My daughter boyfriend tried to take his life

Halladubha72

Hi. I'm am very worried about my daughter. Her boyfriend of 2 treats both early 20s tried to end his life 3 days ago and she said when he came out of hospital he acted as if it hadn't happened and said they'd go to the cinema. On the night it happened he was very excited about what he'd done and that he'd been planning it for weeks. He said he won't go for counselling. She's in her final few months of her degree. I'm afraid he's going to do it again but she seems to think he'll be OK now. I feel he's too much for her to handle. She's just a giver and I worry for her because she'd do anything to help her friends. Is this normal for him to carry on like this? She's my beautiful daughter and I don't want this for her. Help.

seamus

It's "normal" for him to carry on like this in the sense that after a failed attempt, a person will often downplay what they've done, pretend that it was a blip, pretend that everything is OK, so that they can plan to do it again.

You're in a very difficult position in that you're watching a car crash in slow motion, but from the outside so there's nothing you can do to stop it.

First and foremost, support your daughter. Don't allow her to buy into the delusion that all is well and he won't try again. He will. And probably soon. It's easier for her to accept that he's moved on than to push the issue with him. But if she doesn't, then it will all kick off again.

Secondly, try to recruit some support. Does he have family? Are they even aware of what's happened? People in these dire circumstances are often very good at covering their tracks (at the root is a desire to "be no trouble"). So if he doesn't live at home, it's entirely possible that none of his family even know he's been in hospital. Don't take his word for it. Talk to them, let them know you're very concerned for his well-being.

And finally, don't try to go it alone. You will need professional support, be that doctors, psychologists, etc. You can't really discuss his case with them, but you should be able to find guidance, especially if you believe someone to be an imminent danger to themselves.

Wanderer78

great advice above, your daughters well being is your primary concern, you cant directly help him, but certainly can give him support, he requires professional help but unfortunately our mental health services are beyond buckling at the moment. id recommend encouraging your daughter towards counselling herself, this has been a traumatic experience for her to, i have found college supports to be very good in the past, some of my best counselling has been via these services. best of luck

Halladubha72

Thank you both very much. His father is the one who brought him to hospital and the hospital have been in contact with him and they are all asking him to go for help but he's not budging. He said he's looked it up and 70% of men have suicidal thoughts so it is normal. O God love him. I'm not supposed to know but thankfully I'm very close to my daughter so she's my main priority. She is going to contact the college counselling service. She had spoken to her head in the college so they are aware. I told her I'd contacted pieta house and they have same advice but asked me to ask my daughter why she wanted to be in this relationship and that if he doesn't go for counselling it's disrespectful to her and she should tell him that there isn't a future if he doesn't go. She said she couldn't put pressure on him like that. World you believe the poor chap tested Positive for covid last night so now he's isolating in his room. Anyway I just needed somewhere to vent myself and as I've promised not to tell Anyone then I can't do this had been helpful. Thank you very much x

brokenangel

I was unfortunate enough to watch this happen to a family member. It was as if nothing had happened but you could see he was on a downward spiral. Rubbing his hands together so hard I was worried he would start to take the skin off

First support your daughter but really he needs to go into a specialist unit. The chances of him trying again are very high and he might not think it now it will come back around. I went to a person after it happened and she explained, more or less she explained the person will be unaware so to speak and suddenly a huge wave of depression will come over them, that's when it all goes wrong.

Giving him an ultimatum at this stage is the wrong approach in my opinion and could send him into a spiral.

Isolating in his own room is not great either as they will just be mulling over things constantly, if I was you I would ring someone today with your daughter, explain the situation and see what they say, They can bring him in without his consent if he is a risk to his life and other.

It might be a good idea to send your daughter to counseling, as an additional support. The university might have a free service, if money is an issue.