Married but stag party wants a strip club

UrbanFret

They'll probably pay one of the girls to Do a private strip and dance for you and record it on their phone. Then send it to all their WhatsApp groups.

duffman13

Go in, have a pint. Leave

Been on a few stags and the strip club is definitely the bit that is the most divisive. You'll have lads mad for it and lads who won't go. The usual majority are those sitting there but not getting a dance. Id go and leave those who are interested to get one to do their thing.

Genuinely, an "I'm not interested in a dance" will work fine

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118443063#Comment_118443063

Nope. There's were for religious reasons.

Buddy Bubs

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118443098#Comment_118443098

Not a hope they'd do that. Or be allowed to. The phone would be wrestled from you and made sure video deleted. When did you ever get a WhatsApp message from a strip club?

Man Vs ManUre

Do what Brian McFadden (westlife) did and sleep with the stripper. And he was the lad about to get married!!

Pauliedragon

I used to go them regularly when I was abroad. They weren't seedy at all most of the girls were students not crack whores. I found them boring to be honest. To me it's the like going into a pub buying a pint but not being able to drink it it's not as if you can touch them but my mates knew the manager so we got free drinks. OP as mentioned above you could go in with no need to participate in anything or head off. If your mates slag you over that it's pretty immature of them. Are they even open in the current climate anyway?

alias no.9

If there's a large group going then there will probably be more of the same mind as you.

If there are taxis required to get to the club, make sure you're in the last taxi to depart, chances are a suggestion to divert to the post club venue would probably be welcomed and thanked.

Big Bag of Chips

Probably better suited to here rather than Personal Issues.

The Gentlemen's Club Charter now applies.

You dont have to do anything you dont want to. If you're on the fence about it why not ask your wife what she thinks you should do instead of here ?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118442738#Comment_118442738

Agreed. same experience. I didn't like the way those whose company I was in spoke to the table dancers either and thought less of them for it. Alcohol was no excuse.

firemansam4

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118442900#Comment_118442900

Why would he not tell his wife?

I was in a similar situation a good few years ago, I knew a stripclub was being planned, so I explained this to the wife and she understood fully. She was fine with me going along as long as I didn't partake in any private dances or anything.

I went along and me and another married man stayed at the bar while the others got their dances. There was nothing said about it and we all enjoyed the rest of the night at the pub after.

MTU

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118443308#Comment_118443308

You got a sneaky private dance you’re fooling no one.

firemansam4

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118443335#Comment_118443335

Haha. They did try come up to me a couple of times.

But when we left the place It was good to know that the drinks were the only high expense I was paying for in that place, after finding out how much some of the others had spent on their dances in there.

Barrita

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058226806/married-but-stag-party-wants-a-strip-club

go to the stag. go to the strip club. get some brass to do a few lines of double decker pecker wrecker off your disco stick.

go home. leave wife, abandon kids.

happiness

Homelander

No-one's gonna think you're a wet blanket. Just have a drink at the bar, I doubt you'd be the only one either. In fact, if you said "lads, I'm gonna sit out for the strip club, not my scene but I'll meet you afterwards" I doubt anyone would care either. A friend of mine did exactly that before and no-one thought anything of it whatsoever.

JoChervil

OP, there are people, who separate certain parts in their life, like sex and everything connected with it from the rest of their life. It's often a result of sexual abuse and such separation was the only available way of coping and it stayed that way. But of course it is not the only reason. Some people just do so.

Expressing your concerns, you seem to be a whole integrated person, so I am afraid such experience might have a negative impact on you. Everything is connected in our brain and our coping mechanisms are subconscious, so we are often not even aware, that we are applying them. For example if someone cheats on partner, so they then see their partner as a worse person, who "deserved" it. It is simply a mechanism of getting rid of any guilt attached. Our perception is subjective. And some things can't be undone.

You feel it is not a right thing to do, so it won't be right for you.

So you need to answer yourself such questions: do you really want to see your wife in a slightly worse light afterwards? Is such one-off experience worth it?

If you tell you wife, she won't oppose, if she loves you. And if she is secure enough. You will feel better by showing trust in her. And she will feel great after agreeing to it. Any act of giving love feels great. But it all depends on her security level.

But if you love your wife, you won't ask and won't do it. And you will feel great then. And when you share this with your wife later, you both will feel even greater.

But only you know how secure your wife is at the moment. And your level of sensitivity and integrity.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118443655#Comment_118443655

Dear God, if you join the lads on a stag party in a strip club, not thinking or feeling bad about it is often a result of sexual abuse?

Everything may be connected in our brain, but not all brains are connected to reality.

Danzy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058226806/married-but-stag-party-wants-a-strip-club

You'll see more ti7 on a beach in France. Alternatively take your wife to one as a balance and to show its not much.

JoChervil

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118443707#Comment_118443707

The reality is that OP feels it might be wrong. You are OK with it and it's OK too...

The high and mighty, are sometimes the most wicked.

My reality is not worse than yours....

JoChervil

Some people feel the best, when they drag others to their level. Or even below.

Suppose it'll depend on the strip club but in my experience of being the miserable bastard of the group means having ridiculously hot 20 years old rubbing on me no matter how many times I told them I was just waiting for my friends.

twowheelsonly

No idea obviously where or how long this stag is on for but the strip club bit is probably going to be an hour or so out of the whole thing.

My advice would be to go along with it, have a pint at the bar, move on to the next place. Groups don't tend to stay too long in these places anyway.

Tell your wife in advance, I guarantee you she won't be too surprised.

Don't make an issue of voicing your 'objection' to others on the stag. Maybe something like "That's not my scene at all but sure I'll go along and have a pint anyway". No-one will bother you then.

Basically a strip bar is a regular bar / nightclub with an option of strippers or lap dancers. Choice is yours, same as you can choose to drink pints, whisky, wine or water. It's just a bit of a laugh on a weekend full of laughs so if you treat it as such you'll be happy enough in yourself.

TP_CM

Yeah I think you're right. I don't know why I thought stag parties spent like 4 or 5 hours there. And I thought on entry there was just naked women everywhere. I forgot there were private dances and things.

I'll probably go along and just have a pint at the bar unless the stag party divides and others go elsewhere. It's the last of this in my life i think. My other 'closer' friends and their close friends wouldn't be into this sort of thing. I'd say they'd rather do completely different stuff. The difference here is that I'm friends with someone who has a huge network of people I've barely met before. He's either with me or with them.

I'd say my wife would be fine about it if I mention it but I'd rather know for sure it's happening before bringing it up.

Isn't it weird it's a seedy, dominant, control sort of situation for lads, but for girls it's more a playful, joyous, bit of craic (and I use that word advisedly).

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118444239#Comment_118444239

Welcome back to the 19th century. TP, no reason to think girls don’t enjoy it too when on hen parties.

gifted

I was only going out with my g/f ( now mum to my 3 chicks) for a couple of months when I got invited to a stags weekend away in Birmingham. We all flew over on the Saturday morning, drinking all day, headed to a lap dancing club and I just stood at the bar supping me pint when I was approached by a woman and she started chatting to me. Yapping away and I was telling her about my gf back home in Ireland when she asks if I want a "dance" ...nah your grand says I....sure didn't I tell you about the girl I'm going out with back in ireland......she was looking at me as if I'd 2 heads....lol lol

Popped outside and phoned herself and told her the story.

She was pissing her sides laughing and said at least she can trust me.....

Go to the club and enjoy it....you're not going to do anything in there are you?

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118443902#Comment_118443902

Thanks for the tip.

So I just pretend to be a miserable bastard and I'll get the top of the pick giving me freebies? 😉

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118444622#Comment_118444622

Didn't get any freebies and funny enough the first 5 got hotter and hotter then they started throwing some real hail Marys at me. 😂 It was pretty wearing for an hour constantly repeating "No thanks" and for the last 15 minutes having a couple of Eastern European chicks hanging out of me asking if I'm gay. 🤣

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118442920#Comment_118442920

You need a better group of friends if that's the case.

cj maxx

OP, as someone said its girls doing a job. Like the chippendales were for women years ago. I hate strip clubs myself, but in NY lads out from home used to want to go, for the novelty. They'll probably get you a private dance , which is the most excruciating uncomfortable experience I've ever had.

foxsake

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118442738#Comment_118442738

that last sentence is a bit much. they can't have been good friends to begin with

OP- just opt ou of the club bit , you be surprised you'll probably have a few other lads who don't want to go. I doubt you'll be alone.

or you could go , unless you are paying for dances the girls will ignore you- so it become a pint (albeit a bit pricey)