Explaining bad stuff to children

We have a 3yo and she has really only become aware of the world in any meaningful way during Covid. Our approach has always been to tell her a bit of truth about Covid (that it makes older people sick, and you must take care around Granny, etc), but Granny herself is totally opposed to this track. My mum thinks that because we were always shielded from worries, and turned out reasonable, that we shouldn't be making her anxious about something she will soon forget. I can really see the point there.

We obviously don't over-do it on the warnings, but she knows everytime she crosses the yard into Granny's house (we live very close) she has to keep a distance and there's no hugging.

Am torn between making the kid anxious and making sure my mum is kept safe (she's approx over 70, age unknown to us).

What's the best way to handle this sensitively?

Apologies to mods if this has been answered before, didn't find a thread.

shesty

Children are not stupid.

I think adults in this situation - around 3 year olds - should not watch news, have radio news on or be having big discussions about how awful it all is, and how many people are dying and that in front of the kids.Kids drink all that in and that does cause anxiety.

But there is nothing wrong with saying (and we have) look there is is this germ/virus whatever (we said germ because it was language they knew -they had learned about them in preschool, coughing into tissues and throwing them away in flu season, and handwashing after the toilet and that), and it means you we all have to stay at home, and try and make sure it doesn't spread among everybody.

She won't fully understand but she does need to know something.You can't just turn a small child's life upside down and expect them to just understand.I don't think you need to say Granny could get sick and die, but you meed to give her some information.

There are some books, and there was an excellent video last year that explains it in an age appropriate manner.Maybe google and see what you can find. I will try to find links....

"While we can't Hug" is a book for that age.

Edit....here's the link i was thinking of .My 3 year old really liked this video last year.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?fbclid=IwAR2_Tog9x8dne9VSPX0MaJNhRAjiLuXTYkDlgEkAinIKie9r_3_f9sUzjRY&v=ukCOWPNAkQc&feature=youtu.be

shesty

shesty wrote: »

I don't think you need to say Granny could get sick and die, but you meed to give her some information.

This is the exact bit we are struggling with. When it comes to meeting her granny for lunch, we do it outdoors, she and her cousins need to really be warned not to touch their granny.

When you say that to a kid, and they're playing around, they quickly forget and it needs to really be impressed upon them "don't go near your granny". But nobody would ever want to say why.

It's really disturbing for all of us to warn a child and her cousins in this way. The only other option seems to be to never let her see my mum, which isn't a runner.

Thanks for the book recommendation, that sounds promising, I'm going to see if I can order it online.

shesty

It is available off the shelf in Easons and similar as it is fairly new.
I know, they do forget.Maybe she could make up a fun way to say hi instead of hugging or similar.
Tbh my own mum, who is very serious about it all lets the kids hug her (outdoors aswell) because it does reach a point where she can't help herself.Realistically though, that age group of small kids won't remember and will need to be reminded a good bit.We have said "we are all trying to keep our germs to ourselves" which seems to be understood a bit....

rainemac

Your mum will be getting vaccinated soon so stay going as you are, if you had hugged through this I would say don't stop but as you have not been hugging I wouldn't reintroduce it at this stage.
Just use gentle reminders when with granny, You are outside anyways, hand sanitise, not alot more you can do. Don't over worry or over emphasise the virus as it will hopefully be irrelevant soon with the vaccines.
At the beginning from being OTT I saw some 5-7 yr olds going mad when it was slightly more acceptable to be together over the summer and they were touched by another person.

byhookorbycrook

Children are far more perceptive than we think . Just say “ right now, to keep her safe , we can’t hug Granny.” If the child asks why, a simple “ to keep us all safe “ will suffice . Don’t fall into the over- explaining trap. Be led by her questions.

byhookorbycrook

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

Don’t fall into the over- explaining trap. Be led by her questions.

Yeah, we have been chatting about this all evening and just kinda arrived at the same conclusion. Nice to have it reinforced! Thanks. It's such a tightrope.

Baby01032012

Off topic but how do you not know your mums age?

Baby01032012

Baby01032012 wrote: »

Off topic but how do you not know your mums age?

We could probably find out if we really wanted, but we only found out she was over 70 because of covid in the first place. Some people are really secretive about age.

drunkmonkey

If I told my kids be careful of granny with the virus she'd take the wooden spoon to me. She's appalled at the way her friends are being treated by their adult kids. My mum is 70+ but has worked the whole way through the pandemic with the general public so she has a different view on it to her retired friends of the same age.
She hasn't had the vaccine yet but doesn't seem to be in a rush, other granny has had her first jab so is now offering to pick up the kids again and they're no longer barred from inside her house.
Crazy to see how two different people of the same age have handled it.

munster87

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

We could probably find out if we really wanted, but we only found out she was over 70 because of covid in the first place. Some people are really secretive about age.

‘I’m 21!’ Ha