Worried about male cousin staying with me

LegacyUser

I want to know if I should be concerned or not. I have a male cousin in his 20s from England who has come to stay with myself and mother for a month until the New Year.

He's on the autistic spectrum but is overall very intelligent and socially aware to an extent. He falls a bit when it comes to conversations with people. He doesn't seem to know the boundaries. We have a WhatsApp between family members and he's asked my mother some very personal sexual questions about problems he'd been having since he's an only child a few months ago. My mother put up some boundaries and that seemed to resolve the situation.

A few days ago we had some wine and we got to the topic of having too much to drink at the pub/nightclub. He then went off topic and into detail about reading an article online of a man who got caught after drugging his girlfriend and having drunk sex with her for years because she came across the video recordings he made by chance. He seemed to pity him and say that he'd have gotten away with it by going into detail about the drugs that would render someone completely unconscious.

Now I know 90% that he'd never do anything but the other 10% of me thinks that me and my mother might be at risk. As I said, he's very smart (gets best grades in college) and knows the ins and outs of science/medicine/physics/computers etc. Even his therapist/doctors are surprised by how much knowledge he has. Combine this with some pretty shady things in the past like forging his college transcripts and intentionally destroying the computer of a friend he got into an argument with, I’m worried he may get an idea in his head and take things too far.

LimeFruitGum

I suppose he has already booked his flight? 10% risk is too much for me, I would trust your intuition on these things. I wouldn’t have him stay over at all tbh. Isn’t there anyone else who he could visit or stay with? Did you or your mother invite him or did he invite himself?

Caranica

Where is he self isolating for 14 days? Will it be in a room in your house? That would make me a little nervous.

Otherwise, I would sit him down and set boundaries day 1, no go areas in the house, respect, no excessive alcohol etc.

LegacyUser

He's already here with us. All my relatives are in the UK so there's no chance of him staying with someone else.

Has anyone had an experience with this personally? As I said, he says an awful lot of weird sexual stuff from having Aspergers. He even got in trouble when he was in school for talking about violence but never acted on it so I want to think he's just being inappropriate.

eviltwin

herrera21 wrote: »

He's already here with us. All my relatives are in the UK so there's no chance of him staying with someone else.

Has anyone had an experience with this personally? As I said, he says an awful lot of weird sexual stuff from having Aspergers. He even got in trouble when he was in school for talking about violence but never acted on it so I want to think he's just being inappropriate.

I have experience with Aspergers and have never seen any inappropriate sexual behaviour as a result of it. Your cousin has spoken about how to get away with raping someone - Aspie or not that is sick and there is no way anyone would get past my front door with that.

I’d be telling him or his next of kin to make alternate arrangements because you don’t feel comfortable and I’d be saying exactly why.

Rubberchikken

I don't know.if this type of conversation is common in people with Aspergers. It maybe just something he's always done and may enjoy (for want of a better word) the attention it receives.

Set boundaries. Insist on changing the subject if he raises it.

If he's so intelligent then he'll surely get the message that conversation like that is unacceptable to you.

Car99

herrera21 wrote: »

A few days ago we had some wine and we got to the topic of having too much to drink at the pub/nightclub. He then went off topic and into detail about reading an article online of a man who got caught after drugging his girlfriend and having drunk sex with her for years because she came across the video recordings he made by chance. He seemed to pity him and say that he'd have gotten away with it by going into detail about the drugs that would render someone completely unconscious.

.

At the time did you make him aware that you found his pity for the rapist inappropriate and found his take on the case worring?

Jequ0n

I might me a bit biased here but I really can’t see why any of this would be cause for concern. Have you never read about a crime and thought how stupid the perpetrator had been to get caught?
There might be more things that have you worried but from your post I can’t understand why any of this would be reason to be so alarmed.

PopZiggy

You are probably over thinking it unless you have more evidence to suggest otherwise. It is creepy but people say stupid things with drink on board.

mcginty28

From reading your post I'd say you should be ok but I'd defo be making sure the lock on mother's bedroom door is in good working order .....

qwerty13

Why is he staying with you OP? It seems a very unusual arrangement in these times, but you also said that all other family is in the U.K.