Most impactful positive changes you have made in your life

teroknor83

Hey. I'm looking for inspiration as a late 30 something year old who wants to make improvements in my life for the better.

What are the changes/decisions that you made that you are the most satisfied with?

I think for me routine and discipline was a big positive when I introduced it into my life. Sometimes it does not even matter what the routine is or what you are being disciplined about. Just doing it for it's own sake can be a good thing.

Also what worked for me was never to make huge changes to my life. Like going from couch to 15km runs every day did not happen over night. But I made very small incremental changes and improvements. On day one of starting to run for example I spent more time putting the running clothes on than I did running. I probably went running 30 seconds down the road and 30 seconds back.

But then day 2 that was 120 seconds. Day 3 was 180. And so on. It adds up over time quicker than you expect and now I run 10 or 15km every day.

And just try a lot of new things. When we want to make positive changes in life we tend to move towards the cliche things most people go for. Gyms and running and diets and so on. And we might not even like those things ourselves. But trying lots of things - the positive things we enjoy find us. And we might not have even expected to enjoy it as much as we do when thinking about it beforehand.

For example I recently got _very_ into horse riding and shooting with a bow and learning to shoot rifles with my pre-teen daugther. I knew I would sort of like them. Never realised just how much I was going to end up loving them though.

Learning to fight. Learning to cook. Learning new and interesting ways to move. And a lot of DIY. These were the things I found worked for me. Again I did not really predict before hand just how much I would get from them.

the whole year inn

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I think for me routine and discipline was a big positive when I introduced it into my life. Sometimes it does not even matter what the routine is or what you are being disciplined about. Just doing it for it's own sake can be a good thing.

Also what worked for me was never to make huge changes to my life. Like going from couch to 15km runs every day did not happen over night. But I made very small incremental changes and improvements. On day one of starting to run for example I spent more time putting the running clothes on than I did running. I probably went running 30 seconds down the road and 30 seconds back.

But then day 2 that was 120 seconds. Day 3 was 180. And so on. It adds up over time quicker than you expect and now I run 10 or 15km every day.

And just try a lot of new things. When we want to make positive changes in life we tend to move towards the cliche things most people go for. Gyms and running and diets and so on. And we might not even like those things ourselves. But trying lots of things - the positive things we enjoy find us. And we might not have even expected to enjoy it as much as we do when thinking about it beforehand.

For example I recently got _very_ into horse riding and shooting with a bow and learning to shoot rifles with my pre-teen daugther. I knew I would sort of like them. Never realised just how much I was going to end up loving them though.

Learning to fight. Learning to cook. Learning new and interesting ways to move. And a lot of DIY. These were the things I found worked for me. Again I did not really predict before hand just how much I would get from them.

Stone bad ass things there, what do you mean by learning to move ,Yoga ?

Wanderer78

Probably getting professional help with my mental health issues, don't sit on this one folks, if you need help, get it, by not doing so, it makes things much much worse

the whole year inn

the whole year inn wrote: »

Stone bad ass things there, what do you mean by learning to move ,Yoga ?

Generally Martial arts. There I mostly focus on BJJ and Capoeira.

I did try Yoga but it did not really work for me in the long run. I ended up gravitating more towards Tai Chi. I wrote more about why here if you are interested. But I found I preferred the kinds of motion - and the range of slow motion to bursts of speed - in Tai Chi than with Yoga.

With movement - I also like things that challenge my balance and coordination. A friend got me this thing that senses touch from China. You hang these strips all around you in an area (I use it in the garden) and you try to do all these motions and movements and turn (a bit tai chi like) and touch the hanging in the correct way at the correct time. Miss it and it buzzes a failure. Touch it too heavily and it buzzes a failure. Not sure what it is called - as the packaging was entirely in Chinese. But I love it.

So you really become aware of where you are in the world in terms of balance and orientation. Almost finger perfect when you get it right.

So yea anything that makes me hyper aware of my position - balance - range of movement - and coordination I generally find I love challenging myself with. Like everyone else I am trapped inside my body. So I might as well find out what it is capable of and push those capabilities as far as I can. I already know it's good at sitting around doing nothing on a couch. So I see no reason to keep testing that one out

I think my new love of Bow and Arrow (my friends got me the exact model used in the TV show Arrow - it's a sexy beast of a bow) feeds into that too as it takes balance and coordination and strength and spacial awareness. I could go out shooting with it and lose hours of time without noticing. I do not get as much pleasure out of firing rifles as I do the bow. But my daughter started firing rifles with me when she was 9 and loved it a lot so we have kept it up periodically. And sure with all the political discussions about things like guns - some basic knowledge and respect for firearms is a good thing to get early.

Wabbit Ears

firstly Therapy. Unloading the things weighing you down is enormously beneficial. We have really bad view of Therapy mainly due to the American TV images of it being a massively expensive thing for someone with a notebook to nod and say innane things. its not like that, at all.


Secondly was getting involved with coaching and being on committees. For the most part its thankless work but Im a natural introvert so putting myself out there to be involved on an organizational level has forced me to confront those tendencies. you don't stop being an introvert by not confronting your weaknesses. Going at them directly and stepping outside my comfort zone has been enormously helpful. It also is a good talking point and Ive formed a number of different social circles from it.


I gave up smoking in my early 30's, gave up habitually smoking dope in my late 30's. Getting stoned is a time thief, you literally burn through huge swathes of time. I used to say It was fun times well spent until We one day videoed a session.. 90% of the time we were silent in our own heads and not a one of us remembered it that way. big wake up call for me that was. Playing computer games is the same. it burns through huge amounts of time with no actual benifits from it. Its fun, but ultimately pointless fun. I still game and smoke, but now infrequently and when I have time to just relax and want to burn through that time, as opposed to all the time ( Im not bashing gaming or smoking a spliff, Just saying that its good in moderation as opposed to all the time)

smacl

Deleted User wrote: »

Generally Martial arts. There I mostly focus on BJJ and Capoeira.

I did try Yoga but it did not really work for me in the long run. I ended up gravitating more towards Tai Chi. I wrote more about why here if you are interested. But I found I preferred the kinds of motion - and the range of slow motion to bursts of speed - in Tai Chi than with Yoga.

Very similar story here. Competitive martial arts was my thing in my 30s, gave me a lot of strength, confidence and some life long friends. Still practising tai chi and getting back to a bit of light sparring (rusty as feck!). Got into cycling in my early 40s which has also been great, the slow regular increments build up over time and give you a fitness and resilience that stays with you long term.

Similarly, spending a lot of active time with the kids when they were younger has paid huge dividends now they're growing up (18 & 21). Lot of hikes, fishing, cooking, painting, going to gigs, and a year of boxing with my eldest when she was 12. If you have kids, my advice is do activities with them that you enjoy doing rather than just packing them off to classes.

I think my new love of Bow and Arrow (my friends got me the exact model used in the TV show Arrow - it's a sexy beast of a bow) feeds into that too as it takes balance and coordination and strength and spacial awareness

Off topic, but sounds excellent, would love to try that one myself. Did you join a club and is it something easy to get into?

smacl

smacl wrote: »

Very similar story here. Competitive martial arts was my thing in my 30s, gave me a lot of strength, confidence and some life long friends.

Agreed. I found BJJ gave me a lot of confidence and strength too. But also a profound humility. It is one type where you can be at it for 15 years and then someone who has been at it for 1 year can still come in and floor you. So I find the build of confidence but humility at the same time as being very rewarding.

I have done it with my partners too since the beginning and it is interesting how different genders fare in BJJ. I beat them as often as they beat me really. I might have the upper hand in things like strength - but the female hips can move and turn in ways mine cant so they have other advantages. And in the end it evens out and we find periods of improvement where we consistently beat the other - and then that would suddenly flip. So you can never relax. Always keep learning.

smacl wrote: »

Got into cycling in my early 40s which has also been great

Strangely for me cycling never really clicked. Not sure why. I do very little of it. Only for the fact I imported a - canine shall we say - from the US which has a lot of energy I probably would hardly cycle. But as it is I cycle most days just to make him run at speed daily.

He is getting quite old now so I imagine my cycling career will be coming to an end soon enough.

smacl wrote: »

Similarly, spending a lot of active time with the kids

Yeah I find the kids a great motivator on some things. And I love passing on my own hunting and martial arts and other skills to them. I have essentially been teaching them BJJ and other martial arts since they were toddlers. Often without them even know it - but instilling skills and instincts in them as part of play that stood to them later when learning more martial arts.

For example since the age of 2 I have built up the instinct / muscle memory on what to do when you are grabbed in certain ways. Now if you grab them from behind or by the wrist or similar - they instinctually shift their body position in ways that set them up for escape or attack.

smacl wrote: »

Off topic, but sounds excellent, would love to try that one myself. Did you join a club and is it something easy to get into?

No I did not join a club for the Bow. Just do it by myself.

Not because I do not want to. But since I am already in a club / school for BJJ and Capoeira and sometimes for Tai Chi - it was just too many regular things in my time table. A time table I have been trying to actually cut back on (but failing because I love everything I do) because it is already too full.

So I try to keep some things outside the routine that I can just fill time with as and when free time comes up. And playing with the Bow is one of them.

I have been invited Bow Hunting by an old friend in the US when Covid dies down though. Very Joe Rogan of me. But I think I might go for it some day. There are also seasonal Bow Hunting weekend trips you can book in Ireland the UK or in places further east in the EU I think - if you wanted a way to sample it and see if you like it before you invested time and money into it.

I have not used mine to hunt. Yet. Just for fun. The bow they got me is not made any more I think - it is called the Oneida Kestrel - and they got me some customised arrows with it too. Must have cost them a hell of a pretty penny over all. Customised arrows can cost 10 or 100 dollars or more _per arrow_ sometimes. But they all pitched in so I guess that made it affordable.

Esel

I'm fairly certain that hunting with bow and arrow is illegal in Ireland.

...Ghost...

For me, it was getting a degree after returning to education in my mid 30s. It's a seizmic shift career-wise and for someone who left school early and has family responsibilities, it was a real accomplishment. 4 years flew by.

...Ghost...

Esel wrote: »

I'm fairly certain that hunting with bow and arrow is illegal in Ireland.

Yeah, they're technically classed as a firearm and can't be licensed, let alone used for hunting.

Yeah total brain fart. I know I looked up hunting a year or so back out of interest. And I remember seeing hunting in UK and Ireland. Not sure why by brain decided to recall seeing bow hunting there. There is none.

But there are other countries doing it - so if it is something someone wants to try out before investing in a high end expensive set of equipment - that is probably one way to do it.

Anyway probably pushing the thread off topic now Enough to say that trying such things as often as possible is how to make positive changes in your life. Because there are some things you think you might not like - or might like a bit - but that when you try them bring you a lot more pleasure and joy than you could have expected. And there has been a few things like that in my life.

Just have to be open to them.

smacl

teroknor83 wrote: »

Hey. I'm looking for inspiration as a late 30 something year old who wants to make improvements in my life for the better.

What are the changes/decisions that you made that you are the most satisfied with?

Just thinking of another angle on this, what would like to have achieved and where would you like to be in 5 years time? Whatever that might be, if you start today and put the effort in, that's where you'll end up. Pick a couple of things you actually enjoy doing and you'll definitely get there. Get it wrong, nothing ventured nothing gained and you won't be left with that nagging 'what if' feeling you'd have if you never bothered. You have to get stuff wrong often to get stuff right and personally I find the best buzzes in life come from achievement through taking risks and following up with hard graft. The absolute worst thing you can do is nothing at all.

paw patrol

routine is key to success imo.
10 years ago I moved my gym to 6am so now I go with a 99% compliance as it's the first thing i do daily

about 6 years ago I started a mobility program that I do as a routine daily and has be feeling great - body feels top notch now.

eat less - i eat nice food but only eat my 3 meals a day and the effect on my body compassion is great but was gradual and not extreme. feel great now.
my only excess now is the occasional partying that I do - which is as immature as it was in my 20s.

last 2 years I go into the sea at weekends - no matter the conditions.
it's mentally tough to swim when it's bitter cold but when you do it it's an achievement and a great flex at other who can't do it :pac:

as a father , I found doing stuff with each kid individually is very rewarding. They get a better kick out of the individual attention and you get to know them better - and less roaring at them.
same with wife - we go out once a week our own even if only 1 hour coffee (but we try for more) and done wonders.

on failures - they need to be embraced and not get you down.

I have failed to start a business to escape the soullessness of IT Projects which is probably my main failure of late.
I spent a while over covid working on a business only to realise my business partner did fcuk all and I ditched him last week (awkward as he life long friend) and unfortunately he was the subject matter expert - i was the admin/organiser guy but I'll try again but been playing with this for 2 years so it's dragging on and i need to action something.
But live and learn.

ancapailldorcha

I've started hitting the gym in the morning three days a week before work. I've a flexible enough job so it's possible at the moment. Don't know if I'd be able after work. It's made a huge difference to my mood and anxiety. I'm also stronger, something I oddly enough didn't expect. Found the staff poor as it's a corporate place but I assembled a little program of my own and it's working well enough.

I've identified a possible career path so I'm sending out the odd CV for that. Stable enough but since I'm single, I might as well chance it.

Trying to make sure I either get some reading in daily, a walk, a trip to the park or something relaxed but healthy. At the very least, I want some downtime spent offline as I think people are spending too much time online and especially on social media. Just my own opinion, mind.

I've also made an effort to either cut out people who I find I don't enjoy spending time with, talk down to me or are toxic in some form. Only had to do it a few times thankfully but it beats feeling like a doormat.

Picked up the dating apps again as I hadn't thought about dating prior to joining the gym but there's an attractive woman who's appeared there that's made me think I should have a look at singles' events or similar. I like being single though so this isn't a priority.

I've cut out most of the junk from my diet and gave up the drink altogether. I'm a decent enough shape now and hopefully that improves.

listermint

Learn to release and not take life too seriously. Everyone has the same worries and concerns as you around work or project deliverables and deadlines. It's all normal stuff. So make sure to understand the origin of a stress and then relate that with a normal feeling.

If you understand the origin of a stress it's easier to deal with it sensibly.

paw patrol

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I've also made an effort to either cut out people who I find I don't enjoy spending time with, talk down to me or are toxic in some form. Only had to do it a few times thankfully but it beats feeling like a doormat.
.

this is a brilliant point too. something I've been flakey on myself

I posted this here a few months back on the same issue and I've failed to manage the situation to my betterment :eek:

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2058168870

ancapailldorcha

paw patrol wrote: »

this is a brilliant point too. something I've been flakey on myself

I posted this here a few months back on the same issue and I've failed to manage the situation to my betterment :eek:

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2058168870

That was a good thread. Original as well for the forum.

Aye, I've started employing the "life's too short" rule as a rough guide. If you're doing it a lot then it's probably you but if it's a few people then you're probably right. I've done it with a few work people who've talked down to me with the result being that I keep interactions with them courteous, professional and nothing more.

TCDStudent1

Not having technology in my bedroom has made me sleep way way better. A small change but one that has made a big impact on my life overall.

Sebastian Dangerfield

teroknor83 wrote: »

Hey. I'm looking for inspiration as a late 30 something year old who wants to make improvements in my life for the better.

What are the changes/decisions that you made that you are the most satisfied with?

Sorting out my finances was huge. I previously spent large amounts of my salary in the first weekend of the month, then scraped by for the rest of it. I lived on credit, each source drawn to the max, and was often overdrawn (unauthorised) on my bank account.

I get a good bonus each year, and used one to clear every penny of debt I had. I changed all my direct debits to come out the day after I got paid so I was clear on what was "mine" each month. I started diverting small regular amounts into a DeGiro account, and found that having it invested made me far less likely to dip in than a normal bank account. I had far less worries in life from there.

That was the most positive change of my 30s - though the advice is only of benefit if you are financially irresponsible to begin with!

Heckler

Up to a couple of months ago I was working a crap paying job (for nearly 6 years) where eventually I was doing a 100 different things a day and stress levels were through the roof. Stress fcuks up my stomach and sleeping.

Finally said enough is enough. Fired out few CVs and got a new job.

It can be tough physical work (which isn't a bad thing as at 48 I need some exercise) but the beauty of it is I walk out the door at 5 and thats it. No more computers, emails, ****ehole managers, pointless roundabout meetings about meetings.

I'm feeling healthier, sleeping like a baby through no stress and physical work and its pays better.

Was a positive impact for me anyway.

Say "no" more often.

SnuggyBear

Stopped spending money on random ****, dumped any **** I didn't need and lived a more minimalist life.

teroknor83

teroknor83 wrote: »

Hey. I'm looking for inspiration as a late 30 something year old who wants to make improvements in my life for the better.

What are the changes/decisions that you made that you are the most satisfied with?

Be honest with yourself, if something isnt for you and you can change then do it.

Our minds have limited processing power, keep it simple and clear your mind.

Try to learn from mistakes/failures, mistakes can either be lessons or turn in to patterns.

A big one for me was revaluating the past and accepting it. I think someone mentioned this in the form earlier.

Try and do more of your own cooking and keep an eye on portions. Its tough to shed weight after 30.

Do a bit of weight training and cardio that you can stick with but dont overdo it.

Addressing my mental health issues probable. The knock on effect of that is also seen around me

Danye

I stumbled across this thread and find it lovely and inspiring. Fair play to you all 👍🏻

Ger Roe

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117520069#Comment_117520069

Good for you Heckler.

I was in the same position as you and ended up having a heart attack at 48, despite working out in the Gym 3 days a week as a distraction from stress and to improve mental and physical health. My trainer was really happy with my progress at my last programme assessment .... and then I was in hospital the next week. In the end though , my gym work may have contributed to my survival. Life and work changed after that event. Stress is no longer an issue for me, life is literally too short - new job with less hassle.

Look after yourself and now that you have made the mental health move, get the physical side looked at too and move on from there.

Squeeonline

I used to be a terrible sleeper. I'd stay up arsing around until 1 or 2am. Struggle to get up, struggle to get moving.

I moved in with the gf a couple years ago and our commute was similar so we drove together at her schedule. Meant getting up at 6am, which resulted in being actually tired at 10pm. Sorting out that sleep schedule has been great, and keeping it at the weekends. I tend to not sleep beyond 8am unless there's a good reason.

Dickie10

toying with idea of settling down the last 2 years and getting a girlfriend, never really had one bar a girl i met a few times for about 2 months. kind of scared too though. Im 38 now and wonder if i pursued this when i was 28 where i would be now. i know i would be living a very different life. still i am happy at the minute or maybe just paralysed by fear of a change like that.

Heckler

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117799809#Comment_117799809

You just never know. I got married at 37 and thought that was me sorted. Now I'm 48 and not married anymore. Change happens. Give it a go !

Mister Vain

I quit my soul crushing job last year. Should have done it ages ago but the pandemic was a wake up call and really put things into perspective.