Some insight?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'd like to get folks' input here.
A few years ago, I made a poor decision to switch jobs.
I'd been in my previous role 3 years, no advancement and I wanted permanency.
An old school friend put me in touch with the hiring manager. I did the interview and was offered the role.
I started just before Christmas and after a few days, I knew it wasn't for me.
To top it all off, my parent who had terminal cancer, was told that the treatment was ending and it was pallative.

From Jan to June, it was in and out of doctors/hospitals etc and since my other parent relied on me heavily, I got stressed. I couldn't function in work and eventhough I had told my boss, I was told that I was adding to their workload, couldn't trust me and we had words a few times.
I couldn't get my sh*t together. This is the first role where I feel I failed.

After my parent passed, I was a mess. I got offered another role nearby and the culture/people etc was so different. In the end I left after 10 months.
I am happy in this role but the previous one is haunting me. I wince and shudder at how awful it was and how bad I was. I feel like I let my old boss down.
On a side note, that team started the Sept before I joined, 1 guy left after 6 months, another a month later, then another after 6 weeks, then me, and two others since then. The recuiters actually told me that candidates were put off my the company. One person I interviewed, declined a second one as they had reached out to their contacts and decided against it.

So my worry is (I plan to stay where I am for a very long time) that I may have ruined my reputation (bear in mind I am in IT 22 years),
What do you think?

Thanks for taking the time to read.

_Brian

Test User 1234 wrote: »

Hi,

I'd like to get folks' input here.
A few years ago, I made a poor decision to switch jobs.
I'd been in my previous role 3 years, no advancement and I wanted permanency.
An old school friend put me in touch with the hiring manager. I did the interview and was offered the role.
I started just before Christmas and after a few days, I knew it wasn't for me.
To top it all off, my parent who had terminal cancer, was told that the treatment was ending and it was pallative.

From Jan to June, it was in and out of doctors/hospitals etc and since my other parent relied on me heavily, I got stressed. I couldn't function in work and eventhough I had told my boss, I was told that I was adding to their workload, couldn't trust me and we had words a few times.
I couldn't get my sh*t together. This is the first role where I feel I failed.

After my parent passed, I was a mess. I got offered another role nearby and the culture/people etc was so different. In the end I left after 10 months.
I am happy in this role but the previous one is haunting me. I wince and shudder at how awful it was and how bad I was. I feel like I let my old boss down.
On a side note, that team started the Sept before I joined, 1 guy left after 6 months, another a month later, then another after 6 weeks, then me, and two others since then. The recuiters actually told me that candidates were put off my the company. One person I interviewed, declined a second one as they had reached out to their contacts and decided against it.

So my worry is (I plan to stay where I am for a very long time) that I may have ruined my reputation (bear in mind I am in IT 22 years),
What do you think?

Thanks for taking the time to read.

It will be fine..
You can still build on your reputation and its current reputation that counts.

Diziet

Everyone can go through a bad patch, you haven't ruined anything. Be kind to yourself and concentrate on the present and the future.

Gemancy

Test User 1234 wrote: »

Hi,

I'd like to get folks' input here.
A few years ago, I made a poor decision to switch jobs.
I'd been in my previous role 3 years, no advancement and I wanted permanency.
An old school friend put me in touch with the hiring manager. I did the interview and was offered the role.
I started just before Christmas and after a few days, I knew it wasn't for me.
To top it all off, my parent who had terminal cancer, was told that the treatment was ending and it was pallative.

From Jan to June, it was in and out of doctors/hospitals etc and since my other parent relied on me heavily, I got stressed. I couldn't function in work and eventhough I had told my boss, I was told that I was adding to their workload, couldn't trust me and we had words a few times.
I couldn't get my sh*t together. This is the first role where I feel I failed.

After my parent passed, I was a mess. I got offered another role nearby and the culture/people etc was so different. In the end I left after 10 months.
I am happy in this role but the previous one is haunting me. I wince and shudder at how awful it was and how bad I was. I feel like I let my old boss down.
On a side note, that team started the Sept before I joined, 1 guy left after 6 months, another a month later, then another after 6 weeks, then me, and two others since then. The recuiters actually told me that candidates were put off my the company. One person I interviewed, declined a second one as they had reached out to their contacts and decided against it.

So my worry is (I plan to stay where I am for a very long time) that I may have ruined my reputation (bear in mind I am in IT 22 years),
What do you think?

Thanks for taking the time to read.

Just sounds like you’re human and that you actually give a crap and have work ethic. I’d hire you based on that alone! Your memories will be tainted by your perceived failure. You see your ‘failings’ a lot more harshly and analyse them a lot more than anyone else ever will!

The company failed to support you through a terrible time in your life, despite your honesty with them, I bet they aren’t beating themselves up about it and wondering if they’ve ruined their rep as a good employer!

Even if you did do as badly as you think, you can’t change the past, try to find one positive that came out of that experience and then put it behind you. Looks like it led you to making a decision that suits your overall work goals in that you like the new role and plan to stay there. Be kind to yourself. Life is short, what happened is a blip and won’t matter to you when all is said and done!

Good luck

OMM 0000

I think we all have a job we can look back on and think "I'd hate to have to use them as a reference".

That's the situation you're in with that job. Just don't use them as a reference.

Also, try to move on. It's in the past. It's over.

grayzer75

No worse feeling than the 'what have I done moment' after been spun a load of sh1te during the hiring process, I'm sure it happens most people at some point.

it happened me when I left a job after 15 years as I felt I had gone stale but the grass isn't always greener and all that so I left the new job within 3 months but I learned from it especially around researching the company and asking a lot more questions in the interviews.

As for your reputation, it won't be an issue as you're planning on staying in your current role a long time.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for your responses. I'm still feeling very stressed and anxious about the experience and worry if those who remain have a bad perception of me now. People talk and I worry what they say.
The city is small and stories follow. People have long memories.
Its well over a year now but I am haunted.
What is strange is that I keep getting rewarded for my performance in this role that wasn't good enough in the previous role.
I cannot tell you how stressed I am about it.

OMM 0000

You shouldn't be this stressed.

You are overreacting.

You should try to talk this through with someone you trust.

LimeFruitGum

The previous company is just a blip. Even if you didn't have to navigate the stress of a parent's ill health & end-of-life care, you already knew it wasn't going to be a long-term career home for you.

Why are you worrying about a company with a crappy reputation? Your career may very well outlast them if they're as bad as you, your former colleagues, and industry recruiters are saying. If anything, a former colleague will probably reach out to you to see you can get them a job! What do you care about your old company- did anyone in there support you while your parent was dying? Probably not. So sod what they think.

Your new company is better, you're doing very well there, it is a better fit all round. You were offered (headhunted?) a new job - I really wouldn't worry about your rep if you were headhunted whilst still in a company... That's how I'd frame it in my head.

HelgaWard

I definitely think you are being very hard on yourself. You have to accept at some point that the past is in the past. In all likelihood people are not talking about you, or your performance in that job. If your company has an employee assistance programme maybe you could arrange a session with a councillor of some sort to talk this through with. To be so worried & stressed about 1 year on is not healthy or rational. Be kind to yourself.

OMM 0000

HelgaWard wrote: »

In all likelihood people are not talking about you, or your performance in that job.

They probably don't even remember him.

When you're young you think people are thinking about you or talking about you, but in fact, they probably don't care about you and are too busy getting on with their own lives.

LegacyUser

Thanks again for the responses. I know this thinking isn't normal but my confidence is shot. Its a very well known large multinational so won't be going anywhere soon.
I hope they forget me.
I am seeing a psychologist on Friday to go through this and I am seeing my GP today to tackle the anxiety.
I had a big enough salary as I thought I had valuable experience that they wanted to use and I remember my manager saying that they wanted to use it but project timelines meant my role had to change. Then they alluded to the fact that they wanted me to replace them as they were moving up. That wasn't explained to me.
Ugh its an awful terrible feeling....

Hasn't anyone else experienced a toxic manager/workplace?