Best insult you ever heard

Purple Mountain

Surreptitious wrote: »

He could have been. Like an earlier version of today's negging. I think the guy who approached me was trying to be funny to see where he got but I was phased by it.

No, this guy had a flash of pure venom across his face. I actually was looking over my shoulder afterwards.

Surreptitious

Purple Mountain wrote: »

No, this guy had a flash of pure venom across his face. I actually was looking over my shoulder afterwards.

Wow. Someone having a bad day. No need for that though

Surreptitious

Zebra3 wrote: »

In a club in England back in the day.

What are the bombs like in Dublin some bird asked me mate.

She was actually genuine.

It was a couple of weeks after the IRA ended their ceasefire in 1996.

What are the bombs like in London my mate retorted before storming off.

Ignorance of so many Tans about Ireland is truly incredible.

Guinness and That Temple Bar is the extent of knowledge for a lot.

It seems like these comments were de rigueur back then. No talk about them raping our country

PapaBill

He/she couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

Bob Harris

Purple Mountain wrote: »

I was in a nightclub in Windsor when I was 20 with some English friends.
Ordering at the bar, a guy heard my accent, asked if I was Irish.
Thinking I was been chatted up, I said yes.
He then asked if I was Catholic or Protestant.
Being 20 and totally thrown off guard, I stammered "Catholic".
To which he replied: "Fcuk out of my face, you Irish, Catholic beatch".
He obviously wasn't chatting me up so.

Was it Prince Harry?

He'd ride the crack of dawn..

Or another one used around these parts ''I didn't come up on the ballina bus''

fryup

Zebra3 wrote: »

In a club in England back in the day.

What are the bombs like in Dublin some bird asked me mate.

She was actually genuine.

It was a couple of weeks after the IRA ended their ceasefire in 1996.

What are the bombs like in London my mate retorted before storming off.

Ignorance of so many Tans about Ireland is truly incredible.

you mean she actually wore the uniform? black & tan?

Purple Mountain

Bob Harris wrote: »

Was it Prince Harry?

Nah, I would have pegged it for sure before he opened his mouth then.

Zebrag

"He's got a face like a bulldog licking piss from a nettle"

The first time I heard this I fell around the floor. I don't think I've heard any insults as funny as that

Strumms

Zebrag wrote: »

"He's got a face like a bulldog licking piss from a nettle"

The first time I heard this I fell around the floor. I don't think I've heard any insults as funny as that

Same, a classic...

Another one... “ sure the best part of that fella ran down the inside of his fathers leg “

as_mo_bhosca

Recent posts reminds me of watching the 2005 6N games one Saturday in a pub in Tralee. Stayed on to drown my sorrows after we lost to France and to cheer on Italy against the old enemy. Later on was chatting to a few lads out in the smoking area when an English lad piped up "I didn't think you were Italian with that accent. And I was cheering ye on against France." Seemed genuinely perplexed about my support for Italy.
"That's 800 years of oppression for you!" I shrugged .
Poor lad was very put out by my reply!

Capt'n Midnight

https://loforo.com/asset/14438/7646_4c4f.jpeg

Motivator

I worked in New York for a few months back in the mid 2000’s and absolutely hated the corporate culture in the company. Typical American career driven knobheads who’d literally take a shït on you if it meant they got a pat on the head from the boss.

One particular guy just went out of his way to annoy people, acting like a schoolboy telling the boss everything. An argument erupted in a meeting one day and terrible trash talk ensued. The annoying guy tried to have a pop off me and I reacted with calling him “thrush”. Despite the laughter of others and the bemusement of the annoying guy, nobody got it. I was pushed to explain what it was but I just kept calling him “thrush”. Eventually I explained that he was an irritating cùnt.

I got hauled up in front of HR and given a formal warning. The C word is the biggest no no in the world in America. It just isn’t said by anyone in any circumstances. Lucky for me, the rest of the office thought this was the funniest thing they’d ever heard. I still work for the company but back in Cork now and I still get the odd update about the guy who’s still called “thrush” 15 years later.

Plasandrunt

Was on a bus a few years ago and one lad called his mate "Stone Cold Steve Austism"

Pissed myself.

ShagNastii

I remember hearing somebody (a complete a*sehole) being described as “more than likely conceived through anal sex”.

IrishLad90

You smell like bovril mate

IrishLad90

You are one of few people who could jump in the Liffey and come out cleaner than what you are

bodhrandude

I remember this complete bore at a party who loved the sound of his own voice. My mate had, had enough and announced 'He who has nothing to say will say it loud and long.'

pappyodaniel

Your Face wrote: »

When I worked in Galway there was a little lad from Kerry who had a mullet.
They used to call him Frodo.

Such a burn... :rolleyes:

Ron Seal

Jaysus, will ya look at de cut a yer-wan, I'll bet she could suck a golf ball tru 20 foot of garden hose !!

ILoveYourVibes

"All morons hate it when you call them a moron."


Zsa Zsa gabor
' Dahling ..You know he's fantastic ..what's his name...and she has great style ...you know little miss sweetie thing'.

Ron Seal

Brendan O Carroll's classic when 2 old yokes arrived late to one of his live shows; "Jaysus Girls, did yis leave Cinderella behind ?".

ILoveYourVibes

Ron Seal wrote: »

Brendan O Carroll's classic when 2 old yokes arrived late to one of his live shows; "Jaysus Girls, did yis leave Cinderella behind ?".

There are three things wise men fear.

A night with no moon.
The anger of a gentle man.
And facing a hag.

Ron Seal

Man says to wife ''I had a wet dream about you last night, I dreamt you got run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing''.

Ron Seal

What’s the worst thing you could do to a blind person ?

Leave the plunger in the toilet !

ILoveYourVibes

Do you realize you are paid to be funny. Gilbert and sullivan!

Ron Seal

How I learned to mind my own business....

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, And all the patients were shouting,
'' 13....13....13... ''

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a Little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see What was going on.....

One of them poked me in the eye with a stick !

Then they all started shouting '' 14....14....14...'' !!

MarcusP12

This was used for a pal of ours any time he ended up with an, ahem "less than stunner" (cruel, i know) on a night out when we were in college..."love is blind but your mates aren't!"....

Another lad in our social group in college had this one thrown at him.."Jees, look at the nose on your man! You could hold the next 2 winter Olympics on that yoke!"

Read this one in a magazine years ago (again, not very PC for this day and age!) "The last time i saw legs like that were on a north sea oil rig!" Never heard anyone use it but thought it was funny at the time when i read it!

Lad i work with got a nice new watch....you know one of those kinetic ones what charge based on your wrist movements...we were out for pints after work one of the lads says to him "Ah, they work from wrist movement right? Is that why your watch is always fast??!" very funny at the time....

Tombo2001

Was walking along the canal one day with a pal, years ago.

A young lad about our own age is across the other side, standing on the railway tracks, but we didnt see him.

So we are walking along, and this rock flies past our faces, just misses.

We look over and see the guy just standing there, looking at us, we are looking at him shrugging our shoulders to say WTF?

He shouts out - "Your Auulllll Onnnne"

(Ironically, that simple message seems to be the common thread across nearly all the 'best ever insults' on this thread.)

iarann

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/116564175#Comment_116564175

She's got a face like a bulldog sucking on a wasp.

Faze11

Kind of a had to be there one for the speed of the wit.

2 guys squaring up to each other:

Guy 1 threateningly "Last guy I fought is still in hospital "

Guy 2 unperturbed " What, does he work there or something?"

Tom_Crean

Muhammad Ali and his then wife Veronica Porche were at a function and met 62 year old Norman Mailer, writer, playwright etc, and his much younger wife.

Ali starts to flatter Mailer 'oh you look so well, I hope I'm in as good shape at 62'. The praise goes to Mailer's head, like an excited dog he has to go to the toilet to pee. When he's gone Ali turns to Mailer's wife and says 'are you still with that old man?!'.

Larbre34

Boards really is minus craic these days.

Tom_Crean

Muhammad Ali again this time on George Foreman before the Rumble in the Jungle, 1974.

'George is so slow, I call him the Mummy..I seen him shadow boxing and the shadow won'.

Tom_Crean

Joe Frazier v Ali in The Fight of the Century 1971.

During the fight Ali starts to trash talk. He says to Joe 'don't you know you're in the ring with God tonight?'. Joe replies 'well if you're God, you're in the wrong place tonight!'.

Tom_Crean

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118359236#Comment_118359236

At least its still got you, keeping the fire lit, opening threads on whether to wash your teapot 😂

black & white

Apprentice Electrician in the early 80's, I made a mistake and a qualified Electrician said to me "you wouldn't make a Spark if you knocked your balls together"

GoodMonson

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118359288#Comment_118359288

I thought this was a joke but jesus christ that thread actually exists 😳

joeguevara

!

black & white

He/she is so stupid, they think an itchy fanny is a Japanese motorbike.