Is your life over once you get married?

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118092959#Comment_118092959

There are a lot of separations and divorce in Ireland now, I can only imagine what it will be like once the online dating/ghosting/tinder generation get married.

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118092959#Comment_118092959

I don't see why you would get married at all if you're expecting to get divorced in the long run. You don't have to be married to have children you know. Plenty of people do it and make a success of it without necessarily being totally committed to the kids' mother/father.

EnglishHeart

I've only been married once to a good man, who has done nothing but look out for me and our daughter. We have never been scared of having verbal fights. We get it all out there and said. Then put the kettle on, make a cup of tea and forget about it. Marriage is not always easy. You are asking two people to adjust their lives to accommodate each other. But I can honestly say after 30 years, marriage does not end your life. It matures you and bonds you to another person for all the right and natural reasons, like homebuilding and raising children and supporting each other through the deaths of close relatives like parents. I recommend it for it's close intimacy and companionship. And the fantastic bedroom gymnastics when you make a covenant with someone you love and are deeply attracted to.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118093830#Comment_118093830

I think you’re hurting dude. Do you really expect married men to go on holiday with you leaving the wife and family behind?

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118093948#Comment_118093948

lol why wouldn't they? some of them do. I did it before when I was in a relationship. can people in relationships not go on holiday without the other half?

Piollaire

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118093912#Comment_118093912

I agree with you but it really cuts down the choice of women if you refuse to marry.

Piollaire

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118093884#Comment_118093884

I foresee the "till death do us part" being dropped from marriage vows in the coming decades for being purely aspirational.

corner of hells

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118092959#Comment_118092959

Are you married ?

Piollaire

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118094654#Comment_118094654

Sorry to disappoint you but I'm off the market at the moment

Potential-Monke

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118092687#Comment_118092687

Get off your high horse. Nobody has a responsibility to anyone. Live your life how you want, as long as it doesn't harm others. We will never make society as good as it can be, because it will be full of humans, and if people still think that humanity can obtain this fictional utopian world where we all get along, well, they need their heads checked. Just look at history. Humans can't and won't get along. Just won't happen. At the very least, religion would need to be completely removed, so that no one thinks they're better than someone else just because of their beliefs in a magic sky fairy. Then, everyone would want to be the same colour and shade, with the same accent and same language and all look the same. Then, maybe then, we might get along.

Best we can do is make our own lives as good as they can be, and if that so happens to involve other people, great. If someone wants to not be a part of that, grand. But judging them because they don't live up to this lofty unrealistic idea you have set yourself, that's fueling the fact that we'll never all get along. I've found most people who are happy with being single and living a quiet life don't tend to judge people who follow the norm, but the other way around seems to be quite vocal. I suppose it's jealousy of freedom, but I don't care enough to find out.

YFlyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118093820#Comment_118093820

Sweet. Did you go Nancy Spain, Liberities and Gorbies? Excuse the spelling.

Roger the cabin boy

This thread is utterly depressing.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118105166#Comment_118105166

it is jealousy I agree. As a single person, I can up sticks and move to Germany, Italy, France etc if I feel like it as im not part of a couple and so can do as I please, I can also go on a date every night of the week if I want with a different woman, that has to be annoying to people who can only be with 1 woman for the rest of their life. maybe not but I id say so. There are lots of pros to being single. is it natural to settle down or is it just the predictable thing to do? why do it?

I'm single and I do what I want when I want.

I love my life, I wouldn't presume for a second that other people are jealous of my life. I don't care what they think about my life because it suits me. I think if people are happy in themselves they don't be worrying or thinking about what other people think of them.

CPTM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118105474#Comment_118105474

I settled down because single life was too boring for me. Constantly going through my back story with girl after girl. Trying to suss each other out by asking the same questions all the time. Aside from the 30 minutes of sex actually the rest became very samey. And then you had all the hurt on their side when you didn't want to commit afterwards. Even the travelling became a bit meh. Again meeting the same type of characters and telling them all about my travels and my work and where I've lived. Blah blah blah. I mean it's really great, god I wouldn't change my experiences for anything but I couldn't do that for 60 years. After meeting my other half, no two days are the same really, except during the pandemic! Sure having kids alone is a complete adventure which changes from week to week. I love when I go on a date with my wife I don't have to talk about where I grew up, or what I do for a living or how I see my future. She knows my story so we can go straight to the new stuff and also what new stuff we can do in the future. It's hard to do that with someone you met a few weeks ago and with whom you see nothing in the future aside from sex and taxi home.

But enjoy it, because it is an amazing time everyone should experience.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118105641#Comment_118105641

That is good that you are happy in a couple but id say a lot aren't. what about those lads who were really good with women on a night out? No way they are happy with 1 woman for the rest of their lives, them guys are bound to cheat on their wives.

ebbsy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118093799#Comment_118093799

Ye are like rabbits.

Think of of all mickey money coming your way.

dubstepper

There is no doubt that your priorities change once you marry. You have to think of someone else and that is just a fact. I loved wild party nights in my 20s and early thirties but ultimately I didn't feel fulfilled.

The nights are fun but the next day is often not worth it. Plus you when you are not on the wild nights your life can be a little lonely if you have no one to share it with. At least that was my experience. Sharing my life & having kids has opened my life to much more happiness than hedonistic nights out.

OP have you considered the fact that a lot of married people have lived a version of your life where as you have not lived their life? They might just be on to something....

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118105172#Comment_118105172

Yeh. Cork was nightclub central. Was exhausted after the year.

YFlyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118105848#Comment_118105848

You can still go to BangFace

YFlyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118106082#Comment_118106082

Was great. I'm from Limerick and monkey men insist your weared a collar and shoes.

rustynutz

I agree some lads that get married are under the thumb, and it's pathetic to see, but I would say the vast majority choose something else over mad nights out and partying. I am in my forties now, I partied hard all through my twenties, less frequently in my thirties and I now pick and choose nights out in my early forties.

Although I am in a LTR and have a few kids, the main reasons for not going on a mad one every weekend are its just not worth it, I will be wrote off until the following Wednesday after a nights drinking, and while a lads night out can be good craic, it can get repetitive and is not worth the hangover these days. I still do it the odd time, including trips away, but the desire isn't the same as when I was in my twenties. I have taken up some hobbies that I would value more now than a night out drinking. Most lads my age i know who carried on partying hard have drink and/or drug problems, and never really progressed financially or with their careers.

CPTM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118106696#Comment_118106696

Doesn't sound realistic to me. You're saying avoid chat about your background, avoid family chat, avoid work life chat, avoid plans for the future, and tell them that you want an open relationship? Sorry I can't believe one would get many dates with that approach.

partyguinness

FFS...your life is not over. Even asking that stinks of high immaturity. Life changes of course but you get to the stage where going out on 'mad' weekends just is not that interesting anymore. Waking up with a hangover and wasting a the weekend is not fun. It gets very boring. Fair enough OP, you are still living the dream as you see it and more power to you but people move on.

I had my fair share of mad mental weekends away, J1s in the US, hookers, drugs, all day binges, fights, acting the dickhead, travelled to countless countries. Quite frankly there is very very little I have not experienced. I've been there, bought the tshirt and thank God camera phones were not around 'in my day'.. I can look back fondly but at the same time it ain't 1999 anymore...now I have new challenges and interests.

I have a buddy who recently separated from his wife...he is a ball ache now trying to drag me out beering several times a week anbd thinks I can just turn up in the pub at the drop of a hat. Even if I could I actually don't want to. On his birthday I left the pub early to watch the marathon at the Olympics...far more interesting than stuck in a pub doing the usual crap that has not changed in 25 years.

I'll tell you what changes your life and that is children

Cordell

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058214894/is-your-life-over-once-you-get-married

With going mental, raves and parties you are the one wasting its life. Of course, you are the one having fun while doing it, but make no mistake, it's not them, it's you doing the wasting. And of course, when you're getting married your old life is over and your new life starts - but that's only true if you're marring for the right reasons, that is for raising a family and leaving a legacy behind.

Normally I would say that what one does it's not anyone else business, but it's only fair to be at receiving end of other's judgements since you were first doing it

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118107780#Comment_118107780

I would be wasting it if I had to go to parent teacher meetings, weddings of her friends who I think is really a bitch, watching endless tv series on Netflix (boring) going to kids birthdays, up all night with a crying child etc Because I have no interest in that kind of life, so its not wasting anything if I attend the odd gig or go on a weekend bender In Europe with friends. I couldnt give a fcuk about having kids(never wanted them) or leaving a legacy? maybe I will be remembered for being a good business man, thats good enough for me but I don't generally care what others think of me, its their business what they think of me, not mine.

Once again for anyone who missed it, Im not an out every weekend type of person at all these days, I just think its good to let out steam every now and then, to me that is going out or to a gig etc or a weekend away with friends, I suppose to some married people a good hike gives them that or a 10 k run etc. if it makes them happy then that is ok. I get it now but it just isn't for me.

billyhead

Single and mingling can be very expensive. You always end up paying for the lunch or dinner on the 1st date and there's no guarantee you will see them again.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118108823#Comment_118108823

Being part of a couple is way more expensive in my experience. I love to spend money on dates though, its money well spent in my opinion.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118108908#Comment_118108908

Women love a thrifty fella.

Roger the cabin boy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118105166#Comment_118105166

You are quite, quite wrong and thank God for that.

If we were all to live a life dedicated to ourselves and nobody else, the world we live in would be a terrible place.

You might think on the next time someone does you a good dead (whether you see it or not) and ask yourself what would happen should the incidence rate of those good deeds change for the better or worse.

Potential-Monke

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118110078#Comment_118110078

You have your opinion, I have mine. I said live your life the way you want as long as it doesn't harm others. How is that a detriment? Not everyone has the happy go lucky attitude, for various reasons. Lots of us tried to live the white knight way you describe and have been constantly let down, so no longer want to take part. I'm harming no one with my life.

The ones that came before me messed up the world. The ones that are coming after me are saying I have white privilege so I'm racist. Screw them, screw everyone. I'm gonna enjoy my life and then I'll die and that'll be the end of it.

What's your explanation of a good deed? What defines a good deed?

Shapey Fiend

I think it's hanging around with purely your peers that makes you boring. They just confirm everything you already think. Sure babies can be a drag and make you house bound for a while but kids and/or old people if you actually pay attention to them tend to challenge you more. You have to fall in and do stuff that you wouldn't do otherwise instead of just repeating your own patterns and getting stale.

I used to be a bit try hard about being interesting when I was younger but what makes you popular is being interested. If you've tried to listen to a thousand hours of kids conversation you'll be much better at getting on with pretty much anybody. I'll confess I still have a bit of a way to go with that I'm kind of impatient.

With the internet around now it's not like getting older means you have to completely lose touch with culture by not being in the pub and travelling the whole time. I might not be going raving as often but I would still rather listen to new music than stuff I know already.

Roger the cabin boy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118110178#Comment_118110178

You can't just "live your life the way you want". The universe doesn't work like that. There is no "neutral" position in life. You are either making a positive or negative contribution to it.

Roger the cabin boy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118111256#Comment_118111256

You do.

You have a inbuilt mechanism that tells you what is right or wrong. You might be tone deaf to it, or misunderstand its message but it talks to you all the time.

Roger the cabin boy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118112423#Comment_118112423

What does that mean?

I'll give you 50 years whilst you work that out and then come back to us.

nj27

Titus Lucretius all up in here. Your instincts are derived from an innate impulse towards pleasure, but that pleasure is an incentive towards personally and societally beneficial activity. Given our abstraction from our species being, and the underlying comfort of particular modern environments which enable us to engage in the wanton pursuit of motiveless pleasure, it could be argued that we are negating a powerful and genetically imprinted drive by shielding ourselves from evolutionarily beneficial displeasure. We should acknowledge our origins in our actions, and pursue a burden which we can master, or be doomed to a life of the dyspeptic enjoyment of unearned but freely available rewards.

FintanMcluskey

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118108789#Comment_118108789

100%.

I see this other bullshit about getting married so one doesn't die alone.

If you start pissing on the sofa, your gonna find yourself staring out the window of a nursing home pretty quick, wife and kids or not.

Roger the cabin boy

^exactly that.

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118112544#Comment_118112544

Yeah reminds me of Jimmy Carr's response to people who brought this up when tutting about his choice not to have kids:

"Who's gonna look after you when you're sick and elderly?"

"Medical professionals."

Allinall

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118112608#Comment_118112608

That's great.

Were all these medical professionals 3D printed, or did someone give birth to them and raise them as children, until they were old enough to make the decision to become medical professionals?

PilotHole

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118112608#Comment_118112608

When people ask me that I always say,

Your kids!

I also tell them to **** out more kids so they can pay my pension 😂

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118112652#Comment_118112652

Well I don't think Jimmy Carr was campaigning for everyone to forgo childbirth (or anything really, he's not that type of comic). Especially now he's reversed his own decision

https://www.thesun.ie/tvandshowbiz/7565852/jimmy-carr-reveals-dad-baby/

Wibbs

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118108789#Comment_118108789

Yeah, whatever the reasons for coupling up and having a family(and there are many good ones) I always found the whole legacy thing dubious. No? Name two of your great grandparents. Vanishingly few will be able to. Even if you can, they no longer exist beyond rounded names on stones or in a dusty ledger. I can somewhat understand the legacy genes living on beyond you angle, but not the sentimental side of it.

pgj2015

I cant believe Jimmy carr isn't gay. You learn something new every day.

mariaalice

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118086543#Comment_118086543

of course, your life is not over if you get married, individuals are free to do as like get married if they see fit or not get married if that is what they want from life, most especially in a wealthy western country such as Ireland. The mistake the OP is making is if a committed relationship is not for them they need new friends with a similar lifestyle to themselves.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118113388#Comment_118113388

I have friends who are living the single life as well, also 1 married friend who isn't afraid of a mad night out.

Potential-Monke

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118111148#Comment_118111148

Working out better for the last 5 years that the previous 20 where I tried to be what everyone else thinks I should be. Suppose the difference between me living the life the way I want vs the ones you're probably thinking of, is I don't put in or out with anyone if I can.