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Recording me

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  • 28-02-2021 8:26am
    #1
    Unhappywife
    Registered Users Posts: 16 ✭


    My H has started recording arguments as evidence. I’ve told him I am very unhappy he’s doing this and to stop. He says he’s legally allowed. Is this true?


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    #2
    sydthebeat
    Subscribers Posts: 41,644 ✭✭✭✭sydthebeat


    It's legal to record once he's partaking in the conversation / argument.

    As he's being overt with the recording, it's would be difficult for you to argue that your privacy is being diminished in court.

    How he uses the records is much more subject to legal question, but making the recordings is legal


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    #3
    Unhappywife
    Registered Users Posts: 16 ✭Unhappywife


    sydthebeat wrote: »
    It's legal to record once he's partaking in the conversation / argument.

    As he's being overt with the recording, it's would be difficult for you to argue that your privacy is being diminished in court.

    How he uses the records is much more subject to legal question, but making the recordings is legal

    Thanks. It’s very upsetting being recorded in my home and pretty scary but I’ll just let him off if he’s legally allowed to.


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    #4
    sydthebeat
    Subscribers Posts: 41,644 ✭✭✭✭sydthebeat


    Unhappywife wrote: »
    Thanks. It’s very upsetting being recorded in my home and pretty scary but I’ll just let him off if he’s legally allowed to.

    As that's very much a legal question your very first port of call should be to a solicitor


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    #5
    antix80
    Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭antix80


    If it got to that stage, I'd suggest stop speaking except through a solicitor.

    I'm not sure of the stage you're at with separation but if you're still together I'd suggest couple counselling.. A good ground rule would be no recording. A 2nd ground rule would be no arguing but that's easier said.


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    #6
    Xterminator
    Registered Users Posts: 4,740 ✭✭✭Xterminator


    Hi Op.

    Perfectly legal. And nothing stopping you doing the same. PS while your point of not wanting to be recording in your home is valid, equally i assume it is his home too? To be honest it suggests he is protecting himself.

    Perhaps in the passion of arguments somethings have been said that shouldn't have and would reflect badly on the person who said it?
    Perhaps threats have been made, or the argument has gotten physical?
    Perhaps your partner has experienced a something in the past, and is acting this way. not because of anything you have done, but due to past events?

    I would suggest that you might have far better insight into the why, than strangers. But if your are arguing in such a manner that your partner needs to record what is said, i would suggest you main problem is the reasons and behaviours causing the arguments, and possibly the conduct of both parties during the argument - and not the recording of what is said?

    Either you attempt to fix the relationship, or look to dissolve it.


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    #7
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Hi OP.

    While recording may be legal, you could challenge, not the making of the recording itself, but the way in which the recording was done and the intent of the recording, and any allegations or assertions that are made on foot of the recording.

    You could argue that the recording, and the declaration of recording, was done as an intimidation tactic, to put you on the back foot and into a state of being fearful of what you might say being later used against you, to frighten you into second guessing your thoughts and words, and that you might agree to something to shorten and end the argument, despite the fact that it is not something you would otherwise have agreed to, while he being the one who is making the recording is in a stronger position by the fact that he is making and is in control of the recording and what it gets used for, if it gets used at all, would only bring the recording up if it was to his benefit and your detriment.

    If it was alleged that you agreed to something verbally, like agreed to something money wise, or property or kids wise, and thereby entered into a verbal contract, you could counter and try to invalidate that assertion by arguing as above, that it was done to intimidate, scare and coerce you into a certain course. I think that could be a good fight back against it.

    Legalities and courtroom arguments aside, I think to spring a recording session on you like that is a scummy move. I agree that your marriage must be in the toilet in a big way if things have degenerated to this sort of thing.


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    #8
    smokingman
    Registered Users Posts: 3,749 ✭✭✭smokingman


    My ex recorded my phone calls with my kids without my consent and this is a direct violation of the 1993 ammendments to the 1983 communications act. Something I will be pressing criminal charges against her in the divorce.
    It is a scummy thing to do and entirely an intimidation tactic. Don't stoop to their level OP and just be careful what you say anyway.
    Write a journal of all the nasty things said to you and all of the incidents for your own record though. Trust me, you will be glad of doing that when it comes to your day of freedom.


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    #9
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Unless you can produce the recording, and satisfy the court that the kids were not aware of or consenting to the recording, then how will you prove it?
    Was herself on the call at any stage? If so, then that might suffice to be above board.

    Anyway, you can't "press" criminal charges. That is for the DPP/gardai to do. That is nothing to do with the divorce at all, it is a completely separate process.
    And it is the gardai/DPP who will decide to bring charges or not - not you. They might consider your wishes, but ultimately it is their decision.


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    #10
    smokingman
    Registered Users Posts: 3,749 ✭✭✭smokingman


    TheBoyConor wrote: »
    Unless you can produce the recording, and satisfy the court that the kids were not aware of or consenting to the recording, then how will you prove it?
    Was herself on the call at any stage? If so, then that might suffice to be above board.

    Anyway, you can't "press" criminal charges. That is for the DPP/gardai to do. That is nothing to do with the divorce at all, it is a completely separate process.
    And it is the gardai/DPP who will decide to bring charges or not - not you. They might consider your wishes, but ultimately it is their decision.

    I have all the recordings backed up. She gave her phone with them to my son when she bought an expensive new one and forgot to delete them also have a text from her admitting to doing it and threatening to do it again. Technically, it will be outside the divorce proceedings yes, but they will be there and raised in the divorce court to show her contempt for laws (it's not the only law she broke trying to destroy my life)


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    #11
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,880 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    smokingman wrote: »
    I have all the recordings backed up. She gave her phone with them to my son when she bought an expensive new one and forgot to delete them also have a text from her admitting to doing it and threatening to do it again. Technically, it will be outside the divorce proceedings yes, but they will be there and raised in the divorce court to show her contempt for laws (it's not the only law she broke trying to destroy my life)

    Are you certain she didn’t have the consent of your children?


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    #12
    smokingman
    Registered Users Posts: 3,749 ✭✭✭smokingman


    YellowLead wrote: »
    Are you certain she didn’t have the consent of your children?

    Yes, I am


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    #13
    bucketybuck
    Registered Users Posts: 18,485 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    smokingman wrote: »
    Write a journal of all the nasty things said to you and all of the incidents for your own record though. Trust me, you will be glad of doing that when it comes to your day of freedom.

    So, you advise to record what the other half is saying...


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    #14
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,880 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    smokingman wrote: »
    Yes, I am

    https://www.google.ie/amp/s/www.breakingnews.ie/amp/ireland/husband-seeks-court-order-for-secret-mobile-phone-recordings-made-by-wife-1082121.html


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    #15
    Ash.J.Williams
    Registered Users Posts: 21,050 ✭✭✭✭Ash.J.Williams


    Unhappywife wrote: »
    My H has started recording arguments as evidence. I’ve told him I am very unhappy he’s doing this and to stop. He says he’s legally allowed. Is this true?

    I was in this situation and recorded once but never used it because it was my ex shouting and roaring and me not saying anything and I felt I came accross as cocky


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    #16
    smokingman
    Registered Users Posts: 3,749 ✭✭✭smokingman


    bucketybuck wrote: »
    So, you advise to record what the other half is saying...

    I'm saying write down everything nasty. Recording it is illegal. I was the one under coercive control in the relationship and she pushed me to a suicide attempt. She then went to a judge when I was still in hospital and said I was "abusive and violent" despite being completely the opposite.

    Writing down everything is also a help when you look back and try to see them for who they really are and not who you imagined them to be; something that is hard to overcome when you convince yourself that there must be something wrong with you alone in the relationship...common in that situation.


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    #17
    El Tarangu
    Registered Users Posts: 1,618 ✭✭✭El Tarangu


    smokingman wrote: »
    My ex recorded my phone calls with my kids without my consent and this is a direct violation of the 1993 ammendments to the 1983 communications act. Something I will be pressing criminal charges against her in the divorce.


    This isn't really the same thing, as the OP's case refers to (if I am reading correctly) her husband recording face-to-face discussions. Also, he has informed her of same.

    OP, I would echo the other poster, don't engage with your husband other than through a solicitor if things have gotten so bad.


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