Hiking as a first date with an online dating match - dangerous?

Car99

LLMMLL wrote: »

I'd say go and enjoy.

Yes most people are saying no but people are notoriously bad at assessing risk.

Obviously

Ubbquittious

I tried to get a girlie to go on a walk with me in the hills for a first date and she refused because she was worried I would murder her.

Felt quite insulted really, we had been chatting a good while and she has me down as a potential murderer. It's a load of sh1t.

Anyway,got over that and went for a meal instead. Felt awkward because there was a lot of corona around that time and the place was almost full to capacity. Would have felt much more at ease on a mountain path

Augme

Two things jump out at me from this thread.

1. The dangerous impact that "stranger danger" has had on society. From a personal safety point of view If you are the type of person who would be horrified about going on a first date in the mountains but would be happy to do it as a second date after quick first date coffee you need to have a good think about that strategy.

2. I can see why people hate online dating so much when they invest a much into someone they haven't met before and then regret with such disappointment when they don't fancy them.

I've been on some very enjoyable first dates were I knew instantly I wasn't attracted to them but was still enjoyed their company and enjoyed the experience.

TheadoreT

Augme wrote: »

Two things jump out at me from this thread.

1. The dangerous impact that "stranger danger" has had on society. From a personal safety point of view If you are the type of person who would be horrified about going on a first date in the mountains but would be happy to do it as a second date after quick first date coffee you need to have a good think about that strategy.

2. I can see why people hate online dating so much when they invest a much into someone they haven't met before and then regret with such disappointment when they don't fancy them.

I've been on some very enjoyable first dates were I knew instantly I wasn't attracted to them but was still enjoyed their company and enjoyed the experience.

Its more "male danger" than stranger danger. A lot of females reticence about meeting up for first time is all too sadly due to a bad experience or many in the past with creepy men. It's very valid.
I think gut instinct after meeting someone for a brief coffee as you said would tell them a lot more than you'd think. They say a females gut instinct is stronger than mens, its probably because it has to be as a subconscious survival mechanism.

YellowLead

Augme wrote: »

I've been on some very enjoyable first dates were I knew instantly I wasn't attracted to them but was still enjoyed their company and enjoyed the experience.

I can so relate to this. I genuinely don’t go as far as meeting up with somebody unless I’m certain we get on. Ive made some good male friends actually from this.
I did a few times try throwing caution to the wind and not having much chat and those were the dates that kind of bombed.

Sonic the Shaghog

bitofabind wrote: »

I've probably been burned too many times by the bad dates with guys who I got on SO well with for the weeks / hours we texted and chatted over the phone to do something like this. Not sure if you're new to dating and less jaded OP, but please remember: real-life can be a world of difference to the online buildup. You can meet someone and immediately either one of you feels an instant "HELL NO" and then be stuck with them for hours.

My rule of thumb has always been to give myself an easy out. Coffee date, or walk around the park, with a very definite deadline to leave because I've got plans.

This is exactly it. I've thought 100% I've clicked so well on the phone chatting with ones and when we met it was like talking to a different person and it felt like I met their sister.

This is why I don't so the "even if we don't click it will be a nice chat for a few hours" thing cause it can and has backfired

YellowLead

Sonic the Shaghog wrote: »

This is exactly it. I've thought 100% I've clicked so well on the phone chatting with ones and when we met it was like talking to a different person and it felt like I met their sister.

This is why I don't so the "even if we don't click it will be a nice chat for a few hours" thing cause it can and has backfired

Each to their own this has never happened to me so I guess if it does then I’ll change my approach!

Curious_Case

YellowLead wrote: »

I’ve been asked on a hike with a guy I matched with on bumble after chatting for a while including over the phone. This will be the first date. I didn’t really think twice about saying yes as it’s part of the Dublin mountains that’s always busy with lots of walkers and I like the idea of getting out in the fresh air (outdoors is the only option really for dates at the moment). He is bringing his dogs.
However when I mentioned it to a male friend he told me I was very stupid to agree to this and that I would end up dead and buried. I know where this guy works and he used to work where I work now and he knows I know all of this detail because he told me. Am I crazy to agree or is my friend just thinking worst case scenario and freaking out over nothing?

It sounds fine to me, maybe he's not a nightclub type anyway?

A dangerous type would be more likely to employ some type of half-baked scheme I think,
you know the type - "Oh no, the car won't start, now we have to walk home, lucky I know a short cut"

Above-board people think nothing of initiating the kinds of scenarios that creeps delight in.

Sonic the Shaghog

Sonic the Shaghog wrote: »

This is exactly it. I've thought 100% I've clicked so well on the phone chatting with ones and when we met it was like talking to a different person and it felt like I met their sister.

This is why I don't so the "even if we don't click it will be a nice chat for a few hours" thing cause it can and has backfired

There should be an app for that, where you each agree a nominal "walk away" fee as part of the date and when you walk up and think "Nuh-uh", then you just hit the button in the app and walk away having bought back an hour or so of your life.

Bigdig69

Nooooooppppee dont. Even aside from the possible risk it is just too much commitment for what is a first meet.

Faith

YellowLead wrote: »

Each to their own this has never happened to me so I guess if it does then I’ll change my approach!

Gosh, you’re either exceptionally lucky or you’re new to the online dating world? I met a handful of dates through online dating before I was married and I completely failed to click with 95% of them. Most I knew as soon as I saw them in person, a couple took a while chatting over coffee to know. If it wasn’t that they looked totally different in real life it was that our personalities weren’t matched.

I’d personally run a mile from any first date that I couldn’t get out of quickly. I’ll never forget meeting a guy in a nightclub donkeys years ago - he was Italian and GORGEOUS and I couldn’t wait to go out with him. But he turned out to be awful when I met him and I made my excuses and left as quickly as I could. I’d only ever agree to a coffee or a drink personally - something that can be as short or as long as you both want it to be.

Airyfairy12

You might think you know and trust him but you dont really know him. It could be a nice idea for a date after a few weeks of dating but straight off the bat is madness. Can you go for a walk through town instead? Get a takeaway coffee or something?

RurtBeynolds

A hike won't be much fun if you're wearing a face mask the whole time and keeping two metres apart.

cannotlogin

I wouldn't do it.

You don't know a person just from talking to them online so it's always a good idea to meet them somewhere that you can easily exit or be seen until you do.

The chances of him being anything other than normal are slim but Patrick Nevin's victims, the lady in Dun Laoghaoire who had her throat slit by a teenager, Grace Millane, etc all met their attacker online and all initially thought the person they were meeting was normal. All first dates.

Not a chance I would be taking until I knew someone better.

YellowLead

RurtBeynolds wrote: »

A hike won't be much fun if you're wearing a face mask the whole time and keeping two metres apart.

You don’t need a face mask if you are keeping 2 metres apart

Have fun on your date OP. I hope the after date thread is as much fun.

Hamachi

cannotlogin wrote: »

The chances of him being anything other than normal are slim but Patrick Nevin's victims, the lady in Dun Laoghaoire who had her throat slit by a teenager, Grace Millane, etc all met their attacker online and all initially thought the person they were meeting was normal. All first dates.

In fairness, that’s a bit melodramatic. It’s not like the OP has signed up to hike the Wicklow way with Larry Murphy.

She appears to have work-related connections with this chap. If he truly had malevolent intentions, he wouldn’t be freely sharing this name, place of employment, and other personal details.

As other posters have pointed out, the most ‘sinister’ possible outcome is that there won’t be any spark, which may lead to a slightly awkward couple of hours.

cannotlogin

Hamachi wrote: »

In fairness, that’s a bit melodramatic.

Each to their own. I don't think it's melodramatic at all. It's a list of example of cases where the women involved falsely thought the same as the OP.

I genuinely think the risk is extremely low but just not one I would be taking. A hike is a lovely date idea but what's wrong with a wiser choice for the earlier dates.

micah537

If her date really is sinister, he could quiet easily turn on the charm if they just went for coffee or a different type date and then kill her at her home. It's unlikely that he'd have all the details of who he is or where they'll meet sent through messages just to do something evil, where he'll quickly get caught out. OP enjoy your date if you decide to go.

Jizique wrote: »

Even if the dog is an Alsatian or a Doberman?
.

What's your point about the dog breed exactly?
Surely your not so incredibly small minded and uneducated that you think they'll attack her?

Gekko

Hiking in the mountains seems a bit more like a second or third date activity than a first date one

Walk with takeaway coffee in a park or on beach...around Blessington Lake or in Glendalough where there are more people around and it’s more public would be more a first date thing I would’ve thought

Also this is Ireland in the winter so you also need it not to be blowing a gale or lashing rain ideally I guess for it to be reasonably comfortable

Jizique

micah537 wrote: »

If her date really is sinister, he could quiet easily turn on the charm if they just went for coffee or a different type date and then kill her at her home. It's unlikely that he'd have all the details of who he is or where they'll meet sent through messages just to do something evil, where he'll quickly get caught out. OP enjoy your date if you decide to go.




What's your point about the dog breed exactly?
Surely your not so incredibly small minded and uneducated that you think they'll attack her?

Well, even if comfortable with dogs, can you accept that there are differences between breeds?
If I was slightly uncomfortable about dogs to start with, I would be less comfortable going on a mountain hike with someone I didn’t know if they brought a large dog than a poodle or a smaller dog, esp if I felt that I needed to make my excuses and leave if I started to feel uncomfortable for any reason.
If that makes me small-minded, fine.

Covit

Brilliant first date just pack little extra like hunting knife and pepper spray .
id go as far as telling him him what’s in your back pack .
If he turns up it’s true love .

volchitsa

YellowLead wrote: »

Before I started the thread there was an element of doubt after my friends reaction, but having listened to the logic here - the positive comments that’s it’s not a bad idea, just take precautions I have my mind made up to continue. Even if there is probably more advice not to go, I wanted to hear both sides.
And I echo that about the dogs - I love dogs but don’t have any so it will be fun to hang out with somebody else’s. They will add to the conversation too.

How many dogs and what kind? I think unless they’re a dangerous breed or trained to attack (he isn’t a drug dealer I take it?!) then dogs are probably safety for you too, as most dogs would be upset by conflict or violence between their owner and anyone else. They’d bark and attract attention. If he meant you any harm I dont think he’d bring them. (Bring à few treats and if they’re like my dog they’ll probably be your friends for life.)

Dtp1979

Covit wrote: »

Brilliant first date just pack little extra like hunting knife and pepper .

That’d only give you a head start on the run for your life.

Seriously op, eliminate all risk and go someone e more public

cj maxx

A bad idea for a first date imo.
More for the obvious chance of not clicking when face to face and not having a get out!
As others have suggested maybe a walk in (a busy) park.

Choosehowevr.

Cup of coffee and a chat

Walk away if you're not interested

kirving

Gekko wrote: »

...around Blessington Lake or in Glendalough where there are more people around and it’s more public would be more a first date thing I would’ve thought

Ticknock was far busier than Grafton Street for much of the lockdown. Hundreds of people about all day Saturday and Sunday.

My biggest issue with this would be finding parking in such a popular spot like that to be honest. Cycling there, I've seen plenty of what appear to be people on dates going for a wander.

wiggle16

Mod:

As the OP's initial question has been resolved and the OP's date isn't for another few days (and of course because I am a complete killjoy) I am going to lock this thread for the moment. Thanks all for posting.

OP if you want to post an update after your date as you intended, please PM me and I can reopen the thread. Best of luck with your date and stay safe.

Nollaig shona a chairde

wiggle16

Mod:

Thread reopened at OP's request.

YellowLead

I just wanted to report the hiking date went very well. There was no element of danger and he was the perfect gentleman so no need to watch out for reports of a missing person
I think it was the most fun I’ve had on a first date - the scenery was so beautiful and his dogs were so much fun, in addition to him being very interesting.
I don’t know how I shall go back to coffee/dinner/drink with others should things not progress, it will seem so dull.
Just to say - I am not advocating a hike with a total stranger, remember I knew where he works and he used to work at my company, so we know some mutual people.
There was never a fear for me that we would not get on as I had pre-established that via text/telephone conversation, only the unknown as to whether I would find him attractive and vice versa. I can report that we do and are planning another hike for date no. 2

Airyfairy12

So happy to read this, really hope it works out for you

Tork

I'm glad it went well for you. It's nice to read some good news on boards at this somewhat depressing time. Enjoy the 2nd date.

volchitsa

That's lovely to hear - a cheery note in somewhat dark times.

Thanks for letting us know, and I hope it continues to go well for you, Yellowlead!

What were the dogs like? Talk about burying the lede:-)

listermint

Best of luck to the pair of you. Hopefully it progresses well .

YellowLead

[Deleted User] wrote: »

What were the dogs like? Talk about burying the lede:-)

Dogs were super friendly and lovely. He told me he was bringing them so it wasn’t a surprise.

YellowLead

listermint wrote: »

Best of luck to the pair of you. Hopefully it progresses well .

Thanks for the lovely wishes. I’ve been on enough great first/second/10 dates to know they don’t always lead anywhere....but I remain hopeful that one day they will lead to somebody, who I like back, wanting to spend at least a couple of months in my company, while not dating others. Bit of a needle in a haystack type wish it seems, but one has to keep at it! I know there are needles there, they just require a lot of digging to find Right now a second great date is my immediate wish

Katgurl

YellowLead wrote: »

Thanks for the lovely wishes. I’ve been on enough great first/second/10 dates to know they don’t always lead anywhere....but I remain hopeful that one day they will lead to somebody, who I like back, wanting to spend at least a couple of months in my company, while not dating others. Bit of a needle in a haystack type wish it seems, but one has to keep at it! I know there are needles there, they just require a lot of digging to find Right now a second great date is my immediate wish

Yippeeeeeee!!! You sound exactly like me four years ago, not bitter, still optimistic but also realistic. I hope he is your needle too. I'm marrying mine as soon as all this covid rubbish is over.

YellowLead

Katgurl wrote: »

Yippeeeeeee!!! You sound exactly like me four years ago, not bitter, still optimistic but also realistic. I hope he is your needle too. I'm marrying mine as soon as all this covid rubbish is over.

Thank you And massive congratulations on your up coming wedding
We had a great second date (another hike with the dogs) and have planned a third for this weekend.

I like that description - not bitter, optimistic but realistic - it’s great to have reached this point where I can truly say I am that way.

Car99

YellowLead wrote: »

Thanks for the lovely wishes. I’ve been on enough great first/second/10 dates to know they don’t always lead anywhere....but I remain hopeful that one day they will lead to somebody, who I like back, wanting to spend at least a couple of months in my company, while not dating others. Bit of a needle in a haystack type wish it seems, but one has to keep at it! I know there are needles there, they just require a lot of digging to find Right now a second great date is my immediate wish

If you roll around in the hay long enough you'll eventually feel a little prick. Then you'll have found your needle. Best of luck.

YellowLead

Car99 wrote: »

If you roll around in the hay long enough you'll eventually feel a little prick. Then you'll have found your needle. Best of luck.

Lol - perfectly put

TheBoyConor

Glad to hear you are still alive. (or is it the date guy now posting from the now deceased op's Boards account?)

But jesus, what were you thinking? That was crazy.

wiggle16

Mod

As the issue has been resolved I'm going to lock this thread.

Thanks all who posted. Best of luck with everything OP.

Thread locked