Mind my own business or do something/what?

cannotlogin

Just wondering if anyone has an opinion on the following.

I live in an apartment and don't know the couple next door other than to say hello to. Seem normal, friendly enough, polite hello, that's it. Been neighbours for at least 2 years.

I never normally hear anything but over the last 2 weeks there has been a lot of shouting. It's not a screaming match or anything but more like a lots of "aaaargh" nearly like the noise you'd make if you stubbed your toe badly or caught your fingers in the door. Every single evening & especially bad tonight.

The walls aren't paper thin either so it is very loud for me to even hear it.

Probably none of my business but would hate to think anyone was suffering from domestic violence & I did nothing and at times it does sound like it.

I'm fairly confident, it's not anything sexual and the only other thing I can think of is weightlifting perhaps. It's that kind of grunting etc.

It's bizarre and there's probably nothing I can do. Calling the Guards would be far too extreme given what I've heard but there still something unsettling about it.

I know you'll all think I'm mad but it's really strange. Not sure what I'm looking for really.

Idle Passerby

Would it be someone playing a video game with headphones on so they don't know how loud they are?

leggo

I’d probably feel much the same as yourself, like I was being a bit scummy turning a blind eye and just increasing the volume on the telly. But the truth is that you’ve no idea what’s going on, it’s not your business and you almost definitely won’t fix or improve the situation by trying to intervene even if your worst fears are confirmed.

At best what you can do, if you see the woman or whoever is screaming, by herself maybe casually say something along the lines of “I overheard a loud scream there last night, hope everyone is okay?” You’ll probably get robbed off but even then you could say “Look it got me thinking if anything ever happened like someone had a fall, there’s no harm in having contact info just in case.” You’re making yourself available while not intruding or making assumptions. Your offer probably won’t ever get used but you’ll be able to sleep better at night and maybe make someone who might need it feel a tiny bit more supported, even for a brief time.

strandroad

Do you hear the man or the woman? Or is it a gay couple?

Sonic the Shaghog

Could be someone with a recent injury suffering pain?

cannotlogin

I've no idea. It seems to have stopped after a screaming match about 9.30pm. A lot of bad language & one clear "I ****in hate you" but didn't seem overly threatening at the same time. I couldn't hear most of it really.

I'm not certain but I think one of the neighbours knocked on the door earlier & seems to be nothing since. It's kind of hard to hear anything except when really loud.

They are a gay couple but not sure what difference that makes. Together they actually seem quite smitten & loved up.

strandroad

A gay couple only means that it's harder to tell who exactly makes these exclamations!

Your neighbour seems to have found a way, if it escalates again knock and if they open the door ask if everything is ok. Perhaps chat to the neighbour too, they might hear better from another side?

cannotlogin

cannotlogin wrote: »

I've no idea. It seems to have stopped after a screaming match about 9.30pm. A lot of bad language & one clear "I ****in hate you" but didn't seem overly threatening at the same time. I couldn't hear most of it really.

I'm not certain but I think one of the neighbours knocked on the door earlier & seems to be nothing since. It's kind of hard to hear anything except when really loud.

They are a gay couple but not sure what difference that makes. Together they actually seem quite smitten & loved up.

I have a son of 21, a nice normal lad, but when hes on the xbox the shouting and language out of him is unreal, could this be the case??

cannotlogin

strandroad wrote: »

Your neighbour seems to have found a way, if it escalates again knock and if they open the door ask if everything is ok. Perhaps chat to the neighbour too, they might hear better from another side?

Have to be honest. I'm female, and 5ft nothing so unless I think someone is being killed, I won't be knocking.

I usually see the other neighbour out running in the evenings. He's built like a brickhouse so I suspect he spoke with them as well.able to handle himself. I will say something if I run into him but not going to seek him out. Whatever happened earlier, it's total silence since.

Thanks for the opinions. Genuinely expected everyone to tell me mind my own business.

strandroad

cannotlogin wrote: »

Thanks for the opinions. Genuinely expected everyone to tell me mind my own business.

We should be paying attention to other people especially in the lockdown. From what you're saying it's just a couple with emotions on high and likely a game habit but there's no harm in trying to figure out if someone might need help, fair play to you.

Thelonious Monk

Rough make up sex after a fight? That's gotta hurt.

Jequ0n

I couldn’t care less what my neighbours are up to but if they continuously (!) disrupted my evenings with their relationship drama I’d likewise rock up at their door to tell them to cop the **** on.

You can raise it with the neighbour who intervened and explain your reluctance at getting involved personally but they you are worried by it. Seems that you are not the only one who is not enjoying their show

bertiebomber

Sounds like the couple from father Ted.

ILoveYourVibes

How certain are you its violence?

What does your gut say?

I would go with that.

cannotlogin

OP here, a lot of you were right.

Neighbour told me this evening it's a new PS5 and a possible drinking issue since covid. I hadn't seen them recently but according to the neighbour both have lost their jobs since Christmas and just drink all the time now. He said he hasn't seen them sober in weeks & that it's not the first time he has complained about the noise.

Sad really.

An Ri rua

You could also exclaim quite loudly along the lines of WTAF is going on in there?
Solution. They hear you and realise, ipso facto, you must hear them.
I had a DIY neighbour who abused my decency because he could never hear me. I wouldn't dream of disturbing a family with kids. Even for revenge. So, no, instead I rocked uobto his door at 130am and rang his doorbell (reluctantly as his kids and wife were in bed but this little runtvwas using a power drill until, yes, 130am). When he answered, he was guilty and on the back foot immediately. Moreso because I said very little apart from asking him was there an emergency or WTAF was happening. Like all indirect bullies, and a shortarse, he placated and supplicated and genuflected and, again, I don't ever want to embarrass any man in front of his kid. So we parted with me laughing but he understood. It's all in the eyes.
Now that your neighbour has broken the ice, as it were, that's your opportunity to interact with them and learn more. While giving yourself some comfort to boot.
Ps you're far more likely to be attacked by a woman, being a woman, than by a man (in the situation you've described). Unless you go screaming and abusing. Oh yes, in the heat of things, someone may verbally abuse you but physical attack is unlikely. Just don't ever approach people when their blood is up. Approach them when they're all quiet and likely v embarrassed. Not enraged and feeling wronged ;-)
Best of luck

wiggle16

An Ri rua wrote: »

Now that your neighbour has broken the ice, as it were, that's your opportunity to interact with them and learn more. While giving yourself some comfort to boot.
[...] Approach them when they're all quiet and likely v embarrassed. Not enraged and feeling wronged

The other, more heavyweight neighbour has already been in twice and it hasn't stopped, so they're not going to be embarrassed into keeping it down by the OP. Once there's drink involved any sense of discretion is gone out the window anyway - unless one partner was beating the other black and blue I wouldn't be getting involved at all. It's a pathology now. They don't care.

It is quite sad to see but unfortunately I don't think there's much you can do about it. By all means next time there is a serious disturbance call the Gardaí, but that can be hit and miss in terms of effectiveness. It's unlikely this will stop unless they get work again and clean up their act or (far more probably) break up, so it might just be something you have to bear with for the time being