Are pubs/nightclubs the only way to pull?

smacl

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Hypothetically, does the gym count?

Used to go the the gym early every morning for a boot camp session for an event I was training for. Female to male ratio was about 4:1 and it was the same group give or take every morning in a fun class getting sweaty with loads of banter. By yourself at machines and free weights will be a tougher call to start conversation. Any kind of regular sports or fitness classes where there's a bit of interaction is going to be much easier IMO.

ancapailldorcha

smacl wrote: »

Used to go the the gym early every morning for a boot camp session for an event I was training for. Female to male ratio was about 4:1 and it was the same group give or take every morning in a fun class getting sweaty with loads of banter. By yourself at machines and free weights will be a tougher call to start conversation. Any kind of regular sports or fitness classes where there's a bit of interaction is going to be much easier IMO.

I go at 6:30, as early as possible. Do you mind if I ask what sort of a boot camp session it was? I'm only familiar with the term in a... less seemly context.

I'm currently by myself at the machines and weights. She was wearing a Guinness top and I could have said hello but didn't fancy being the sleazy guy at the gym.

I'm 33. I was hoping to be done with this to be honest.

Hint of Sarcasm

I've done it quite a bit during my MSc. I'd love the way one moment I'd be at home like a geek on my laptop all alone, and about an hour later I could be dancing with some cool girl who'd think I'm way cooler than I actually was. I'd act drunk and dance along to the stupid songs. The fact that people actually liked such nonsense would made me laugh and would get me out of my head. When you're in the crowd it's hard to tell if someone is alone or not. I'd have a good few tricks up my sleeve, like pretending to wave to someone in the crowd (feels fcuking weird).

I'd often go to Flannerys so I wouldn't have to spend a penny. Once I proved to myself that I could score while having a pint of ribeena water as my drink then the idea that I needed to buy a real drink banished out of my head! And I'd always try and talk to a girl on the street first (no matter how awkward) to sort of warm up before entering a venue. That always took so much more courage as it could go any way.

smacl

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I go at 6:30, as early as possible. Do you mind if I ask what sort of a boot camp session it was? I'm only familiar with the term in a... less seemly context.

I'm currently by myself at the machines and weights. She was wearing a Guinness top and I could have said hello but didn't fancy being the sleazy guy at the gym.

It was the 6:30am group class at DLR Meadowbrook, something similar still going from the looks there from the looks of things but years since I've been back there. Class could be anything on the day, usually outdoors unless it was lashing, mixing sprints, weights, calisthenics, occasionally tag rugby, pad work, partnered strength work etc... Brilliant craic starting out but after a few changes of trainer became more like a regular circuit training class which was grand but nothing special. Any classes where you're paired up with others are good fun as there's a bit of natter, where the likes of spinning where you're all facing forwards lacks that social element.

I'm 33. I was hoping to be done with this to be honest.

33 is young, I'm 55, a widower and just getting back into the dating game myself for my sins. Count your blessings young fella... :pac:

ancapailldorcha

smacl wrote: »

It was the 6:30am group class at DLR Meadowbrook, something similar still going from the looks there from the looks of things but years since I've been back there. Class could be anything on the day, usually outdoors unless it was lashing, mixing sprints, weights, calisthenics, occasionally tag rugby, pad work, partnered strength work etc... Brilliant craic starting out but after a few changes of trainer became more like a regular circuit training class which was grand but nothing special. Any classes where you're paired up with others are good fun as there's a bit of natter, where the likes of spinning where you're all facing forwards lacks that social element.

Thanks. Might be a little to far from Wembley. The one time I took a gym class, it was all old dears though they were very nice in fairness. My local has what I need but it's a bit cramped. I might keep an eye out for classes though.

I tried saying hello to herself. We were both wearing headphones but she gave me this look of apathy and disgust so I don't think that ship is going to leave harbour.

smacl wrote: »

33 is young, I'm 55, a widower and just getting back into the dating game myself for my sins. Count your blessings young fella... :pac:

Sorry to hear that.

33 doesn't feel young. I've always been single so I'm just doing my own thing. I honestly feel like the dating thing has passed me by and that's fine.

LMHC

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Thanks. Might be a little to far from Wembley. The one time I took a gym class, it was all old dears though they were very nice in fairness. My local has what I need but it's a bit cramped. I might keep an eye out for classes though.

I tried saying hello to herself. We were both wearing headphones but she gave me this look of apathy and disgust so I don't think that ship is going to leave harbour.



Sorry to hear that.

33 doesn't feel young. I've always been single so I'm just doing my own thing. I honestly feel like the dating thing has passed me by and that's fine.

Don't let it pass ya by mate. Get out and get the bull by the horn. Make it happen don't sit and wait on it.

FileNotFound

I think the concept of feeling you can meet girls or guys in only certain places is very flawed.
Just got to get that extrovert going and be nice. The rest tends to work itself out.


Mind you if you are really struggling, ignore nightclubs etc and think music festival, not sure exactly why but everyone seems to be way more relaxed.

LMHC

FileNotFound wrote: »

I think the concept of feeling you can meet girls or guys in only certain places is very flawed.
Just got to get that extrovert going and be nice. The rest tends to work itself out.


Mind you if you are really struggling, ignore nightclubs etc and think music festival, not sure exactly why but everyone seems to be way more relaxed.

They are full of disco biscuits at a festival.

Dr. Em

Activities of any sort, including festivals are way better than bars or nightclubs. Women have been told from the time they were children to beware of men they don't know. If you are in a bar or a nightclub and meeting a woman for the first time, your only chances are really only with extreme extroverts/daredevils, or with those who are so lonely/horny/drunk that they aren't nervous. Most all other women will want to have a couple conversations first - get to know you a bit - even if they are only interested in a one-night-stand.

sprucemoose

Dr. Em wrote: »

Activities of any sort, including festivals are way better than bars or nightclubs. Women have been told from the time they were children to beware of men they don't know. If you are in a bar or a nightclub and meeting a woman for the first time, your only chances are really only with extreme extroverts/daredevils, or with those who are so lonely/horny/drunk that they aren't nervous. Most all other women will want to have a couple conversations first - get to know you a bit - even if they are only interested in a one-night-stand.

why would a bar/nightclub be any worse or better so?

Dr. Em

sprucemoose wrote: »

why would a bar/nightclub be any worse or better so?

Unless it is her local and your local, you are less likely to meet more than once in a short time period. If you are going to a several-day festival, or once a week activity, there is a better chance for repeated conversations.

sprucemoose

Dr. Em wrote: »

Unless it is her local and your local, you are less likely to meet more than once in a short time period. If you are going to a several-day festival, or once a week activity, there is a better chance for repeated conversations.

i would say it makes very little difference, everyone is a stranger at the start

ancapailldorcha

LMHC wrote: »

Don't let it pass ya by mate. Get out and get the bull by the horn. Make it happen don't sit and wait on it.

I'm quite introverted so this is unlikely. I was looking at singles nights here just before covid hit so that might be worth a look.

Dr. Em

sprucemoose wrote: »

i would say it makes very little difference, everyone is a stranger at the start

? Not if you see the other person every week and interact through activities.

sprucemoose

Dr. Em wrote: »

? Not if you see the other person every week and interact through activities.

well thats not at the start then is it?

Dr. Em

sprucemoose wrote: »

well thats not at the start then is it?

What is your point? In a pub or nightclub, you might only see the person once and you don't know them. In an activity or group setting, you see them repeatedly and they become familiar. Which sounds like a better way to meet people?

smacl

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I'm quite introverted so this is unlikely. I was looking at singles nights here just before covid hit so that might be worth a look.

Also very much an introvert with a small enough social circle. Some of the dating sites are definitely worth a punt in my rather limited experience. Which ones will work for you is dependent on age, interests (i.e. relationship or short term thing) and location. My experience has been that it is worth shelling out for a couple of months paid subscription and being the first person to make contact rather than sending likes and hoping for a response. I've had a couple of fun dates so far and a few more lined up. Nothing too serious yet but all good and certainly has the feel of possibly leading somewhere I'd like to go.

And just for a laugh, Dates is also worth looking up.

LMHC

smacl wrote: »

Also very much an introvert with a small enough social circle. Some of the dating sites are definitely worth a punt in my rather limited experience. Which ones will work for you is dependent on age, interests (i.e. relationship or short term thing) and location. My experience has been that it is worth shelling out for a couple of months paid subscription and being the first person to make contact rather than sending likes and hoping for a response. I've had a couple of fun dates so far and a few more lined up. Nothing too serious yet but all good and certainly has the feel of possibly leading somewhere I'd like to go.

And just for a laugh, Dates is also worth looking up.

If you want a quick fling with minimum graft. Its like coppers if you can't pull on tinder time to do what nelly the elephant done.

FileNotFound

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I'm quite introverted so this is unlikely. I was looking at singles nights here just before covid hit so that might be worth a look.

I was introverted when i was younger, but then sucked it up and went around any nightclub I was in getting rejected time after time.

Eventually the skin grew thick and now I'd be described as an extrovert.


I'm of the impression that success to rejection for most is a 1:100 ratio - that's just life.

FileNotFound

Dr. Em wrote: »

What is your point? In a pub or nightclub, you might only see the person once and you don't know them. In an activity or group setting, you see them repeatedly and they become familiar. Which sounds like a better way to meet people?

Easier to take the plunge when you know them less.

Very few become friends first and more after - just my experience

Dr. Em

FileNotFound wrote: »

Easier to take the plunge when you know them less.

Very few become friends first and more after - just my experience

There is a middle space between not knowing someone and friends. I'm in a music scene where everyone runs into each other at gigs. There are lots of hook-ups, and some long term pairings. If you have seen a person a couple times and said hello in passing, maybe had a few conversations, it is way easier and more natural than approaching someone you don't know cold at a bar or nightclub.

FileNotFound

Dr. Em wrote: »

There is a middle space between not knowing someone and friends. I'm in a music scene where everyone runs into each other at gigs. There are lots of hook-ups, and some long term pairings. If you have seen a person a couple times and said hello in passing, maybe had a few conversations, it is way easier and more natural than approaching someone you don't know cold at a bar or nightclub.

No doubt it would help, but I find gym classes for example a little too tight knit, unless you met them out separate to gym and went from there.


In many bars and clubs if I spotted someone I wanted to approach and noticed them hit the bar, I'd go buy a drink for myself. Simple hello, having a good night, better than the slow bartenders anyway (or some such drivel) - that way if they are inclined they will remain engaged and if their not they get their drink and go on their merry way.

Even better get a corona with a wedge of lime and turn and ask "How do you like my chat up lime" :D:D

ancapailldorcha

smacl wrote: »

Also very much an introvert with a small enough social circle. Some of the dating sites are definitely worth a punt in my rather limited experience. Which ones will work for you is dependent on age, interests (i.e. relationship or short term thing) and location. My experience has been that it is worth shelling out for a couple of months paid subscription and being the first person to make contact rather than sending likes and hoping for a response. I've had a couple of fun dates so far and a few more lined up. Nothing too serious yet but all good and certainly has the feel of possibly leading somewhere I'd like to go.

And just for a laugh, Dates is also worth looking up.

Good man. I've dusted off my Bumble account so I'll see if anyone bites there but history advises against hopes being raised too high.

FileNotFound wrote: »

I was introverted when i was younger, but then sucked it up and went around any nightclub I was in getting rejected time after time.

Eventually the skin grew thick and now I'd be described as an extrovert.


I'm of the impression that success to rejection for most is a 1:100 ratio - that's just life.

Fair enough but at my age, the idea of trawling around nightclubs is just impractical and a bit cringey.

FileNotFound

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Fair enough but at my age, the idea of trawling around nightclubs is just impractical and a bit cringey.

Not sure I'd be up for it anymore myself - mind you if I was single and at a music festival the old me would be back in a flash.

All the pub and club concepts are dead for now anyway.

greenspurs

Very "Feg-ish" ......

smacl

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Good man. I've dusted off my Bumble account so I'll see if anyone bites there but history advises against hopes being raised too high.

To a large extent it is something of a numbers game. If Bumble isn't working for you, maybe try a few others. I do think the odds are heavily stacked against you if you're not proactive. Many people won't be the first to make contact. Many others won't respond if you make first contact. Of those, you'll probably only meet a certain percentage IRL. Of those, you're only going to click with a certain percentage, IMHO you really don't get to know people until you meet and chat face to face. Just my 2c as someone who is very new to the online dating scene.

ancapailldorcha

smacl wrote: »

To a large extent it is something of a numbers game. If Bumble isn't working for you, maybe try a few others. I do think the odds are heavily stacked against you if you're not proactive. Many people won't be the first to make contact. Many others won't respond if you make first contact. Of those, you'll probably only meet a certain percentage IRL. Of those, you're only going to click with a certain percentage, IMHO you really don't get to know people until you meet and chat face to face. Just my 2c as someone who is very new to the online dating scene.

The USP of Bumble is that they have to contact you first. That may have changed but I think adding another app or two might be a good idea.

Pawwed Rig

Most girls I have been with in life have been friends of friends met at get togethers/house parties or via dating websites. I would estimate only around a third were the result of a pub/nightclub.
You couldn't pay me to goto a nightclub again at this stage :pac:

Dickie10

surely house parties are only now begining to come inot their own in an irish sense? before this i never saw house parties as of any use if you ended up at one after a nightclub people were all wrecked and headed to bed or fell asleep after half an hour, i would think house parties now are like nightclubs surely after the pubs?

Pawwed Rig

Most of my 20s was spent going to house parties. Popular past time in student land

20silkcut

The key to dating websites is pictures. Your pictures need to be top notch. It’s basically advertising. Getting them professionally done is no harm at all.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117700177#Comment_117700177

I disagree. I find the idea borderline deceitful to be honest.

20silkcut

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117700241#Comment_117700241

Undoubtedly there are deceitful photos in the online dating world. Cat fishing I believe is the word.

Im not talking about altering features or using younger photos. Look at election posters of candidates they are all professionally produced and show the candidate in the best possible light. And it is not considered deceitful. Look at the picture of the Big Mac in McDonald’s up on the advertising screen and then what you actually get. The vast majority are quite happy and don’t feel conned and don’t return the Big Mac. If the pictures are contemporary and unaltered in physical features with perhaps enhanced lighting and good angles etc it does work. Snapping a picture of yourself with a cheap camera in a badly lit room is not a true reflection of yourself either and is deceitful to yourself.

ancapailldorcha

Professional airbrushed and what not photos seem like a bad way to begin a relationship IMO. It's not the same as marketing a big mac at all.

The DayDream

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117701081#Comment_117701081

So are you expecting the women on there to look like their pictures IRL? Hahahahahaha. Mate, have you any idea how much more advanced most women are at this craic between makeup, filters, angles etc.? Literally no man is going to beat any woman under 35 at the profile pic game, snd if you decide you aren't going to play the same way you are basically just handicapping yourself.

If you don't believe me just wait til you meet a woman you have been chatting to. Or if you have Plenty of Fish, go onto someone's stream when they're on Live and compare to their profile pics.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117701081#Comment_117701081

It's not the same thing to be fair. A good photo just means proper lighting etc. Photographers aren't good at what they do because they can use photoshop.

My brother dated a photographer for a while who took shots for his LinkedIn and that and they look great. They were just out and about next to a lake in the evening but she knew how to do it right and make him look like he actually looks.

smacl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117702307#Comment_117702307

Agreed. At least get someone else to take a few pics of you with decent lighting and agree which ones you like. Context is also important, if you're an outdoorsy type of person take outdoors pics in an attractive location. If you're more of a city person, take photos in an attractive venue which you enjoy. There's nothing deceitful here and keeping your pictures up to date makes a lot of sense. I'm just starting into what may well become a more serious relationship after a couple of months on dating sites. In my experience you really do have to be very proactive, be the person to make contact and ask the ladies out, and take the rejections as par for the course. Again, could be an older person thing, but for me at least most of the in person dates haven't gone anywhere romantic but all have been great fun and well worth the effort.

@ancapailldorcha my advise would be to look your honest best, smile and put up more than one photo. I don't know about you but I find a smile can make many faces look far more attractive and if I see an online picture of someone I don't find attractive I'm going to skip it without going much further. Ask your friends, notably any female friends, which photos of you look the best and why.

Pawwed Rig

I don't get the deceitful bit. I have seen pics of girls that you would barely recognise them as the same person due to hair and makeup. Unless everyone starts putting their wake up photos in their profiles people will always put their best foot forward in their pics

ancapailldorcha

Deceitful might have been a poor choice of term on my part. I don't know. I just don't like the idea of them to be honest. I've photos of myself travelling from the bygone days of yore. Ironically, I'm in better shape now so they probably underselling me if anything. Photos of someone doing something they're into are great but I'm just not big on the idea of professional shots. I know people who've had them done and they look almost like different people.

With women and photos, the fakery tends to be incredibly blatant in my opinion.

smacl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117707023#Comment_117707023

Could be an age group thing or just luck, but not seeing much in the way of fakery on the sites I've been using, e.g. match.com. Having been on a reasonable number of dates recently, none of the women have looked significantly different from their photos. That said, chatting to some of them there have been comments about lads showing up looking way older and tubbier than their profile pics. Not something I'd do, not least from the point of view that you don't want your first reaction going on a date with someone new to be one of disappointment. You also see a lot of profile comments asking people to look like their profile pic, so it definitely is a thing.

Have you been on many dates yourself where the woman you're meeting looked way worse than her pic?

smacl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117706953#Comment_117706953

Funny enough, I find excessive make up and being very dollied up a bit of a turn off. Give me fresh faced in jeans and a t-shirt any day of the week.

Pawwed Rig

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117708826#Comment_117708826

Yep me too. I hate makeup on people. Would much rather it didn't exist at all. A bit of eye shadow and lippy is all well and good (if unnecessary imo) but when you see lumps of foundation it is a real turnoff.

Fake eyelashes and nails aswell. Like wtf.

I don't blame the girls either as it is a societal pressure. I am seeing my 14 year old niece now caking her face in make up. Sad really.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117708790#Comment_117708790

I've given up on apps and the like. Never had any luck on them to be honest. Maybe I need to invest in them more but I find them a bit grim with all the swiping. I don't see so many obviously fake profiles as I remember seeing on POF and the like. Maybe the streamlined nature of the apps means more people use them than sites and therefore the proportion has gone down. See a few heavily made up pics but it's not that common. Match.com should have much less still given it's a paid site.

smacl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117708869#Comment_117708869

The different sites seem to attract very different crowds for sure. I've had a good experience with match and elitesingles, found e-harmony to be absolutely crap and singles50 to be a bit meh. They all need subscription to work properly and all have a pretty bad rep for being a pain to unsubscribe from. I ended up going on a couple of dates a week between match and elitesingles which was more than enough to keep me busy. A few fake profiles for sure, may one in ten, but they're easy enough to spot. Currently have them all on pause while seeing where the current new relationship is going, high hopes and all that jazz!

Mister Vain

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117708980#Comment_117708980

Are there certain requirements for elite singles? Do you actually have to be elite?

As for the OP. I never had any luck in the pubs/nightclubs. Too difficult to have a conversation over all the noise. Hobbies/meetups/events are generally better.

smacl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117850156#Comment_117850156

No special requirements for Elitesingles.ie Smaller pool of people than match.com but worked out well for me. If you're thinking of trying online dating I'd recommend signing up to a few sites and see what works for you.