Regretting a break up

KellyKelly

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117953300#Comment_117953300

The Moral of the story is..... She moved on!

Smiley283

Hi OP,

Has there been on word for your ex? I've been thinking about you and hoping that you get an answer soon. I found myself in a vaguely similar situation over the summer and I can sympathise over waiting to hear from an ex. It isn't an easy thing to do!

Muller1991

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117975927#Comment_117975927

Hey Smiley , Thanks for reaching out , So after speaking to my counsellor and thinking about things, I went with my gut feeling and reached out to her, She was shocked to hear that's how I was feeling, I wrote it all out and sent it to her. To be honest I felt like a weight had been lifted when I sent it to her (No going back now) I'm relieved I let her know how I was feeling, That's half the battle.

I told her to take as much time as she needs to process it all.

So where am I now ? I am still waiting lol but in her 1st reply to me I can sense some positivity ( not going into too much detail on here because some people would only begrudge it )

Hope all is well with your situation :)

PeonyPink

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117976981#Comment_117976981

That’s great OP. Well done for being brave and honest. Countless people let people walk out of their lives and never try.

Whatever her response, you have nothing to lose and everything to possibly gain if she says yes.

Well done xx

Muller1991

So just an update for those that want it.

We have been in touch with each other a couple of times over the past week or so. I have laid out everything to her about how I feel and why I feel that way ( not in a jealous ex boyfriend kinda way ).

She has said that she feels the same way about me too and that the holiday pics I have seen and commented on previously was not exactly as it had looked like.

We are going to meet up at some stage over the next two weeks, She has some things she needs to sort out. So for now thats where I am.

It's a weird situation to be in I'm not gonna lie, but something does feel right about it all and whatever happens well thats down to faith now.

Jafin

Please make sure to keep us updated! Very interested to see how this all pans out.

Loughc

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118010267#Comment_118010267

The stuff she has to sort out worries me. Be careful she’s not going to string you and someone else along and have the best of both worlds.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

@Jafin Please don't ask for updates. Requesting updates is against the Charter in PI/RI

Similarly @Muller1991 providing updates without needing further advice is also against the Charter. If you require further advice I can of course leave the thread open for you, but if its simply for updates it goes beyond what PI/RI is for and you might bear that in mind.

Thanks

HS

banoffe2

Thanks for the update OP . I admire your courage and honesty, wishing you the very best of luck whatever the outcome is, mind yourself

bucketybuck

I'm sorry OP but this is all very predictable. You laid your cards on the table and I respect that, but unfortunately there was no hollywood style make up and so what do you think happens next?

Now there will be weeks of purgatory, that grey area of "I'm not sure" and "we need more time" and "maybe". You meet up and do a few things together and have a great time and think it will all work out, so then can't understand why there is still hesitancy and days where she isn't interested and isn't committing to anything.

And then maybe you both do commit to something and decide give it a try, but it isn't the same as before because not only are all the old issues still unresolved but now you have a whole list of new ones to add to the pile. "She wasn't ready to take me back at first, shes moody today, does that mean she still isn't 100% sure?". "She doesn't share as much as she used to, is that because of what happened?". "What actually happened on that holiday, is she still seeing that other man?"

I hope it all works out for you in the end, but mainly I hope you have your eyes open here and don't throw precious time away on something that might very well already have had the good taken from it. This isn't hollywood, some issues aren't fixed by just declaring your love. Some foods can't be reheated.

Muller1991

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118022765#Comment_118022765

Oh I am certainly going in with my eyes wide open here, As for the holiday I honestly don't care what happened on it, We where not with each other at the time and I have gone on a few dates over the summer too. I wont be throwing any precious time away I truly believe it is worth it. I know this isnt Hollywood but if at works out im writing a screenplay lol and if it doesn't sure look at least I know I have tried :)

Thelonious Monk

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118023638#Comment_118023638

Trust me, this is not going to work out. It never does. You're kidding yourself with the working on yourself bullsh*t. Mark my words, it's always the same. I saw an ex on Bumble last year and we had been split up about a year, freaked me out for a while as I missed her. A few months ago I met someone far more suitable. If I were you I'd move on.

Muller1991

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118023976#Comment_118023976

Thanks for your opinion - I can 100% see where you are coming from I thought similar years ago with a previous relationship that lasted longer than this one but to be honest everyone is different and not every relationship is the same etc. I have a really good feeling that things will work out for the best one way or the other.

callaway92

Thelonious Monk/Bucketybuck just ‘get’ it.

Its blunt but a very good and realistic reality check.

All gonna end in tears after getting strung along and hope being rekindled.

@Muller1991

I don't think anyone can predict how this will work out.

For what its worth @Muller1991, my best friend and her partner were together for ten years, living together, had a house and they separated - everything split up, the house sold and they went their separate ways.

Three years passed, during which they both saw other people. Then their paths crossed again they realised they still had feelings for each other. They decided to try again, and long story short, five years later, they got married and are still together.

This may work out for you or it may not. But at least you can say you tried your best, and you won't spend your life wondering about "what ifs".

My advice is keep talking and keep being honest. You'll know soon enough if its working, or not. And best of luck to you both.

JoChervil

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118028766#Comment_118028766

But you are talking about a completely different situation. You friend and her partner split for three years. Usually emotional healing lasts 2 years, so after three years they had clean plate and they could have tried again. While OP didn't have a chance to heal...

Skibunny77

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118028845#Comment_118028845

You have no understanding about how 'healed' the Op is. There are billions of human relationships all over the world, with all sorts of circumstances. Plenty of people break up, get back together within this time frame & go on to have successful loving relationships. I know many couples with a similar story to OP - OP, ignore people who claim to have a crystal ball, one way or another, things will work out. Good luck!

Thelonious Monk

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118030420#Comment_118030420

Plenty of people don't. I don't know anyone who has. People split up for a reason.

locohobo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118030420#Comment_118030420

Gotta echo what Skibunny77 said....You are "You"..No one else can determine if its right for "YOU" to go for what "YOU" feel is right in this...Be very open and honest with you're (ex)...But above all be very open and honest with you're own thoughts and feelings..No two lives are the same and what proved to be a ballbreak in one can be a boon in another... Others have said what they have done and experienced and how it affected their lives..But only "YOU" can call the shot on this...This current pandemic has really thrown one hell of a lot of curve balls into peoples lives..We are only human after all and we really can FCUK things up when put into unknown territory...If you have really fcuked it up..then UNFCUK it...Be open and above all honest with you're dealing with this...If "she" is really the one meant for "you" then she will totally understand.........(Hopefully in the nearish future I will be expecting an invite to the nuptials....)...best of luck you you op.....

cj maxx

OP, I haven't read the whole thread but if you're regretting the breakup and are certain that you love her tell her that. Maybe she's moved on and you get shot down but imo it's better to try then look back with regret in years to come

Big Bag of Chips

Muller1991, as you have come to a decision and to save you coming back to the thread to repeatedly defend that decision, I will lock it now.

If you need it reopened for further advice in the future you can contact one of the PI Moderator Team

@Big Bag of Chips @shesty @Hannibal_Smith