Dating & Money

Pussyhands

Good night to all! Do you ever start going on dates with a woman and worry that she's just after your money?

I'm not flash with my cash at all, no one would know I have a good bit of money unless I told them. I'm not good with women so don't get any matches on tinder or anything. But I could meet them on other sites.

I'm not mean with money or anything, I pay for ladies food etc sometimes if that's the date it is. It seems I get more 2nd, 3rd, 4th dates when I pay for dinner or drinks. Less dates if they're "free" like walking in a park or climbing a hill or ones like this.

I was texting this one and went on a date, went fine. Texted more and she asked what my job was. I told her and she said "you've got money so!". And now she's fairly keen on texting and dates. There's a small % of my head thinking they're attracted to the money and not me.

On the other hand, when I do start looking for a long term partner, I would like them to have a similar approach to money as I do. I don't want the pressure of having to pay for everything.

So I have two questions

1) How do you manage revealing your financial situation directly or indirectly with someone you're seeing. Do you ever worry they're after you for money?

2) How do you approach dating if you're looking for someone of a similar kind regarding their financial situation? You could date for weeks or months, they could be cool but they might little money, whereas someone may be looking for someone with their own apartment so they could retire early together one day or something?

sportsfan90

How much a woman earns has never been a factor for me. I earn decent money too but amn't flash either, how much money either person does or doesn't have never comes up.

For me what's more of a potential issue is their attitude to their own money rather than mine. There's friends of mine who earn decent money but are absolutely hopeless at managing it and have an unnecessary monthly struggle to get to their next payday, that's something I couldn't stand. Give me someone who earns 25k but is responsible with it rather than someone on 60k that blows it all on bad habits and junk.

silverharp

If you have wealth in excess of your income, inheritance, investments etc or you were a mad saver when you were younger I wouldn't be bringing that up with someone you are simply dating. Part of you is what you do for a living so that will be obvious after a first meeting , if you have not met them yet "I work in IT" for example is plenty , that says enough, competent adult yada yada but you could be on 40K or 140K.

If you are dating through dating websites I thought there would be more 50/50 involved anyway? might be a bit different if you meet someone socially or through activities etc. though you would expect to see some recipositary , you get the first one they offer to pay or the second one or something.

The previous post is a good one, if the other person is up to their neck in car loans, minimum credit card payments etc. and seems to buy lots of flashy nonsense that their income doesn't warrant then "danger Will Robinson" there are plenty of others that arent like that.

Buddy Bubs

Certainly some women will be after a lifestyle only wealthier people will be able to provide, but many won't. Trick is to decide if you care or not and if you do, then how to weed them out. Spend what you can comfortably afford, no more.

As an aside, one of the many things that attracted me to to my now girlfriend is the fact she has her own house with a lot of equity, as do I. I do earn more money than her, but she has a nicer house.

I absolutely shudder at the prospect of moving a girlfriend in, maybe getting married and having kids then breaking up and me having to leave my own home that I bought and paid for.

I suppose it's about being financially compatible really isn't it.

Dial Hard

If these "other sites" you're using to meet women aren't the mainstream dating ones then I suspect they attract a certain type of woman and therein lies your problem - they're after a lifestyle, not a relationship, in many cases. There are often cultural issues at play too.

For what it's worth, I'm female and a prospective partner's money holds very, very little interest for me. As long as they're solvent and can afford to do fun stuff (eat out, go away for the weekend, etc.) with me, that's good enough for me. I don't expect anyone to bankroll me and I've no interest in bankrolling anyone else.

RacoonQueen

It depends on the women you are going for. A lot of women don't care what their partner earns, have good jobs themselves, like working etc

As a female, I've no interest in what a partner earns - money is something I try not to discuss. I'm fiercely independent and earn decent money myself - I would never want to be a 'housewife'. I avoid money talk because based on careers and my assumptions, I earn more than the last couple of guys I have dated and even though I/we have never directly discussed earnings that has caused problems as it is clear based on lifestyle that I earn more than him (sometimes significantly more). Like Dial Hard, I only care that they are responsible and money should really only be discussed if you are long term/moving in together/planning a future together. Obviously ideally my fella would have his own house and/or a very good secure job and salary that you know you'll never have money stresses, who wouldn't want an easier life? But a guy having a lot of money etc is not something I would ever have 'looked' for. I can't think of anything worse than living off a partners money.

Asandra

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Mister Vain

Why would you be "revealing" your financial situation with someone you're dating? It's not something I ever considered. I was always in a good situation financially but I lived with my parents for a long time, which was a much bigger issue when it comes to dating.

veil

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058208861/dating-money

You moniker is saying a whole different story.

John Palmer

This is a common problem. You need to be careful.

BorneTobyWilde

You get plenty of dates on '' other sites'' which is obviously Seeking Arrangement, where you pay for everything, yea it's clear as day women on that site only want your money.