Do you view being Childfree as a distinct lifestyle?

R.D. aka MR.D

I think I only became familiar with the term 'Childfree' about 9/10 years ago, maybe less. Before that I thought 'not wanting kids' was just a different aspect of my opinions on life sort of the way that i don't 'want to be a long distance lorry driver'.

But since finding out about 'Childfree', I think I have gained confidence in the fact that is a lifestyle choice of sorts just how parents choose the parenting lifestyle.

When I met my husband, he introduced me to the term DINK which I also like and I think probably predates 'childfree'.

I often use Childfree/DINK to explain to people (mainly older family members) that this is a way people are living their lives now and it is a lifestyle choice.

So what do people think? Is Childfree something 'to be', aspirational living? Should we be protective of the term Childfree to describe only those who don't want kids? Do people describe themselves as Childfree outside the Childfree community (personally I say childless at work).

Interested to hear what people think!

Jequ0n

I think you will struggle to define “childfree” as a one fits all concept because everyone will have slightly different motivations.
Dink might be tempting for some, whilst others know that they have a high chance of passing on genetic diseases or yet others, who know that they are psychologically inept to raise a child in a healthy manner.
I can’t see how you can combine so much variety under one buzzword.
Apologies if I misunderstood your post

Never really defined myself in that way- I probably took the view years ago that if children happen great, but if they don’t I’ll move on with life-
Even that in itself is in sharp contrast to couples I’ve known who have nearly separated as they went through traumatic IVF treatment absolutely desperate to have a child (they never did)
I probably have a small issue with the forum title- while there’s lots of people who choose not to have kids, there’s probably a lot more who have tried, not succeeded and have moved on with their lives and are happy where they are with no regrets-I’m in the latter category so I’m not quite “by choice” but saying that I didn’t go to the ends of the earth either to try.
However where I see this forum as being supportive is that you’re not judged for not having kids and I think society does still judge and not just older people. I never ask someone whom I meet for the first time, who’s married, if they have kids - i don’t define myself in that way so conversely I don’t define others as kids/no kids either- so maybe in answer to your question no I don’t define myself as child free -it just doesn’t cross my mind to do that.

magicbastarder

maybe people will define it as a lifestyle choice if enough of the rest of society treats it as an outlier; this might be a clumsy metaphor, but there might be a comparison to draw with atheism.
20 or 30 years ago, if you were 20 years old and an atheist, you were very conscious of it; but a 20 year old atheist nowadays probably doesn't think of themselves as such, because it's no big deal. could be the same response as being child free.

Faith

Yeah, I suppose I view it like being an atheist - it's just who I am. I don't shout it from the rooftops but I have no problem sharing it with people. I wouldn't see it as aspirational, but I like to promote the idea that it's a valid and rewarding lifestyle choice with many benefits. DINK for me puts a bit too much emphasis on the financial side of things and it doesn't feel like it represents my experience completely. I definitely use the term childfree as opposed to childless, as I think childless suggests a loss or something lacking.

pinkypinky

I don't think of it as a lifestyle.

However, whether you're in a couple or not also comes into it. I present as a single woman, so people don't describe me as "childfree/childless" in the way they might a couple.

pinkypinky

pinkypinky wrote: »

I don't think of it as a lifestyle.

However, whether you're in a couple or not also comes into it. I present as a single woman, so people don't describe me as "childfree/childless" in the way they might a couple.

Indeed that’s interesting. I suppose we have an unconscious “screening” of people when we meet them for the first time that probably goes something like:

Male/female/transgender
Attached/single/separated/divorced
Kids/no kids
Heterosexual/LGBT

And it probably happens quicker than we”d like to think - then our various bias kicks in

Dial Hard

Faith wrote: »

DINK for me puts a bit too much emphasis on the financial side of things and it doesn't feel like it represents my experience completely.

It also doesn't apply to those who are child free and single! Or child free, partnered up and not both earning, for whatever reason...

Anyway, I'm not sure I could say my child free status is a lifestyle "choice" - as I've said in other threads, not wanting children is something that is just completely innate for me, so can I really claim to have made a choice in that regard? I don't really think so.

R.D. aka MR.D

magicbastarder wrote: »

maybe people will define it as a lifestyle choice if enough of the rest of society treats it as an outlier; this might be a clumsy metaphor, but there might be a comparison to draw with atheism.
20 or 30 years ago, if you were 20 years old and an atheist, you were very conscious of it; but a 20 year old atheist nowadays probably doesn't think of themselves as such, because it's no big deal. could be the same response as being child free.

This is such an interesting point and I hadn't thought of it like this before but you are so right. I remember when I first discovered atheism and people online talking about it and feeling like 'wow, someone finally understands me' but nowadays I don't really give it a second thought. I feel like so many people now aren't religious like when I was younger, it just isn't an issue.

I take the points on DINK also others have said, it is definitely about the financial side of things which isn't everyone's experience!