Was this inappropriate?

LegacyUser

So I’m a guy who spent some time in a psychiatric hospital and was only discharged last week. My time overall was great and I didn’t have any issues with the patients/staff. The only thing that caught me off guard was a comment a nurse made.

The psychiatrist was asking me about some personal insecurities I had when we had one of our daily meetings. A student nurse had to be there each time to take notes. I was talking about how I felt uncomfortable about my face and thought it put me off from making friends/girlfriends. After the meeting, I was sitting in the lounge with the same nurse that was present and we got chatting. She came back to what I said and told me that I shouldn’t worry because even if my face isn’t good, I have a “sexy voice”.

I was a bit taken aback. Although I appreciated the comment, I felt it was a bit inappropriate from a medical professional as I thought they’re not supposed to make any romantic/sexual advances or comments to patients. I told my sister and she laughed it off but said it would be creepier if the genders were reversed i.e. a male nurse telling that to a female patient.

Am I overthinking this?

YellowLead

erichegarty wrote: »

So I’m a guy who spent some time in a psychiatric hospital and was only discharged last week. My time overall was great and I didn’t have any issues with the patients/staff. The only thing that caught me off guard was a comment a nurse made.

The psychiatrist was asking me about some personal insecurities I had when we had one of our daily meetings. A student nurse had to be there each time to take notes. I was talking about how I felt uncomfortable about my face and thought it put me off from making friends/girlfriends. After the meeting, I was sitting in the lounge with the same nurse that was present and we got chatting. She came back to what I said and told me that I shouldn’t worry because even if my face isn’t good, I have a “sexy voice”.

I was a bit taken aback. Although I appreciated the comment, I felt it was a bit inappropriate from a medical professional as I thought they’re not supposed to make any romantic/sexual advances or comments to patients. I told my sister and she laughed it off but said it would be creepier if the genders were reversed i.e. a male nurse telling that to a female patient.

Am I overthinking this?

I think as it was a student nurse perhaps give her a break and don’t complain. I agree it’s inappropriate, but her heart was probably in the right place and she was probably just giving you a genuine compliment. I’d say if it bothers you and it’s possible, say it just to her that you felt it was inappropriate so she can learn from the mistake. Other than that I’d just take it as a compliment and forget about it. Different if it was a senior doctor, but just a student, it kind of takes away the power side.

Plumbthedepths

Yes you are overthinking it, most likely she thought she was helping you pointing out a positive. Experience will teach her such remarks are inappropriate, move on.
Btw she's not a professional but a student learning her profession.

woodchuck

Was it inappropriate? Yes

Are you overthinking it? Yes

As others have said, she's a student nurse, so I'd cut her some slack. I'm sure she's still learning what is/isn't appropriate for the nurse/patient relationship.

Xterminator

Hi OP

this comment was unprofessional, clumsy and open to interpretation as to what it meant and inferred

If you assign it the benign interpretation the student nurse was offering you encouragement in an informal chat, after the session. I see no reason not to take it at its most innocent, and in that case i don't think it requires you to report this person to seek remedy or require a disciplinary action.

I would say the same if the genders were reversed.

cannotlogin

She probably assumed that as a student nurse, she wouldn't have the experience to help you feel better about your looks and instead tried to help you the only way she could by giving you a compliment that she probably thought you might accept.

ManOfMystery

From a seasoned professional, I'd say highly inappropriate.

From a student nurse - still inappropriate, but bearing in mind she was trying to be positive and make you feel better, and her lack of experience, I'd move on and forget about it.

Zebrag

erichegarty wrote: »

So I’m a guy who spent some time in a psychiatric hospital and was only discharged last week. My time overall was great and I didn’t have any issues with the patients/staff. The only thing that caught me off guard was a comment a nurse made.

The psychiatrist was asking me about some personal insecurities I had when we had one of our daily meetings. A student nurse had to be there each time to take notes. I was talking about how I felt uncomfortable about my face and thought it put me off from making friends/girlfriends. After the meeting, I was sitting in the lounge with the same nurse that was present and we got chatting. She came back to what I said and told me that I shouldn’t worry because even if my face isn’t good, I have a “sexy voice”.

I was a bit taken aback. Although I appreciated the comment, I felt it was a bit inappropriate from a medical professional as I thought they’re not supposed to make any romantic/sexual advances or comments to patients. I told my sister and she laughed it off but said it would be creepier if the genders were reversed i.e. a male nurse telling that to a female patient.

Am I overthinking this?

I think I have to lean towards all improfesslism here.

Regardless if it was a student nurse right up until the highest profession, it was still inappropriate.

If it was said between the nurse and psychiatrist in privite then that's banter between the two.

But to say towards a patient in an environment where there's no meetings or daily session, whom has already been admitted for their own reasons and most likely could take any comment personally or not. All patients need and have to be treated as an individual who's need are required to be met with certain levels of professionallism. Whether the patient asked for self reassurance or a compliment, a nurse who is learning the profession should know better as well as the psycharist/counsellor that all compliments and reassurance have to be met with a level of professionalism. Sexual or not.

I have been admitted to hospital myself for mental health reasons and yes I've ask questions in regards to my physical appearances and never once has my questions been met with an answer by that would be deemed inappropriate. In fact, it's been more of a reverse psychology way and made to feel that I've to look within myself and know my own worth.

In regards to reporting this statement made towards the patient, I would raise this concern with the phycharist. Not only does OP go to find help for their mental state they do not need to question what their nurse or psycharist have said. Whether it was a nice compliment or nasty, the nurse should of known better to add in "your voice is sexy". The nurse let her guard down completely and has shown that she is willing to slip to make a patient feel better about themselves.

I reread the post again and notice it was said between the two themselves in the lounge which not only says it's an unprofessional place to have a one and one, apart from general chit chat which is perfectly normal, throwing compliments to a patient as a nurse is highly unprofessional and obviously being in your shoes, I would walk away questioning that statement too. Had this compliment been said on a night out, between two people, that's normal and it's socialising but this wasn't a socializing setting and I personally think the nurse should have reworded her compliment completely or better still, had not said anything at all and kept her "sexy voice" comment to herself.

This however I do agree that if the genders were revered, I would say the exact same thing. Regardless if the nurse was trying to make the patient feel better about themselves, lines are drawn and she didn't have any professionalism at that moment in time. Male or female, a level of decorum has to be shown, especially in the health care profession.

Do I think you're over reacting? No. It's natural for you to think and wonder what her comment was about.

I also want to say well done for completing your time in hospital and for wanting to look after your own mental health. It's not an easy task to do and it requires a lot of time and patience within yourself to achieve where you want to be.

corks finest

Over thinking I suggest, say she was bigging you up, being nice, naive yes

theguzman

If it was a male nurse/doctor and the patient was a vulnerable young woman would people be saying the same thing?

YellowLead

theguzman wrote: »

If it was a male nurse/doctor and the patient was a vulnerable young woman would people be saying the same thing?

For me gender does not come into it - it’s the that fact it was a student nurse. So if it was a male or female doctor then I would be recommending something needs to be said.

Rubberchikken

Irrespective of gender, a nurse, student or not, needs to be professional and removed from personal comments etc that could be construed wrongly.

Report it if you wish and/or let it go.

dubrov

I think it's sad that she was clearly trying to do something nice but based on many comments here she could be open to a complaint.

It won't be long until the health service is a completely neutral, cold place.

Airyfairy12

Regardless of gender, as a student nurse it sounds like she hasn't figured out how to put on her professional hat while at work. Ive seen it in my own place of work with student social care workers that come in on experience. Some of them can forget their place and make inappropriate comments & jokes, try to be friends with clients ect, its a bit awkward but just takes time for people to find their feet, they suddenly have to behave in a total different way to what their used to while also wanting to be themselves & connect with the people theyre working with. Its really hard to find the balance when its all so new. This is partly why students are always under the direction of a member of staff and not left alone with patients/clients for any length of time. New graduates are like this too.

santana75

She was trying to be nice and make you feel better. I'd let it go, dont hold onto it because that kind of introspection will lead you to misinterpret what someone says.

sydthebeat

You were paid a compliment

FishHook

If some young nurse told me I had a 'sexy voice:, I'd be delighted. Take it as a compliment and move on. Thankfully, I am old enough to remember when comments like this were commonplace and there was no drama.

qwerty13

FishHook wrote: »

If some young nurse told me I had a 'sexy voice:, I'd be delighted. Take it as a compliment and move on. Thankfully, I am old enough to remember when comments like this were commonplace and there was no drama.

I really disagree with this (not just you, FishHook, other similar comments too). If the OP was in for an appendectomy, I’d think it was an oddly unprofessional comment - but for someone who was engaging with mental health services, and has self esteem issues around their looks - I just find her comment absolutely wildly inappropriate. And counter productive, if not damaging.

It isn’t ‘just a compliment’ in the setting her comment was made. It is speaking to the OP’s mental health issues in a completely inappropriate manner. I genuinely think it was a damaging comment to make, and I would report it.

Tell me how

Think it says a lot about your self confidence that someone said this to you and you are focusing on whether or not it was appropriate.
And I don't mean that in a harsh or dismissive way. You were paid a compliment and maybe you could also hear that for what it was. I've inpatient for mental health treatment myself and I know the other extreme of this can be dispassionate or what seems as a cold indifferent connection with staff which I think this is far from ideal either.

As others have said, she is a student who is learning and I think if you meet her again, maybe thank her for saying it but mention some people might feel it was too personal.

I know in older care facilities the engagement between patients and staff can involve a lot of 'affectionate' language and I think while you could argue that that is also inappropriate it can give people a lift which has positive effects on their general health and well being.

jimmycrackcorm

Xterminator wrote: »

Hi OP

this comment was unprofessional, clumsy and open to interpretation as to what it meant and inferred

.

It was a student nurse.. They don't come out of the box qualified.

rockatansky

sydthebeat wrote: »

You were paid a compliment

Ah the old I was only paying you a compliment excuse. The starting point for all Sexual Harassment cases.

Jequ0n

sydthebeat wrote: »

You were paid a compliment

Pretty clumsy one though, he was also told that his face "wasn't good" though that could just be how OP interpreted the sentence.

Personally I'd brush it off and laugh about it but if that's someone's sore point than it probably isn't so easy.


OP just put it aside and recognize that you identified one of the student's weak spots as she clearly isn't the smartest talker. Nothing else.

Skibunny77

Op, it was inappropriate. You can give feedback to the hospital. Feedback as opposed to a complaint. As someone who has supervised students in healthcare, the reflections & experiences are such a valuable learning tool for students. There isn't disciplinary action but it gives her an opportunity to understand how her comment made you uncomfortable - she will value that learning in the long run.

eviltwin

It was a crossing of a boundary, it happens but it shouldn’t especially when dealing with vulnerable people. I’m sure no harm was meant by it and students will make mistakes but if they don’t know how will they learn? I work in social cate and I’ve said some right clangers but it’s important to be aware of them so you know how to avoid them in future.

Jequ0n

Maybe I am missing the point here (again) but I thought the OP just asked for options for his own understanding and not because he is considering reporting it?

ILoveYourVibes

Its inappropriate. You were in a vulnerable place. You are not over thinking it.

That student nurse has no clue what is needed from her in her job. She is presuming its what is needed from her in her outside social life. Which is, I would say a rookie mistake.

People are saying she was being nice. Which is true.

But Student Nurses are there to learn proper bedside manner how to be professional in this setting. Its a totally different setting from ones you would socializing in and it has very different rules.

Her being a student ...i would put it down to inexperience. But she needs to learn this environment has different rules and they are there for a reason.

It obv upset you ....can you imagine if she was 50 and still like that and she had a male patient of 18?

Its not that patients don't have to see nurses or doctors as humans etc but i mean you don't have to take the baggage

I mean its a lot of social pressure for patients if they know nurses are noticing things about them that are attractive or not. I mean obv they do...but it would be nice if they pretend they don't.

Regarding how you should take it.

She was trying to build your self esteem. She was trying to be kind. But as she is a student she doesn't really understand yet how patients see her and what is they need from her. I.E a patient is going to have different needs from a friend. Its an odd situation ..because you are not familiar ..yet you have to maybe be in very close physical proximity or reveal emotional things that you actually don't want to reveal to them. But you have to. Its a strange cold forced intimacy. And its usually not at all pleasant. As she is student she hasn't realize this yet.

IMO the best nurses are always chirpy and polite..always calm ...and always slightly disinterested in you as a person. It just makes things smoother.

Oink

Come on people. She’s going to be a psychiatric nurse. Do you know how many people she is going to help throughout her career?
She was trying to be nice, and she made a mistake. Can you imagine how mortified she would be even after a quick word? There is absolutely no need to report her for something like that. It would be so mean and twisted.

ILoveYourVibes

Oink wrote: »

Come on people. She’s going to be a psychiatric nurse. Do you know how many people she is going to help throughout her career?
She was trying to be nice, and she made a mistake. Can you imagine how mortified she would be even after a quick word? There is absolutely no need to report her for something like that. It would be so mean and twisted.

He isn't talking about reporting her.

eviltwin

Oink wrote: »

Come on people. She’s going to be a psychiatric nurse. Do you know how many people she is going to help throughout her career?
She was trying to be nice, and she made a mistake. Can you imagine how mortified she would be even after a quick word? There is absolutely no need to report her for something like that. It would be so mean and twisted.

It’s not reporting her to get her in trouble. She won’t get in trouble,she’s a student. Placement is about learning the job and part of that is what to say and what not to say. Learning about maintaining boundaries. I’m sure she would be mortified to know a throwaway comment she made had this effect on a patient, she will be a better worker for it.