Odd neighbour

GreeBo

Wear some visible headphones when outside your house for the next few days and don't interact or respond to him, his response to you ignoring him will give you some indication if he is just awkward/rude or something more sinister.

leggo

Headphones are actually a really good way from people who try force their chit-chat on you. If I don’t want to be disturbed, I’ll always pretend to be in my own little world then act really flustered and inconvenienced if someone I don’t want to tries to force conversation on me.

“I was wearing headphones, can I help you?”
“Oh I was just seeing how you were...”
“I’m actually in the middle of listening to something, sorry.”
Then just put them back on.

It flips the dynamic because headphones are so obvious that they can’t pretend they missed them and they have to really make an effort to get your attention. It makes them feel as rude as they’re being basically. You only need to do this a few times before they get the hint because nobody likes to feel rejected so they typically stop trying.

Cash_Q

leggo wrote:

It makes them feel as rude as they’re being basically.

In my experience, nothing makes this type of person feel rude. They feel totally justified in their behaviour and think it's rude not to indulge them. The woman I wrote about actually shouted at me "no need to be so bloody rude" because I continued to comfort my screaming child rather than comment on this woman's newly painted garden walls. The next time she approached me I told her that she really upset me by calling me rude and she just kept saying "maybe you were having a bad day" !! Yeah, every day she came near me was a bad day!!

Anyway, OP seems to have disappeared.. OP have you tried any of these suggestions?

Blush_01

OP, you have a lot of people making assumptions here.

While the guy might be driving you mad, you need to address this, not listen to us hurlers on the ditch.

Your gut may be right, but right now you're the only person who is being driven mad by it.

If the person you're dealing with is someone with additional needs, he may be inappropriate but harmless. There's someone like that in every village. (We have two.)

If he's someone malicious, you need to address it and take note of what you said to him and when, so you have the information in case you need it for making a formal report to someone.

It's difficult at the moment to have chats with neighbours with level 5 restrictions because you might want a more subtle conversation than a public, distance chat would facilitate.

I hope this gets sorted for you so you're not bearing the burden of the stress. But everyone here is making assumptions based on incomplete information (you acknowledge you don't have complete information yourself) and rash actions, getting fences and gates etc. installed to impact your life further seems a lot to do without having a conversation first.

LilacNails

Would like to hear what OP thinks of the replies and what she might do....

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

LilacNails as per the Charter the OP is not obliged to post updates, or should be asked to do so.

Thanks

HS

Mad_maxx

bar peering in the window , i dont see much here to be concerned about , elderly people are a lot more informal and almost feel entitled to impose themselves in some of the ways mentioned

myself and my partner live in a rural area and are blow ins , we have to explain what we are doing in this part of the country at least once per week to locals and we are here eight years , people in rural areas who are seed , breed and generation in an area have an incredible sense of entitlement when it comes to wanting to know the full story with blow ins

the blow in of course has no entitlement to know anything about locals , it sounds like the OP is not that suited to this kind of locality

rolling boh

The neighbour is most likely harmless but asking where she sleeps is not on i know some folk might have a peep in the window but when nobody is about i would think .not that its OK but unless the poster comes back this thread will go round in circles as we do not know the full situation ourselves .

Graces7

Emme wrote: »

Good for you but not all rural areas are the same. Some are more clannish than others. Tourist areas and small places where people don't have much to do are probably more accepting of newcomers.

Whatever the case, the man who is harassing the OP is part of the community and she is new. This means it is not advisable for her to complain to neighbours about him. She gets a bad gut feeling about him and she should trust this. Being "jittery" is no excuse for harrassing people. She is a successful young woman and he probably has deluded notions that he is an eligible bachelor, a "catch" and that she would welcome his attention :rolleyes: If people like this are entertained or encouraged in any way they can take it up the wrong way and she would never be rid of him.

A top notch and visible security system is her best option for now.

Oh no I did not say or mean " complain". What she said re them looking after him? I have had to do that here a couple of times. Just get to know the situation then back away. If he has been doing this for years? One man here only stopped when I just let him vent all he wanted, putting in an odd word now and again. He just needed to be heard that once. Never seen him since

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Given the OP hasn't been back in a couple of weeks and there's plenty of advice to work with, I'll close the thread there.

If you want the thread reopened OP just let one of the Mod Team know by PM.

Thanks

HS

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Thread re-opened at OP's request.

HS

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

OP here. Thanks for your replies and advice. After speaking to one of my neighbours, it turns out this man is throwing his rubbish into a few gardens at the back of the houses. There is one empty house in our row and he has filled the garden of that house with his rubbish.

I discovered yesterday that someone had put rubbish in my bins. I strongly suspect it was him while I was at work during the day. I am very annoyed at his refusal to stay away from my property and bins.

I have ordered CCTV cameras.

Financially, I can't afford to move in the next few years, I spent so much on buying this house (deposit, solicitors fees etc.), so I am stuck here. But as soon as I can move, the for sale sign will go up. I am so annoyed and freaked out by his behaviour.

Jequ0n

Well at least you know it’s not “just” you that has a problem with him.

A motion sensor that illuminates the area outside the front of your house might work well with the cameras. Good luck

Call me Al

Strange neighbour wrote: »

Hi everyone,

OP here. Thanks for your replies and advice. After speaking to one of my neighbours, it turns out this man is throwing his rubbish into a few gardens at the back of the houses. There is one empty house in our row and he has filled the garden of that house with his rubbish.

I discovered yesterday that someone had put rubbish in my bins. I strongly suspect it was him while I was at work during the day. I am very annoyed at his refusal to stay away from my property and bins.

I have ordered CCTV cameras.

Financially, I can't afford to move in the next few years, I spent so much on buying this house (deposit, solicitors fees etc.), so I am stuck here. But as soon as I can move, the for sale sign will go up. I am so annoyed and freaked out by his behaviour.

You can get a lock for your bins. As far as I know it clicks open to empty when it's lifted by the truck.
It will stop any interference on his part, and throw a warning shot across his bow that you're aware of what happened. I might also say it directly to him the next time he tried to interact with me. It likely will mean he pulls back a bit from hanging around when he sees you..

rolling boh

That's a tough one to have a person like that next door as has been said sounds like his behaviour would be similar with whoever is nearby.I suppose all you can do is stay out of his way as much as possible which is awful to have to do around your own house but little you can do really .Reporting him will do little and could well escalate the problem .Hopefully for you things will turn for the better and you can find a better place .

HildaOgdenx

As pp have said, at least it's a relief to know it's not specific to you.

I agree with getting bin locks. And yes, as you mentioned OP, definitely cctv also. That might be enough to make him back off and stay out of your property.

Try not to let his behaviour get to you too much, I know that's easier said than done.

TheadoreT

Good you followed the advice to speak to neighbours about him and at least it puts to rest the idea that's he's liked by everyone and singling you out.

I'm sorry to hear he's tainting your ownership experience so much but i think the bin situation gives you more cause to be abrupt with him now. Next time he approaches you it's time to be very firm and upfront about him staying off your property.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here,

Yes, regarding the rubbish, he treats some of the other neighbours the same. However, he has normal conversations with them, not the weird conversations he has tried to start with me, like asking me am I scared and laughing , asking me what part of the house I sleep in.

At this point, I am incredibly angry with him.
I don't think I could even muster a polite hello to him, I think I will completely blank him.

The fact that he came to my property to go at my bins, when I previously told him not to shows a total disregard to any boundaries.

Rubberchikken

It's awful when someone turns out to be a crappy neighbour. Taints the whole living in your home bit.

I second the lock on the bin. And blanking him. He doesn't sound like he deserves to be spoken to especially the way he has singled you out.

LilacNails

Another vote here to lock the bins and completely blank him.

He sounds like someone who wants attention, by completely blanking him will make him bored of you and hopefully give up on bothering you.

What a ****ty situation to be in, he sounds like a tool bag.

ILoveYourVibes

Would you be able to get together with the neighbors to put some kind of order on him with the police?

ILoveYourVibes

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Would you be able to get together with the neighbors to put some kind of order on him with the police?

Indeed, this guy sounds like a prime candidate for an ASBO. https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/justice/law_enforcement/anti_social_behaviour_by_adults.html#

WeirdNeighbour

WeirdNeighbour wrote: »

Hi OP
I will attempt to present a different point of view.
A couple of years ago after I moved in to the area with a small child of my own, one of the neighbours ( female) must have had a bad gut feeling about me. I am female too btw. When her kids were playing in my place with my kid, one of her kids told me that their mammy told them I (me) wasn’t to touch their panties or their private parts.
I don’t know why she felt the needs to tell her kids that but I had no intention to touch their private parts. Wtf like. Having thought about it, I remembered telling the mother her kids were cute. That’s as far as it went. But nowadays people absolutely assume the worst about everyone.
Moral of the story, avoid the neighbour all you wish but assuming he is a weirdo and telling people you have a bad gut feeling about someone just because he happened to say something you thought was strange, is a reflection on you rather than him.

No it is not a reflection on her.
She should trust her instincts.

Having read through the thread I am very surprised at the minimising responses. This guy is a total creep. How dare he impose himself as he already has. Where do you sleep? Are you scared? You are good looking. Etc.
OP you are never going to want to be this person's friend so you do not have to beat around the bush. A firm "Leave me alone" followed by zero further interaction is suitable for some creep who has determinedly over stepped the mark and been completely inappropriate. If he persists in making contact tell him you will report him to the police.

LegacyUser

i think he is just what people used to call 'simple'. bringing out the bin, not knowing boundaries, what room do you sleep in. you're good looking

Not pschopathic /sociopathic behaviours. a psychopath would be too calculating to ask what room you sleep in or let you know they thought you good looking or were attracted to you. They would know it would put you on your guard. Larry Murphy would be much more calculating and subtle. I think that is why folk look after this guy. He would not have been allowed to stay there all those years if he were a threat to the community.Probably a new strange person is, to him, interesting. In is world a new friend as he sees it

OP seeminginly has no problem selling in the future without telling buyer about this "massive" threat

Big Bag of Chips

Jequ0n, please reread The Forum Charter.

A number of your posts have been deleted for being off topic. If you have an issue with posts, please report them.

bunny_mac

simpes wrote: »

i think he is just what people used to call 'simple'. bringing out the bin, not knowing boundaries, what room do you sleep in. you're good looking

Not pschopathic /sociopathic behaviours. a psychopath would be too calculating to ask what room you sleep in or let you know they thought you good looking or were attracted to you. They would know it would put you on your guard. Larry Murphy would be much more calculating and subtle. I think that is why folk look after this guy. He would not have been allowed to stay there all those years if he were a threat to the community.Probably a new strange person is, to him, interesting. In is world a new friend as he sees it

OP seeminginly has no problem selling in the future without telling buyer about this "massive" threat

You're clearly not a woman living on her own. I am, and even just reading about this guy is freaking me out. He doesn't have to be a serial killer to be threatening.

Big Bag of Chips

Posters are reminded that Personal Issues is specifically an advice forum. Posters are expected to offer advice to the OP when replying.

A number of off topic posts have been deleted. Unregistered posts that do not offer advice to the OP will not be approved.

Posters are asked to familiarise themselves with The Forum Charter.

An Ri rua

Strange neighbour wrote: »

Hi everyone,

OP here. Thanks for your replies and advice. After speaking to one of my neighbours, it turns out this man is throwing his rubbish into a few gardens at the back of the houses. There is one empty house in our row and he has filled the garden of that house with his rubbish.

I discovered yesterday that someone had put rubbish in my bins. I strongly suspect it was him while I was at work during the day. I am very annoyed at his refusal to stay away from my property and bins.

I have ordered CCTV cameras.

Financially, I can't afford to move in the next few years, I spent so much on buying this house (deposit, solicitors fees etc.), so I am stuck here. But as soon as I can move, the for sale sign will go up. I am so annoyed and freaked out by his behaviour.

So sorry to hear of your troubles Op. It's probably chauvinistic to say but it's not right that a woman living alone should feel like that. You've done great so far, considering the strain it must be. Genuinely sorry to read of your discomfort and unease.

When I lived alone, I didn't fear anything (chauvinistic man talk) but I did abhor anyone on my property when I wasn't there or when my blinds were closed.
A quick fix is to get yourself a few old Android phones (,get a long usb cable extension if needed) and download the Alfred app. Using WiFi, you'll get instant alerts of activity, you can zoom (if the phone is recent), you can record etc.
Also get yourself some CCTV stickers on Amazon or eBay. Put them, discretely, at the front and back of your property. Trust me, I had a petty drug dealer living next door that, along with some formal hints like that, learned to keep his distance. In my case, I did film the road and path past my house as my security comes first, particularly when my home has been cased.
Lastly, while waiting for a good PIR security lighting setup, for a lot less cash you can buy Mr Beams on Amazon UK. Check them out. Battery operated weather proof spotlights. More than plenty for deterring snakes in bushes.

Take care of yourself.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00HS42LNK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glc_fabc_8TNJTQZCM501Y237V15N I have black ones. On my home and my mother's home. Seasoned people have been unnerved by them as they reckon they're cameras.

An Ri rua

Call me Al wrote: »

You can get a lock for your bins. As far as I know it clicks open to empty when it's lifted by the truck.
It will stop any interference on his part, and throw a warning shot across his bow that you're aware of what happened. I might also say it directly to him the next time he tried to interact with me. It likely will mean he pulls back a bit from hanging around when he sees you..

Op, you can also put s large A3 sheet into both bins, as you put them out, saying 'smile, you're on CCTV). Granted it may be dark but, trust me, catching idiots like that on cctv is priceless.

ILoveYourVibes

Deleted User wrote: »

Indeed, this guy sounds like a prime candidate for an ASBO. https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/justice/law_enforcement/anti_social_behaviour_by_adults.html#

Report everything keep records of everything video it if you can.

I would try and do this if it continues. Its the escalation you need to worry about.

MaccaTacca

Edit Wrong thread.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here,

Thanks for all the advice and support, it means a lot, especially when you're up against a figure who many in the town adore and call a 'dote'🙄. The other long established male neighbours seem to be turning a blind eye to this man throwing his rubbish into some of the other gardens (my garden, an vacant house garden and another newish neighbour who is going out with a local) and buring his own rubbish outside(the smell from this is toxic). For some reason, he seems untouchable and popular.

I've noticed over the past while that many of the people who call to his house to visit him don't acknowledge me if I meet them around the town or pass them by walking. No doubt, he is probably already bad mouthing me as a defence, incase I say anything about his behaviour around the town. Everyone will believe him and I'll be painted the as 'the new awkward unfriendly neighbour'. I haven't yet told any of my neighbours about his behaviour towards me. I'm not sure how they would react, I suspect they would start defending him and give me short shrift. I am the 'blow in'. The rubbish in gardens issue came up separately when I was taking to one of my neighbours last week.

If I could, I'd have the for sale sign up in the morning, but financially I can't move for a few years. Even today, a nice sunny day, I won't be able to sit out in my own garden because he will no doubt 'appear'. I feel a bit trapped in this house. It's really starting to effect me.

bunny_mac

Strange neighbour wrote: »

Hi OP here,

Thanks for all the advice and support, it means a lot, especially when you're up against a figure who many in the town adore and call a 'dote'🙄. The other long established male neighbours seem to be turning a blind eye to this man throwing his rubbish into some of the other gardens (my garden, an vacant house garden and another newish neighbour who is going out with a local) and buring his own rubbish outside(the smell from this is toxic). For some reason, he seems untouchable and popular.

I've noticed over the past while that many of the people who call to his house to visit him don't acknowledge me if I meet them around the town or pass them by walking. No doubt, he is probably already bad mouthing me as a defence, incase I say anything about his behaviour around the town. Everyone will believe him and I'll be painted the as 'the new awkward unfriendly neighbour'. I haven't yet told any of my neighbours about his behaviour towards me. I'm not sure how they would react, I suspect they would start defending him and give me short shrift. I am the 'blow in'. The rubbish in gardens issue came up separately when I was taking to one of my neighbours last week.

If I could, I'd have the for sale sign up in the morning, but financially I can't move for a few years. Even today, a nice sunny day, I won't be able to sit out in my own garden because he will no doubt 'appear'. I feel a bit trapped in this house. It's really starting to effect me.

My heart really goes out to you OP. As a single woman living alone I can imagine how you must feel. What can seem 'innocent' or 'harmless' to a family or a couple or a man living alone is anything but to a lone woman. I wish I could win the lotto and buy you a new house. ☺️

Taeholic

My heart goes out to you OP it's a horrible situation. It's a beautiful day and I'm sure some sun might help you relax, can you sit in back garden with headphones in?That way if he does appear, you don't "hear" him. Can you put a lock on your side gate? Or get a side gate with a padlock. It will be a long summer feeling trapped and unfortunately he sounds like the type that doesn't get hints. You shouldn't have to do this but if it means you can relax in your own garden it would be worth it.


He sounds nasty and menacing if he is bad mouthing you to other neighbours. You deserve to feel safe and comfortable in your own home at a very minimum. Hugs

eleventh

Anyone burning rubbish in a shared space should be reported to the council. Go on their website, there is a section that deals with the environment.

As to others siding with the neighbour, I'd advise to just ignore that as best as you can. (I could have predicted early in the thread that this would happen).
You've done nothing wrong. Just continue as you have been, continue being yourself (don't let them get to you).
People who listen to gossip or lies are not people you want in your life. Be clear on that, see it as a good thing if they reveal themselves.

You will connect with people who are genuine, who don't engage with gossip etc. It may take time, because people who mind their own business and aren't busybodies, tend to be busy with their own lives and less visible in the community. After some time, you will meet them.

Please look into some kind of wall or fencing. I would ask the council about it when talking to them. It may need planning permission etc.

Best of luck. I do feel for the situation as can relate to some of what you shared.

leggo

OP tbh, especially during lockdown, I’d stop worrying about what others might think if that’s holding you back to the point you feel like a prisoner in your own home. First off all of your feelings are based on assumptions and, secondly, if true then these aren’t opinions you can control so not sitting out your back because of fear of backlash if you have to confront this guy is only harming yourself and not gaining anything.

If he peers over the wall and starts to make smalltalk, start recording him on your phone, be calm and clear in saying that you’ve asked him not to peer into your house or garden and are recording him for evidence if he continues. If he burns his rubbish, take pictures/videos of him doing so then ring the Gardai immediately as that’s an offence and, like you said, toxic. Hold him accountable for his actions and he’ll either be forced to learn or he’ll be punished. And you’d be surprised how quickly even long-held opinions can turn when people see Gardai showing up at the house because it turns out that old dote Larry was a bit of a peeping Tom or was risking poisoning his neighbour after he’d been asked to stop.

I’m sorry again you’re going through this OP. It isn’t your fault and I acknowledge that dealing with the discomfort I’m suggesting is easier said than done, and in an ideal world you shouldn’t have to. But the good news is that you have all the tools you need to be rid of this issue if you use them.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here,

Just feeling so trapped in this house. I am so tempted to put the for sale sign up. Trying to figure out financially how to get out of here. Rent would be almost twice my mortgage, property prices have gone up since I purchased my house. Next time, I want a house on it's own private site, something that will be very expensive to purchase, especially on my own.

I have some family land I could possibly use, perhaps a log cabin or a mobile home on this land might be an idea? I considered this in the past, enquired briefly with the county council and it would require planning permission.

Or just cut my losses, sell the house and rent for a while. I feel life is too short to be trapped living somewhere that makes one so unhappy.

JustAThought

Oddneighbour wrote: »

Hi OP here,

Just feeling so trapped in this house. I am so tempted to put the for sale sign up. Trying to figure out financially how to get out of here. Rent would be almost twice my mortgage, property prices have gone up since I purchased my house. Next time, I want a house on it's own private site, something that will be very expensive to purchase, especially on my own.

I have some family land I could possibly use, perhaps a log cabin or a mobile home on this land might be an idea? I considered this in the past, enquired briefly with the county council and it would require planning permission.

Or just cut my losses, sell the house and rent for a while. I feel life is too short to be trapped living somewhere that makes one so unhappy.

OP - I’m so sorry for the awful situation you find yourself in. It appalling having a difficult or downright knacker neighbour. I totally sympathise.
Have you made a formal complaint to the gaurds? Ask for ‘ the’ community gaurd and insist you want them to go and speak with him. Outline your issues and list them so you don’t get put off or sidelined in the conversation. Say it is a patter of behaviour & you want him spoken to by a gaurd - if you have to Nd are blown off ring and make an appointment with the local sergent to speak to them. My sincerest sympathies.


Did you get a doorbell camera? Ot a high one you can stream to the cloud from an upstairs bedroom window? Its the first thing the gaurds will tell you to do otherwise its your word against his from here on out.

Cash_Q

Oddneighbour wrote:

Or just cut my losses, sell the house and rent for a while. I feel life is too short to be trapped living somewhere that makes one so unhappy.

Thats what we decided to do to escape 3 sets of awful neighbours, and luckily we ended up selling at a small profit and being able to buy again as we had a 20percent deposit from the proceeds of the sale once we had repaid the mortgage on that house. We didnt put a sign in the garden as we didnt want to draw too much attention to it and have the nasty people sneering at us if it didnt work out. We also didnt want them to jeopardise the sale by making themselves known to potential buyers.

If you can find a good agent they might just be able to link you to your next house, which is what happened for us.

Youre right, life is too short to feel like this is your own home.

HildaOgdenx

Oddneighbour wrote: »

Or just cut my losses, sell the house and rent for a while. I feel life is too short to be trapped living somewhere that makes one so unhappy.

I agree with you. Life is too short. It's not ideal when you hadn't planned on selling, but in the circumstances, go for it.

Taeholic

Oddneighbour wrote: »

Hi OP here,

Just feeling so trapped in this house. I am so tempted to put the for sale sign up.
Or just cut my losses, sell the house and rent for a while. I feel life is too short to be trapped living somewhere that makes one so unhappy.

OP you sound miserable, while one part of me thinks I wouldn't let anyone bully me out of my home, the other part of me says everyone deserves to feel peace and happiness in their own home.

My advice is look into the planning permission, see if this is feasible. Then decide if you are willing to take that risk. Peace of mind is priceless in my opinion. We've all had a very challenging 14 months and as you said life is short. Do whatever you have to do to be happy. I wish you the very best of luck

JustAThought

OP - I was considering moving because of various issues that were really deep inside my head & one of the ideas I cam up with was a detached house with a big fence - preferably a moat - and low cost ie in the middle of nowhere. A friends partner who had done just that wisely told me that unless I addressed the issues ( I dislike confrontation a lot ) I could well end up having similar or even more annonying problems elsewhere - only without my lovely home I had worked so hard for, and without the conveniences, location, tracker etc.

You can have knacker neighbours anywhere - even in a settled location - someone could die or gave to go into a nursing home & their house nearby could be sold or rented to scobies - bigger families, people driving unlicensed cars, casual drug dealing, or a family of roaring kids & parents drinking or fighting - you can be unlucky ANYWHERE - and like me even if you are really careful and take all kinds of precautions and buy in a good area all owner occupied - you can still end up just being really unlucky.

You seem to have done really well for yourself - you have a good career, are well respected in what you do, can manage a high stress job, and have managed to achieve a long list of successes - property, financial independence, career etc.

I’m a great fan of lists which I think help me sort out the issues and objectives and make it easier for me to find solutions. There have been a lot of good suggestions and advice here - maybe objectively get a sheet of paper out and just list down each and every suggestion in bullet form. That’s a start. Now you have a list of resources you may be able to use. And you have the cctv underway already - fantastic.

Now go back on a different sheet Nd specifically list the things he has done that have creeped you out. Try and see the specific frequency. Sometimes when I am in a rage at someone I have to objectively look back and count how many precise times they have done X : was it all in one day, or over the first month, does something (drink or it being the weekend) teigger it, etc. List them too. Per item.

Do that for every thing he does that has upset you.

It could be that (like me) you see patterns that emerge when you look at it in a numeric historic way that enable you to source problems, or tally specific events so you can find a solution.

So eg has he ‘only’ once or twice when you forst mived in asked if you sleep in the front or back, or does he still ask all the time and ask routinely every Saturday night?

Does he atill offer all the time to taken in your bins or now that you have said no has he stopped asking you? Or how many times has he been at your bins since you told him not to tpuch them. Does he cross over the back of your house to do this into your private area and private back garden Or is he at them at the front of the house like on the road. Or is he coming into your fromt garden too? etc

It may help to focus on what really upsets you and what his continued actions are, and how much these upset you. Then you can tally against the suggestions made here ( some great one, some not so much!!!) and from
there you can make a budget and a plan. You
might need to get some help or a small (couple of hundred) euro loan maybe to put up a fence or to get a gate for the front or side garden with a chub lock put on it - but this might solve a upsetting issue for you.

In the end he might think he is being clever about dumping his stuff in the bins by pretending to be in charge of them and hoping you won’t notice, or he might think he’s being friendly, or he might be a passive aggressive bit of a prick, or he might enjoy winding you up because he’s got nothing else to do all day and has no life, or he might be one of these super-annonying ******* who want to be in everyones business and the life and soul of the neighbourhood and that also includes you. You don’t know - people are really hard to gague. Maybe he thinks he’s be chivelerous, maybe he’s a lonely old mN who has no life, no job, no money and you the closest human he can easily talk to so he zooms out every chance he can because otherwise it might be another 23 hours and 40 minutes before he can speak to a living soul again, maybe maybe

Whatever his reason, I’d suggest trying this and mapping a solution to each thing he does that drives you mad or makes you really uncomfortable. You them have a clear
pathway of what you need to fix, and can devise some strategies to make your life easier.

You can also figure a timeline and budget for solutions - like with all work and other projects.

It shouldn’t be so hard and I’m really sorry that this has happened to you.

I also find personally, when I am inside Nd aomeone is driving me insane in my head either from their actions outside or my thoughts of then and wheat they did that having a radio chatter on in the background does really help as does putting on an (interesting) podcast or audiobook - it takes the edge off the circling thoughts and situation and does distract you to somewhere else.

Ms. Newbie18

Oddneighbour wrote: »

Hi OP here,

Just feeling so trapped in this house. I am so tempted to put the for sale sign up. Trying to figure out financially how to get out of here. Rent would be almost twice my mortgage, property prices have gone up since I purchased my house. Next time, I want a house on it's own private site, something that will be very expensive to purchase, especially on my own.

I have some family land I could possibly use, perhaps a log cabin or a mobile home on this land might be an idea? I considered this in the past, enquired briefly with the county council and it would require planning permission.

Or just cut my losses, sell the house and rent for a while. I feel life is too short to be trapped living somewhere that makes one so unhappy.

Hi OP,

I am sorry you've been made feel so uncomfortable in your own home you want leave.

Firstly I would talk to an agent find out what price I could get for my house, then speak to your mortgage provider or a financial advisor. See what your options are resale and buying or self build.

Do you have a family member you could stay with while you built a new property on your land? If so would you be willing to stay with with for the amount of Time it would take?

JustAThought

Ms. Newbie18 wrote: »

Hi OP,

I am sorry you've been made feel so uncomfortable in your own home you want leave.

Firstly I would talk to an agent find out what price I could get for my house, then speak to your mortgage provider or a financial advisor. See what your options are resale and buying or self build.

Do you have a family member you could stay with while you built a new property on your land? If so would you be willing to stay with with for the amount of Time it would take?

Having dealt with builders and the absolute mysognistic nightmare they can be, if the OP dosn’t like being under unwanted advances or pressure or male pig headedness or financial stress because a man won’t deal with a woman or show her respect - suggesting she catapult herself into a word or planning and high stress project management and disrespectful men might not be the best solution given her current issue seems to be a beligerent neighbour she can’t manage.

Rubberchikken

I don't think every builder is a nightmare or misogynistic. A lot are decent reputable men just trying to earn a living.

Op only you can decide if living next to this neighbour is so bad that you need to move.
The problem there is that there are crappy neighbours everywhere.
Learning to deal with them is a very important skill imo.

I admit that no one should be bothered, upset, bullied or made to feel uncomfortable in their own home but some people are just too ignorant for words.

Good luck

Jequ0n

OP what measures have you actually tried? This won’t get better by itself

Ms. Newbie18

JustAThought wrote: »

Having dealt with builders and the absolute mysognistic nightmare they can be, if the OP dosn’t like being under unwanted advances or pressure or male pig headedness or financial stress because a man won’t deal with a woman or show her respect - suggesting she catapult herself into a word or planning and high stress project management and disrespectful men might not be the best solution given her current issue seems to be a beligerent neighbour she can’t manage.

Seeing as she would interviewing the building company's before selecting one, it should be easy enough to avoid misogynistic men who have little value for your opinion. Look up reviews from customers to.

You have a better chance of weeding out asshole builders than asshole neighbours. Plus you will only be dealing with builders for a few months. Neighbours your stuck with potentially for life.

JustAThought

Ms. Newbie18 wrote: »

Seeing as she would interviewing the building company's before selecting one, it should be easy enough to avoid misogynistic men who have little value for your opinion. Look up reviews from customers to.

You have a better chance of weeding out asshole builders than asshole neighbours. Plus you will only be dealing with builders for a few months. Neighbours your stuck with potentially for life.

Having dealt with a myriad builders and construction workers as well as working in almost entirely male dominated industry I see daily the disrespect and professional arrogance many of them have for women. Suggesting combining moving house, becoming homeless, and tendering for, adjudicating and overseeing a high stress, complex make dominated industy for someone who is already having significant daily work stress in their life and who is not able to manage (literally) a non related non financial inter-dependent belligerant old man is IMO a poor choice of suggestion - specifically because of her inability to manage this male neighbour situation. Putting her into a high risk situation, with multiple male actors, and financially motivated males, in an industry where they are financially motivated to run rings around her for their profit and comfort AND where the outcome will have significant financial risk and disruption and stress and homelessness for the OP os not IMO aligning her strengths with a compatible solution.

And no - not all unsupervised working men are opportunists, lazy, disrespectful or do as little as they can get away with and like to skim or make life easy for themselves at cost to the unsuspecting and submissive woman customer - but many are and do.

I don’t think throwing the OP to this other bag of cats as a solution to her not being able to manage or deal with beligerent men is the best suggestion for her mental health or for her financially.

Dizzyblonde

OP think very carefully before selling your house in haste, because it is always easier to trade upwards than start over and apply for a bigger mortgage. If you absolutely can't live beside this man, look into renting out your house until it's the right time for you to sell.