Exploiting narcissists.

Jequ0n

It might be worth keeping in mind that not every asshole you come across is a narcissist or whatever. There is also no “one type” to any type of person or personality, and you are seriously deluded if you think you have a safe way of identifying people, and how to deal with them. Just because an approach worked with one person doesn’t mean it will work on another.

Brid Hegarty

My narcissistic sister felt my dad wasn't making a big enough deal about her upcoming birthday party so she initiated the first step of a tantrum by saying "you know what forget it... I'm calling it off". I immediately laughed and said "I call your bluff". I know her too well. The look of confusion on her face was priceless.

dxhound2005

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118185691#Comment_118185691

Asshole is not any use for this discussion.

padjocollins

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4yraZiJ9D8

superflyninja

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118170465#Comment_118170465

I know of one person that fits the bill and she is an absolute nightmare to deal with. We had to cut her off in the end, zero contact. There is probably more to her than just narcissism to be fair, Id say there is a good dollop of sociopath in there.

But she is unbelievable, for years and years lying to different groups and playing them off against each other, always positioning herself to be the saint and martyr. She always setup her circle, kept one person there and controlled and the rest at distance. Its when she wants to swap out her go-to person that sh!t hits the fan so to speak. The manipulation, the lies, the wrangling tiny truths into complex webs of deceit. If I was to give you examples, I know it would sound very difficult to believe. Like looking at a movie thinking no real person would act like that. Oh boy they do....

Anyway, what did you do to combat him? You mentioned attacking him?

NSAman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118186907#Comment_118186907

Verbal attacking not physical, have never hit anyone in my life to date and doubt I ver will.

Unfortunately, his ability to lash out at those people who actually take care of him is legendary. If this involves staff or myself it is a case of actually retaliating with facts, in a shock way. That gets the attention. It happens a few times a year and while I am a patient person, when I blow I explode.

Of course, everything is turned around on you. i.e. you attacked me! The fact his behaviour is shocking and insulting and he cannot see it. When it is brought to his attention it's "you attacked me" "I'm always doing wrong" (I.e. always the victim).

The staff ignore him now at this stage and leave it to me to deal with him, which I obviously can.

Reasoning doesn't work most of the time. The world is against him.

Funnily enough when the next thing is required he starts to become friendly again.

He will NEVER apologise...which is stupid.

Honestly, it's a lot of wasted energy dealinig with him. Sometimes it is easy to explode and just let him sulk and feel victimhood (makes everyone elses life easier)..;)

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118186182#Comment_118186182

But unqualified assessments using labels are?

It’s this deluded self confidence that makes you an excellent target, but you don’t even seem to realise it.

Eirher way, can you really blame people for taking advantage of others if they are too gullible to be on their guard? If people here think it’s ok to exploit “undesirables” then surely they can do the same without judgement.

dxhound2005

What are your qualifications to assess and label people as Assholes?

Fathom

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118170239#Comment_118170239

"Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy per the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM–5)."

Example: Trump.

Source: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/06/the-mind-of-donald-trump/480771/

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118187642#Comment_118187642

I base it on the people I have encountered, and it is safer to assume them to be nothing more but selfish assholes. But maybe you are one of the unlucky people who encounters these dangerous narcissists everywhere. It sure makes for a good story.

superflyninja

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118187288#Comment_118187288

Oh I never thought you physically attacked him! Your tactics are ones I've tried lol. Logic and facts are not considerations for my narcissist. She dodged facts like Neo

dxhound2005

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118187862#Comment_118187862

Describe the characteristics and behaviour of these "assholes", and we can assess their personality type. Asshole really isn't of any use in this discussion.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118187957#Comment_118187957

What’s the point? Are you able to assess with proficiency? How do you tell the difference between different but similar personality types? Ever heard of comorbidity? Or that there are personality types who do not cause damage despite everyone expecting them to wreak havoc?

dxhound2005

You were able to assess some "assholes" as being narcissists, so it can be done.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118188016#Comment_118188016

Clearly some of us lack your skill, because you also seem to be able to distinguish between narcissist and psychopaths based on one post. I wholeheartedly admire your abilities and hope you are using these in a professional setting, as your talent would be wasted otherwise.

Brid Hegarty

@[Deleted User] Personally, I've been in the situation once and I wish I had just wrecked him. He thought so little of me, and I could have walked him down a path and pulled out when he needed me hurting him greatly. I instead pulled out early in that particular project.

I'd have put a comma between the 'me' and 'hurting'. It'd make it more easy to read.

But anyway, are you looking for my approval for you to exploit narcissists that you come across in future, for the sake of clearing your conscience? Is that the purpose of this thread?

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118170465#Comment_118170465

So what other qualities does he bring to the table that allow him to get away with such behaviour? Do the other partners in the business see this side to him?

NSAman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118188463#Comment_118188463

He is one of a kind. Literally, one of the best people in the world at what he does. That is what he brings, yet total inability to run and manage a business and deal with people.

chicorytip

Sociopaths are abusers of others but often in a fairly benign manner and would not always be classed as ruthless, dangerous or evil. For example, Income Tax dodgers or Social Welfare cheats could be described as sociopaths. Their behaviour is fraudulent and an affront to law abiding citizens but could hardly be described as dangerous or evil and eventually they will get caught. A sociopath always ends up becoming a victim of their own actions.

Tiring thread.

If you had ever been love-bombed for months and years with shlte like "We want to buy into your company to get your talent, not your product." etc. and you're being flown around a country and been wined and dined, and this by person you had known for years, you'd feel pretty devastated when you bring the proposed deal to your lawyer and they point out the classic ways I was about to lose my company and all for the initial 25k or so that was part of a supposed series of tranches of payouts. I was being promised that it be worth millions after a few years with all of the deals he had lined up.

The plan I found out afterwards was to immediately flip it to a bigger company he was in communication with and use my key man clause and legal threats to guarantee that I basically worked for the bigger company as the IT guy and do all the work.

All while smiling to my face and being in similar social circles for years.

After this all fell apart, he started using my service again through another company and I only found out months later he was behind it. It was a sham deal so he could keep access to reverse engineer my site. And he managed to love bomb me again for a while before I snapped out of it and shut it down.

Diabolical.

So Jequon and Brid, I'm not talking about whatever type of person you think I am. I am talking about people who literally destroy you for their own personal gain. People who employ every tactic to make you feel loved and comfortable whilst stealing a company you spent five years developing. Actual full-blown narcissists are akin to sociopaths or psychopaths, and I guess most of us are never that exposed like in the way I was (crap at business), so most people don't understand what they're capable of.

It would be helpful if you stopped assuming no one knows what a narcissist is or stop assuming we think it's just self-centered people on Instagram. They're incredibly dangerous if they get into your life. My seven and a half year relationship ended in the middle of the above episode and I felt utterly ruined by it all. It made me hate that business and programming for ages and I'm only getting back into it now.

Jequ0n

I understand that you are bitter about this, but you were, by your own admissions , a pretty easy target and this would have been a lucrative opportunity for this person. That’s all you were, and still are.

If he hadn’t tried it someone else would have. Don’t get me wrong, I know how much psychological damage this can cause, but it is simply irrelevant when you just see people as a means to get what you want.

The problem is people expecting others to have the same values and morals that they do, and then feeling crushed when they realise some people are above that.

Panrich

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118189486#Comment_118189486

I think you mean below that in your last sentence.

victor8600

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118189470#Comment_118189470

I feel sorry for you, but you could have been duped by a sharp dealing neurotypical businessman. The fact that you have encountered what you describe as a "narcissist" is practically irrelevant.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118190198#Comment_118190198

No

Brid Hegarty

@Jequ0n The problem is people expecting others to have the same values and morals that they do, and then feeling crushed when they realise some people are above below that.

I hope that's what's you meant to say!

Brid Hegarty

@[Deleted User] And he managed to love bomb me again for a while before I snapped out of it and shut it down.

How did he manage to love bomb you again? After what you witnessed.

And if he invested all that time into love bombing you, then is it safe to say that it didn't pay off?

Fakediamond

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118170398#Comment_118170398

By working for one and not being in a position to walk away.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118195668#Comment_118195668

“Not being able to walk away” is just an excuse for not having been inactive and passive. You can always walk away from something.

deirdremf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118170398#Comment_118170398

I think it's a spectrum. They are all dangerous people. Avoid at all costs.

Change your job if you get targeted. Chances are that if a manager is on the spectrum then there is one or more of them at a higher level again.

deirdremf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118196077#Comment_118196077

Try having a mortgage, kids and no other work available in your line.

Have you thought of showing a little empathy? They say it goes a long way; but then people on the spectrum don't feel it if the literature is to be believed.

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118190198#Comment_118190198

I'm getting the impression Jequ0n might be a bit sociopathic themselves

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118197331#Comment_118197331

You’re making it sound like people with kids and mortgages are prisoners of their own lives.

“Have you thought of showing a little empathy? They say it goes a long way;” What is this even supposed to mean?

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118200021#Comment_118200021

It means it would be a very difficult decision considering (for example) how much a person could have already invested into such a job. It means your comment was a little insensitive. You seem to think that people who perhaps don't have the same level of street smartness as you deserve what they get for being less intelligent.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118202465#Comment_118202465

Thank you.

Yes there is probably some truth in it, though I usually phrase it as "own fault". I think the biggest problem is that people expect others to be like themselves, and don't even consider the possibility that they might be different, until the truth is revealed. I appreciate that there are people who are difficult to unmask, but in most cases you will hear people go on in lengths about all of the tell tale signs that the individual had displayed.

Shao Kahn

Exploding narcissists?

I knew this phenomenon would happen one day. Was only a matter of time really! There's only so much you can inflate the ego, before it goes POP!

At least I'm amusing myself anyway, if nobody else. (wait that makes me a narcissist) 😂

I was impacted psychologically by someone’s various covert narcissistic behaviours last year. Started feeling empathy with sorry stories being told, it kind of became sympathy as I could see certain issues at play, but I put distance between myself and the individual when things became unpleasant.

Last part of the year gave me plenty of pleasant distractions and was then glad to see the back of 2021, and stepped into 2022 with some confidence. Until the narcissist came knocking on my door in the form of a series of emails and texts looking for urgent assistance, of a type which was just not appropriate in any way. Afforded some assistance but was kind of persona non grata for not going the full hog. This individual could not and cannot not see the inappropriateness of the particular situation. Narcissists will never pause to examine where they are at and where they should be at in relation to others. And if a covert narcissist does pause it is always in the form of an emotional breakdown to show just how much distress they are in and how you should be feeling for them. You don’t figure in the equation at all.

TooTired123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118170374#Comment_118170374

I’m 57 I’ve met a helluva lot of people too and I am safe to say that I’ve had the pleasure of 3 narcissists, two of who are related to me by marriage, the third will be related by marriage this summer. Ignoring them to the point of being extremely rude is the best way to handle it. I mean walking away in mid conversation etc.

padd b1975

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118187642#Comment_118187642

Eyes and ears in full working order.