How old would you date?

phildub

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Maybe not just profile on looks so. Then again, very hard to judge someone having only met them a few times. Or maybe I just have promiscuous friends!

As for the relationship, I don't think it would affect it. She's got her head sown on well, and something like that would just brush over her I reckon. I see your point though. And to be honest, if a niece/nephew got pissy as me for riding one of their friends, that sounds like a them problem! If consent was there, they've nothing to get pissy about. I'm sure someone in their late 30's is a bucket list for some young one somewhere! Anyone? No... Ok...

You can have your head sown on and still be disgusted that your uncle rode you friend. And it would be a you problem as you would loose family connections which seems about all you have right now. Also, i am going to go ahead an make an assumption here that the reason you are collecting them at night is because they are drinking so you as a sober 37 year old would be riding a drunk 20 year old and that is creepy as fcuk

rapul

Creepy-Posts

Tig98

Riding one of her friends would absolutely destroy your relationship with her and the rest of your family. It changes everything. Instead of being the sound uncle who gave lifts when they were stuck, you become the predator who was waiting for an opportunity with one of the girls.

There is the age of consent, but theres so much more than that. That would be a completely different situation to meeting a 20 year old in a pub or on tinder etc, and I wouldn't be surprised if your niece cut you off over it. The fact that you don't think it is crossing a line speaks volumes. I know its a hypothetical situation, but its something you said you would jump at.

cannotlogin

I'm in my late 30s and max probably 10 years older but I'm sure if I met the right person that could change.

Never really saw the attraction of a younger man. A year or two maybe but think any more than that There would be a maturity gap that would wreck my head.

Dated a 28 year old when I was 17 & while I thought it was ok at the time, looking back it was just so wrong. I was so far out of my depth, I didn't even know it or was able to express it properly. He's still dating young ones & nearly in his 50s. Definitely element of sleaze about him that I couldn't see at the time.

Irish_rat

cannotlogin wrote: »

He's still dating young ones & nearly in his 50s. Definitely element of sleaze about him that I couldn't see at the time.

I find it strange you still know what he is up to these days.

I usually cut it off altogether with any exes in the past no way would I be interested in what they are doing now.

KathleenGrant

Irish_rat wrote: »

I find it strange you still know what he is up to these days.

I usually cut it off altogether with any exes in the past no way would I be interested in what they are doing now.

If you live in a small town you would know everything about your ex.

cannotlogin

Irish_rat wrote: »

I find it strange you still know what he is up to these days.

I usually cut it off altogether with any exes in the past no way would I be interested in what they are doing now.

I have no interest in what he's up to nor do I have any contact with him but I'm originally from a very small town in the West where everyone knows everyone's business. He still lives there, as do my parents, other relatives, some siblings and friends. It's often mentioned in passing.

FishOnABike

Hopefully until the day I die.

Potential-Monke

phildub wrote: »

You can have your head sown on and still be disgusted that your uncle rode you friend. And it would be a you problem as you would loose family connections which seems about all you have right now. Also, i am going to go ahead an make an assumption here that the reason you are collecting them at night is because they are drinking so you as a sober 37 year old would be riding a drunk 20 year old and that is creepy as fcuk

Why do you assume they're drunk? 95% of the time I've collected her and her friends they were close to sober. It appears getting messed up drunk is not something a lot of 18 year olds do those days, or at least it doesn't appear to be within the groups of friends my nieces/nephews hang out with. Tipsy at most, and only actually drunk once.

Your assumption was wrong. I collect them because no one else will, and my life is 4pm to 8am every day. I have no dependants aside from my parents who would be in bed, and I have no social life because who actually needs that? I do it because I would appreciate it if I was them. Simple as that. I used to walk/thumb lifts when I was their age and wanted to go drinking, and you'd be mad to let any child do that these days. I'm sure the last thing her and her friends are thinking as I drop them to the door of their house is "Ew, creep". I'm pretty sure it's "Thank fuk i'm home, I can't walk in these shoes anymore".

Tig98 wrote: »

Riding one of her friends would absolutely destroy your relationship with her and the rest of your family. It changes everything. Instead of being the sound uncle who gave lifts when they were stuck, you become the predator who was waiting for an opportunity with one of the girls.

There is the age of consent, but theres so much more than that. That would be a completely different situation to meeting a 20 year old in a pub or on tinder etc, and I wouldn't be surprised if your niece cut you off over it. The fact that you don't think it is crossing a line speaks volumes. I know its a hypothetical situation, but its something you said you would jump at.

I said I would probably jump at, but then went on to say how'd I'd ruin it. Look, I don't care what any man says, if he's in a situation where there's an 18 year old willingly wanting to ride him, and they have no reason not to other than the age gap bollocks that people peddle out, then he will ride her. I have no partner, kids, or anything like that. If a 20 year old wants to ride me, why shouldn't I? Because of the 17 year age gap? Why, if it's consensual between two people? "Teen" has being in the the top 10 porn search lists for 6 years. So if a man of whatever age, with no partner or kids or any other reason to not ride a 20 year old, suddenly gets a chance to ride a 20 year old, he will do it. The only thing stopping him is some people still have an old view of sex.

Again, once consensual and not forced, coerced, groomed, etc, I see no harm in it. None whatsoever. If people believe 18 is still too young to be making that decision, then the age of consent needs to rise. It's that simple.

And again, the situation I came up with would never happen. It just wouldn't. I'm not that type of person to work towards making something like that happen. I would nearly need to be dragged out of the car to go in "for a drink". And you have no idea of how people will react to any situation, only your own views based on your own standards. If we stopped still treating sex like this holy grail and were more open about it, maybe we'd start trusting the 18 year olds to make the "right" decisions, and you'd still see some of them riding much older fellas.

mariaalice

Everyone needs to be very careful of labeling age difference as creepy, I was married to someone who was considerably older than me I met him when I was 19 no one thought anything of the age difference at the time and he certainly was not a creep.

The difference is someone who only wants to be with someone years younger than themselves and has fetishised youth and the age difference versus someone who just happened to meet someone a lot younger or older.

mariaalice

Another one is the person who can't accept that they are 40 or 50 or want ever age and as part of this only want to be with someone younger who matches how they see themselves in their head.

phildub

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Why do you assume they're drunk? 95% of the time I've collected her and her friends they were close to sober. It appears getting messed up drunk is not something a lot of 18 year olds do those days, or at least it doesn't appear to be within the groups of friends my nieces/nephews hang out with. Tipsy at most, and only actually drunk once.

Your assumption was wrong. I collect them because no one else will, and my life is 4pm to 8am every day. I have no dependants aside from my parents who would be in bed, and I have no social life because who actually needs that? I do it because I would appreciate it if I was them. Simple as that. I used to walk/thumb lifts when I was their age and wanted to go drinking, and you'd be mad to let any child do that these days. I'm sure the last thing her and her friends are thinking as I drop them to the door of their house is "Ew, creep". I'm pretty sure it's "Thank fuk i'm home, I can't walk in these shoes anymore".



I said I would probably jump at, but then went on to say how'd I'd ruin it. Look, I don't care what any man says, if he's in a situation where there's an 18 year old willingly wanting to ride him, and they have no reason not to other than the age gap bollocks that people peddle out, then he will ride her. I have no partner, kids, or anything like that. If a 20 year old wants to ride me, why shouldn't I? Because of the 17 year age gap? Why, if it's consensual between two people? "Teen" has being in the the top 10 porn search lists for 6 years. So if a man of whatever age, with no partner or kids or any other reason to not ride a 20 year old, suddenly gets a chance to ride a 20 year old, he will do it. The only thing stopping him is some people still have an old view of sex.

Again, once consensual and not forced, coerced, groomed, etc, I see no harm in it. None whatsoever. If people believe 18 is still too young to be making that decision, then the age of consent needs to rise. It's that simple.

And again, the situation I came up with would never happen. It just wouldn't. I'm not that type of person to work towards making something like that happen. I would nearly need to be dragged out of the car to go in "for a drink". And you have no idea of how people will react to any situation, only your own views based on your own standards. If we stopped still treating sex like this holy grail and were more open about it, maybe we'd start trusting the 18 year olds to make the "right" decisions, and you'd still see some of them riding much older fellas.

What is another word to describe close to sober?! Im not talking about you giving them a lift home but the fact that you've thought about going into the house to have sex with a 20 year old who has been drinking when you are sober is, im my opinion, creepy. And my assumpyion was right And, they need you because they were drinking, if they were sober they could get themselves home. Also, plenty of people need a social life, human interaction is, again in my opinion, am important part of life

Potential-Monke

phildub wrote: »

What is another word to describe close to sober?! Im not talking about you giving them a lift home but the fact that you've thought about going into the house to have sex with a 20 year old who has been drinking when you are sober is, im my opinion, creepy. And my assumpyion was right And, they need you because they were drinking, if they were sober they could get themselves home. Also, plenty of people need a social life, human interaction is, again in my opinion, am important part of life

Ah, found the issue, we have different ideas of the level of drunk. That's grand. And yet again, this didn't happen, and nor would I let it. I probably wouldn't accept the offer even if they were sober.

And no, your assumption was still wrong. Even if they were sober, they had no way of getting home. We live in the country, taxis are too expensive and there's no public transport.

I believe we (humanity) don't need to be social, we're just hard wired to believe we do, and people like you reinforce that idea and take issue with those who don't conform to the norm. If anything, we need to be less social, as the last year has proven to me and many others that they get sick not because of themselves, but because of others in social settings (work, nightlife, etc). Lots of people do prefer it though, and that's their decision.

I know people don't like to hear what I've to say on matters quite a lot of the time, because it goes against the expected "normal" answers. But I tell it as I see it, and in the case of age of sexual partners, as long as it's legal and consensual, it really shouldn't matter. Might be creepy to some, but to others it's normal. Everyone has a different opinion, but no one has the right to enforce that opinion on anyone else. Calling things creepy, or anything like that, adds nothing to the discussion and only stunts it by giving a buzzword for people who don't agree with an opinion to have something to "use" against them.

Cerveza

I would stop at that kango grinder thing.

Potential-Monke

My apologies, I missed where you said "in my opinion". Not people like you so, but there are those who try and make out that someone's different life choices are because there's something wrong with them. I've been told there's something wrong with me because I don't have empathy outside of my circle. I don't think there is, because I believe it's impossible to have genuine empathy beyond ones own circle, and I refuse to pretend to be empathetic when I'm not, while others will pretend because it's the expected response.

Regarding the age + drink, what's the limit? Is there a hard black and white answer to that? Like, 18yo + 1 drink is ok, but 18+2 drinks isn't? Bring drunk can't be put into numbers, and we all know people who can drink 1 drink and be drunk, just like we all know people who can put back a hape of booze and still be grand. Maybe the issue is with the age to begin with (not aiming at you specifically). If people think it's wrong for someone of age x and above to sleep with someone who's 18, then is 18 not old enough for that person to make that correct sexual decision? Well, 17 is actually the legal limit, but jesus I can imagine the comments if I had said 17! Do we introduce a rolling minimum legal age as you get older? Say, it goes up yearly once you turn 28? Does it stop at a certain point?

Point I'm trying to make is, in this country there's no legal issue with someone of any age above 16 sleeping with another person of any age above 16 as long as there's clear consent on both sides.

pgj2015

Potential-Monke wrote: »

My apologies, I missed where you said "in my opinion". Not people like you so, but there are those who try and make out that someone's different life choices are because there's something wrong with them. I've been told there's something wrong with me because I don't have empathy outside of my circle. I don't think there is, because I believe it's impossible to have genuine empathy beyond ones own circle, and I refuse to pretend to be empathetic when I'm not, while others will pretend because it's the expected response.

Regarding the age + drink, what's the limit? Is there a hard black and white answer to that? Like, 18yo + 1 drink is ok, but 18+2 drinks isn't? Bring drunk can't be put into numbers, and we all know people who can drink 1 drink and be drunk, just like we all know people who can put back a hape of booze and still be grand. Maybe the issue is with the age to begin with (not aiming at you specifically). If people think it's wrong for someone of age x and above to sleep with someone who's 18, then is 18 not old enough for that person to make that correct sexual decision? Well, 17 is actually the legal limit, but jesus I can imagine the comments if I had said 17! Do we introduce a rolling minimum legal age as you get older? Say, it goes up yearly once you turn 28? Does it stop at a certain point?

Point I'm trying to make is, in this country there's no legal issue with someone of any age above 16 sleeping with another person of any age above 16 as long as there's clear consent on both sides.

If that was the case, how do charities get the money they raise? have you never seen a cancer patient or a kid on tv whos parents were killed etc and not felt empathy for them?

Leg End Reject

Potential-Monke, I have to respond here.

I've always admired your openness and honest answers, but there is a but, a fairly big one at that.

I don't know you or your life story, but you seem to have developed a negative, misanthropic view on life. Most people are decent, you can't shut yourself away from life because of a few negative people. We are a social species, I doubt any of us would be here shooting the breeze online if our ancestors hadn't recognised the benefits of social bonding.

There is more to life than gaming and shutting yourself away fantasising about your niece's friends. Get out there and live it, you won't get a second chance.

Cerveza

Give your nieces friend a shot of paty. Get off the man child video games.

Potential-Monke

See. This is what I'm talking about. I find what works for me in life, which just happens to be contrary to what most people consider "life", and these are the comments I get. I get called a man child and that I fantasise about riding my nieces friends...

At no point did I say that's I fantasise. I created a made up situation to prove a point. I said that I could just as easily have said I met a young one in a bar, which I now should have used as the hypothetical sutation as people are grabbing onto the idea of me perving on my nieces friends and not discussing the actual topic.

And again, i'm being told that we are a social species even though trying to be that social person nearly drove me suicide. I am honest and open here, because i'm just a random collection of letters, what's the point in lying. And I will admit to sometimes playing devils advocate, not because I do whatever the devils advocate does, but because I love seeing honest reactions to "socially unacceptable" situations. People don't like getting uncomfortable, and I get pleasure (of the non-sexual kind) from seeing that.

Let me be clear; there is nothing wrong with me. I'm the happiest I've been in 15 odd years. I don't need to be a social butterfly to be happy in life. I'm quite content with my negative outlook and expectations of nothing, because everything beyond that is then a bonus. Please, please, please stop telling me there's something wrong with me, because one day I'll start believing it again and I'll end up killing myself trying to be someone I'm not. Everyone is different, and while my outlook is quite negative, I'm happy, and i'm not disturbing anyone elses life by being so. It's not like I go around with a megaphone saying this. I'm realtively healthy, i'm content, i'm happy as I can be. I appreciate the concern, but I respectfully decline any suggestions as I honestly don't need them.

Being social was a necessity in older times. It's not anymore. There's too many of us as is, and it's only getting worse I reckon. But don't worry, I won't be procreating, so my negativitiy will die with me sometime in the next 50 odd years.

Vestiapx

mariaalice wrote: »

Another one is the person who can't accept that they are 40 or 50 or want ever age and as part of this only want to be with someone younger who matches how they see themselves in their head.

I was at a party a few year ago and my friend's recently divorced mother was bemoaning her difficulty getting a date because all the single men her age (55 ish) were looking for women 10-20 years younger and so her dating pool by default was then older men. While I can see that this might be frustrating it's probably totally understandable and in no way some sort of defect in the group of single men aged 50-60.

mariaalice

mariaalice wrote: »

Another one is the person who can't accept that they are 40 or 50 or want ever age and as part of this only want to be with someone younger who matches how they see themselves in their head.

I've never placed a great deal of importance on my age. I've noticed other people do though. You see, based on my appearance and general attitude, most people consider me to be a decade or so, younger than I am. And tend to be rather surprised when i say I'm in my mid-40s.

The point being that there are people out there for whom don't want or don't identify themselves (and so limit themselves) based on their age. While most of my friends are settling down, I am still single and actively dating. Most of those I would date would be in their late 20s or early 30s, not because I intentionally focus on that age group, but because they tend to match best with me.

I see no problem with people who intentionally date those younger than themselves. At the end of the day, their 'partner' will be deciding whether it happens or not. I've known many women who won't date anyone their own age, or younger, preferring guys who were, at least, ten years older.

Does your judgment apply to them for choosing to be with older guys?

mariaalice

Deleted User wrote: »

I've never placed a great deal of importance on my age. I've noticed other people do though. You see, based on my appearance and general attitude, most people consider me to be a decade or so, younger than I am. And tend to be rather surprised when i say I'm in my mid-40s.

The point being that there are people out there for whom don't want or don't identify themselves (and so limit themselves) based on their age. While most of my friends are settling down, I am still single and actively dating. Most of those I would date would be in their late 20s or early 30s, not because I intentionally focus on that age group, but because they tend to match best with me.

I see no problem with people who intentionally date those younger than themselves. At the end of the day, their 'partner' will be deciding whether it happens or not. I've known many women who won't date anyone their own age, or younger, preferring guys who were, at least, ten years older.

Does your judgment apply to them for choosing to be with older guys?

It's not a judgment and I do know someone in a long-term relationship with a man 7 years younger than her but the point is it just happened they were not seeking out someone younger or older than themselves.

Padre_Pio

Vestiapx wrote: »

I was at a party a few year ago and my friend's recently divorced mother was bemoaning her difficulty getting a date because all the single men her age (55 ish) were looking for women 10-20 years younger and so her dating pool by default was then older men. While I can see that this might be frustrating it's probably totally understandable and in no way some sort of defect in the group of single men aged 50-60.

I think it's the same for a lot of men.

I'm mid-30's, dated women from mid to late 20's. My gf is 5 years younger. Same as most of my friends.

There's definitely a maturity thing, as (generalising) men mature much slower and want children/family later. Women have their own biological clock to contend with. I found (with my limited dating experience) that women in late/early 30's were very quick to move through the early relationship phases so I just dated younger.

So I believe a woman in early 30's may find it more difficult to attract an early 30's guy, as he knows he can get women in their mid-20's who are probably the same maturity and won't have the same push for marriage & baby.

mariaalice

Padre_Pio wrote: »

I think it's the same for a lot of men.

I'm mid-30's, dated women from mid to late 20's. My gf is 5 years younger. Same as most of my friends.

There's definitely a maturity thing, as (generalising) men mature much slower and want children/family later. Women have their own biological clock to contend with. I found (with my limited dating experience) that women in late/early 30's were very quick to move through the early relationship phases so I just dated younger.

So I believe a woman in early 30's may find it more difficult to attract an early 30's guy, as he knows he can get women in their mid-20's who are probably the same maturity and won't have the same push for marriage & baby.

Is that not perfectly normal? is the question not about some 40 or 50 something only wanting to go out with a 20 year old.

YellowLead

mariaalice wrote: »

Is that not perfectly normal? is the question not about some 40 or 50 something only wanting to go out with a 20 year old.

That’s where the conversation has gone, but the original thread question was just about how old would people in general date

Ash.J.Williams

tomwaits48 wrote: »

100% - a fairly well known Irish musician ended up in a relationship with a fan who he met when she was just 14. Always thought that was a bit off.

has he a red beard

Vestiapx

mariaalice wrote: »

Is that not perfectly normal? is the question not about some 40 or 50 something only wanting to go out with a 20 year old.

Is a 40 year old wanting a 20 something not also normal? The whole biological inpitus of attraction is towards women of child bearing.

Vestiapx

mariaalice wrote: »

It's not a judgment and I do know someone in a long-term relationship with a man 7 years younger than her but the point is it just happened they were not seeking out someone younger or older than themselves.

And....

mariaalice

mariaalice wrote: »

It's not a judgment and I do know someone in a long-term relationship with a man 7 years younger than her but the point is it just happened they were not seeking out someone younger or older than themselves.

Men tend to be initially attracted to someone based on physical appearance (reinforced by social conditioning), so it makes sense that younger women would attract the guy. I doubt it's their age, as an important factor, that is the consideration.. The fact is that most women tend to look more physically attractive when they're younger. It's the attraction that is the driving force, rather than their age.

mariaalice

mariaalice wrote: »

Is that not perfectly normal? is the question not about some 40 or 50 something only wanting to go out with a 20 year old.

But what's the problem with a 50 year old wanting to only date a 20 year old?

Women choose their partners. It's not like the 50 year old will have some special power to make younger women instantly fall for him. He's fighting on numerous fronts. Against younger men. Against his own aging body. Against the stigma, which the woman will be aware of (that she's only with him for money or whatever). Especially, in a first world nation, where most women have the means to obtain employment and earn as much as any guy. It's not like there is any major social/cultural advantage for older men in a western culture.

Point is... that any guy in his 50s who manages to date a 20 year old is only managing it because they are choosing to be with him. So what's the problem with it? Is it just that women in their 50s are far less likely to be successful at dating a 20 year old guy?