Helpline for male domestic abuse victims struggles to cope amid pandemic surge

nolivesmatter

Smee_Again wrote: »

Like I already said it’s a pretty safe assumption that the posters on here making the most noise about men’s rights are doing SFA about it in the real world.

They don’t even care about other men, it’s all just pantomime for them.

Ironically your posts have been by far the most dramatic.

The topic of this thread was made clear from the article linked in the OP: "Helpline for male domestic abuse victims struggles to cope amid pandemic surge.
Calls to Men’s Aid Ireland are being missed amid 35% spike in level of demand"

bobbysands81

I did a thesis about 3/4 years ago about Intimate Partner Violence. The conclusions of all major international studies on this issue are all very much the same and that is that a man is every bit as likely to suffer violence at the hands of his female partner as a female is to suffer violence at hands of a male partner.

However, the severity of the violence that women suffer at the hands of their male partner is far far worse and they are far more likely to be seriously assaulted and/or murdered.

Smee_Again

nolivesmatter wrote: »

Ironically your posts have been by far the most dramatic.

The topic of this thread was made clear from the article linked in the OP: "Helpline for male domestic abuse victims struggles to cope amid pandemic surge.
Calls to Men’s Aid Ireland are being missed amid 35% spike in level of demand"

No, the topic of the thread was why aren’t there vigils and more media outcry for male victims of domestic abuse. It’s literally what the op wrote.

And the answer is because men are doing SFA to draw attention to it.

Eric Cartman

bobbysands81 wrote: »

I did a thesis about 3/4 years ago about Intimate Partner Violence. The conclusions of all major international studies on this issue are all very much the same and that is that a man is every bit as likely to suffer violence at the hands of his female partner as a female is to suffer violence at hands of a male partner.

However, the severity of the violence that women suffer at the hands of their male partner is far far worse and they are far more likely to be seriously assaulted and/or murdered.

Which absolutely makes sense, theres also societies attitude of not seeing women hitting men as a problem, a woman slapping a man or hitting him during an argument is still too normalised in society.

Curse These Metal Hands

Smee_Again wrote: »

No, the topic of the thread was why aren’t there vigils and more media outcry for male victims of domestic abuse. It’s literally what the op wrote.

And the answer is because men are doing SFA to draw attention to it.

Are they doing SFA or getting very little media coverage/interest from the public for their efforts so you just assume they are doing nothing?

NSAman

It’s a real issue.

Domestic violence on men is an overlooked issue completely.

While I only have anecdotal evidence from two friends of mine, I see the actual scars (both literally and psychologically) that it can cause.

Dismissing this issue, is wrong. Surprisingly enough, in both the cases I mention above, the woman painted herself as the victim during divorce proceedings. Neither of those men would ever raise a hand and have sworn to me that they never have, their kids have also said the same thing.

Leaving your then partner with facial scars from smashing a glass on their face, is abuse.

Having no place to go and hiding the truth for fear or ridicule, is abuse.

Having no one believe you when authorities were involved, is abuse.

Men absolutely have little support when it comes to domestic violence.

Housefree

Men are disposable to society. Look at all the things with a serious gender imbalance

Male outcomes in divorce
Male vs female suicide rate
Male vs female sentencing for similar crimes
Male vs female prison population
Male gender mutilation still allowed
Male vs female work place deaths

The list goes on

Smee_Again

Curse These Metal Hands wrote: »

Are they doing SFA or getting very little media coverage/interest from the public for their efforts so you just assume they are doing nothing?

The posters on here? SFA.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Smee_Again wrote: »

The posters on here? SFA.

Female abuse - everyone's problem.
Make abuse - make problem.

Why arent men doing more to combat abuse by men? Well, why aren't women doing more to combat abuse by women?

Curse These Metal Hands

Smee_Again wrote: »

The posters on here? SFA.

You clearly said men in the post I responded to, not specifically men on here.

nolivesmatter

Smee_Again wrote: »

The posters on here? SFA.

Maybe. But we can't prove it one way or the other, no point going after them. All we can do on a forum is discuss.

Kermit.de.frog

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Which absolutely makes sense, theres also societies attitude of not seeing women hitting men as a problem, a woman slapping a man or hitting him during an argument is still too normalised in society.

Yeah. When you think about it, in almost every movie even today, or drama series, soaps or whatever, there is the almost obligatory shot of a woman slapping a man across the face at some point for whatever reason, because it's deemed normal or more likely gives dramatic effect to a scene.

I don't get why that's still so prolific because to me it's clear cut if you hit your partner (whether it's a man or a woman) that's abuse at the end of the day.

iptba

Smee_Again wrote: »

If you actually care about male victims do something, donate to or create a charity, set up a support group, request additional funding via your local representatives.

Do you do these things? If not, based on your logic, you don’t care about male victims.

Same would also apply for other issues or causes, unless you do one of those things, you don’t care about it.

Ten of Swords

Smee_Again wrote: »

Like I already said it’s a pretty safe assumption that the posters on here making the most noise about men’s rights are doing SFA about it in the real world.

They don’t even care about other men, it’s all just pantomime for them.

You have made that point now, several times. Let's move on

ThewhiteJesus

I know from people in my life that if a male makes a call like that, it really is out of last chance desperation as we as a gender find it so hard to talk. So it’s upsetting that there mightn’t be anyone on the other end of a phone.

biko

Things that don't help

https://twitter.com/Evie_Magazine/status/1373302895106527233?s=20

Dyr

Augme wrote: »

Far fewer men are killed, assaulted, abused, and by their partners. That's prbnaly one of the reason their isn't such a huge media outcry.

The stats for male on female violence is alsi far far higher, both in a pandemic and outside of a pandemic. That's prbnaly why there isn't such a media outcry when the gender roles are reversed too.

Also,
https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/women-s-aid-helpline-sees-calls-increase-almost-40-during-lockdown-1.4265224

How many wind up topping themselves?

I know a few males who suffer or suffered from domestic abuse and tbh my sympathy for them became limited over time, they knew full well what they were getting into and went ahead then insisted on staying. You rescue someone from drowning over and over and they keep jumping straight back in the water you realise they're not really a victim.

dontmindme

Bambi wrote: »

How many wind up topping themselves?

I know a few males who suffer or suffered from domestic abuse and tbh my sympathy for them became limited over time, they knew full well what they were getting into and went ahead then insisted on staying. You rescue someone from drowning over and over and they keep jumping straight back in the water you realise they're not really a victim.

Don't think you could be more wrong here tbh.

fryup

how about gay men being attacked by other gay men...is it prevalent?

dontmindme

Smee_Again wrote: »

Domestic abuse is an important issue whether the victim is male or female.

But, why do so many men only raise the issue to complain about the attention given to male on female abuse.

If you actually care about male victims do something, donate to or create a charity, set up a support group, request additional funding via your local representatives.

Literally do anything, this is what women have done for years and we know it works because you’re here bitching about it.

I'm complaining about the lack of attention given to male abuse victims, but for some unknown reason you'd rather deflect from the issue.

Eric Cartman

biko wrote: »

Things that don't help

https://twitter.com/Evie_Magazine/status/1373302895106527233?s=20

The worst part of things like that is the comments

Women saying “yessss” or retweeting
The women who say ‘nobody should be hit’ for likes but dont actually care at all.
Men responding how this is awful just bei g called incels by women.

Nobody taking it seriously

tdf7187

I am pleasantly surprised the Irish Times is even reporting on this.

NSAman

Smee_Again wrote: »

Like I already said it’s a pretty safe assumption that the posters on here making the most noise about men’s rights are doing SFA about it in the real world.

They don’t even care about other men, it’s all just pantomime for them.

Really! Project much?

My home is open to ANYONE in trouble. So I may not be out shouting on the streets, I may not be making signs what I am doing is giving people, yes PEOPLE, both men and women a place to stay, to talk and an ear to listen during a crisis.

It’s amazing to me that so few people realise that help is just a short phone call away. I am not perfect by any means, but I was raised by parents that always said help anyone in life that you can.

My friends know that in any situation they can rely on me for support. Instead of judging people, small things like opening your door, not getting into everything that happened, allowing someone time to relax and thing about things, having a place to talk when you feel like it. Perhaps this isn’t the definition of activism but it sure helps.

By the way, my other half is the Saint in all of this, her profession makes her see both sides of the fence. She is equally a participant in helping anyone that needs it. I’m a lucky man!

Kermit.de.frog

Bambi wrote: »

How many wind up topping themselves?

I know a few males who suffer or suffered from domestic abuse and tbh my sympathy for them became limited over time, they knew full well what they were getting into and went ahead then insisted on staying. You rescue someone from drowning over and over and they keep jumping straight back in the water you realise they're not really a victim.

You say they insist on staying. Isn't the more likely reality for most that they can't leave?

Housefree

fryup wrote: »

how about gay men being attacked by other gay men...is it prevalent?

Apparently lesbians are the most abusive in relationships. Can't find the research paper/study. Will look later

Smee_Again

dontmindme wrote: »

I'm complaining about the lack of attention given to male abuse victims, but for some unknown reason you'd rather deflect from the issue.

I agree, it deserves a lot more attention than it gets. Nobody should be a victim of domestic abuse.


Someone should set up a vigil to try and raise awareness.

Dyr

Kermit.de.frog wrote: »

You say they insist on staying. Isn't the more likely reality for most that they can't leave?

Not in the cases I've seen. People who at every turn made bad decisions and then kept making them.

freshpopcorn

Male domestic violence of course exists.
I do think they are issues around coercive control or just general bullying.
I know of men and they aren't allowed to see certain people, spend money,
do hobbies, told how to dress etc and it's just seen as normal.
Even when I've seen loose women I saw them all sit down mock there fella's hairy toes, what he wore and how they needed to dress him, behaved in public and it's all seen as a big joke.

Sarcozies

Augme wrote: »

Far fewer men are killed, assaulted, abused, and by their partners. That's prbnaly one of the reason their isn't such a huge media outcry.

The stats for male on female violence is alsi far far higher, both in a pandemic and outside of a pandemic. That's prbnaly why there isn't such a media outcry when the gender roles are reversed too.

Also,
https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/women-s-aid-helpline-sees-calls-increase-almost-40-during-lockdown-1.4265224

Far fewer women are killed, assaulted and robbed on the streets than men yet the government speaking out, campaigns, social media posts and media outcry seem to be skewed to women there too so I don't think your point has much to it.

Lundstram

https://twitter.com/FineGael/status/1373613540653858821

Nothing about protecting men.