Night time walker scares me. MOD NOTE IN OP - PLEASE READ BEFORE REPLYING

Caranica

OP I'll reiterate my suggestion of CCTV or a ring doorbell if anxious about security and safety. Great for peace of mind.

cannotlogin

You need to start to put this in context as your anxiety is really high. As others have suggested, you probably need to talk to your GP about it.

Look at the facts:-

1. He routinely does this - therefore not suspicious. He comes back at the same time etc. Clearly finishes work or coming back from gym etc.

2- All he does is get in his car and drive away - that is his sole purpose. Get his car and go home.

3- His reaction to your confrontation is standard. What business is it of yours is what 99% of us would say in similar situations?

4- He keeps coming back, even after you speaking to him. If there was any element of wrongdoing, he would have stopped so as not to draw attention to himself.

5- Wean yourself off checking on him. Maybe only do it every second night. If you cannot do that then you have to accept you have a problem.

He is using the area as free parking, nothing more, nothing less. If you cannot accept that you really do need to seek help. Maybe you have some sort of ptsd after your previous experience but you need to address it I'm sorry but your reaction is completely over the top.

qwerty13

Caranica wrote: »

OP I'll reiterate my suggestion of CCTV or a ring doorbell if anxious about security and safety. Great for peace of mind.

While I agree, that would seem to me to be a sticking plaster on the real issue. Confronting a random person who walks down a lane way to their car is not a concern about security and safety.

bottlebrush

OP all you can do us secure your own home. Outside of that you have little control. You chose to live beside an alleyway which presumably has a right of way for anybody to use not just the residents of the estates it links. And, again, presumably you knew that before you moved there. A word of advice - be careful about confronting a person you dont know because you never know how vindictive they might be. There are plenty could get very tetchy about being challenged on something they are doing legitimately and turn it back on you.
Just let it go.

JustAThought

It seems the angry fearsome aggressive people are alive and well on this thread. The OP came here for suggestions - now they have been aggressively labeled with host of mental illnesses - all by complete amateur strangers who have never met them and have I would imagine zero specialised medical training yet many have stepped up type away and batter the OP down with their vicious words - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder , severe paranoia, the standard accusism of narcism by the usual
suspect and a bonus diagnoisis of crippling anxiety . I can’t describe how sickening all these fake diagnosis by keyboard cowards are. I’m socked by the virulence of what I have read here and cannot imagine how damaging these profoundly damaging accusations could be to an man who has experienced being watched and neighbours houses being targeted for burglaries and break ins and who is already living in fear. People with their fake diagnosis and extreme medical opinions based on zero professionalism or credibility should be ashamed of themselves. I cannot believe this attack and casual mental slaughter of the OP based on a question he has asked in personal help ‘column’. Would you be so casually cruel and destructive if your own child or vulnerble nephew asked you the same question - savaging them and labeling them with fake destructive mental illness diagnosis ? I am sickened by what I have read here and the casual cruelty.

OP - stop worrying, they guy is most likely using your road to park and drive which is legal and your whatsapp group cannot prevent him from doing so even if they don’t want non reaidents parking there. Let it go, close your curtains, and reat assured that there is nothing untoward going on or for you to address further.

NickNickleby

Hi OP!

OK, I think you should learn a lesson here. Most people are good, and that makes the odds of your guy being one of the good guys quite high. Especially considering his response to your approach. It if was me, I'd have been quite offended, but depending on your demeanour, would probably walk on and forget about it. Remember when you waved out the window?? If that was me, I'd ignore you rather than have you think I was peeping into your living room.

You're not mad, you let your anxiety get the better of you. If you'd been down the pub and mentioned this guy over a pint, most likely someone would have said, "oh for God's sake, he's probably coming home from work every day!" and you would have forgotten all about it there and then. But in lock down days, we don't have access to our buddies, so you had no one to assuage your concern, allowing it to grow into a monster. Remember MOST PEOPLE ARE GOOD! (not shouty, just emphasis).

If you encounter this guy on the street again, he probably won't give you a big friendly hug. If he makes eye contact, just nod and smile, and maybe "how's it going". He too has met a scary stranger! Except, you're not, and of course, neither is he.

Good luck , and......... relax!

Treppen

qwerty13 wrote: »

They’re not owning though - they’re doing the opposite of owning it, they’re projecting their own issues and anxiety on to a completely random person.

They’re also not trying to come to terms with it, not even a little bit - the subsequent post which detailed that their issue having confronted someone who had done nothing wrong, was the person continued to do nothing wrong.

You commend someone for acting aggressively towards someone going about their business. Right. You are merely attempting to justify the OP’s frankly bizarre behaviour, and masking the problem. The problem is not that someone walks down a road after dark near the OP’s home; the problem is that the OP sees this, and has concocted a paranoid and anxiety laden narrative, to such an extent that they confronted the person, and seem to want to communicate that to their neighbours to get them onside. The OP needs help. Not validation of their bizarre behaviour.

I don't think they acted aggressively.
They still posted in a personal issues forum so they know and admit they have issues.
I agree, the op needs help, but berating them isn't worthy of a personal issues forum.
You can say it's bizarre behaviour, but I think it's probably backed up by some rational fear "in their own heads".
People appear to act bizarrely every day but the truth is that there's no normal behaviour. It's just a construct which we all have different interpretations of.
A kid bullying a student in school is bizarre abnormal behaviour, but if you find out he has to go home to an abusive family then it makes perfect sense why they're acting out seeking to control it. Not saying it's right but just saying there's more to the solution than telling people to cop on and fahgedddabouddit.

radiata

You sound like a creepy weirdo. It's you that needs reporting!

qwerty13

Treppen wrote: »

I don't think they acted aggressively.
They still posted in a personal issues forum so they know and admit they have issues.
I agree, the op needs help, but berating them isn't worthy of a personal issues forum.
You can say it's bizarre behaviour, but I think it's probably backed up by some rational fear "in their own heads".
People appear to act bizarrely every day but the truth is that there's no normal behaviour. It's just a construct which we all have different interpretations of.
A kid bullying a student in school is bizarre abnormal behaviour, but if you find out he has to go home to an abusive family then it makes perfect sense why they're acting out seeking to control it. Not saying it's right but just saying there's more to the solution than telling people to cop on and fahgedddabouddit.

The OP is watching (if not stalking) a random stranger for the ‘crime’ of walking and parking. And then challenged them. This is not normal behaviour by any means, however you or the OP wish to dress it up. I feel very strongly that telling the OP that his behaviour is in any way at all acceptable or normal is doing him a huge disfavour.

GarIT

NickNickleby wrote: »

Hi OP!

OK, I think you should learn a lesson here. Most people are good, and that makes the odds of your guy being one of the good guys quite high. Especially considering his response to your approach. It if was me, I'd have been quite offended, but depending on your demeanour, would probably walk on and forget about it. Remember when you waved out the window?? If that was me, I'd ignore you rather than have you think I was peeping into your living room.

You're not mad, you let your anxiety get the better of you. If you'd been down the pub and mentioned this guy over a pint, most likely someone would have said, "oh for God's sake, he's probably coming home from work every day!" and you would have forgotten all about it there and then. But in lock down days, we don't have access to our buddies, so you had no one to assuage your concern, allowing it to grow into a monster. Remember MOST PEOPLE ARE GOOD! (not shouty, just emphasis).

If you encounter this guy on the street again, he probably won't give you a big friendly hug. If he makes eye contact, just nod and smile, and maybe "how's it going". He too has met a scary stranger! Except, you're not, and of course, neither is he.

Good luck , and......... relax!

Yes OP absolutely is. OP is one more jump to a conclusion away from being like the woman I knew who murdered a guy for parking in her spot, she was very similar to this. The best thing OP can do if he sees the person again is to ignore them, not to speak to them.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Radiata Welcome to PI. As per the Charter, when replying to a thread in PI posters are asked to offer constructive and civil advice to an OP. Your post falls far short of that. Please bear it in mind when posting here again.

A reminder to everyone else, this is the second time I've reminded posters of this. If you have nothing constructive to offer the OP by way of advice, please move on to another thread.

Thanks

HS

NickNickleby

GarIT wrote: »

Yes OP absolutely is. OP is one more jump to a conclusion away from being like the woman I knew who murdered a guy for parking in her spot, she was very similar to this. The best thing OP can do if he sees the person again is to ignore them, not to speak to them.

Why? Isn't that normal behaviour? Should OP reinforce his original antisocial (and I'd suggest this is at the very lowest end of the scale) behaviour? Or should he simply revert to normal social behaviour. I'm one of those people who always acknowledge eye contact with a nod or a "how's it going?" That's normal behaviour. Not skulking past people.

Or perhaps I'm odd, and need to see a doctor.

As for the potential for the OP to be a murderer like the woman you knew, do you really think that kind of comment is helpful?

Rubberchikken

It's no harm to be aware of who's around.
If the guy is just using the area for free parking or passing through from one place to another them he should have no issue with the op.

Past unpleasant experience will colour how you view things.

GarIT

NickNickleby wrote: »

Why? Isn't that normal behaviour? Should OP reinforce his original antisocial (and I'd suggest this is at the very lowest end of the scale) behaviour? Or should he simply revert to normal social behaviour. I'm one of those people who always acknowledge eye contact with a nod or a "how's it going?" That's normal behaviour. Not skulking past people.

Or perhaps I'm odd, and need to see a doctor.

As for the potential for the OP to be a murderer like the woman you knew, do you really think that kind of comment is helpful?

I don't think it's normal to say something to someone you are passing, a nod or a smile sure. Maybe that's normal in the countryside but not so much in an estate that would have an alleyway as OP described. Especially someone OP has confronted and possibly frightened already, better to keep his distance now rather than trying to be friendly.


I do think it's helpful, hopefully it will be a shock to OP and encourage them to get help and stop it getting to that point. The kind words so far haven't helped, OP doubled down on it. We don't all need to say nice things and put innocent people in danger to not hurt OP.

1hnr79jr65

Op, your own insecurities could lead you to very negative consequences either legally oy physically. Chances are such behavior you are displaying could in fact be perceived as threatening and abnormal to the point where this person could either call the guards on you or potentially harm in you self defense if they believe you are a danger to them.

Your past experience are not pleasant however that does not mean someone who is likely very innocently parking for convenience is a threat to you, your home or your neighbors homes. If you have concerns you can call the guards and give the persons car registration and advise they are acting suspiciously and that is where you should leave it. Do not approach, admonish or question this person, you do not have the right to regardless of how uncomfortable it makes you feel.

If there is anything untoward, the guards with deal with it and if not you should be put at ease.

NickNickleby

GarIT wrote: »

I don't think it's normal to say something to someone you are passing, a nod or a smile sure. Maybe that's normal in the countryside but not so much in an estate that would have an alleyway as OP described. Especially someone OP has confronted and possibly frightened already, better to keep his distance now rather than trying to be friendly.


I do think it's helpful, hopefully it will be a shock to OP and encourage them to get help and stop it getting to that point. The kind words so far haven't helped, OP doubled down on it. We don't all need to say nice things and put innocent people in danger to not hurt OP.

I live in a Dublin* suburb, and if I make eye contact while passing some one on the footpath its 50/50 as to who will be first to say hello, or how's it going. But it always happens.

This thread amazes me (and I'm not having a go at you here). The OP has gone from paranoid, to potential murderer to danger to the public. All based purely on the OP's reporting of an encounter with a person on the street. The worst he's guilty of is being a busybody. There's a couple on my road (and no, I'm not one of them), but sure they're harmless. None of them has murdered their wives/husbands and children yet.

The worst that'll happen to the OP, is that the local teenagers will spot him and make his life miserable by hanging round that laneway, waiting for a reaction. Unless he unfortunately actually confronts a REAL criminal, but that'd be a hard lesson for him.

I understand that you feel he needs tough talking to to snap him out of it, but really, I don't feel he is a danger to anyone but himself. But of course, all we have to go on is what we've read here, and we'll both have our own interpretations of that.

* Dublin being the friendliest part of Ireland:D