Parenting in the country Vs the city

onrail

Long story short, along with our 12 month old, and potentially another on the way, we're fairly close to moving to the countryside to be closer to my parents and siblings.

Not sure many people have direct experience of both, but I'm wondering which is easier with kids - living in the city with schools and amenities nearby or in the country, where we can call on help for childminding at almost any time.

Where I'm from, the nearest school and shop is 3 miles away and the nearest town in 25 minute drive away so really in the middle of nowhere, although there are plenty of school buses available.

There are LOADS of other factors to be considered in our decision, but at the moment, the promise of help, especially when #2 comes along, seems like the better option.

SmallgirlBigcity

I lived in the countryside growing up and now live near the city and much prefer the city. I love having so many amenities and choices nearby and friends and family who we can pop into for a cup of tea. When I lived in the countryside, there was nobody popping in. I found it quite lonely. However, if living in the countryside means you'll be close to family and have help with the kids, then it definitely sounds like a good idea. You can't beat having help with the kids. I live near my mother in law and she helps out with our little lad. I'd be lost without her help. If sounds like a good idea to move there and get help with the kids and sure you could consider another move in the future if necessary. Hope this helps!

Sesame

I've just moved my family from suburbia to the countryside. So far one child is sad and misses his friends in the estate. Other not too upset but very different life here! I find it so quiet. But very peaceful and we are all spending more time outdoors. My car journeys are longer everywhere so more planning needed for shop visits or combining trips. That will increase as they become teenagers!

fits

Best of both worlds is to live in a village or small town. I’m not sure why it isn’t being promoted more. It’s great to be able to walk to school or shop.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

We live in the middle of a pretty built up city and I have a 5 year old girl who would love to have a house with a big garden she could run around. I grew up in the countryside, although we weren't quite as isolated as your area sounds - it was 10 minutes to town and a local pub/shop/GAA/school all within 2km. Somewhere like that, for me, is the dream and I hope to realise it as soon as possible.

El Gato De Negocios

onrail wrote: »

Long story short, along with our 12 month old, and potentially another on the way, we're fairly close to moving to the countryside to be closer to my parents and siblings.

Not sure many people have direct experience of both, but I'm wondering which is easier with kids - living in the city with schools and amenities nearby or in the country, where we can call on help for childminding at almost any time.

Where I'm from, the nearest school and shop is 3 miles away and the nearest town in 25 minute drive away so really in the middle of nowhere, although there are plenty of school buses available.

There are LOADS of other factors to be considered in our decision, but at the moment, the promise of help, especially when #2 comes along, seems like the better option.

Post lockdown last year we made the decision to move out of Dublin and move to my home town (missus is a Dub). We have a just turned 4 year old and a 32 month old. Currently renting a house 3 minutes drive from my parents house and planning to build a house on a site 30 seconds from their place.

Pros

Childcare - when we were in Dublin both were in creche full time, Monday to Friday from around 08:30 to 17:00 and we were paying around €1,600 a month for it. Down here, 4 year old is in ECCE 3 hours a day from 09:30 to 12:30 and his sister is in a creche 3 days a week from 09:30 to 12:30 at a cost of €45 per week. Both my parents are relatively young (65 M & 67 F) so the kids are going to them when not in ECCE or creche. My dad refused to accept payment but Im giving my mam €400 a month, she would not accept any more so our costs for that have reduced by approx €1,000 per month.

Rent - we are currently paying €475 per month for a 4 bedroom bungalow, our mortgage in Dublin was €900 a month.

Outdoors - in Dublin we lived in a 2 bed duplex with a tiny concrete area out the back as our outdoor space. Where we are renting, there is a large area out the back of the house and a decent sized garden for the kids to muck about in. My parents also own a farm so essentially when its not raining, the kids are outside most of the time, either with us or with my folks.

Work - we are both working remotely currently and my employer as told me that there will be no requirement to be back in the office until end of September at the earliest and even at that, probably only for 1 day a week. Down here, once we draw down the mortgage to build, the plan is for my wife to leave work until both kids are in school. My salary is adequate to cover the mortgage and cost of living down here but it wouldn't be in Dublin.

All the fundamentals that we need to live are within 10 minutes drive - shops, doctors, dentist etc.

Easy transition for the kids - given their ages, there was little to no discommoding for them to make the move and start them in new care facilities.

Building our own house - it will be built to the spec we want and will have a play room that can later be used as a sitting room for the kids. Will also have a big garden where we hope to have jungle jim / swings etc. For what we can build down here for €400k or less, to buy a comparable house in Dublin in a nice area would cost €1,000,000+.

Cons

Lack of amenities - Im talking about theaters, cinemas, music venues, restaurants, cafes etc. All are available but very little choice.

Lack of hospitals - little one had a consultant appointment last week and i had to drive nearly 90 minutes to the clinic which meant having to take a half days annual leave.

Colleges - if / when the time comes and the kids decide they want to attend college or University then that will most likely mean having the cost of accommodation and living for them living away from home however that is at least 14 years away yet so not really a worry at this point in time.

Adaptation - my wife is a born and bred Dub and outside of my parents, she doesnt really know anyone down here. Obviously with the rona things have been difficult for everyone however i have a number of friends down here with kids of similar ages so when things ease up we will be able to meet people. Not a major thing really but something to consider if one of you is not from the area.


All in all, we are happy with our decision to move. The kids absolutely adore it down here have settled well in their respective "schools". We were able to do things like have an easter egg hunt in one of my parents fields and in their orchard, over the last couple of weeks we have dug and planted a little vegatable patch, we simply would not have any of that were we to be living in Dublin.

catrionanic

Is there an option to move to the closest town to your parents? That way you can lean on them for help when you need it, but keep some of the advantages of living next to amenities.

If you really have no family help at all in the city, I would say that moving is the best option. The transition to two kids, particularly with a small age gap, can be extremely tough. Speaking from experience!

Neyite

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=116887287&postcount=21

This is a reply I posted to another person not too long ago. We moved from the city suburbs to be closer to family - and I've not regretted it once.

Childcare and family support (assuming it's been offered) are by far the biggest advantage for us. The creche fees reduced massively because a relative took our son three days a week after school. But also we had family members who could dash to the school to pick him up in an emergency.

Like Gato, one of us will continue to WFH, the other now has the ability to WFH if an emergency crops up, thanks to employers tooling us up for covid remote working.

We might occasionally need paid childcare going forward but only the odd day so we've saved a LOT there. We've also saved almost the same again monthly on our housing costs. Add into that the commuting costs have more than halved for us. So we are financially healthier than we ever were.

Living in town was very handy when we were out on the town a lot but for about 5 years before we moved we didn't go out much anyway so we weren't missing out on anything much when we did move.

josip

We have 2 children, a 10yo boy and a 13yo girl and live in Dublin.
I grew up in the countryside and it seems to me that children (have to) grow up faster in the city.
I would have preferred to be able to bring them up in the countryside somewhere.
You can always move from the countryside to a city when you get older, eg. go to college/get a job.
But it's more difficult/unusual for someone to move from the city to the countryside.

lazygal

My parents grew up in very rural areas. They chose to raise us in a Dublin suburb.
The lack of school choice is a huge factor for us when deciding where to live, very few non Catholic schools outside most cities. I also didn't want them to always have to rely on us for transport. Then the choice for college and not having to pay for accommodation.
Most of my cousins live rurally and their lifestyle is definitely not for me or my children.
We live in a large suburb with excellent transport links and access to the city without feeling like we're on top of other people. I wouldn't swap for any location in a country area.

Big Bag of Chips

We moved back to the country when we started having children. We lived in Dublin for 10 years and knew the people in 3 houses (2 houses either side of us and the one directly opposite us). I could have passed other neighbours in the shop around the corner and wouldn't have recognised them.

Within 2 days of moving to the country every neighbour up and down or road, about 9 houses, had all dropped in to welcome us and say hello!

We live about 25 mins from the nearest town and accept that driving is a part of life. But we're not stranded or isolated by any means. We also know where our children are, who they are with and, generally, what they are doing.

I grew up in the country, moved to Dublin and moved back to the country with my Dublin inner-city born and bred husband. He would never move back to Dublin. Ever! He might like to move slightly closer to a town to have amenities in walking distance, but much prefers the overall country life over city living.

starlady1

I grew up in the country, moved away for work and moved back just before my child was born. I have family nearby.

My child ended up quite sick for months and I would not have coped without the family support around us.

There are times being near family would drive you mad,mainly calling in the evening when same child from above needs to wind down before bedtime and relatives have the child jumping around the place! It is a small price to pay though to have someone you can call on in an emergency. For example a month ago childminder was a close contact of a positive case. I would call on family to step in. Had we stayed in the city I would have had to take time off work. Down the line when children are in school and if they are sick again family might be able to collect them. It makes a huge difference.

Don't underestimate how important family support living nearby is when you have children. If that is the only reason you are thinking of moving do it. You won't regret it.

lazygal

People living in city areas have family support. Not sure why there's an assumption we don't. And a network of neighbours and parents from school to call on in a pinch.

shtpEdthePlum

El Gato De Negocios wrote: »

Childcare - when we were in Dublin both were in creche full time, Monday to Friday from around 08:30 to 17:00 and we were paying around €1,600 a month for it. Down here, 4 year old is in ECCE 3 hours a day from 09:30 to 12:30 and his sister is in a creche 3 days a week from 09:30 to 12:30 at a cost of €45 per week. Both my parents are relatively young (65 M & 67 F) so the kids are going to them when not in ECCE or creche. My dad refused to accept payment but Im giving my mam €400 a month, she would not accept any more so our costs for that have reduced by approx €1,000 per month.

If she genuinely doesn't want the money and refuses it again i would consider stopping payment. My mom sat me down recently and told me i need to stop buying her things and generally not accepting money from her... as when she dies, she'll be giving me everything anyway, so it'll be Capital Gains Taxed to all oblivion. I haven't refused anything from her since. Sobering conversation.

If she uses the money, however, it's a completely different story!

ax530

Rural or urban if children can walk to/from school it a great advantage. Especially these days where working from home more of an option, for older children do not have after-school child care costs.

markpb

lazygal wrote: »

People living in city areas have family support. Not sure why there's an assumption we don't. And a network of neighbours and parents from school to call on in a pinch.

+1

Neither me nor my wife are from Dublin but we have siblings, friends and neighbours that we can rely on. This is not a city/country thing.

Big Bag of Chips

lazygal wrote: »

People living in city areas have family support.

If you have family living in the same city area as you. It is safe to assume from the OP's post that she wouldn't have family support in the city.

The thing about it all though, OP, is when you have children you get to know other parents. And as mentioned these parents can become a very real support structure too. I am friends with a group of parents that I first met when my now 16 year old was in playschool. We all have similar aged children and we all are at the end of a phone in the case of an emergency.

This would generally be the same if you lived in a city or country. Lots of people live in either place and make it work for them. So it really does come down to your own personal preference. My personal preference is for the space, and privacy we have in the country. No house overlooking our back garden, or front garden! No direct neighbours to hear my roaring at children!! Bigger house, more space in general.

Others are happier living in an estate with everything very close at hand.

onrail

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

If you have family living in the same city area as you. It is safe to assume from the OP's post that she wouldn't have family support in the city.

The thing about it all though, OP, is when you have children you get to know other parents. And as mentioned these parents can become a very real support structure too. I am friends with a group of parents that I first met when my now 16 year old was in playschool. We all have similar aged children and we all are at the end of a phone in the case of an emergency.

This would generally be the same if you lived in a city or country. Lots of people live in either place and make it work for them. So it really does come down to your own personal preference. My personal preference is for the space, and privacy we have in the country. No house overlooking our back garden, or front garden! No direct neighbours to hear my roaring at children!! Bigger house, more space in general.

Others are happier living in an estate with everything very close at hand.

Yeah, true. We have plenty of friends and one sibling in the same city, but it would have to be a real emergency for us to feel comfortable in imposing short-notice babysitting on them. If moving closer to my family, it would be a lot easier to just make a call if we needed a couple of hours to ourselves or whatever.

On reflection, the best of both worlds might be to look for a place in the nearest village to home. The housing stock isn't great there, but it could be an option.


Thanks for all the replies folks btw. Really helpful to hear what others experience.

Big Bag of Chips

onrail wrote: »

but it would have to be a real emergency for us to feel comfortable in imposing short-notice babysitting on them.

The older your children get, and the more children you have the less this becomes an issue!!

We would call or be called at short notice to collect someone's child from school, or if there was an issue broken down car, puncture, car keys nowhere to be found (all of the above have happened us all over the years) first thing in the morning a call would be put in to someone to come to the rescue. I live 20 minutes away from my family so calling my family in would only be for organised babysitting - or in a real real emergency where one of the other parents weren't around to come to the rescue. (For all things car related my Dad still is first port of call!!)

Honestly, your friends network becomes very important as your children get older, especially when in primary school.

lazygal

Agree on the parent and friend network. The class WhatsApp groups are a life saver, almost all of us have needed to put out a plea for a dig out for collecting, dropping, minding a child for ten mins because someone is stuck at some stage and the goodwill is huge because we're all in the same boat when an emergency crops up.
The family we have near us would do a night of babysitting and not that sort of stuff.

shesty

Second and third this.Parent friends I made in the local preschool and class have been my lifesavers for months.My own parents are up the road but sure what could they do for the last year?Class parents have done school runs for me, loaned me stuff and generally kept me and my kids sane for the last 12 months and vice versa.We return the favours, there are a couple of parents who can call on us in a pinch and vice versa and it has happened.The last year has meant grandparents and relatives are not so available.

We are in a village which is fairly well populated but also surrounded by fields and beaches...we drive everywhere anyway.It's been an absolute saviour to be living here during the last year anyway.Kids need space, green areas and freedom to play.

El Gato De Negocios

shtpEdthePlum wrote: »

If she genuinely doesn't want the money and refuses it again i would consider stopping payment. My mom sat me down recently and told me i need to stop buying her things and generally not accepting money from her... as when she dies, she'll be giving me everything anyway, so it'll be Capital Gains Taxed to all oblivion. I haven't refused anything from her since. Sobering conversation.

If she uses the money, however, it's a completely different story!

I absolutely 100% know that if I said to her tomorrow we wanted to stop paying her and put it into our savings or something she wouldn't bat an eyelid but I wouldn't do that. What she is doing for us and the kids is invaluable and personally I would feel we were taking advantage of her, even now paying her what we pay her I still feel that way a bit as its worth alot more to us than we are paying her, and Im not just talking financially.

irishguy

In my opinion city(Dublin in particular) life is the best, but only if you can earn a high salary as if you don't housing & childcare will have a significant impact on quality of life and then a more rural life starts to win out.

That being said not having any family around can be difficult and your allways trying to juggle your time.

So if your paid well & have some family near by then Dublin is the clear winner, otherwise you need to weigh up the various options called out by the other posters based on your situation.

mohawk

I am from the country and moved to Dublin after I finished college. Was in Dublin a long time and tbh it never felt like home (so I am biased). I moved back home when my son was in third class. We are close to a village where he goes to primary school and there is a town about 10 km from us that has any amenities we need. Some things are further away then that but no traffic to deal with so I don’t mind driving where I need to go.
I would definitely say I have more disposable income now then I did in Dublin due to houses being cheaper. And a bigger home with more space is also great. I have family to help out if needed at short notice and the neighbours are great to help too. It’s great not taking annual leave when he is sick as family will take him when a minder wouldn’t ( pre covid). Class size is smaller where we are.
While he has friends in walking distance many of his friends are a good bit away. It’s not the end of the world but he was definitely closer to way more friends in Dublin. Sports and hobbies wise I can’t think of any that Dublin had that he can’t do here. It has mostly been a positive move it was hard to leave friends behind. For secondary school there is a school bus, but I will end up being a taxi service for him as there is no public transport.
Country life isn’t for everyone but neither is city life. I know some people thought I was mad to move but realistically I wasn’t exactly going to art galleries, museums and gigs etc every night so it wasn’t a big change in lifestyle for us.

Whats your long term plan for when your kids are teenagers?

I've heard many saying living rurally is great for younger kids, but when they are teenagers is a lot harder - especially when they have to be picked up / dropped everywhere.

eta: have a read of this thread. Some good points on both sides.

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2058176383&page=2

El Gato De Negocios

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Whats your long term plan for when your kids are teenagers?

I've heard many saying living rurally is great for younger kids, but when they are teenagers is a lot harder - especially when they have to be picked up / dropped everywhere.

eta: have a read of this thread. Some good points on both sides.

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2058176383&page=2

When I was growing up we cycled everywhere as teenagers, our two will be the same.

onrail

Thanks for the replies. I grew up in the countryside - where we're thinking of moving and thinking back, I found it an absolute pain as a teenager.

To be honest, I think my heart and my head are pulling me in different directions. Logic only really points to urban living, while some pressure from family (I won't get in to it!) and my own nostalgia has me heading towards the countryside.

I'm in the middle of a planning permission application at the moment to self build, but maybe buying a place near the local village might be the best compromise.

noplacehere

From the country and living on the outskirts of a commuter belt town. However neither parent are commuting far (mine is 20 minutes, my husband has worked from home for years). We have two kids and are very happy. We discussed during this lockdown that even if we won the lotto we wouldn’t move location although we might move house! Family is 2.45hrs and 1hr away, sister is 40 minutes away but have a network of friends at this stage. Mortgage is small and we are overpaying it by a substantial amount, garden is a great size which is perfect and there are so many sports/extra curricular for the kids, entertainment/cinema is close/great and varied food options plus the canal walk and some lovely big houses. Honestly it’s perfect for us and I wouldn’t move home

farmchoice

picking and dropping teenagers in the country is an issue alright, mainly from the ages of 13 to 17, by the time they get to 17/18 they mysteriously seem to find their own way everywhere, strange cars arrive at all hours of the day and night


the downside is the picking and dropping.
the upside is the security of knowing (to some small degree) whats going on, who's where and when.

our neighbors have a son a really lovely lad but a bit of a header, easily led lets say and impulsive, not studious like his older sister but not stupid, a nice gentle fella but daft as a brush.
living outside of the town absolutely saved him as a teenager. if he had easier access to the trouble he naturally found there is no end to the damage he could have done to himself. that bit of distance between him and impulsive trouble finding went a long way to securing for him the future he has now, 4th year in university in a good course always has a part time job pays for his own nice car, nice girlfriend ect.
it would have made no difference to his sister if they had lived in the any town or city in the world she was always on the straight and narrow, but that bit of distance from the trouble he could so easily find made all the difference to him. he railed against it at the time, talk to him about it now and he even says himself he was glad of it and hes only 23.

TheQ_Man

I’ve recently moved from the city to the city/county boundary. The kids don’t like it. Will be moving again when I can.

Tombo2001

El Gato De Negocios wrote: »

Post lockdown last year we made the decision to move out of Dublin and move to my home town (missus is a Dub). We have a just turned 4 year old and a 32 month old. Currently renting a house 3 minutes drive from my parents house and planning to build a house on a site 30 seconds from their place.

Pros

Childcare - when we were in Dublin both were in creche full time, Monday to Friday from around 08:30 to 17:00 and we were paying around €1,600 a month for it. Down here, 4 year old is in ECCE 3 hours a day from 09:30 to 12:30 and his sister is in a creche 3 days a week from 09:30 to 12:30 at a cost of €45 per week. Both my parents are relatively young (65 M & 67 F) so the kids are going to them when not in ECCE or creche. My dad refused to accept payment but Im giving my mam €400 a month, she would not accept any more so our costs for that have reduced by approx €1,000 per month.

Rent - we are currently paying €475 per month for a 4 bedroom bungalow, our mortgage in Dublin was €900 a month.

Outdoors - in Dublin we lived in a 2 bed duplex with a tiny concrete area out the back as our outdoor space. Where we are renting, there is a large area out the back of the house and a decent sized garden for the kids to muck about in. My parents also own a farm so essentially when its not raining, the kids are outside most of the time, either with us or with my folks.

Work - we are both working remotely currently and my employer as told me that there will be no requirement to be back in the office until end of September at the earliest and even at that, probably only for 1 day a week. Down here, once we draw down the mortgage to build, the plan is for my wife to leave work until both kids are in school. My salary is adequate to cover the mortgage and cost of living down here but it wouldn't be in Dublin.

All the fundamentals that we need to live are within 10 minutes drive - shops, doctors, dentist etc.

Easy transition for the kids - given their ages, there was little to no discommoding for them to make the move and start them in new care facilities.

Building our own house - it will be built to the spec we want and will have a play room that can later be used as a sitting room for the kids. Will also have a big garden where we hope to have jungle jim / swings etc. For what we can build down here for €400k or less, to buy a comparable house in Dublin in a nice area would cost €1,000,000+.

Cons

Lack of amenities - Im talking about theaters, cinemas, music venues, restaurants, cafes etc. All are available but very little choice.

Lack of hospitals - little one had a consultant appointment last week and i had to drive nearly 90 minutes to the clinic which meant having to take a half days annual leave.

Colleges - if / when the time comes and the kids decide they want to attend college or University then that will most likely mean having the cost of accommodation and living for them living away from home however that is at least 14 years away yet so not really a worry at this point in time.

Adaptation - my wife is a born and bred Dub and outside of my parents, she doesnt really know anyone down here. Obviously with the rona things have been difficult for everyone however i have a number of friends down here with kids of similar ages so when things ease up we will be able to meet people. Not a major thing really but something to consider if one of you is not from the area.


All in all, we are happy with our decision to move. The kids absolutely adore it down here have settled well in their respective "schools". We were able to do things like have an easter egg hunt in one of my parents fields and in their orchard, over the last couple of weeks we have dug and planted a little vegatable patch, we simply would not have any of that were we to be living in Dublin.

Perhaps the OP should be clearer - but for me, living in your home town is what says on the tin. Living in a town. Its not the country.

Having said that I wouldn't argue with any of your points. Where I live in Dublin has a great community feel, and I really like it.

One big issue though is schools. I'd love it if there was just one local school that everyone went to. The school system is completely incoherent, in terms of who gets in where, the rules around catchment and so on.