PoF "messaging disabled"

MrCostington

Hi, hope this is the right place for this question.

I joined PoF the other day. I have just tried to message about 6 ladies and in every case I get, after typing out my message, "this user has disabled messages" or words to that effect.

I looked at the help and I'm not just saying 'hi', no copy and paste and no smut. I'm a free member.

Anyone get this?

Pof wasnt too bad around 10 years ago but they changed there model in recent times and now its all about rinsing you for cash.

Its not as bad as bumble but it is very poor in my opinion.

Badoo is a cash grab as well.

Not sure if there are any decent dating apps anymore.

MrCostington

I can see that, they way you get likes and are tempted to pay to see them.

Are you suggesting I need to pay to send messages though? Or, are the ladies setting filters that I've hit against?

The DayDream

Perhaps they have it set to only get messages from likes/matches?

IME POF is not worth paying for if you're not near Dublin or an urban area. You'll barely get any matches and as many can attest to even your matches can be pretty unresponsive. I paid for the 3 months and at the end of it was getting shown the same people again who I had already swiped on.

MrCostington

MrCostington wrote: »

I can see that, they way you get likes and are tempted to pay to see them.

Are you suggesting I need to pay to send messages though? Or, are the ladies setting filters that I've hit against?

Last time I used it back in the spring id think I paid for 3 months as it was too painful to use otherwise.

You couldnt see who liked you etc without paying. I thought messaging was free though.

A 4 in real life is a 9 on pof. Thats what weans me off it everytime.

Maybe a good idea for a dating site is for people to submit profiles then in the background matches are assigned based on common interests and relative attractiveness to match people.

The current dating app model is shyte, total sausage fest

There's definitely something wrong with the search engine on mine. It keeps popping up with people I'm not remotely attracted too lol

Olivia2

Olivia2 wrote: »

There's definitely something wrong with the search engine on mine. It keeps popping up with people I'm not remotely attracted too lol

You think in this day and age there would be a better option.

A lot of people use pictures from 5 years ago etc.

Do people even read the profiles? Maybe a questionnaire would would help filter the search

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

You think in this day and age there would be a better option.

A lot of people use pictures from 5 years ago etc.

Do people even read the profiles? Maybe a questionnaire would would help filter the search

I'm just joking

Olivia2

Olivia2 wrote: »

I'm just joking

It is a joke though

Who really is a attracted to a photo and a few rehashed line on a dating app

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It is a joke though

Who really is a attracted to a photo and a few rehashed line on a dating app

There's only so much small talk I can do anymore.

I see blokes putting this comment all the time on it 'just ask'. The minute I see it I click x. I don't know why it annoys the crap out of me.

Olivia2

Olivia2 wrote: »

There's only so much small talk I can do anymore.

I see blokes putting this comment all the time on it 'just ask'. The minute I see it I click x. I don't know why it annoys the crap out of me.

Small talk is canned talk, you either enjoy talking to someone or its a chore

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Small talk is canned talk, you either enjoy talking to someone or its a chore

Sometimes it can be original. I actually don't mind small talk in general but it's not exactly comforting.

It's like a speed dating hamster wheel.

Olivia2

Olivia2 wrote: »

Sometimes it can be original. I actually don't mind small talk in general but it's not exactly comforting.

It's like a speed dating hamster wheel.

Talk shouldnt necessarily be comforting

Whats the point of talking to someone that reassures you about everything and dosent challenge you

Id say for women on dating apps its case of "Im going to make her like me then she will want to go upstairs"

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Talk shouldnt necessarily be comforting

Whats the point of talking to someone that reassures you about everything and dosent challenge you

Id say for women on dating apps its case of "Im going to make her like me then she will want to go upstairs"

No I know that.

I'm saying that I'm at the stage where I just want to be able to say 'i had a **** day', 'i need a hug' or don't want to talk right now and someone is on the same page instead of having to be chirpy constantly.

Just tired of feeling like I'm being interviewed and 'meeting' new people all the time.

I'm drained in general today so probably not the best for giving any advice or discussion on it. Need a break from it. Going on a long staycation this Saturday...that'll sort me out

Olivia2

Olivia2 wrote: »

No I know that.

I'm saying that I'm at the stage where I just want to be able to say 'i had a **** day', 'i need a hug' or don't want to talk right now and someone is on the same page instead of having to be chirpy constantly.

Just tired of feeling like I'm being interviewed and 'meeting' new people all the time.

I'm drained in general today so probably not the best for giving any advice or discussion on it. Need a break from it. Going on a long staycation this Saturday...that'll sort me out

If its the right person asking the questions it wont feel like an interview.

You might meet him on the staycation

joeguevara

Not to be blunt but messages disabled on pof means that you don’t meet the minimum requirements they set. If it’s a reoccurring thing then you should reassess the people you message.

It is also possible that the users are gone. You can search for users online and see if a different outcome.

joeguevara

joeguevara wrote: »

Not to be blunt but messages disabled on pof means that you don’t meet the minimum requirements they set. If it’s a reoccurring thing then you should reassess the people you message.

It is also possible that the users are gone. You can search for users online and see if a different outcome.

POF is shyte

A hooker contacted me on it once, I reported it and got my sub back

joeguevara

Deleted User wrote: »

POF is shyte

A hooker contacted me on it once, I reported it and got my sub back

What sub? Confused.

joeguevara

joeguevara wrote: »

What sub? Confused.

Sorry, my membership fee

joeguevara

Deleted User wrote: »

Sorry, my membership fee

Ah sorry. My mistake. You do get the fakes alright. Like trolling them back. Not really a lover of online dating. Constantly thinking I’m a contestant on a hidden camera prank show with the messages that I get.

smacl

Olivia2 wrote: »

There's only so much small talk I can do anymore.

I see blokes putting this comment all the time on it 'just ask'. The minute I see it I click x. I don't know why it annoys the crap out of me.

It's gas the things that are an instant turn off. For me it's women who include their small dog in the profile pic. Just no.

david21yet

I´ve pretty much figured this out.

Messaging disabled is not like a button or function that a member can directly set. However, other settings they choose will force a criteria you have to meet in order to be able to send them messages.

Some are obvious and discussed in the pof help page, such as only allowing upgraded members to contact.

Now pof has a sliding bar to let a user choose who can contact them by distance (up to 350km) and by age bracket (youngest, oldest limits).

The one that was less clear to me until I started playing around is if you hide your photos, or don´t have any at all. Many members tick the mail option that lets them block people who don´t have a photo on the profile.

Other things like your income, appearance statistics, lifestyle eg smoking or not etc do not affect messaging at all.

It´s easy to change your location and even putting up a photo of yourself which is a long shot ( your image set back far away) is sufficient.

If you try to contact someone though and they don´t want any more contact, they might block you. They can´t really block you until they know you exist. I haven´t seen it so far but hypothetically if you view their profile and they notice that, they could block you (that it would be rather prejudiced indeed).

The worst thing to be blocked by is age, in my opinion. We all know that age-different couples might be rare, but can equally be a very good match. On that one I´d say without lying about your age on a new profile (not recommended), is to make your profile as sweet and as informative as possible, trying to sound appealing to what the other person is seeking and hope they give you a shot by writing you first.

Dating these days is so DARN HARD. We can all agree on that.

I think this app is dead now.

Not long ago they stopped you messaging someone more than once and it updated again yesterday and it looks like you can only message one new person a day now.. a "highlight".

The search screen no longer has a message and like button beside the bio, just the like now.

The one who have the "message" button will have the "you don't meet their criteria" message.

I'll probably just say goodbye to this crap for good now.. I found it was slightly better than the others but one message a day when it takes already takes a lot of effort just killed it off.

Pussyhands

As someone who's been on and off the apps for probably a decade now, this update has essentially killed off nearly all my possibilities of meeting women online.

Tinder - This has never worked for me. I literally swipe everyone anytime I'm on it. I feel like they want me to sign up to premium and then I'll get matches. I literally get 0 matches. Now my age filter is a good bit higher than my age so maybe that plays into it but still, 0 matches and I have never met anyone from Tinder in the decade or so I have the app downloaded.

Ok Cupid. This used to be good back in the day. I'd log in on my laptop, search and message people. They'd remain in the search and you could message them again. Then they removed the search and moved to a swiping/matching feature. Once you messaged them that was it, gone forever. I have often made the mistake of saying hi and pressing send and then realising I can't send another message. I still have the app out of curiosity. The app is dead, no Irish people on it anymore. Only asians or people changing their location from another country. They also put a swiping limit.

POF. The most successful site I have used. I used to message a limitless amount of women with a good copy and paste message. No limits on age or anything. Then they put a limit on number of "first contacts" you could make each day. 25 people. Ok, was annoying, but not the end of the world. Often I wouldn't get any response first time so I'd just send another copy/paste message to give them a nudge. Surprisingly this was a very effective thing, even if someone replied to say they weren't interested, I'd still get a far higher response rate and would have eventually gone on to meet many women.

Then they removed the ability to message them again as well as introduce more filter blocks. So I'd see someone I liked and go to message them and I'd get a message saying I can't message them. Why the hell would you show me people I can't message. As someone who likes older women I used to get many replies and meet many women but they removed my ability to message them.

Now they have removed the ability to message someone without matching with them first. Again, I don't get any matches, well I've had maybe 4 but it's basically 0. It's all swiping and judging on looks. So POF have essentially ruined my online dating experience, I can't meet women on their sites anymore.

Facebook dating is now the last option, and it's not perfect. At least there is no swiping limit and I can message someone. (Can't go back and message someone again though)

Ubbquittious

It would appear like these apps are now designed to prevent you from meeting anyone now. What is the point of it all?

Real life encounters are getting harder too with so many things having gone virtual during covid and women much more paranoid about safety and creeps

salonfire

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121043603#Comment_121043603

I'm not on them thankfully, what has changed?

Ubbquittious

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121048232#Comment_121048232

POF u can only message 1 person a day and lot of em have messaging disabled.

Tinder/bumble throw most of the people who like me into a premium box so there is no way I can match them without paying