Dealing with trainer who seems to have temperment issue

rustynutz

Wow, if you managed to find any of the above even mildly offensive then I genuinely don't think you should be in the workforce until you sort your issues out. You will likely make a complaint against this person which will end up their record.

Toughen up, life is going to be extremely difficult for you if you don't.

growleaves

That is not workplace bullying. Being subordinate is stressful and no one likes it.

I wouldn't like being told "Disappear" but there's no issue with it, it's just annoying to be junior to someone.

Before you says "He's not my direct supervisor rah rah" it doesn't matter, you are a new person - you don't have status in the company yet.

If you make an issue of it they will think you are tapped and regret hiring you.

Ride it out, build status and credibility in the organisation. Earn mutual respect with people. You're starting from the ground up.

Brid Hegarty

@growle Being subordinate is stressful and no one likes it.

I've never minded being subordinate in other companies. It's not like such employees don't already know it. If they acted above their position then I can understand why they might need to be taken down a peg, but otherwise it's unnecessary. And why is it stressful? There's a difference between "feeling small" and being stressed. In fact the managers jobs are typically considered more stressful as there's more responsibility.

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118585714#Comment_118585714

Well it's not a coincidence that the person I'd a slight bad feeling about was the person to do these things. I won't be expecting it from the other managers. Some the lads we met in the canteen joked to him to "be nice to us" and it kind of annoyed him a bit. He brought us down the corridor and brushed up against another employee's stomach on the way. That guy joked "assault"... sort of as a hint to say 'sorry'. The trainer (who had walked on) just replied "when I assault you, you'll know it"! I turned around and nodded at that employee to show him that I think he's an asshole too. Then we bumped into (not physically this time) a young lady around the next corner. He chatted with her for a bit and she said to us "don't be afraid of him"! Interesting. He seems to be nicer with the women... like they kind of brighten up his day. We're just the lads you know.

hawley

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118585926#Comment_118585926

"The trainer (who had walked on) just replied "when I assault you, you'll know it"!"

I would seriously consider quitting that place if I were you. There are plenty of other jobs out there at the moment. You'd have to have witnessed the tone that he made the reply in but it sounds nasty. Did it sound like a joke or banter? Keep a record of all these incidents, who was there etc, in case you want to do something about it in future.

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118585980#Comment_118585980

It was a joke, but the sort of joke that only he would be allowed to make! Yer man did laugh but I don't know how he took it. The issue was that he should have acknowledged the fact that his arm brushed up against yer man's stomach.

Another time when we were walking on the road out in traffic. He would walk through red pedestrian lights without care. One car stopped as it saw he was about to just walk straight out without care. He then then stopped and aggressively waved the car on as if it the driver was the stupid one. I could see the passenger in the car sort of laughing in surprise. At another red light it was kind of busy so I made a point of not following him through it... you have do what's right for you, you know.

At another point during the day he was on the phone giving out about another employee while we were filling out forms. On the phone I heard him say "I said hello to him in the bathroom this morning and he didn't say anything" as well as "I think he's moving to a different department anyway thanks bit of God" and also "he's saying he's health issues but I'd wonder". Of course I don't mind this but it show that others might have issues with him too.

It's the best job I've had to date, and I've had a bad track record so I don't think I'll be quitting. Anyway I could always complain him in a year after I get appointed because then it will be (apparently) impossible to fire me.

Flinty997

I don't find it credible that some one says they are experienced in not taking things seriously but then is entirely offended by a bit of ambiguous clumsy banter.

hawley

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118586018#Comment_118586018

Neither of these two incidents really involve you, so I wouldn't make a big issue out of it. Your other options are trying to be friendly with him so that he doesn't pick on you. Find out what his interests are and then bring it up in conversation. The second option is to go to HR about him. Say that you've had a few run-ins with him and you're worried that it could escalate to bullying. You have a record then if there's anymore issues.

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118586048#Comment_118586048

Did I say at some point that I'm experienced in not taking things seriously? I did say that I didn't take the comment about the lambs too seriously, but I don't claim to have such experience.

In a way this guy reminds me of Quinn in Jaws.

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118586054#Comment_118586054

If it's one thing I know about myself, it's that I'm not a suck up. If I were to suck up to him, I would be very aware that the only reason I would be doing it was so that he won't bully me, and that wouldn't do wonders for my self esteem. Quite contradictory in fact.

hawley

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118586078#Comment_118586078

Unfortunately in some companies there's a culture of bullying. If you have two or three senior people engaging in bullying it's very hard for HR or anyone else to stand against it, especially if they're regarded as being very important to the organization. I left a job a few years ago because of this.

Dav010

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118586078#Comment_118586078

You do seem to have sensitive antennae for picking up behaviour you find offensive though.

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118586098#Comment_118586098

There have been times when I did see things that I didn't like, however I was always brave enough to divert a conversation that a bully would want to have about another employee, or else have no part in the such a conversation. This can often annoy the bully as they're trying to suss out who's side your on. I've no doubt they'd have turned on me if I spoke my mind, but they can never have a reason to hate you if stay completely out of all gossip.

Flinty997

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118586065#Comment_118586065

"...not taking stuff personally from the public. That's never been a bother to me..."

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118586146#Comment_118586146

Oh yes. Very very rarely, and if so I'd quickly get over it. There's a big difference between the public and your superiors. Whenever someone from the public gave me abuse I just find it kind of funny to watch them make a fool out of themselves, or at least that's the way I think of it. I'll nearly always be able to handle it, whether it be by killing them with kindness or whatever else. And of course if I'm wrong then I don't mind getting a bit of abuse or apologising. I know that I don't have to take such abuse if I don't want to though... that's the difference. With an abusive customer at least the other staff (and managers) will often be on your side. But if it's a manager that's abusive; who's going to be on your side then?

The other thing of course is that after an incident with a customer, they are out of your life forever. Your manager isn't. You'll get that sting of a memory of the time you should have stood up for yourself or whatever else it was. With your managers, you feel as though you can't slag them back when they are out of line, which causes you to let you guard down. You have no idea whether they'll view a comment you make as a joke and forget about it, or whether they'll hold it against you and try get you back. Now if you put up with them, then at least you'll know that the next time you don't make a promotion that it was nothing personal. But if don't put up with them then you'll always wonder the real reason you didn't get the promotion. Now I don't really mind being spoken down to a little by managers. But I DO NOT like when the line is crossed. And likewise if I were a manger I would realise that I don't need to be a bully to have someone's respect.

Hope that explains it.

Brid Hegarty

@Fandymo If someone came to me with any of the above they’d be gone before their trial period was up. No need for that sort of nonsense in the workplace.

Maybe, but in the process you may see the manager you appointed in a very different light!

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118586285#Comment_118586285

Don't cod yourself. They'd only see one appointment in a different light and it wouldn't be him.

backwards_man

OP If someone says something to you that feels off or wierd or not acceptable, call them out on it. In the workplace there is a process to go through but it almost always starts with you standing your ground and having a word with the person. If you complain about every litttle perceived slight you will waste alot of time and energy trying to get people to change their ways. You are not going to like everyone and they are not all going to like you but at work you need to get along. If you call this guy out and he persists and it bothers you, put it in writing to HR and make it their problem, but dont expect it to go in your favour. The guy sounds like a dick. You cant change him.

Flinty997

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118586233#Comment_118586233

Not really. You can't be hyper sensitive one minute and impervious and easy going the next.

It's a bit like taking a hard zero tolerance approach one minute and letting things slide the next.

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118586377#Comment_118586377

You think I'm going to give you another very lengthy explanation on that don't you, just so that you can disagree with me again! Hah.

Flinty997

The point is the same regardless of long you take to say it.

You feel disrespected by his tone and manner, as it was too informal for someone you don't know in a professional context. If so you should tell them.

bucketybuck

It all made sense once I looked at the name of the OP.

hawley

There's nothing to indicate that he is singling you out for bullying; there have been other people there and none of the comments are directed at you, however, I would be very wary around him until you settle in properly. You need to build a base of relationships there.

Shao Kahn

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118586065#Comment_118586065

See now, this is your problem in a nutshell.

Quinn was the coolest character in that movie! 😆

Is it possible you're just a bit of a narky damp dish cloth of person? What I mean is, perhaps you could consider loosening up a bit and being less of a precious delicate little lamb chop!? (Just a suggestion of course)

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118587359#Comment_118587359

His behaviour (Quint's Quinn) was what over-heated the engine and keeled over the boat. The other two, between the two of them, should have been capable of stopping him. They knew what going to happen but they didn't. But yeah, it's okay because he's cool.

Fandymo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118586285#Comment_118586285

I’ve no idea what that means. Why would my manager see me in a different light for cutting a troublemaker out of my office??

Flinty997

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118590040#Comment_118590040

They did try Hoopers way and it didn't work. But they would never had got that far without Clint in the first place. Can hardly blame someone with his history of being irrational.

Brid Hegarty

@Flinty997 If so you should tell them.

I wouldn't give you the satisfaction of knowing that I made a fool of myself.

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118590326#Comment_118590326

The new hire might reveal a side to the manager (who they'd problems with) that you previously weren't aware of.

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118592092#Comment_118592092

Wake up and smell the coffee. You're deluded if you think that, based on the examples you gave.