Right to Block Him?

Jequ0n

OP why did you open this thread really?
You reject any comments/ suggestions you dislike and refuse to even consider them.

Self-pity and condemning this guy have not gotten you anywhere in the last 8 months so what do you think this discussion board will bring you?

This is not a trick question but a genuine one.

Regarding your last post: there is a chance that he simply wanted zero interaction with you post breakup given the drama you are creating over a few poxy bedsheets...

LegacyUser

Jequ0n wrote: »

OP why did you open this thread really?
You reject any comments/ suggestions you dislike and refuse to even consider them.

Self-pity and condemning this guy have not gotten you anywhere in the last 8 months so what do you think this discussion board will bring you?

This is not a trick question but a genuine one.

Regarding your last post: there is a chance that he simply wanted zero interaction with you post breakup given the drama you are creating over a few poxy bedsheets...

Well, hopefully I'm not going to be labelled ridiculous for answering a few questions.

Loueze - I'm not in Ireland. I never said that I was. I'm Irish, but not in Ireland. As are many, many posters on these boards.

In answer to your question, I suspect that he knew I wouldn't put up with someone cheating on me and wouldn't be best happy. I sent ONE text message requesting my stuff back and if asking for your own property back is a drama, then it might benefit you to learn to be a little more assertive.

I neither gave nor loaned my silk sheets etc to him. They were mine, stored in a wardrobe which he said he wouldn't use except for when I was visiting, because they were "too good". And I did ask them to give them back, he ignored it and that is an intention to permanently deprive someone of their property, so it is theft. Obviously I'm not going to do anything about it, but I think its really dreadful behaviour.

I guess ONE of the reasons I posted was to check whether Ireland was still as old fashioned and rooted in the dark ages against women. it does seem to be. I cannot believe that cheating is written off as "over-lapping". As if that were something different. No-one really needs to be told things such as they are ridiculous, they are stalkers for looking on their FB's friends pages and finding out whether their ex really did cheat no them, they lack self esteem, they have all sorts of minute character flaws and so on. I doubt that there is a human being who would meet the standards of perfect demanded by some posters on here. To be honest, much of this is coming close to "negging" - making micro criticisms of someone to undermine them, and criticising people for answering questions when you've asked them questions. Thats a really undermining argument deliberately designed to make someone feel unimportant and far more likely to create issues of low self esteem where none previously existed.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

OP, please bear in mind that this is Personal Issues/Relationship Issues where you have come for advice and such advice can be wide ranging (as long as its civil and constructive). You may not agree with all the advice that has been given and by all means take or leave whatever is most/least appropriate, but remember people have taken time out of their day to try and help you.

If you feel the thread is not helping you, it can be closed if you wish.

Thanks

HS

Jequ0n

Sorry, but I am struggling to emphasise with your line of reasoning simply because you have no interest in taking opinions and suggestions on board.

You just confirmed that you are not looking for advice, unless it suited you.

And for the record: I am not Irish as you can probably tell by my frequently messed up grammar and spelling. So maybe you cannot blame your woes on “Ireland” just because people didn’t agree with you here.

I also did not notice any gender specific attacks here apart from your end.

If I were you I’d refrain from leaving bedsheets in other peoples houses because this seems to cause a lot of stress.

Best of luck, you will need it. I think a lot of people gave good advice here but it’s up to you what you do with it.

TheadoreT

There's so much negative and off-putting emotion on show here its palpable. This guy sounds like he's happily moved on and you're stuck in a cycle of obsession and over analysing. I doubt he cared much about your text aside from probably being a tad creeped out.

I seriously recommend CBT to break these toxic thought patterns you're very visibly displaying here.

bitofabind

Yeah. Listen OP, you’re stuck in a holding pattern here. The narrative you have is that you were wronged, couldn’t muster up the courage to say anything until recently, said your words and gave him his comeuppance and have come here to get backup in the guise of seeking feedback. Anything that goes against that narrative is an attack, is old fashioned and sexist, is “dark ages Ireland” and more proof that people are out to frame you in some way.

I’ve noticed you’re very invested in the drama of it all, whether it’s playing out the dynamics in this toxic relationship or the combative way you’ve approached well-meaning posters in this thread and fixated/exaggerated what you perceive to be the “attacks” on you. Honestly OP, even as an anonymous bystander, this feels like strange gaslighting behaviour from you and raises many questions about how you conduct yourself in interpersonal relationships if this is standard form.

And I'll ask you for a final time, what happens now? Where does the agony of playing out a horrible relationship on a loop and now on top of that antagonising posters who are trying to help and twisting their words get you? What would life look like if you didn’t jump to the attack and took some of the advice onboard? Because honestly, from where I’m standing, carrying on like this must be utterly exhausting.

Mad_maxx

sounds perfectly fair , sometimes you have to get stuff off your chest in order to get closure

hopefully you have closure now

Transient Spinner

Transient Spinner wrote: »

Loueze - I'm not in Ireland. I never said that I was. I'm Irish, but not in Ireland. As are many, many posters on these boards.

In answer to your question, I suspect that he knew I wouldn't put up with someone cheating on me and wouldn't be best happy. I sent ONE text message requesting my stuff back and if asking for your own property back is a drama, then it might benefit you to learn to be a little more assertive.

I don't know why you are angrily directing this at me, as I didn't ask you any questions?

But once again, good luck.

TheadoreT

Theres also clearly a lot of fantasies and denial going on in your head about this. Asking is it fair/cruel to block him after 8 months of him not contacting you is just weird. On the one hand it obviously is fair after what he did to you. On the other the use of cruel suggests you think he has harbouring feelings or gives a crap. You'd swear he was harassing you non stop.

You snapped at a poster who said he wasn't that into you. I mean he clearly wasn't. People in love don't cheat, they don't phone you to say they're now with said person and moved on, or not give you a seconds thoughts afterwards.

This isn't a personal attack on you, its just fact. Yes its hurtful to think something so meaningful to you was the opposite to him, but you shouldn't attach so much of your self worth and energy and thoughts to what some idiot thinks of you.

The very simple message is you need to forget about him and move on but you're currently so far from that as you're stuck in a prolonged anger and bitter stage.

Augme

OP these threads can be fairly brutal at times and the constant advice, especially if it isn't positive, can be tough to deal with. I would recommend taking a step back and coming back to the thread in a few days time with a fresh mind.

Your pattern of behaviour with this thread is very similar to your behaviour with the ex too.

LegacyUser

YellowLead wrote: »

I don’t agree with ****ty behaviour by men or think it’s a valid excuse - but some would say they are often afraid to be open with women because they are afraid of crazy dramatic reactions. If I were him I’d be worried you might pop up in another 6 months time, this time outside his door!

The 'crazy dramatic reactions' that women have are normally not in any way crazy, they're a human reaction to something that happened.

YellowLead

image verification wrote: »

The 'crazy dramatic reactions' that women have are normally not in any way crazy, they're a human reaction to something that happened.

Admittedly it was a really bad generalisation to make - I should have said ‘some people’ rather than ‘some women’ - apologies to everyone for that. Six months after a break up though as adults we should try and keep those emotions under control, even if it’s just to recognise they are still there.

I have a friend whose ex kept ringing him from different phone numbers long after they split and in my mind texting to say you are blocking six months down the road when he didn’t try to make contact could be viewed as similarly odd behaviour - albeit far less severe.

OP just to clarify I am not calling you crazy at all, just some of the actions you took. Not you.

When you ask people for advice and they answer in a different manner than expected - usual feelings can be of surprise or disappointment, but it shouldn’t really invoke anger. The being cheated on is still making you angry and you are lashing out in general.

Remember you are not the first person this happened to and you won’t be the last, it’s happening all over the world right now. But its not the norm - you’ll find somebody else. Now breathe 😊

YellowLead

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I don't know why you are angrily directing this at me, as I didn't ask you any questions?

But once again, good luck.

To be fair to the OP, I think it is because you said this: ‘You're also dropping quite a bit of personal information now that could make everyone involved identifiable. Ireland is a small place.’

YellowLead

YellowLead wrote: »

To be fair to the OP, I think it is because you said this: ‘You're also dropping quite a bit of personal information now that could make everyone involved identifiable. Ireland is a small place.’

Its an Irish forum - I think its fair to assume the posters are in Ireland first and foremost? Nor was it a question about where she was located.

It was more about the rant she went off on after that, about about stuff I never asked about?

Anyway, hopefully the thread gave her some new perspective.

YellowLead

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Its an Irish forum - I think its fair to assume the posters are in Ireland first and foremost? Nor was it a question about where she was located.

It was more about the rant she went off on after that, about about stuff I never asked about?

Anyway, hopefully the thread gave her some new perspective.

Agree

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

Its an Irish forum - I think its fair to assume the posters are in Ireland first and foremost? Nor was it a question about where she was located.

It was more about the rant she went off on after that, about about stuff I never asked about?

Anyway, hopefully the thread gave her some new perspective.

I'm good thanks.

Do you know how many horses and how many yards there are in Ireland? It wouldn't even have been in the slightest bit identifying if it was in Ireland!

I am so glad that I told a cheating man exactly what I thought of him. Never, ever let anyone persuade you that eroding your boundaries to accept cheating is ok or to accept what a cheater says at face value. As I've pointed out many times, I sent the text 6 months later because he has previous form for dumping me then coming back and pretending he has changed.

I'm so sorry for posters who can only empathise with women who present as victims or as being suitably needy.

spaceHopper

Long distance relationships aren't easy, he meet somebody else developed feelings for the them, started a relationships and then ended the yours. It was probably going to end anyway as he'd feelings for somebody else. Telling you over the phone wasn't great but it's a log distance relationships and with covid it was probably the best he could do. At least he phoned you he could have string you along or texted you. What good could have come from meeting up, it was over he tried to make it as clean a break as possible.

I think you should consider counseling. None of your behaviour is healthy. You were no contact for long time then you contacted him out of the blue, incase he were to respond you changed your number and dumped a perfectly good phone, you could have just blocked his number on phone. You don't want your stuff back but you want to get it back to dump it, thats petty. You've also been checking up on his possible new woman on facebook. Just unfriend her.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Yeah, I think we're done here. OP, its completely up to you what advice you take on or not, but the Forum Charter applies to you too and turning on posters who took the time to help is bad form.

I hope you eventually get the peace of mind with all this that you're looking for and you manage to move on in a healthy way.

Thank you everyone who took the time to respond and offer help.

HS