Best insult you ever heard

MetzgerMeister

You think you know it all....you know fvck all

He's more tick neck than technique

toonarmy1

He thinks manual labour is a spanish musician

Sam Hain

Bombaby1974 wrote: »

One for when you're being asked to do something you'd rather not....

I'd rather guide me Da into me Ma!!!

Cool story, but whats the best insult you ever heard?

wexandproud

partyguinness wrote: »

"Sure that crowd took the soup.."

'Nuf said.

actually said that to a friend of mine lately , he's church of ireland . we were out mountain biking and we passed one of those big crosses up on a rock you see scattered around the country .He asked what the cross was for and i said ''no point in trying to explain to you , your crowd took the soup'' . He'd never heard the expression and nearly pi..ed himself laughing when i explained '' taking the soup''

Crocodile Booze

She's got a fanny like a stab-wound on a gorillas back.

IrishLad90

She wouldnt fair well on soft ground hey..
That one took me a minute but is absolute gold

fryup

"if brains were dynamite he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose"

.red.

She's so big you'd need a bag of flour to find the wet patch.

If he fell into a barrel of tits he'd come out sucking his thumb.

I'd say she has flaps like gammon steaks.

iarann

When you were born, the doctor took one look at you and slapped your mother

iarann

You've got a face that only a mother could love

iarann

You were so ugly as a child your mother fed you with a catapult

kildare lad

I was at a party one night and there was a woman present , who'd a bit to much to drink and was getting mouthy with people. A friend of mine asked her very loudly in front of everyone

" if you had no feet would you wear socks "

she replied " no , don't be stupid "

He replied " well what are you wearing a bra for "

We fell around laughing, it took her a minute to get it but she went mental ...

SafeSurfer

Guy walks into a shop and asks the smart arse summer job college student behind the counter for a Gateaux, pronouncing the X.
Sniggering the student tells him it’s actually pronounced Gateau.
To which he replied. In that case give me a Gateau you Bollo.

kildare lad

There's a woman out my way who was a bit of a slut when she was younger . Her nickname was " sperm bank "

partyguinness

"Even Mr Fegelein thinks your nuts"

partyguinness

Girl I knew as a teenager nicknamed "Daz"- shfits everything.

Zebra3

Haven’t had a chance to read the whole thread so it might’ve been mentioned already, but sure if not....

“You should’ve been a blowjob”.

Bombaby1974

Sam Hain wrote: »

Cool story, but whats the best insult you ever heard?

Nothing interesting to say?
Jog on.

Bombaby1974

Sam Hain wrote: »

Cool story, but whats the best insult you ever heard?

How about..
When you were born, the doctor asked your mother "Would you like some gas"?
Your mother replied "Well I was gonna drown it in a bucket of water but if it's going I'll take it".

Titzon Toast

I mentioned to my old boss from Birr that I thought I girl we know was decent looking, he replied "I've seen more meat on a tinkers stick after a row".

simongurnick

Classic from Muhammad Ali to Joe Frazier : "You're so ugly, the sweat runs up your face."

Bartyman

Spent a while working in one of the private hospitals a couple of years back.

A cracking little nurse was constantly being asked out by one of the medical reps, lad loved himself.

Eventually she went out with him and in the break room next morning was asked to describe him in four words.

"Small mickey, fast arse" she said, just as he walked into the room.

.red.

kildare lad wrote: »

There's a woman out my way who was a bit of a slut when she was younger . Her nickname was " sperm bank "

I knew a girl nicknamed "the cum bucket" , which was then shortened to just "the bucket"

fussyonion

I wouldn't ride you if you had pedals.
Your face is like a bag of Lego- in bits.

kildare lad

.red. wrote: »

I knew a girl nicknamed "the cum bucket" , which was then shortened to just "the bucket"

There was another girl called yoyo knickers ..lol

Edgware

The best part of you dripped down your mothers leg ( or soaked into the back seat of the Cortina)
Take your pick

.red.

kildare lad wrote: »

There was another girl called yoyo knickers ..lol

She only wore knickers to keep her ankles warm

Sam Hain

Bombaby1974 wrote: »

How about..
When you were born, the doctor asked your mother "Would you like some gas"?
Your mother replied "Well I was gonna drown it in a bucket of water but if it's going I'll take it".

Not an insult you heard, neither. You're really struggling to have even a nanoscopic understanding of what to post in this thread.

beerguts

Sam Hain wrote: »

Not an insult you heard, neither. You're really struggling to have even a nanoscopic understanding of what to post in this thread.

This is a light hearted thread buddy. There is no need to throw insults at someone posting something they thought was humorous, pee of and be a prat in some other thread

cannotlogin

A friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend before Christmas due to her cheating...alot. Apparently she's getting over him by getting under many others so he's still very bitter about it.

Today's lovely description "she's spreads [her legs] quicker than covid"

Sam Hain

beerguts wrote: »

This is a light hearted thread buddy. There is no need to throw insults at someone posting something they thought was humorous, pee of and be a prat in some other thread

I'm not your buddy, and please refrain from being so odious, doesn't suit the light hearted nature of the thread.

iamstop

Was on a zoom with a few of the lads. Talk inevitably got to Covid restrictions. Most of these lads are days to under 10 year olds.

Lad 1: Sure yeah can't even go to playgrounds any more
Lads 2, quick off the mark: Sure you shouldn't be allowed around playgrounds anyway!

We all had a good aul' chuckle at that one.

kildare lad

Titzon Toast wrote: »

I mentioned to my old boss from Birr that I thought I girl we know was decent looking, he replied "I've seen more meat on a tinkers stick after a row".

There's more meat on a sparrows kneecap

factnee

Very stupid intercounty footballer being marked by a friend of mine in a gaelic football match. My friend couldnt lay a hand on him in the first half and he scored six points. My friend turned to him at the start of the second half and said " you were flying in the first half, you got more points than you did in your Leaving Cert" He didn't score in the second half.

Titzon Toast

"Sure that fella hasn't got the hands to bless himself"

He's not handy.

Bassfish

Two of the best I've heard were from a Limerick city girl;
-christ I wouldn't get under him for shelter!
-I'd say he has a Mickey like a bookie's pencil!

Every time you take a sh1te you must come close to brain death.

Heard this from a girl who I used to work with when describing a lad who left before I joined

He's so riddled you would want to get tested just for talking to him.

Surreptitious

You've so many chins I'd say you have nappy rash in the folds.

Yo so ugly yo momma drove herself blind to avoid looking at yo.



(Made these up, sad I know)

IrishLad90

Two old lads seeing each other after a few years in any irish town
'' John you old bastard "
" F*** off annoying me Paddy ''

Tokyo

"Buddy you couldn't wheel a f***in' tyre down a hill."

joeguevara

A complete vapid uninteresting woman had made a very obnoxious and disgusting remark to a friend of mine who was in a wheelchair. I'd never insult anyone but the poor guy was literally a shell so I looked her in the eye and said 'your looks are disappearing quicker than the future of a teenage meth addict'.

No further comment required.

partyguinness

factnee wrote: »

Very stupid intercounty footballer being marked by a friend of mine in a gaelic football match. My friend couldnt lay a hand on him in the first half and he scored six points. My friend turned to him at the start of the second half and said " you were flying in the first half, you got more points than you did in your Leaving Cert" He didn't score in the second half.

Ah crap...that has come about 25 years too late for me. Used to a mark an intercounty footballer on a regular basis underage (played minor and u21) and he did his LC 3 times...yes 3 times. In fact he could still be doing it now for all I know. He was a big guy..strapping midfielder..so I might not have been so brave.

Bombaby1974

Sam Hain wrote: »

Not an insult you heard, neither. You're really struggling to have even a nanoscopic understanding of what to post in this thread.

I'll stand by my original response.
If you've nothing more to add to a thread besides being bitchy to strangers who are simply trying to have a chuckle at something on the internet then jog
the f**k on.

And besides your urologist, who uses nanoscopic in general conversation?

Certainly not someone who states "Not an insult you heard, neither."

Glebee

Probably something similar quoted before. Heard in Quinns pub in Doset St after a Offaly/ Wexford match back in the day from ao Offlay person to Wexford lad who was annoying him. "There only two things ever came out of Wexford, strawberrys and tinkers, and your no fcuking strawberry". Melee ensued.

iarann

Heard about 2 hours ago in Galway from a girl to a guy she was walking with. I didn't hear what he had said but I was wondering if she was talking to him or herself

"That is such a generalisation, everything you say is ****e!"

IrishLad90

Your da makes tik tok videos
Your ma shares missing dog posts from other countries

gozunda

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my arse ...

Slideways

On fat people, had more dinners than dinner times

On a stupid person, if he had a brain cell it would be lonely

On a slut, had more rod than Dennis Nielsen’s sewer
More pipe than a plumbers roof rack


On a scrawny person, there’s more meat on a butchers pencil/Lester pickets whip

Tall person, if he was any longer he’d be late

Suggesting a man is not well hung, you wouldn’t have what would tickle a mouse
Or it’s lost in the hair like a terriers eye

IrishLad90

She has had more shots fired into her than a joy riders knee cap..