Boyfriend's reaction to pregnancy

Porklife

dubstarr wrote: »

I know Madonna has got me through some **** times.Amazing what music can do.

Hope everything will be better for you soon.

It's really amazing the support you get on here from people, I find it so special.
I don't want to put this in the relationship forum and this may be inappropriate but I just found out I'm prgenant and my boyfriend is being so unsupportive. He told me it goes or he goes so I packed a bag and I'm in a hotel trying to process my thoughts. I'm so sad and scared and shocked that someone you thought you knew could be so cruel. TA, life is a bitch and I'm terrified. Sorry for the heaviness of my TA but I don't know what else to do right now.

Surreptitious

Porklife wrote: »

It's really amazing the support you get on here from people, I find it so special.
I don't want to put this in the relationship forum and this may be inappropriate but I just found out I'm prgenant and my boyfriend is being so unsupportive. He told me it goes or he goes so I packed a bag and I'm in a hotel trying to process my thoughts. I'm so sad and scared and shocked that someone you thought you knew could be so cruel. TA, life is a bitch and I'm terrified. Sorry for the heaviness of my TA but I don't know what else to do right now.

What, that's not nice of him. Maybe it's just the initial shock. Ultimately it's your body and do what you want yourself. Hope you can sort things out x

iamwhoiam

Porklife wrote: »

It's really amazing the support you get on here from people, I find it so special.
I don't want to put this in the relationship forum and this may be inappropriate but I just found out I'm prgenant and my boyfriend is being so unsupportive. He told me it goes or he goes so I packed a bag and I'm in a hotel trying to process my thoughts. I'm so sad and scared and shocked that someone you thought you knew could be so cruel. TA, life is a bitch and I'm terrified. Sorry for the heaviness of my TA but I don't know what else to do right now.

Let me reach out and hold your hand . Hold it tight and know that you will be ok . You are safe and tomorrow is a new day and tonight just rest and sleep and look after yourself .

Autosport

Porklife wrote: »

It's really amazing the support you get on here from people, I find it so special.
I don't want to put this in the relationship forum and this may be inappropriate but I just found out I'm prgenant and my boyfriend is being so unsupportive. He told me it goes or he goes so I packed a bag and I'm in a hotel trying to process my thoughts. I'm so sad and scared and shocked that someone you thought you knew could be so cruel. TA, life is a bitch and I'm terrified. Sorry for the heaviness of my TA but I don't know what else to do right now.

First of all you are not alone, I know we are strangers to each other but we are also shoulders to lean on, feel free to talk in here and of course massive ((hugs)) Take care of you xxxx

Porklife

Surreptitious wrote: »

What, that's not nice of him. Maybe it's just the initial shock. Ultimately it's your body and do what you want yourself. Hope you can sort things out x

I'm just nor sure I can do this on my own but I'm a strong woman and I'll find a way. Scary though. I understand somebody being shocked but his reaction was beyond that, it was horrible. He was shouting at me and pretty much demanding I get shot right away. We live together and are apparently in love and both in our later 30's in secure jobs. He also accused me of planning this and trapping him. Lovely to hear those words. I didn't. I'm in complete shock so when he said that, I kicked the dining room table over and smashed a vase. Really mature reaction on both sides. Don't see this situation getting much better and I feel really sad.

Porklife

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Let me reach out and hold your hand . Hold it tight and know that you will be ok . You are safe and tomorrow is a new day and tonight just rest and sleep and look after yourself .

This has me in floods of tears.. thank you so much xxx

Sephiroth_dude

Porklife wrote: »

It's really amazing the support you get on here from people, I find it so special.
I don't want to put this in the relationship forum and this may be inappropriate but I just found out I'm prgenant and my boyfriend is being so unsupportive. He told me it goes or he goes so I packed a bag and I'm in a hotel trying to process my thoughts. I'm so sad and scared and shocked that someone you thought you knew could be so cruel. TA, life is a bitch and I'm terrified. Sorry for the heaviness of my TA but I don't know what else to do right now.

Hugs for you



Hopefully its just the shock that has him acting like that, still though not a nice thing to say to someone you love.

Ta'd at people with no compassion.

Princess Calla

Porklife wrote: »

It's really amazing the support you get on here from people, I find it so special.
I don't want to put this in the relationship forum and this may be inappropriate but I just found out I'm prgenant and my boyfriend is being so unsupportive. He told me it goes or he goes so I packed a bag and I'm in a hotel trying to process my thoughts. I'm so sad and scared and shocked that someone you thought you knew could be so cruel. TA, life is a bitch and I'm terrified. Sorry for the heaviness of my TA but I don't know what else to do right now.

I think you are doing what's right, taking some time to process it yourself.

Obviously I'm not looking for answers here but how do you feel about it? Would you like to have a child now? How would you feel being a single mum? What's your support network like.

Mine were planned but I still woke up at night having a panic attack "oh sh*t what have I done" so I think it's very natural to feel overwhelmed. Even a planned pregnancy puts an enormous strain on a relationship (Well it did in my case and others have admitted the same during conversation)

How do you feel about ending it with your boyfriend? Is it the stage in life you're at or is it a straight I don't want kids issue with him? If you have a termination do you think the relationship will survive?

Have you talked to any crisis pregnancy groups or your gp?

Breathe and look after yourself. Do what is best for you.

Sending you massive hugs xxx

Surreptitious

Porklife wrote: »

I'm just nor sure I can do this on my own but I'm a strong woman and I'll find a way. Scary though. I understand somebody being shocked but his reaction was beyond that, it was horrible. He was shouting at me and pretty much demanding I get shot right away. We live together and are apparently in love and both in our later 30's in secure jobs. He also accused me of planning this and trapping him. Lovely to hear those words. I didn't. I'm in complete shock so when he said that, I kicked the dining room table over and smashed a vase. Really mature reaction on both sides. Don't see this situation getting much better and I feel really sad.

This sounds like a complete turn around for him. Surely at his age he should hold responsibility for half this you didn't make yourself pregnant.
What I would say this is all very new and it's best to have this time to relax and face it in a day or two. He might come around yet or maybe he won't. It's a tough thing to be going this though. I agree with ringing a crisis pregnancy line. Cura cares is one. I think they're based in cork though but they chat on the phone for free. That would help straight away.
We are all here to listen anyway. I'm free for PMs anytime I'm awake if things get bad. Also try to get some sleep tonight and try not to worry too much.

dubstarr

Porklife wrote: »

It's really amazing the support you get on here from people, I find it so special.
I don't want to put this in the relationship forum and this may be inappropriate but I just found out I'm prgenant and my boyfriend is being so unsupportive. He told me it goes or he goes so I packed a bag and I'm in a hotel trying to process my thoughts. I'm so sad and scared and shocked that someone you thought you knew could be so cruel. TA, life is a bitch and I'm terrified. Sorry for the heaviness of my TA but I don't know what else to do right now.

You are most definately not alone.You listen to yourself and do whats right for you.

Weare all here to listen and help.Big hugs.

Porklife

I just wanted to say thank onto everyone who showed me kindness and words of encouragement yesterday, I really appreciate it.

Princess Calla

Porklife wrote: »

I just wanted to say thank onto everyone who showed me kindness and words of encouragement yesterday, I really appreciate it.

Hope you are feeling better. Sometimes a good sleep makes things easier, or puts stuff into focus. That and/or a brisk bracing walk.

You don't have to make any immediate decisions. Do whatever is right for you. Xxx

Porklife

Princess Calla wrote: »

Hope you are feeling better. Sometimes a good sleep makes things easier, or puts stuff into focus. That and/or a brisk bracing walk.

You don't have to make any immediate decisions. Do whatever is right for you. Xxx

Thanks Princess. I still don't know what's going to happen but he moved out today. I left the hotel last night and briefly went home to get my phone charger. Seeing him made me flip and I screamed at him to get out and not be there today.
I was hysterical last night and I shouldn't have lost my cool but its a terribly tough time.
This is such an unnecessary mess. He said we can talk in a few days.
Sorry for taking the thread off topic!

Princess Calla

Porklife wrote: »

Thanks Princess. I still don't know what's going to happen but he moved out today. I left the hotel last night and briefly went home to get my phone charger. Seeing him made me flip and I screamed at him to get out and not be there today.
I was hysterical last night and I shouldn't have lost my cool but its a terribly tough time.
This is such an unnecessary mess. He said we can talk in a few days.
Sorry for taking the thread off topic!

I don't think anyone minds the thread going slightly off topic for this.

Don't be too hard on yourself, hormones are super charged during and after pregnancy.

You both need some breathing space. We are all guilty of handling a situation less than fantastic from time to time.

Arrange to sit down and discuss it calmly in a couple of days.

cj maxx

Nothing, absolutely nothing to be sorry about here Porklife

Antares35

Porklife wrote: »

It's really amazing the support you get on here from people, I find it so special.
I don't want to put this in the relationship forum and this may be inappropriate but I just found out I'm prgenant and my boyfriend is being so unsupportive. He told me it goes or he goes so I packed a bag and I'm in a hotel trying to process my thoughts. I'm so sad and scared and shocked that someone you thought you knew could be so cruel. TA, life is a bitch and I'm terrified. Sorry for the heaviness of my TA but I don't know what else to do right now.

Oh shíte, that's awful of him My other half reacted the same to our unplanned pregnancy. I think a lot of men do that hands over the ears "I'm not listening, this is not happening" two year old thing when there's a pregnancy. At the end of the day do what is right for you and you alone. You've got this x

lainey_d_123

Antares35 wrote: »

Oh shíte, that's awful of him My other half reacted the same to our unplanned pregnancy. I think a lot of men do that hands over the ears "I'm not listening, this is not happening" two year old thing when there's a pregnancy. At the end of the day do what is right for you and you alone. You've got this x

I'm in total shock and disbelief reading this. People actually behave like this? When I've talked about partners being unsupportive, I've meant that maybe they didn't show a lot of interest about a hospital appointment or enough concern about a family matter that was stressing me out. The idea that someone I'm in a serious relationship with would react to an unplanned pregnancy by threatening to leave me if I didn't have an abortion actually makes me sick to my stomach.

dubstarr

Porklife wrote: »

Thanks Princess. I still don't know what's going to happen but he moved out today. I left the hotel last night and briefly went home to get my phone charger. Seeing him made me flip and I screamed at him to get out and not be there today.
I was hysterical last night and I shouldn't have lost my cool but its a terribly tough time.
This is such an unnecessary mess. He said we can talk in a few days.
Sorry for taking the thread off topic!

No don't worry bout taking off thread.
You need to only look after yourself.And talk only when you want too.
Along him move out might sharpen his mind a bit.Look after yourself and little bean.

Princess Calla

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I'm in total shock and disbelief reading this. People actually behave like this? When I've talked about partners being unsupportive, I've meant that maybe they didn't show a lot of interest about a hospital appointment or enough concern about a family matter that was stressing me out. The idea that someone I'm in a serious relationship with would react to an unplanned pregnancy by threatening to leave me if I didn't have an abortion actually makes me sick to my stomach.

To be honest I don't think we should be too hard on the guys having a less than stellar reaction.

As a girl we have a few steps to process it. .... Realise we're running late, OK let's process what this means, give it a few days and hope for an arrival.

OK no arrival, buy a test, get home do the test... Process the result.

Then we've the time from the result to telling the dad to process it all.

I'm not sure what my reaction would be if someone just landed life changing news on me.

I'm not saying I wouldn't be extremely hurt by that type of reaction and if the "me or the baby" ultimation stayed in place I know what direction I'd take.

But I do think the guy needs to be given the benefit of the doubt until the dust has settled.

lainey_d_123

Princess Calla wrote: »

To be honest I don't think we should be too hard on the guys having a less than stellar reaction.

As a girl we have a few steps to process it. .... Realise we're running late, OK let's process what this means, give it a few days and hope for an arrival.

OK no arrival, buy a test, get home do the test... Process the result.

Then we've the time from the result to telling the dad to process it all.

I'm not sure what my reaction would be if someone just landed life changing news on me.

I'm not saying I wouldn't be extremely hurt by that type of reaction and if the "me or the baby" ultimation stayed in place I know what direction I'd take.

But I do think the guy needs to be given the benefit of the doubt until the dust has settled.

I don't agree, to be honest.

Shock? Totally get it. But his first thought wasn't 'how do WE deal with this?', even though they are in a committed long term relationship and living together, it was to literally threaten to leave her if she wanted to keep the child. That to me shows a level of callousness and downright cruelty that I would simply not be able to ever forget. I would never be able to trust someone ever again if that was their reaction to something we were equally responsible for.

Porklife

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I'm in total shock and disbelief reading this. People actually behave like this? When I've talked about partners being unsupportive, I've meant that maybe they didn't show a lot of interest about a hospital appointment or enough concern about a family matter that was stressing me out. The idea that someone I'm in a serious relationship with would react to an unplanned pregnancy by threatening to leave me if I didn't have an abortion actually makes me sick to my stomach.

Thanks Lainey. I'm just feeling so let down and saddened by his reaction. Only the night before we found out he told me he loves me more than ever. We're meeting this evening for a talk but I have no idea how I feel except very weepy.
I'm going to try my best to stay calm because I've a feeling he's going to use my antics on Saturday night as the reason not to stand by me. I shouldn't have done it but I was devastated.
Hopefully tonight brings some sense of clarity. I'm finding each day so incredibly hard right now.
Thank you all once again xxx

iamwhoiam

Porklife wrote: »

Thanks Lainey. I'm just feeling so let down and saddened by his reaction. Only the night before we found out he told me he loves me more than ever. We're meeting this evening for a talk but I have no idea how I feel except very weepy.
I'm going to try my best to stay calm because I've a feeling he's going to use my antics on Saturday night as the reason not to stand by me. I shouldn't have done it but I was devastated.
Hopefully tonight brings some sense of clarity. I'm finding each day so incredibly hard right now.
Thank you all once again xxx

Stay strong and stick by what you feel is right for you

Antares35

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I don't agree, to be honest.

Shock? Totally get it. But his first thought wasn't 'how do WE deal with this?', even though they are in a committed long term relationship and living together, it was to literally threaten to leave her if she wanted to keep the child. That to me shows a level of callousness and downright cruelty that I would simply not be able to ever forget. I would never be able to trust someone ever again if that was their reaction to something we were equally responsible for.

There are different dynamics in every relationship, we can't be prescriptive about how other people should react. My other half wanted me to have an abortion. He didn't say he would leave me if I refused, but he panicked. I didn't think he was callous or cruel, just shocked and scared. It isn't about pointing the blame, but recognising that we are all human and will react in different ways. We are all less than perfect.

My TA is I've given up drinking, and this morning woke to find that my dad had dropped over a box of wine for me

Princess Calla

Antares35 wrote: »

There are different dynamics in every relationship, we can't be prescriptive about how other people should react. My other half wanted me to have an abortion. He didn't say he would leave me if I refused, but he panicked. I didn't think he was callous or cruel, just shocked and scared. It isn't about pointing the blame, but recognising that we are all human and will react in different ways. We are all less than perfect.

My TA is I've given up drinking, and this morning woke to find that my dad had dropped over a box of wine for me

A peace offering? I hope things are on the mend

Antares35

Princess Calla wrote: »

A peace offering? I hope things are on the mend

We are on civil terms for the sake of my little girl (who adores her grandad). To be honest I'm so exhausted from fighting with them I've nothing left any more*

*Except wine, now I have wine

Ten of Swords

These posts have been taken from the After Hours TA thread and consolidated into a new thread.

Following a discussion with the op this is being moved to Personal Issues. Read the local charter before posting

eviltwin

Princess Calla wrote: »

To be honest I don't think we should be too hard on the guys having a less than stellar reaction.

As a girl we have a few steps to process it. .... Realise we're running late, OK let's process what this means, give it a few days and hope for an arrival.

OK no arrival, buy a test, get home do the test... Process the result.

Then we've the time from the result to telling the dad to process it all.

I'm not sure what my reaction would be if someone just landed life changing news on me.

I'm not saying I wouldn't be extremely hurt by that type of reaction and if the "me or the baby" ultimation stayed in place I know what direction I'd take.

But I do think the guy needs to be given the benefit of the doubt until the dust has settled.

Shock is one thing. Needing time to process and absorb it is another. Maybe needing a few days on your own to sort through your feelings. They are all ok. It’s not ok to try and coerce your girlfriend into having an abortion.

Princess Calla

eviltwin wrote: »

Shock is one thing. Needing time to process and absorb it is another. Maybe needing a few days on your own to sort through your feelings. They are all ok. It’s not ok to try and coerce your girlfriend into having an abortion.

No I agree. They are meeting tonight to discuss it, hopefully calmly.

I'm hoping it was just a really bad kneejerk reaction and they can move on. Of course he could have handled it better.

However there is still hope that they stay together and have the baby (I'm not pushing a pro life agenda) so I'm mindful not to go down a name calling route of potentially the father of her baby and someone she loves.

Caranica

Surreptitious wrote: »

I agree with ringing a crisis pregnancy line. Cura cares is one. I think they're based in cork though but they chat on the phone for free. That would help straight away.

Thankfully the catholic church shut down this propaganda machine in 2018.

OP the Irish Family planning association have a helpline and there's also positive options. Neither of these are biased.

Porklife

Tonight went better than expected. He told me he 100% wants me to have an abortion but will stand by me if I decide to have it. He made it clear how he feels though and it really hurts. I'm not exactly jumping for joy singing Papa don't preach but id appreciate a little more support from him. Its just really sad. Still, It's a step up from yesterday and I feel a lot calmer.
I asked what his mam had actually said about not supporting it and he said she didn't say that. He said she was just a bit shocked 😑 I fully expected her to be shocked but he claimed she said not to have it.
He's gonna stay in his friends place for the next few weeks. Not great but an improvement.

Purple Mountain

He seems to be running away from the situation. He's going to stay with his friend it seems regardless of what you decide to do.
No matter what you decide, he should have been there to hold your hand.
Only you can decide now, OP. Best of luck.