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Line between flirting and harrasment?

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    #32
    bucketybuck
    Registered Users Posts: 18,485 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    nicholasIII wrote: »
    What about flirting with a nurse/female doctor? I was treated by a few nice nurses in Beaumont and decided to add them on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat. Some weren't too pleased by it but most were okay.

    Rule of thumb, you need extra perspective when flirting with somebody who isn't allowed to tell you to **** off.

    The shop assistant who smiled and said hello, the nurse who has to look after you, they are just doing their jobs and it would be creepy to convince yourself it was anything more than that.


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    #33
    nicholasIII
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 55 ✭✭nicholasIII


    bucketybuck wrote: »
    Rule of thumb, you need extra perspective when flirting with somebody who isn't allowed to tell you to **** off.

    The shop assistant who smiled and said hello, the nurse who has to look after you, they are just doing their jobs and it would be creepy to convince yourself it was anything more than that.

    I agree...

    Just out of curiosity, have you ever appeared on another forum? Preferably the SDMB? I remember reading a post that was eerily similar to this one.


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    #34
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    bucketybuck wrote: »
    Rule of thumb, you need extra perspective when flirting with somebody who isn't allowed to tell you to **** off...they are just doing their jobs and it would be creepy to convince yourself it was anything more than that.


    Woah - hold on a minute there - there's no need to bring a chap's wife into this.


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    #35
    YellowFeather
    Registered Users Posts: 2,294 ✭✭✭YellowFeather


    bubblypop wrote: »
    I don't like being 'groped' anywhere by people I don't know.
    So you think I'm the one with a problem?

    Hey - no. Not at all do I think you are the one with a problem. Not sure why you would think that.


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    #36
    Aint Eazy Being Cheezy
    Registered Users Posts: 4,631 ✭✭✭Aint Eazy Being Cheezy


    Meh. I remember when I was 19/20 and was just after getting my round in at the bar. I had an armload of pints. When I turned around, this wan who was probably in her 40s spotted her chance and planted me a smooch straight on the lips, and her & her mates burst out laughing. She was in bits too, I wouldn’t have been looking to shift her that night anyway.

    It still never dawned on me to write #metoo on my bebo page. I was thinking “I hope the lads didn’t see that” and I looked across and they were in fits laughing.

    I think losing that sort of banter in the social scene is a bad thing generally.


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    #37
    JoChervil
    Registered Users Posts: 2,023 ✭✭✭JoChervil


    Niner leprauchan wrote: »
    My wife turned me down 3 times before going on a date with me. She's still around and he have 2 kids.

    But I am sure, she was only turning down going on a date at first. But she left other ways of communication open. I mean she kept communicated with you friendly. Otherwise you wouldn't have a chance to ask her again.


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    #38
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,078 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Don't be a creep and assume every time a woman is nice to you that means they want to have sex.

    Most women are perfectly capable of indicating when they're romantically interested. You need to better learn body language, if you cannot see it.

    You've clearly never watched Blind Date. Some of the "yes I'd like to see him again" and "no just friends" ones are astonishing.


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    #39
    JoChervil
    Registered Users Posts: 2,023 ✭✭✭JoChervil


    Aint Eazy Being Cheezy wrote: »
    Meh. I remember when I was 19/20 and was just after getting my round in at the bar. I had an armload of pints. When I turned around, this wan who was probably in her 40s spotted her chance and planted me a smooch straight on the lips, and her & her mates burst out laughing. She was in bits too, I wouldn’t have been looking to shift her that night anyway.

    It still never dawned on me to write #metoo on my bebo page. I was thinking “I hope the lads didn’t see that” and I looked across and they were in fits laughing.

    I think losing that sort of banter in the social scene is a bad thing generally.

    Yuck!


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    #40
    Leg End Reject
    Registered Users Posts: 17,115 ✭✭✭✭Leg End Reject


    YellowFeather wrote: »
    And so ends the human race.

    God be with the days when we would just go out on the pull (men and women). A bit of chat, a dance and some fun. Now it seems like looking at somebody could be construed at harassment.

    I think many of us have been groped on the dancefloor, but certainly didn’t go home traumatised.

    It’s getting a bit much at this stage.

    Yes, and touching someone's arm, sneaking at look at certain parts of their body etc. is a natural part of flirting and attraction.

    If all this gains traction we'll all end up as bitter, frustrated incels.
    https://forumofgames.com/index.php




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    #41
    Leg End Reject
    Registered Users Posts: 17,115 ✭✭✭✭Leg End Reject


    banie01 wrote: »
    This is a Mr Feg thread isn't it?

    The nurse and doctor post confirmed it for me, it was posted before.
    https://forumofgames.com/index.php




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    #42
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    ancapailldorcha wrote: »
    It really isn't that difficult. If she isn't showing much of an interest then don't pursue it any further. The idea that persistence will yield results is Hollywood boll*cks.

    It really isnt


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    #43
    Mimon
    Registered Users Posts: 1,473 ✭✭✭Mimon


    Jaysus, things need to change in terms of women getting harassed etc- i.e the rules of the "game" need to be changed to stop this.

    Human nature of course there is a total over reaction where the rules of the "game" are on the road to be becoming so strict that there is no game anymore.

    Social media age all common sense and middle ground thinking has disappeared, sad to see.


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    #44
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Kiith wrote: »
    Its very easy lads.
    • Demonstrate value
    • Engage physically
    • Nurture dependence
    • Neglect emotionally
    • Inspire hope
    • Separate entirely

    In all seriousness, it usually is pretty obvious.

    It's the implication


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    #45
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    You've clearly never watched Blind Date.

    Correct, I have better things to do then watch that sh1t.


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    #46
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    So, to confirm... are we categorically ruling out clubbing over the head and dragging back to the cave apartment? Asking for a friend...


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    #47
    MrStuffins
    Registered Users Posts: 19,198 ✭✭✭✭MrStuffins


    Deleted User wrote: »
    So, to confirm... are we categorically ruling out clubbing over the head and dragging back to the cave apartment? Asking for a friend...

    From the looks of the thread, some wouldn't.

    "Sure I remember once a woman on the dancefloor clubbed me over the head and dragged me back to her cave and I didn't mind it........... so that kind of behaviour is fine if I do it to women. It's banter!


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    #48
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    The fact is, some fellas know no other way but to push themselves on women, pestering them in the hope they'll capitulate.

    milk-edinburgh-clubbers-meme.jpg?width=1200

    Sad, really.


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    #49
    grassylawn
    Registered Users Posts: 489 ✭✭grassylawn


    Kiith wrote: »
    Its very easy lads.
    • Demonstrate value
    • Engage physically
    • Nurture dependence
    • Neglect emotionally
    • Inspire hope
    • Separate entirely

    In all seriousness, it usually is pretty obvious.
    Excellent IASiP reference.


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    #50
    Mimon
    Registered Users Posts: 1,473 ✭✭✭Mimon


    Deleted User wrote: »
    The fact is, some fellas know no other way but to push themselves on women, pestering them in the hope they'll capitulate.

    Sad, really.

    Agree but now the guys with the softer approach are going to be tarred with the same brush the way things are going. Needs to be a balance and things are going too extreme the other way.


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    #51
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Mimon wrote: »
    Agree but now the guys with the softer approach are going to be tarred with the same brush the way things are going. Needs to be a balance and things are going too extreme the other way.

    No, treating women you fancy with respect is all that is required. It's really that simple.

    Crazy, I know.


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    #52
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Deleted User wrote: »
    No, treating women you fancy with respect is all that is required. It's really that simple.

    Crazy, I know.

    May be a crazy "boomer" opinion, but some ladies like to be woo-ed and may reject an initial advance but will be receptive to additional advances.


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    #53
    nullzero
    Registered Users Posts: 17,048 ✭✭✭✭nullzero
    °°°°°


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    May be a crazy "boomer" opinion, but some ladies like to be woo-ed and may reject an initial advance but will be receptive to additional advances.

    If she's playing games at that point in proceedings you may strap yourself in for a rocky relationship.

    Glazers Out!



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    #54
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    May be a crazy "boomer" opinion, but some ladies like to be woo-ed and may reject an initial advance but will be receptive to additional advances.

    Knowing the difference between respect and pestering is a tough one, for some.


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    #55
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,078 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Deleted User wrote: »
    The fact is, some fellas know no other way but to push themselves on women, pestering them in the hope they'll capitulate.

    milk-edinburgh-clubbers-meme.jpg?width=1200

    Sad, really.

    In fairness, in a nightclub with blaring music, that's the only way you can talk.


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    #56
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    In fairness, in a nightclub with blaring music, that's the only way you can talk.

    Congratulations on spectacularly missing the expression on her face.

    Once again, you failed to read the signals. No wonder you're getting so bothered by this.


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    #57
    B-D-P--
    Registered Users Posts: 1,167 ✭✭✭B-D-P--


    banie01 wrote: »
    It really, really is this simple.
    If you are knocked back, that's it.
    Leave it there.

    Don't try persistence, don't try to win her over, don't try and be her white knight.
    Be rational and leave her the fúck alone.

    This is a person, not a game, persistence and grinding won't "win" but it will highlight you as a creep.

    Well there goes every RomCom I have watched with my wife out the door.
    Why do women love them movies if the man is such a terrible guy trying to win over women....


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    #58
    Mimon
    Registered Users Posts: 1,473 ✭✭✭Mimon


    Deleted User wrote: »
    No, treating women you fancy with respect is all that is required. It's really that simple.

    Crazy, I know.


    Where did I say anyone should be allowed to treat anyone else with disrespect?

    I disagree, it is not a simple issue as the goalposts are shifting - rightly so.

    The only problem is that the goalposts seem to be moved completely off the pitch and nowhere to be seen in this groupthink road we seem to be going down.


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    #59
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Mimon wrote: »
    Where did I say anyone should be allowed to treat anyone else with disrespect?

    I disagree, it is not a simple issue as the goalposts are shifting - rightly so.

    The only problem is that the goalpost seem to be moved completely off the pitch and nowhere to be seen in this groupthink road we seem to be going down.

    No idea what you're on about.


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    #60
    Tell me how
    Registered Users Posts: 21,670 ✭✭✭✭Tell me how


    Deleted User wrote: »
    May be a crazy "boomer" opinion, but some ladies like to be woo-ed and may reject an initial advance but will be receptive to additional advances.

    Yes, but there's a difference between doing so in a way that shows genuine intent to get to know someone versus genuine intent to get laid.

    The first makes her feel valued, the second, makes her feel used.

    It's the not knowing the difference is where the issue starts.


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    #61
    Mimon
    Registered Users Posts: 1,473 ✭✭✭Mimon


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Congratulations on spectacularly missing the expression on her face.

    Once again, you failed to read the signals. No wonder you're getting so bothered by this.

    What's the context here? You haven't a clue have you but you jump to the conclusion that he is a random man harrassing her.

    They could be a couple who had an argument, he's apologising, any number of scenarios but you come up with the one where the man is in the wrong/harrassing from a moment captured on film.


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