Disagreement over having a child during Covid

anndub

My second child was 5 months old when the first lockdown started. He is a very confident, happy, endearing child. Adored by all he meets. Bearing in mind he isn't in crèche and so has been completely deprived of social contact due to the closure of most play groups etc it's had virtually no impact on him. He adore my parents who he has spent significantly less time with them his older sister had by this age as they live in a different county to us. Children instinctively know and love their grandparents or anyone who dotes on them and their parents really.

There have been huge benefits to the pandemic as far as I'm concerned. We slowed down such benefited our children hugely and we have been able to spend much more time with our children thanks to working from home. It's also been a time of serious personal growth which was forced by us having to cope.

Whether you're allowed into the hospital or not is not really an argument for you, that mostly impacts your partner.

I can't really understand any of your concerns, COVID is a fairly minor event in the grand scheme of things. It's certainly not something to base massive life choices upon.

Time to stop dancing, Fred.

heretothere

It sounds to me like covid is an excuse. Also you don't seem that worried about potentially loosing your gf and say if she decides to go have kids with someone else, like it wouldn't be that big of a deal to you!

Kids don't just happen, we started trying when I was 31. In 12 months I've had two miscarriages and am currently pregnant again. I am very hopefully with this one, but it can be a long process.

manonboard

Hello Fred OP,

I read your posts and i had to think about it for a bit. Id like to say that i think there is something else going on for you about this. The pandemic restrictions in my eyes, are no where the level of problem that would justify to me not bringing a child into a family if that was your plan. Sure I could understand a few months delay if you could foresee some financial issues, or security issue with jobs.

To a child that is not yet concieved though? I think you are very genuine, but also highly irrationally spooked due to covid fear. I have a lung issue already, im definitely in the most likely to die category, so covid is scary to me.. but not to the level that you seem to have taken it.

Your child would only be born in the next 12 months. That's 3 years of society adapting. A few months here and there of some businesses closing. You can easily set up bubbles of contacts to remain social. Vaccines, boosters, certificates, natural immunities, lessening severity variants, and a general increase in the number of people already exposed and surviving this new illness. Your child would barely comprehend many important aspect until another 2 years later. Thats nearly 6 years after covid beginning.

Between financial crisis, environmental issues, terrorist attacks, wars, cost of living, and health scares. There is never a perfect time to have a baby. I dont see any reason why this time is more difficult that any of the last scares we have all ad.

I do think covid is serious, deathly so in my case, but society has been adapting very well to something so shocking and so fast. Your new child will never know the world before it. They will measure the enjoyment of their moments based on their experience. The generations before us had far bigger worries and comforts, your child will live an initial life beginning that could only be dreamed of 30-40 years ago.

Given how reasonable sounding you come across in the posts, I do wonder if there is something else up in you that either is making you super sensitive to this, or maybe subconsciously avoiding the baby making. I hope that in no way i come across as judgey or disapproving.

Do you feel your own life has changed so much or become so unlikeable that its not fit for a new person to live in? (whilst acknowledging its always getting better). I feel like i lost many things the last two years.. but life also kept providing new people, dynamics, work from home, more personal time etc.

What do you think about talking to a therapist about this issue? Just to check if there are some underlying fears maybe pushing you to view things in a critical way?

cj maxx

OP, I only read your first few lines , until you mentioned schools etc.

That's at least 6 years away if you try now. This isn't the first or worse or maybe the last pandemic humanity has gone through.

It shouldn't be a factor in your decision.

Fred Astaire

Can a mod close this?

Most new responses (while I appreciate the time taken to write them) are just a regurgitation of things that were already said.

Thanks.