Is your life over once you get married?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118079942#Comment_118079942

Same as this. I'm not married and no intention of ever being married. Love being able to do my own thing whenever I want, without any consultation.

However, the idea of raves and staying out drinking till 6am is just boring to me. I have many more things in my life now, then I did in my 20s & even 30s.

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118078029#Comment_118078029

I wonder is it. Apparently statistics show the majority of divorces are initiated by women but I strongly suspect dickish behaviour by the man is at the root of most marriage breakups.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118080505#Comment_118080505

Same here. I get up at 6am three days a week for the gym so I can't imagine having regular rows with a partner about getting woken up.

Roger the cabin boy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058214894/is-your-life-over-once-you-get-married

What life do you have if all you do is pander to your self and shirk responsibilities for anyone else?

It's meaningless.

Making your life have meaning takes effort and sacrifice and is not easy.

Without meaning, what is the point of it?

Hyperbollix

OP, I get where you're coming from and would have had a similar attitude to yourself a few years ago. Every man goes through that phase where his youth and singleton lifestyle starts getting more and more restricted as his circle of friends start to drop off the radar one by one. If you are still heading abroad with the lads for cut price pints, it may not have happened to you yet, but trust me, that day will come and you don't (or shouldn't) want to be the last man standing at the bar when everyone else is long gone.

There are a lucky few who get to have it both ways once they hit middle 30's and or get married. They have the sessions/foreign trips with like minded lads who are willing and able to allocate time for such adventures and who crucially have understanding partners who will allow it. But that's the minority. For most, it's going to be a case of closing that chapter of their life and moving onto the next. I've had mates who were lazer focused on the wife and 2.4 kids since we were in our early 20's. I've also had mates who "kept the torch burning" well into their 30's but then a switch flipped in their head and they decided they needed to buckle down, grow up and for all intents and purposes cut any meaningful ties with the old crowd. They are all mostly just contacts on whatsapp now.

Tbh, you might as well be howling into the wind. You're as well off getting out there and trying to nab a young one while u still have hair and all your own teeth!

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118080466#Comment_118080466

The ideal arrangement for a lot of men I suspect, but for how many women?

Woody Allen and Mia Farrow had something like that going on back in the day, but it turned out after they broke up that he was a lot keener on the arrangement than she was.

banie01

Lads and Ladettes?

All this talk of being under the thumb and life being over when you get married? It's all Bollox, marriage is a relationship of equals.

You might not be equal at the same time tho, and that's where it gets really good. It's building a trust between 2 people, so that when one falters? The other steps up and vice versa.

It's facing the world as a team, knowing that at least one person has your back! Yet also knowing that they will tell you when you are wrong!

It's becoming a unit, but not unitary! A good marriage isn't built just on trust, love, lust or even shares hobbies and interests 😉 outside of the bedroom at least 🤔😁

It's entwining 2 people, yes in a legal and lasting contract. But the important thing to remember in all that? Is that the things that attracted ye to each other, and that brought ye to the paperwork? Are kept going?

Life doesn't stop because you married! It changes certainly, sometimes to the detriment of friendships and others to the great, great benefit of them. Remember that time apart, being your own person and keeping friendship outside marriage alive all keep you from falling into the trap of familiarity with your spouse. Familiarity breeds contempt, and that is a killer for a relationship.

Raving, partying and tearing it up all die back a bit in one's 30's even without a ball&chain 😉

I checked with both Wife No.1 via a spiritual seance and a request for a sign and none was forthcoming,

Wife no.2 who told me not bothering her with that stupid Boards yoke! So all of the above must be true?👍

Approved, or at least not amended 😉 by 100% of my Wives! Living and dead!

blackcard

I didn't know what happiness was until I got married..... and then it was too late

Homelander

I'm in my 30's as are my friends, most are married, few have kids. We still meet for beers, we still go on holidays as a group, we still have the odd late night, we still play games, they still visit me and I visit them.

All less frequently, naturally, but we still do all the things we used to in principle, none of them are "under the thumb" nor do they suddenly stop having personal interests or lives.

When we're not doing those things I've my life and they have theirs, but they haven't reached "the end", it's just the start of something else.

I still enjoy a fair session, but when it's just chatting to friends, playing games, card games at the table, movies, whatever. You couldn't drag me to a nightclub or a rave at this stage.

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118082036#Comment_118082036

And you can't have all that without the binding legal contract?

banie01

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118082264#Comment_118082264

Not if you want to ensure a tax efficient transfer of wealth and assets on the death of one of ye...

No. You can't.

Happydays2020

I hated raves in my 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. I have visited many countries, eaten in multiple Michelin Star restaurants, been to great countries and cities (with personal non insta grammed photos to prove it). Had experiences which were before their time on top travel bucket lists and so forth. Still go on 1’day, w day, 7 day, 2 week, 3 week and this year 4 week trips away with my best friend. Would love to do more. I am married.

NSAman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077504#Comment_118077504

Ya wha????? No "keys in a bowl" at all. It's called still having an interest in people, places and friends and a good damned sense of humour. It ain't all about sleeping around (we enjoy each other the same as when we first met) that was something that I did when younger. Now I have found my lady, my life partner, mother of our kids, I want none of the shenanigan's of sleeping around.

What people do with their lives and partners and sexual partners is not really my business. However, people are complex, not everyone is as lucky as I...do I judge others? Nope.

Just wondering where the "keys in the bowl" thoughts came from? We enjoy life and have fun, with each other and with out friends.... there is, however, only one bed partner for me and one for her.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118078413#Comment_118078413

You don't need to analyse everyone. He couldn't be bothered telling them the truth that he doesn't feel like it. Easier to use the "I'd say the wife might have an issue with it heheh" tactic.

Hamachi

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118082577#Comment_118082577

"....most of our friends are pretty non-standard also. Our friends are a mad mixture of married couples, singles, of all sexual persuasions and marital and non-marital status. It makes life interesting."

"Herself and myself still get up to mischief as a couple but also on lads/ladies nights and weekends away...."

I guess I put 2+2 together and got 17!

Furze99

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118080466#Comment_118080466

Maybe.. but roll on the years and you could find yourself in a pretty lonely place. Anyway a few rows and a bit of fighting is what spices up life - keeps you on yer toes.

Ubbquittious

Is all of boards just having a mid life crisis the past couple of years?

banie01

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118085306#Comment_118085306

Well...

Yeah, all of the 1st gen webheads that were/are the majority of Boards users are starting to age out. All hitting the 40's and even older.

If this was Logan's run? They'd be shooting us!

If it was Soylent Green? We'd be off to be turned into food!

If it was MegaCity One? We'd all be heading off to Resyk!

Resist Boomers! Resist, don't go quietly...

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118084965#Comment_118084965

Not necessarily. With money and status men can keep their appeal into old age. Here's an example.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/sven-goran-erikssons-secret-lover-reveals-2714828

“I actually feel sorry for him because if he carries on like this he’s going to end up a very lonely old man.”

Doubt that's gonna be a problem for the man who was 'seeing' five other women behind your back love...

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118081999#Comment_118081999

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118084965#Comment_118084965

what if the rows lead to a divorce? too risky for me thanks. Im not leaving the house to go live in a 1 bed flat, it would be pretty lonely in the 1 bed flat id say.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118085786#Comment_118085786

Not sure millionaires are great examples, here. There are always people who are attracted to wealth, status and power.

Wibbs

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118086190#Comment_118086190

Yeah rich old guys are a tiny percentage of the population and rich old guys who are hanging out with gold/grave diggers are smaller again. Comparing the average bloke to one of those guys is like bald men comparing themselves to Sean Connery.

Wibbs

The married people I know seem fine for the most part. Mostly content enough. Some are in setups where any passion has long ebbed and they're in it because of shared pasts and fears of being alone, but most aren't. Some are in really good setups, most are somewhere in the middle. As for life over, it's more like a different life kicks off. Now whether that would suit all is another thing, but as I say it seems to suit most.

As I get a little older I am starting to see a few split up and getting divorced, most people I know seem genuinely very happy though and a small few seem resigned and stuck in a rut.

Getting married is definitely not the end of your life though, maybe it feels like that to teenagers and people in their early twenties, most will want to get married in the end though and if you don't then that's fine too.

NSAman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118084849#Comment_118084849

No bother...;)

I'm sure herself would be mortified to think we are thought of as keys in bowl people... :) (I actually thought it funny)

I think it all depends on how secure people are in a relationship and also the outlook people have on life with regards living. I trust herself 1000% and she me, we have no secrets and can talk about anything.

The friends of ALL persuasions are part of what makes life fun. They each bring something new, interesting, challenging and in some cases argumentative to the table. They are all good people (which is the most important thing in a human being) and as we all know, we all have quirks.

If we wanted to, we could be out every night of the week with different people, groups, events, openings, closings, etc....etc..... I think being stuck at home 24/7 would drive me crazy. We enjoy other people's company, we enjoy good banter, joking, making mischief (euphemism for wicked sense of humo(u)r) and just being part of our families AND friends lives.

Being married has not really changed us at all. It has just given us a solid foundation on which to enjoy life even more with each other.

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118086276#Comment_118086276

I don't think you need Sven levels of fame and wealth to keep pulling into old age, or late middle age anyway. Op says

I am very ambitious guy and own my own business, plenty of money etc.

so I'd say he has a good chance of keeping his show on the road.

Ubbquittious

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118085779#Comment_118085779

Its been the same bunch of fellas here down through the years I think that have been around in some form since the site opened it's doors in the late 90's. I really wonder what % on here are genuine n00bs from the past few years. Very few I'd say.

beggars_bush

It really depends on the woman and her view on marriage tbh

It shouldn't really change the way people behave, but it does. It also introduces a lot of extra pressures to a relationship - debt, mortgage, house, kids, spending to keep up with the Jones'

Potential-Monke

Good to see there's at least some varying opinions on here, whereas 20 years ago the mere utterance of not getting married was met with anger. Maybe 30. Or more. I'm not good with time. But, the thread is also full of bitter judgement, from both sides. Live your life as you see fit, ta feck with everyone else.

JimmyVik

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118088177#Comment_118088177

I dont remember anyone giving a sh!t whether people were marrried or not and im in my late 40s now.

I do remember old people when i was you commenting on single mothers though. And foreigners. Havent heard much of that the last 2 or 3 decades though apart from the odd rant on boards.

Wanderer2010

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077578#Comment_118077578

God, i know a lot of people like you who firmly believe that time is only worthwhile if its spent in some frenzied rush to live every moment as if its your last, planning each party, drinking the night away, never staying still for a moment and then judging other people who live a life different to yours, and thats a huge number of people, as "boring" "dull" etc. That comes across to me as pure projection on your behalf, that you dont want to sit still for a second as you are scared of what the silence may tell you.

For example im mid 40s, not married and theres nothing i enjoy more after a hard week working, which can involve a fair bit of driving, than sitting watching netflix with a coffee in my cosy house. Heaven. Now its not everyones cup of tea, but it works fine for me. It seems like you cannot appreciate a different point of view and are terrified of living a life you perceive as boring when, in fact, there are a million ways to enjoy your time, married or single.

Starting a thread asking about how life changes when you are married and then shrugging off any statement that plenty of married men enjoy quiet nights in seems like a real insecurity with you.

zimmermania

A good joke?

A guy told his buddies one night when out for a drink with them "i never realised that a platonic relationship could work until i got married"

I see sheep

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118081442#Comment_118081442

This is a load of nonsense.

If the OP isn't married and doesn't have kids who does he have responsibilty for?

Roger the cabin boy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118092661#Comment_118092661

Wow.

A rather predictable and nialist but sad response.

We all have a responsibility. To those who came before us and gave us the society we live in, and to those who will come after us, to make that society as good as it possibly can be.

I see sheep

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118092600#Comment_118092600

You're just doing the exact same thing you're accusing the op of??

the op is getting away with his ideas on life because he’s still relatively young. Going to the local rave is on the edge of respectability at 30, sad at 40, and ridiculous at 50. Its also harder on the ole joints

(It’s ok past 70 because you can be eccentric then, but stay away from the young wans)

Which doesn’t mean you have to get married but try some other hobbies.

I see sheep

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118092687#Comment_118092687

So getting married is 'making society as good as it can possibly be' and not getting married is awful.

Utter garbage.

(I am happily married btw)

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118092707#Comment_118092707

I'm sure OP has other venues for hooking up that he may rely on more as he gets older. No longer going clubbing regularly doesn't mean one is obliged to 'settle down'.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118092748#Comment_118092748

Let’s not put words into his mouth. He’s complaining about his friends not clubbing, not about not meeting people.

the-island-man

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058214894/is-your-life-over-once-you-get-married

Your post doesn't explain everything about the lives of your friends but as myself who is a married man in his 30's with one child I feel your post does come across as judgemental. And to be fair I think it is a part of human nature to judge other people when we don't and can never fully understand what is going on in their lives. I have done this myself, think I understand the full picture and being p***ed off at someone as a result.

Again speaking about my own experiences I can say that a lot of the time I put myself under the thumb. Without any input from my wife I make the decision not to go out as the thought of being hungover the next day and not being mentally right for the following few days after that doesn't seem worth it. Additionally I have an irrational fear and guilt about leaving my wife and child alone in the house at night.

Other factors would be to do with what is involved in rearing children. My child wrecks my head when she's around but I miss her so much when I'm without her. Love it or hate it the scenario in generations gone by of the husband being the bread winner and the wife being the housewife is a thing of the past. Parenting is a much bigger role for father's now. The different stages a child goes through can be physically and emotionally draining for parents. It's very unlikely for single friends to have any insight into that. Depending on the temperament of the child it can range from easy Street to many, many sleepless nights for the first 3-4 years with 1 child to possibly a decade or more with multiple children! From being terrified of how fragile they are as newborns, weening them, winding them, teething, potty training, dealing with various viruses brought home from playschool\school etc.

Is it your fault they chose to marry and have kids?! Of course not but if you don't realise it already, you are rightly far far down their list of priorities.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118092707#Comment_118092707

Why is it any of those things, and who gives anyone the right to judge?

I'm completely over any notions of a rave, but I am friends with people in their 50s who love them. More power to them. They could not give a shlte about what others think they should be doing.

Piollaire

Marriage is only good for having children which is one of the greatest experiences in life. However love and sex will dry up pretty quickly. Don't buy an expensive family home that will leave you penniless when it is time to move on. Have an investment property as a back up that you can move into. Marriage is no longer for life.

Roger the cabin boy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118092709#Comment_118092709

No.

Don't take wordage out of context to suit your own agenda.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118092868#Comment_118092868

Where are there any indoor raves anymore?

As we grow older we do older stuff. Hanging around places where 18 year olds are flirting isn’t a good look. As for judgemental, the entire op is judgemental.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118093177#Comment_118093177

You see your problem is you care too much about what other people think. I had a very good friend like that and he isn't around anymore sadly, The gigs I go to are made up of people from 18 to 50. You probably wish you were coming on the holiday I have planned abroad in a few weeks, and if you don't, you should. That is probably why you are so bitter about the fact a mid 30's guy with no responsibilities wants to have the odd holiday, night out, rave etc. What do you want me to do? stay in and watch Ryan Tubridy Friday night? go join a book club? lol I have never been as happy as I am in the last few years btw, so I must be doing something right.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118093632#Comment_118093632

Good for you. Life has many different stages. These can be as fulfilling and/or empty depending on each person. Being in a long term relationship isn’t for everyone. Nor are book clubs or the LLS.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118093632#Comment_118093632

Wouldn't imagine anyone is bitter that someone else is going on holidays in their 30s 😁

But in the same way that you enjoy raves, other people enjoy other things.

It seems strange that you make a thread about other people being boring because they don't want to do the same things you do. But then you dismiss the answers from posters who find your lifestyle boring.

Purple_Bear

It depends on who you marry. I was married for 5 years and it didn't work out. I married her for the wrong reasons though; there being no real sexual attraction on my part.

But, I'm now with my partner for almost the same amount of time and it's an amazing relationship. We have sex almost every day and I've never felt the way I did when I was married to my ex-wife. This relationship has imbued me with new life and vitality.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118093632#Comment_118093632

I’ve lived in 4 countries and visited dozens. As for raves I used to go to sir Henry’s every weekend in my year on cork.

it’s you, not anybody else, who wants people to live like you. I don’t care about your life. In fact I lived it, then I gave up but late enough. I did say it was fine (even normal) in your mid 30s. Later on, not so much

At any rate your supposed radical lifestyle isn’t all that radical. In fact I’ve had uncles who lived the single life of drinking and partying until they died of the drink. It’s fairly common in Ireland to live like that. Many married men were living the single life as well for decades.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118093820#Comment_118093820

I didnt say it was amazing but maybe you miss living a single life? who know, who cares? keep your bitter negativity to yourself.