium when they are around.

Loads more dads are hands-on today.I think it is great.Stay at home is hard work with small kids though. I am a working mum and my job keeps me sane.There is a mental load that goes with being the ...well, mother, but probably if you were staying at home you would have to take on the mental load more too - remembering the notes from school, the money for schools/preschools, new shoes and clothes, registering for extra-curricular activities, planning how to get them to swimming lessons but also get dinner and keep the non-swimming children occupied during the lesson....all that stuff.Golf courses and gyms would probably be few and far between!!It is a lonely enough thing to do at the same time, you do find yourself blathering on to any adult you meet when you are at home with kids all day.

Most people would not ridicule you though and anyone who is silly enough to, is not worth your time.

Kintarō Hattori

If it were possible I'd absolutely consider it. We've only got the one so that's a bit easier than others. I get up with the little one every morning, get her her breakfast and dressed. When she's out with Mam I tend to run around and do a bit of cleaning in the kitchen and living room. Once I finish work I'm straight into playing with the little one, giving her her supper and then putting her to bed.

I absolutely love being a Dad. I'm quite happy at the weekend for the missus to go off and have a day to herself while I look after our little one (she's three). Definitely I don't believe women are inherently better at looking after kids. It's all to do with the person, be they female or male makes no difference.

PerryB78

One of the hardest jobs in the world, would do it in a heartbeat though if we could afford it. I have full respect for stay at home mams or dads

IvoryTower

It depends. If the kids are going to creche/school then that's not so bad. We just had our second baby(7 months)and I can tell you there is nobody on the planet that would want to be stuck at home with her. There would be no chores getting done nevermind gym. I can do the school runs while working full time so when both are on school my missus will go back to work I'd say.

Ddad

I did it for the most part for the last 15 years. For me it was challenging as my sense of self worth fell with not having a traditional career. I worked part time around the kids and I studied a good bit and got a fair few qualifications. That was more for me though. Society doesn't for the most part rate stay at home parents, much less stay at home Dads. Reactions could be envious, patronising to disdain.

All of the children are teenagers and with the exception of one year we only had help one or two days a week when I was in college. I'm taking up a full time role again next month as college needs to be paid for and I'm looking forward to the challenge of that but I'm also aware of the lack of time Í'm going to have going forward. Half the country does it though!

banie01

Was sole carer for my son between his 3rd and 10th birthdays.
Was lucky enough to have good family support and a great employer.

I will always regret the circumstance that led to my being the "stay-at-home" dad, but if nothing else I'll always be grateful for the bond that the time shared with my son has given us.

Anyone who thinks it's demeaning or emasculating to care for and be the primary carer for your kids?
Is a moron!

kerryjack

I do it no great science to it, just if there is something to be done we just do it. No rolls here we all get stuck in put our shoulder to the wheel. Wife seems to be in a steadier employment to me and happy in her job, happy wife happy life I do say.

Pawwed Rig

PerryB78 wrote: »

One of the hardest jobs in the world, would do it in a heartbeat though if we could afford it. I have full respect for stay at home mams or dads

Ah it's not that hard.

PerryB78

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Ah it's not that hard.

In my opinion it is, all about personal circumstances though

GreeBo

Pherekydes wrote: »

I quit my job with a pension in 2003 and did the house husband/stay at home dad bit. Wife earns a lot more, and the loss of my salary was mostly offset by savings in creche fees. Fun, hard work, thankless, always the one on call, tiring...

Some of the terms I'd use.

Never ridiculed by anyone ever, though.

Ah jaysus, if I was going to do it the kids will deffo be going to creche!

I'm planning on doing it in a year or two (will have a 4yo and a 2yo by then)

I'll probably try to get some sort of handyman type job (hopefully for my own properties)
Wife earns far more than I do.

duffman13

Wasn't expecting the level of people who would love to do it. I'm sure when the kids get older I might be keen, maybe but with 2 under 2, I definitely wouldn't enjoy it full time. I dunno how my wife does it but its tiring days when I have had them for a few days alone.

I would miss working, I enjoy it and have worked since I was like 13 so dont think I could just stop and stay at home with kids but I most certainly wouldn't judge anyone for it

gifted

gifted wrote: »

..................got me thinking that if herself earned enough money in her job ( she doesn't by the way) I'd love to finish up my job and become a full time stay at home dad .......given a choice would you ever consider it?

I'd love to do it if I was living off my own cash, I'd not be keen on the other half keeping the show on the road financially whilst I fooked about all day with the kids at school.

kerryjack

Augeo wrote: »

I'd love to do it if I was living off my own cash, I'd not be keen on the other half keeping the show on the road financially whilst I fooked about all day with the kids at school.

Its possible to have 4 school pick ups here 12,2,3,3.50 crazy stuff to be honest, throgh in a few activities and your constantly on the road.

GreeBo

kerryjack wrote: »

Its possible to have 4 school pick ups here 12,2,3,3.50 crazy stuff to be honest, throgh in a few activities and your constantly on the road.

Yep, and then start adding in training, ballet, swimming, whatever in between and there is much hanging around at home involved!

IvoryTower

I have always said id love to do it. Lockdown certainly changed my opinion. If we had a 3rd baby and the missus somehow started earning more than me I would have to consider it. The first year would all depend on how the baby is but it would be hard no matter what. Bottle feeds every 3 hours, so much poo, getting baby to sleep etc. If the baby doesnt nap easily or constantly needs attention you wont be long wishing you were stuck in front of a pc at work playing minesweeper. I would take a hard job, be it physical or mental over a tough baby. Once you make it creche/school times id prefer to be at home though.

Truckermal

I do it every winter at least 4 days a week, my work is seasonal but I get paid all year so it's great to have the cleaning, shopping and dinners ready for everyone but we have a 4 month old now so I'll have extra work this year!

I have had a few nasty comments from Women at School time like Oh why don't he work etc I normally show up the next day wearing a tracksuit just to annoy them more!

I wouldn't like it full time even though one wage would run the house I'd crack up...

markpb

Ddad wrote: »

I'm taking up a full time role again next month as college needs to be paid for and I'm looking forward to the challenge of that but I'm also aware of the lack of time Í'm going to have going forward. Half the country does it though!

How did you find that? Are you going back to an area you worked in before?

Sunny Disposition

Was at home for a few years in the 80s after a big business deal gave me the option great times. It’s far better than being at work, no doubt.
Nearly 40 years ago I was playing hurling and most of my social interaction was through that. Don’t remember any ridicule in that all male environment, certainly nothing beyond the usual slagging.
Can’t imagine anyone would regret being a stay at home Dad if they have the financial freedom.

Pawwed Rig

GreeBo wrote: »

Yep, and then start adding in training, ballet, swimming, whatever in between and there is much hanging around at home involved!

Only if you are rural. Around the city they can make their own way when old enough

IvoryTower

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Only if you are rural. Around the city they can make their own way when old enough

Stay at home dad for teenagers

Otherwise known as unemployed dad

kerryjack

Unfortunately in the construction industry they don't entertain a lad heading home at 2.30 to pick kids up for school, you don't see too many lads job sharing. I would love to do 2 or 3 days a week but very hard to get. We tried that for a while herself do 3 day and I do 3 days a week I thought we both would have the best of both worlds but I struggled to find work 3 days a week.

aido79

I was a stay at home dad for 4 months during the lockdown with a 3 year old and an almost 2 year old while the creches were closed. It definitely seems like I had a different experience than the posters here talking about dropping the kids at school and playing golf or doing diy or being bored....

fits

It’s really hard going with young kids. Not sure I could do it full time. 3 days work a week is perfect balance I think. I’m currently doing four and am always busy on the Wednesday when I’m at home. Schedule appts etc

Bob Harris

I'm not married and have no kids but I'd give it a go!

Subacio

I did it for 7 years before going back to work last year. Enjoyed it completely and I'd do it all again tomorrow. Actually I will do it again tomorrow, as I've been working from home since mid-March.

I just preferred seeing the kids leave for school from their own house in the morning and coming home to their own house in the evening. I think they preferred it to a creche or child minder too. The youngest started secondary school last September, so my days became freer and a return to the workplace beckoned. I found there was a great degree of respect for being a stay at home dad among my new work colleagues, which I didn't always get at home. A job that doesn't pay seemed of less value than one that did.

Feisar

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I don't think men's brains are programmed to be looking after kids all day. I don't think they would be as good at it as women, who are naturally programmed to be caregivers for small babies and children. I think it is why you rarely see male primary school teachers and in creches, motessori schools etc is it most exceedingly rare to see males as staff.

I, as a man, would literally would have no idea whatsoever about what to do with a baby or toddler but I think a woman would just pick it up easier with minimal instruction.

As someone who never changed a nappy until 14 months ago one picks it up pretty quickly.

Feisar

kerryjack wrote: »

I do it no great science to it, just if there is something to be done we just do it. No rolls here we all get stuck in put our shoulder to the wheel. Wife seems to be in a steadier employment to me and happy in her job, happy wife happy life I do say.

I don't get the divisions of labour and some of the male/female roles and then in discussions it seems to get male VS female.

All hands to the pump as and when it's needed is how our house runs.