Health Anxiety for your baby - anyone else dealt with it?

onrail

I'm a first time dad of a strapping 7 month old boy who, apart from very poor sleeping habits appears fairly physically healthy and happy.

What has really crippled me since birth is a really strong anxiety about his health. At various times, I've been convinced he was deaf, had Cystic Fibrosis, Cerebral Palsy and finally (currently) Autism. We had a health visitor call a few weeks back, who vaguely reassured us, but I just can't shake the feeling that something is off.

The Autism feeling is the strongest - he seems to be missing a couple of communication milestones. My wife has reassured me at various stages, but it's getting to a stage where my worries are affecting her.

I'm just wondering whether anyone else has gone through this? If so, how did you cope? It's got to a stage now where it's just debilitating. Even if there is a problem with the wee fella, I can't repeatedly go through this until he's in school!

jam_sambo_

I feel your pain. I didn't think I was an anxious person until I had my son - and then I ran through a laundry list of things that I was worried were wrong with him... that he was developing a flat head, that he had low muscle tone, that he wasn't hitting milestones, etc. etc. etc. I did worry about autism for a while, as well. I think it's normal to be concerned about these things to an extent, but I spent so much of his first year Googling (what turned out to be non-existent) problems and losing sleep over various things that I had no control over. In retrospect, it kind of took away from those early few months because I used up so much energy on focusing on what 'might' be wrong with him. Of course, there was nothing wrong with him at all and he's perfectly healthy, as I'm sure your son is too.

Would you consider talking to a professional? Even if just for a few sessions. It helped me to air all those worries to an impartial observer, as I think I drove my other half mad with all the 'what ifs', too.

onrail

jam_sambo_ wrote: »

I feel your pain. I didn't think I was an anxious person until I had my son - and then I ran through a laundry list of things that I was worried were wrong with him... that he was developing a flat head, that he had low muscle tone, that he wasn't hitting milestones, etc. etc. etc. I did worry about autism for a while, as well. I think it's normal to be concerned about these things to an extent, but I spent so much of his first year Googling (what turned out to be non-existent) problems and losing sleep over various things that I had no control over. In retrospect, it kind of took away from those early few months because I used up so much energy on focusing on what 'might' be wrong with him. Of course, there was nothing wrong with him at all and he's perfectly healthy, as I'm sure your son is too.

Would you consider talking to a professional? Even if just for a few sessions. It helped me to air all those worries to an impartial observer, as I think I drove my other half mad with all the 'what ifs', too.

Thanks a million for the reply. Comforting to hear of someone in the same boat.
Yeah I'm thinking of going down that route, but a small bit skeptical that it can achieve a long-term solution. Do you think a few sessions helped you long-term?

onrail

onrail wrote: »

I'm a first time dad of a strapping 7 month old boy who, apart from very poor sleeping habits appears fairly physically healthy and happy.

What has really crippled me since birth is a really strong anxiety about his health. At various times, I've been convinced he was deaf, had Cystic Fibrosis, Cerebral Palsy and finally (currently) Autism. We had a health visitor call a few weeks back, who vaguely reassured us, but I just can't shake the feeling that something is off.

The Autism feeling is the strongest - he seems to be missing a couple of communication milestones. My wife has reassured me at various stages, but it's getting to a stage where my worries are affecting her.

I'm just wondering whether anyone else has gone through this? If so, how did you cope? It's got to a stage now where it's just debilitating. Even if there is a problem with the wee fella, I can't repeatedly go through this until he's in school!

Mum of 4 here. I was the exact same for my last born. He didn't hit the milestones like my others. He's 18 months now. Still not talking but communicating as well as he can and I was so worried from birth up until I seen he was responding so to speak to us.
I worry about my other kids too, cars on the road, they'll fall and hurt themselves, choking you name it. It's a normal part and parcel of parenting.
Although if it consumes you and or effects your mental health, sleep, relationships then consider maybe talking to a professional. Post natal depression affects dad's too.
I can't say it gets easier but you'll stop worrying about milestones when he reaches them in his own time and worry about all the other stuff. Mind yourself too!

Man with broke phone

Your sons journey will be travelled by him whether you worry or not.

Life is a pile of random encounters. Anything can happen.

Worrying about things is madness. The feeling you have worrying is the same feeling you will have if something bad actually happens.

Worrying is stealing the bad feelings from the future and having them now

onrail

Man with broke phone wrote: »

Your sons journey will be travelled by him whether you worry or not.

Life is a pile of random encounters. Anything can happen.

Worrying about things is madness. The feeling you have worrying is the same feeling you will have if something bad actually happens.

Worrying is stealing the bad feelings from the future and having them now

Great advice tbf - putting it into practice is the problem.

LegacyUser

Good news: It's natural for a first-time parent to be anxious about their child's health, and to think that every cough and sniffle they see might morph into something disastrous. Most first-time parents worry about their child's health quite a bit, and in fact some worry a hell of a lot, so you're not unusual.

Less good news: It's a little concerning if parents get into a cycle of worrying at times when their child isn't displaying any symptoms. If that happens, or happens a lot, you can really bother yourself unnecessarily and miss out on some of the good stuff that goes with parenting.

We all want to do our best for our children, and for a first-time parent we also feel at some level that our baby is a reflection of our abilities, not just as a parent, but as a person. So we project a lot of our personal anxieties and fears into our parenting.

When we first have a child we get a very big realisation of how little of our world we actually control, and how much is uncertain. It's not that it's unsafe, but it's unknown and we don't have complete control over events.

I empathise with the place you're in, but I'll challenge you by saying that at seven months I wonder has your strapping lad really missed any milestones. Kids develop at quite different rates, and some just arrive later to the party than others; by the time they're in primary school you can't really tell who hit their baby milestones earlier or later.

It's worth taking reassurance from your wife about this. Mothers look out for their offspring with a ferocious intensity; she ain't going to let something important slip.

I think it might be worth talking to someone professional. You've been one of a duo for ages, presumably. Now you're one of a trio. That changes a lot of the personal and interpersonal dynamics in your life, right at the same time that you've now got this very big responsibility. Sometimes in that situation what you really need is a way of pressing the reset button, and getting the perspective of a professional outside the situation can help you do that.

Best of luck - wait until you're in the same place in life that I am, when he's in his 20s, taller than you, and cracking jokes at your expense. I wouldn't swap it for anything.

shesty

I would agree with all of these posts, in particular that last one.He is only 7 months, there is so little you can really tell at this point also.I would definitely recommend talking to somebody if it is disturbing your life this much though.Babies are their own person you know...as they get bigger (and I mean even just as they start to walk and talk) you realise your control only goes so far.You pick what to worry about - as another mum said, I am a mum.of 3 and I worry about each of mine for very different things - my second is 4.5 and some of her speech could be clearer -my youngest is 2.5 and he doesm't seem to know any colours at all - but you learn over time what the real problems are and how to let the niggly things go.

Also do trust your wife.A mother's instinct is a very, very real thing.

fits

Man with broke phone wrote: »

Your sons journey will be travelled by him whether you worry or not.

This times 1000. I’m a mum of a child with a disability diagnosed at two. Your child is very young. All you can do is monitor the milestones and get things checked if necessary. Listen to your wife’s instincts and maybe look into some therapy to manage your thoughts and anxieties.

fits

By the way I did deal with anxiety with my boy. I had concerns from the very start but really got anxious just after he turned a year old. He was diagnosed just after he turned two and everything is much better now we know what we are dealing with - after the initial shock and grieving process.

Your boy is very young. Hopefully all will be well.

jam_sambo_

onrail wrote: »

Thanks a million for the reply. Comforting to hear of someone in the same boat.
Yeah I'm thinking of going down that route, but a small bit skeptical that it can achieve a long-term solution. Do you think a few sessions helped you long-term?

I think the work is an on-going process, but therapy helped me to straighten out my thoughts and see things from a practical viewpoint - i.e. 'Is there a possibility that he has XYZ? Yes. Is there also a possibility that there's nothing wrong with him? Yes. So until you have a concrete answer either way, focus on the positive', etc. I guess it's a sort of CBT approach, learning to stop your mind running away with itself and going to worse-case scenario all the time.

It's still something I'm working on, but my anxiety has definitely lessened.

SixtaWalthers

It sounds good that you care your son a lot, but honestly, I haven't met such dads in my life. I wouldn't say my dad and husband are not good dads, but they didn't take care of their children like you are doing. Anyways, as a mother, I have dealt with anxiety and was worried about breathing issues of my son. It was just cold, and somewhere I had a positive instinct that everything would go fine.

I am not sure why you are referring to autism. I just did research and found it is hard to diagnose that your baby is autistic until 24 months. If you still have the feelings, then you can analyse it from at least 12 to 18 months baby. However, my prayers are with your baby, and I hope he would live a healthy and sound life

Feisar

Father of a 16 month old here. First time father, was chatting to my Dad recently about being a dad. To quote him "you'll stop worrying about him when they put you in the box."

onrail

Feisar wrote: »

Father of a 16 month old here. First time father, was chatting to my Dad recently about being a dad. To quote him "you'll stop worrying about him when they put you in the box."

Or as my neighbour says - “From the moment they arrive, it’s a life sentence”

I wouldnt wish this anxiety on anyone tbh. Have myself fully and irreversibly convinced the wee lad is autistic. Going to see someone the end of the week for a bit of counselling.

mitresize5

my only advice is deal with it now

My sister in law is the same with her two kids, she's had no joy in raising two healthy happy children as all she has done is worried about every step they take.

The actions have affected the kids over the years, the oldest one is showing serious signs of anxiety now, afraid to do anything. The younger one is strongly rebelling and their relationship is suffering.

fits

onrail wrote: »

Or as my neighbour says - “From the moment they arrive, it’s a life sentence”

I wouldnt wish this anxiety on anyone tbh. Have myself fully and irreversibly convinced the wee lad is autistic. Going to see someone the end of the week for a bit of counselling.

Best of luck with it.