The last time you spoke to somebody before their death.

branie2

My aunt four years ago, a few weeks before she passed away after suffering from cancer.

Liamo57

About 2 years ago, I was in a pub having a drink on a Sat. afternoon, a fellow came in and sat down on the stool next to me and for the duration of the pint I was chatting to him. I finished my pint and my daughter and I left. I was in the pub the following week and the owner told me as the door shut behind me, yer man fell off the stool and died. Heart attack, apparantly.

Baby01032012

I lost my mum a year ago this coming Sunday. She was diagnosed with cancer in August, it was too late to treat, and she got 3 months. I’m very grateful for those 3 months, the hospital then the hospice, she got to go home near the end and I moved in with her. Nurses knew when she was likely to pass and I stayed night with her in the hospice. Have regrets, she lost consciousness the last week, I wasn’t expecting that and last thing I remember asking her was where did she want to be buried, there were better things I could have said.
Sadly my dad passed away month later, Christmas Day last year. He was in hospital after my mums funeral, didn’t expect him to go though. Saw him with my kids Christmas Day. Then phone call at 7pm to say he had taken turn for the worse. He died 5 minutes before I got to the hospital.
Life is short, it’s about the people around you and the memories, make the most of the time you have, make time.

Gervais08

Baby01032012 wrote: »

I lost my mum a year ago this coming Sunday. She was diagnosed with cancer in August, it was too late to treat, and she got 3 months. I’m very grateful for those 3 months, the hospital then the hospice, she got to go home near the end and I moved in with her. Nurses knew when she was likely to pass and I stayed night with her in the hospice. Have regrets, she lost consciousness the last week, I wasn’t expecting that and last thing I remember asking her was where did she want to be buried, there were better things I could have said.
Sadly my dad passed away month later, Christmas Day last year. He was in hospital after my mums funeral, didn’t expect him to go though. Saw him with my kids Christmas Day. Then phone call at 7pm to say he had taken turn for the worse. He died 5 minutes before I got to the hospital.
Life is short, it’s about the people around you and the memories, make the most of the time you have, make time.

The first anniversaries and birthdays are so hard, you’re in my thoughts.

Roadtoad

My dad's last words: I never made Eighty, did I'.

He missed by about six months.

CivilCybil

I was very close to my grandparents. Practically reared by them.

My grandad got sick while I was in college. I came home and he was on a lot of morphine and not awake. But when I came into the room he woke up when he heard me and said "ah Cybil" and gave an attempt at a smile and a hug by turning his head into me when I hugged him. He fell back asleep then and that was the last time I saw him lucid.

My granny died a few years ago and I went to see her and was with her alone while the family were talking to the doctor.
She was on a lot of medication and started laughing and saying there were elves dancing on the ceiling. She found it hilarious so I just agreed it was strange and laughed with her. That was the last time we were alone.
Two nights before she died I was hugging her goodbye and started to cry and she hugged me and said "don't be getting upset". I told her I loved her. Next day she was unconscious and she died the following day.

I feel fortunate in a way. A short illness gives you time to prepare. But without life being overtaken by hospital and illness.
A long illness or a sudden death, I can't imagine trying to deal with either.

Graces7

My big brother, aged 19, when I was 16. Over 60 years ago now, but this is as fresh as yesterday..

We were on holiday in the Lake District . first holiday for many years.

With a 12 year old whose family were staying at the same place, we three had been boating on the lake, and stayed too to get back to the lodging house.

He had never been demonstrative . not ever.

Suddenly he reached out a hand, took mine, " Don't be afraid. " I will never forget the feel of his hand in mine. Strong and comforting.

The next morning he was dead; accidental drowning. And life changed for the worse forever.

Truly you never know. And that memory of that unusual kindness... "Don't be afraid. "

And surely we each never know when we too will die. so …. be kind. Leave that memory.

s1ippy

We were standing outside the pub we'd just been playing in having an absolute laugh. He didn't want to leave, but his missus was literally dragging him away by the arm. Every time he'd pretend to be leaving to placate her and stop her from dragging him, he'd tell us another hilarious anecdote and we'd be right in the midst of conversation again. All the while with his aul wan giving him and us death stares. I dunno why she didn't just fuck off, I wish he'd stayed, in general.

KissMeArse

My best friend passed away with cancer 4 years ago, he was given the news just before Christmas that he had basically a few weeks to live. Living abroad, luckily I was home that Christmas so I knew it was the last time I was going to see him. The last night at home I called into his house, he was so in bits it was an effort for him to even get out of bed down into his sitting room but he made the effort for me which I'll forever appreciate. Saying goodbye was hard, he walked me out to his door, we hugged and I told him I loved him and that I'd see him again. Two weeks after I left home, I got the inevitable phone call that he had passed. Fcuk cancer.

Gervais08

Graces7 wrote: »

My big brother, aged 19, when I was 16. Over 60 years ago now, but this is as fresh as yesterday..

We were on holiday in the Lake District . first holiday for many years.

With a 12 year old whose family were staying at the same place, we three had been boating on the lake, and stayed too to get back to the lodging house.

He had never been demonstrative . not ever.

Suddenly he reached out a hand, took mine, " Don't be afraid. " I will never forget the feel of his hand in mine. Strong and comforting.

The next morning he was dead; accidental drowning. And life changed for the worse forever.

Truly you never know. And that memory of that unusual kindness... "Don't be afraid. "

And surely we each never know when we too will die. so …. be kind. Leave that memory.

That’s beautiful and tragic and moving . Bless you.

Ms2011

My nephew (22) died in August, I'd spoken to him a maybe a fortnight before, then 2am I get a call from my Dad to say he had gone into cardiac arrest so I was thinking ok what hospital is he in but then my Dad came back with 'he didn't make it'...I'm not even sure what happened after that but by husband had to take over the call.
Still numb now, you really never know what is around the corner, tomorrow is never guaranteed

careful_now

The last time I spoke to my friend in person before she died was when we met up for coffee before she left to work abroad after graduating. I wished her luck and said I’d visit her in a few months. The last time we messaged each other was a couple of weeks before she died suddenly in an accident. She said how I’m going to love it over there when I come visit. She was a great friend

Graces7

Gervais08 wrote: »

That’s beautiful and tragic and moving . Bless you.

m

it came a couple of years after my father walked out; that holiday was hard won as we were dirt poor and in those days no child support.

Peter was gifted; he had won a place at Emmanuel College Cambridge for that September. For a boy from our background..When he was waiting to hear, the December before he died, he went round the house singing, " Oh come O come , Emmanuel.!" That carol always makes me smile... sadly.

The exam results that came out after his death were the highest in the entire country

And thank you for this thread as it has made me see it differently. It is that

"Don't be afraid" that was totally, utterly atypical.

And it helps offset the other appalling memories of that day. Which never fade.

I wonder sometimes what my life would have been had he lived.

As everyone here does too of course. And that we need to talk with our loved ones before that parting comes

Gervais08

Graces7 wrote: »

m

it came a couple of years after my father walked out; that holiday was hard won as we were dirt poor and in those days no child support.

Peter was gifted; he had won a place at Emmanuel College Cambridge for that September. For a boy from our background..When he was waiting to hear, the December before he died, he went round the house singing, " Oh come O come , Emmanuel.!" That carol always makes me smile... sadly.

The exam results that came out after his death were the highest in the entire country

And thank you for this thread as it has made me see it differently. It is that

"Don't be afraid" that was totally, utterly atypical.

And it helps offset the other appalling memories of that day. Which never fade.

I wonder sometimes what my life would have been had he lived.

As everyone here does too of course. And that we need to talk with our loved ones before that parting comes

Oh you are so right! There were conversations with my dad’s doctors, the funeral director and our priest that I knew I was speaking for what he wanted as we’d had the talks beforehand.

Graces7

John45 wrote: »

My very elderly mam died tragically. Something I could have prevented but there was a row in the family and i didn't get it done. She was on her own. Still cant look at her photo or talk about it4 years on

HUGS.. I never got to say goodbye to my mother. Things were not good between us as I had been ill for years with what was misdiagnosed as being mental illness - which in those times was seen as in some way something you could shake off, ( It was.is CFS/.ME )

I was living 60 miles away and going home when I could cope, at weekends.

One day a policewoman knocked at my door. My mother had been in a road accident and was in hospital. She was evasive when I asked how serious it was.

My car was being serviced; I called my social worker and he drove me over the Pennines.
The nurse took me into the office to tell me my mother had died without regaining consciousness.
Gave me tea; have never been able to face tea since.

She lies with my brother.

Always I have hated that division in those last years. Always feeling guilty but knowing I was not. Wishing she had know the truth about this illness.

Stay as close as you can. While knowing that often it is not possible and is not your fault.

Graces7

Gervais08 wrote: »

Oh you are so right! There were conversations with my dad’s doctors, the funeral director and our priest that I knew I was speaking for what he wanted as we’d had the talks beforehand.

I have done that now also. I have no living kin but I do have loved ones overseas … So I have sorted all that; all documented and set out. I was so please with AIB as when I asked them re all this they sent an excellent booklet, " What to do when someone dies" . Covering not just banking business.

Please, all , think about it? It was hard at first but then a weight off my mind.

Gervais08

Graces7 wrote: »

I have done that now also. I have no living kin but I do have loved ones overseas … So I have sorted all that; all documented and set out. I was so please with AIB as when I asked them re all this they sent an excellent booklet, " What to do when someone dies" . Covering not just banking business.

Please, all , think about it? It was hard at first but then a weight off my mind.

I intend to go to Dignitas if diagnosed with the dementia my dad had.

Some people find it uncomfortable to talk about it but my best friend who is named as my next of kin understands. I think more will, we need an open conversation.

Dub Ste

I am so sorry for your loss DEFTLEFTHAND.

I think I've said this on here before,...

Mam had been ill for a while, she'd also lost her sight which really affected everything about her.
She was always quite active, but when the hospital told her that they would have to register her as blind, she just kind of gave up.
She wouldn't go out anymore, I always told her I'd go with her and we'd take it slow, but she wouldn't do it, so slowly she just started to waste away, physically and mentally.
She was in hospital over Christmas and came home in early January.
I was the only one still living at home, but we had neighbours and helpers and also my sisters would call in every day to see her.
I had gone out for a few drinks after work one Friday, got home about half ten, and mam was in bed, we'd turned one of the downstairs rooms into a bedroom for her.

She called me in, and said she needed to use the commode. I helped her on, and went outside until she had finished.
Went back in and helped her back into bed, and we started talking.

She told me she was so sorry for being a burden on me, and that it wasn't right that I had to help her on and off the commode, a child shouldn't have to do this kind of thing.
I got a little bit angry with her and told if it was me, she'd do it no questions and that's what I'm doing, told her she wasn't a burden and never to say that again.

We chatted a bit more, then she said she was tired and wanted to go to sleep, as I was getting up, she said, "goodnight son, I love you", I told her that I loved her too, then she said, "no, I really love YOU".
I gave her a kiss goodnight...........................she died the next morning.
Sorry, I'm getting a bit teary eyed typing this.




Skip forward a few years, was watching The Royale Family episode where Nana dies, and she had a similar conversation with Barbara, I broke down and sobbed my heart out, it was like they'd heard what we had said to each other.



25 years on, still really miss her, but knowing my last words to her were I love you too, gives me some comfort..

Gervais08

I posted my last words to my dad earlier but his to me will stay with me.

When I sat with him in the hospital he couldn’t speak, he was struggling to breathe and was mildly sedated.

Last visit in person it was through his nursing home room window and he said “get home safe!” but the last words were by phone and he phoned to say that he and my mum were in Yorkshire and couldn’t get home. “Look after yourself, get to school on time. We love you”.

I’m 50 and my mum died in 1993.

Still - it’ll make me cry and smile at the same time and that’s no bad.

extra gravy

My grandmother before she passed last Christmas. She had dementia so it was a one sided conversation. Think the last thing I said was "see you soon" but I knew in that moment it would be the last time I'd see her alive. She was the heart of our family and losing her it was a huge blow. Some heartbreaking stories here, my condolences to everyone that has shared their experiences of loss.

sweetie

Said goodbye to my mother in April over a crappy connection video call from Tallaght hospital. Told me and my siblings to look after each other and all I wanted to do was comfort her in person but couldn't. She had an underlying illness and picked up Covid in hospital but she doesn't matter according to lots of people out there, ponificating on social media. At least my Father was allowed in for 5 mins the day she passed. I'll never forget bringing him to and from the hospital. The funeral was tough as we had to follow guidelines and I feel she didn't get a proper Irish goodbye.

Gervais08

sweetie wrote: »

Said goodbye to my mother in April over a crappy connection video call from Tallaght hospital. Told me and my siblings to look after each other and all I wanted to do was comfort her in person but couldn't. She had an underlying illness and picked up Covid in hospital but she doesn't matter according to lots of people out there, ponificating on social media. At least my Father was allowed in for 5 mins the day she passed. I'll never forget bringing him to and from the hospital. The funeral was tough as we had to follow guidelines and I feel she didn't get a proper Irish goodbye.

I’m scattering my dad’s ashes soon near the Mourne Mountains where the family are from - there’ll be drinking and stories; he may not have had a wake but we’ll send him home Irish style.