Helpline for male domestic abuse victims struggles to cope amid pandemic surge

dontmindme

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/helpline-for-male-domestic-abuse-victims-struggles-to-cope-amid-pandemic-surge-1.4512995


Where are the vigils and media outcry?

suicide_circus

I'd assume traffic to womens/kids/elder helplines are also through the roof. These are deemed acceptable casualties of lockdown.

Augme

Far fewer men are killed, assaulted, abused, and by their partners. That's prbnaly one of the reason their isn't such a huge media outcry.

The stats for male on female violence is alsi far far higher, both in a pandemic and outside of a pandemic. That's prbnaly why there isn't such a media outcry when the gender roles are reversed too.

Also,
https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/women-s-aid-helpline-sees-calls-increase-almost-40-during-lockdown-1.4265224

iptba

Extract:

The common thread in calls is an abusive relationship, in 95 per cent of cases involving a wife or female partner.

“Hitting me, kicking me, spitting on me, telling me I’m a useless father, telling me I’m crap, telling me I don’t bring in enough income,” she recounted the calls.

“One man said he sleeps in the spare room and his wife soaks his mattress during the day with cold water and leaves the windows open before he comes home from work. So he sleeps on the floor.

“There are pure emotional and psychological games, men who have no access to funds, their partners controlling their finances.”

Ms Bentley said the organisation sought and was refused funding for a 24/7 helpline from the State’s child and family agency Tusla, which
she criticises for allocating 1 per cent of its domestic, sexual and gender based violence (DSGBV) funding to the service.

Kermit.de.frog

iptba wrote: »

Extract:

Neither party in a relationship should have such power over the other male or female.

Sadly some do for all sorts of reasons.

These are really desperate situations and i'd imagine often there genuinely is no way out for the victim without significant hurt.

.anon.

Nobody on here ever raises the issue of male domestic abuse victims unless they're making a vapid point about female domestic abuse victims getting more media coverage. I wonder why that is. Could it be that they don't actually give a toss about it?

Eric Cartman

iptba wrote: »

Extract:

Thats horrific. So many controlling and manipulative women in this world, the sad part is that some men don’t even realise what their partner does is abuse. With our legal injustices in this country men arent usually in a position of power to be able to afford to leave

CtevenSrowder

dontmindme wrote: »

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/helpline-for-male-domestic-abuse-victims-struggles-to-cope-amid-pandemic-surge-1.4512995


Where are the vigils and media outcry?

There won't be a media outcry as it doesn't suit the narrative.

As for vigils, why would there be? What man has been murdered by their partner recently?

Annasopra

.anon. wrote: »

Nobody on here ever raises the issue of male domestic abuse victims unless they're making a vapid point about female domestic abuse victims getting more media coverage. I wonder why that is. Could it be that they don't actually give a toss about it?

The issue itself is important. Trying to use the issue to prove a point does the issue itself a big disservice. It suggests that some care more about point proving than the issue itself.

Its horrendous and we do need to start tackling this issue through more funding, awareness raising, education and lots of other social policy measures.

UM1

CtevenSrowder wrote: »

As for vigils, why would there be? What man has been murdered by their partner recently?

My cousin...she pulled the self defence card,and claimed he was abusing her ...(long story)

OscarMIlde

It's a good thing this issue is being highlighted, hopefully there is increased funding available for these services. It has been widely reported that domestic violence is increasingly an issue during covid 19. It must be hellish for any victims, especially if they've lost contact with outside support/escape due to unemployment or working from home.

Silentcorner

iptba wrote: »

Extract:

1% of Tulsa's domestic, sexual gendered based violence funding goes to support men....good god, it's worse than I thought.

Why is this even a gendered issue, it affects both genders....

Annasopra

Silentcorner wrote: »

1% of Tulsa's domestic, sexual gendered based violence funding goes to support men....good god, it's worse than I thought.

The report above says 1% of funding goes to this particular service provider. It does not say 1% of funding goes to support men.

jam_mac_jam

Hopefully with increased awareness of this issue there will be more funding provided and men that need it should use it.

Its awful that movements or organisations against domestic violence should be in conflict with each other or be seen to be.

All victims of violence deserve help. We should all donate to men's aid.

Mules

Unfortunately domestic violence attacks by women on men still aren't taken seriously enough by society. I was shocked by the difference in reporting during the Amber Heard/Johnny Depp case. She was recorded taunting him about him 'acting like a baby' when she hit him but she got a pass by the media and her employers.

ThewhiteJesus

Augme wrote: »

Far fewer men are killed, assaulted, abused, and by their partners. That's prbnaly one of the reason their isn't such a huge media outcry.

The stats for male on female violence is alsi far far higher, both in a pandemic and outside of a pandemic. That's prbnaly why there isn't such a media outcry when the gender roles are reversed too.

Also,
https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/women-s-aid-helpline-sees-calls-increase-almost-40-during-lockdown-1.4265224

Female abuse to men is mental, look at all the couples in your circle and ask who is the boss in most ? I’d bet it’s the woman. They use mental abuse, threats about not seeing kids again, divorce,sex whatever they can use as their weapon and then a lot of men lose it because the law is on their side no matter what but this is never mentioned of course because women are the only victims

Curse These Metal Hands

Every victim of domestic abuse deserves access to adequate and timely help. Anything less than that is just not good enough.

Smee_Again

Domestic abuse is an important issue whether the victim is male or female.

But, why do so many men only raise the issue to complain about the attention given to male on female abuse.

If you actually care about male victims do something, donate to or create a charity, set up a support group, request additional funding via your local representatives.

Literally do anything, this is what women have done for years and we know it works because you’re here bitching about it.

Eric Cartman

Smee_Again wrote: »

Domestic abuse is an important issue whether the victim is male or female.

But, why do so many men only raise the issue to complain about the attention given to male on female abuse.

If you actually care about male victims do something, donate to or create a charity, set up a support group, request additional funding via your local representatives.

Literally do anything, this is what women have done for years and we know it works because you’re here bitching about it.

A thread was started talking about mens abuse and this is now the second point dismissing the thread on its own merit and saying it was only brought up as a rebuttal to women.

If you listened youd hear that it is geing brought up on its own merit here.

Curse These Metal Hands

Smee_Again wrote: »

Domestic abuse is an important issue whether the victim is male or female.

But, why do so many men only raise the issue to complain about the attention given to male on female abuse.

If you actually care about male victims do something, donate to or create a charity, set up a support group, request additional funding via your local representatives.

Literally do anything, this is what women have done for years and we know it works because you’re here bitching about it.

You're assuming a lot there. You've no idea how many people have or have not done any of those things.

ThewhiteJesus

Smee_Again wrote: »

Domestic abuse is an important issue whether the victim is male or female.

But, why do so many men only raise the issue to complain about the attention given to male on female abuse.

If you actually care about male victims do something, donate to or create a charity, set up a support group, request additional funding via your local representatives.

Literally do anything, this is what women have done for years and we know it works because you’re here bitching about it.

Wow imagine a man wrote this on the Sarah Everard thread last week when it was implied all men are rapists and should cross the road and cow down to all women , absolute hypocrites

Smee_Again

Eric Cartman wrote: »

A thread was started talking about mens abuse and this is now the second point dismissing the thread on its own merit and saying it was only brought up as a rebuttal to women.

If you listened youd hear that it is geing brought up on its own merit here.

Where are the vigils and media outcry? Doesn’t sound like it is being brought up on it’s own merits.

Smee_Again

Curse These Metal Hands wrote: »

You're assuming a lot there. You've idea how many people have or have not done any of those things.

Pretty safe assumption though.

Pete Moss

iptba wrote:

Extract:

I would not even like to begin to try to imagine the psychological horror a person must feel, regardless of their gender, in such a situation.

To be so vulnerable in the one place a person should feel secure must be soul destroying.

I hope anyone in such a situation finds the support and means to leave.

Curse These Metal Hands

Smee_Again wrote: »

Pretty safe assumption though.

Assumptions and generalisations tend to offer nothing of worth to a discussion, unfortunately. The point remains, you've no idea what struggles are ongoing to secure more funding for male domestic abuse support or to raise awareness, so it's pointless to say otherwise.

Smee_Again

ThewhiteJesus wrote: »

Wow imagine a man wrote this on the Sarah Everard thread last week when it was implied all men are rapists and should cross the road and cow down to all women , absolute hypocrites

I don’t know what point you’re trying to make here.

I’m a fella BTW, and I just think that if men want to raise the many many difficulties and issues they face they should do it without reference to the supports women have had to fight for.

But what happens is that posters on here just bitch and moan about what supports are there for women but aren’t willing to buy in the effort to campaign for men to have access to the same supports.

Should men have access? Yes. Do they? Obviously not.

Is that the fault of women? No.

ThewhiteJesus

Smee_Again wrote: »

I don’t know what point you’re trying to make here.

I’m a fella BTW, and I just think that if men want to raise the many many difficulties and issues they face they should do it without reference to the supports women have had to fight for.

But what happens is that posters on here just bitch and moan about what supports are there for women but aren’t willing to buy in the effort to campaign for men to have access to the same supports.

Should men have access? Yes. Do they? Obviously not.

Is that the fault of women? No.

You clearly have some weird agenda

Smee_Again

Curse These Metal Hands wrote: »

Assumptions and generalisations tend to offer nothing of worth to a discussion, unfortunately. The point remains, you've no idea what struggles are ongoing to secure more funding for male domestic abuse support or to raise awareness, so it's pointless to say otherwise.

Like I already said it’s a pretty safe assumption that the posters on here making the most noise about men’s rights are doing SFA about it in the real world.

They don’t even care about other men, it’s all just pantomime for them.

One eyed Jack

Eric Cartman wrote: »

A thread was started talking about mens abuse and this is now the second point dismissing the thread on its own merit and saying it was only brought up as a rebuttal to women.

If you listened youd hear that it is geing brought up on its own merit here.

The thread doesn’t have any merit regarding male victims of domestic violence though when it was only brought up as a rebuttal to women! This is the opening post again -

dontmindme wrote: »

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/helpline-for-male-domestic-abuse-victims-struggles-to-cope-amid-pandemic-surge-1.4512995


Where are the vigils and media outcry?

Where’s any notion of male victims of domestic violence as an issue in it’s own right in that question? It’s speaking directly to a comparison in the differences in how both issues are regarded in terms of funding and participation, ignoring social history to make their point as though support for female victims of domestic violence appeared out of the blue and was never met with considerable resistance, and is still met with considerable resistance. And it’s expected that the issue of male victims of domestic violence is to be regarded with equal consideration as though people should regard the issues equally? You can’t compel people to care about something they just don’t, and it’s a fact that if people cared about the issue of male victims of domestic violence, they would be funded 20 times more than any funding given to support female victims of domestic violence.

As it happens, organisations providing support for male victims of domestic violence appear to be doing alright for themselves -


Men’s Aid Ireland has €244,000 funding for its six staff operation this year, an increase of €5,000 on last year.


€250k to support a six staff operation? Seems entirely proportionate to the size of their operation compared to the size of the various organisations supporting female victims of domestic violence. There are, the last time I checked, least 80 different organisations providing support for female victims of domestic violence, receiving a combined funding of approximately €20m. And that’s not including funding contributions from the general public which in any organisation amounts to a pittance of their income. Seems about proportionate to me tbh.

biko

Domestic abuse of men does deserve more attention that it usually gets.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Smee_Again wrote: »

Domestic abuse is an important issue whether the victim is male or female.

But, why do so many men only raise the issue to complain about the attention given to male on female abuse.

If you actually care about male victims do something, donate to or create a charity, set up a support group, request additional funding via your local representatives.

Literally do anything, this is what women have done for years and we know it works because you’re here bitching about it.

Not possible with it being labeled toxic masculity, abuse of privilege or 'oh look - men complaining about abuse - how ironic'.