Struggling with a difficult co-worker

Jequ0n

So your issue is with management and the lack of resource planning such as backups.

Your main issue with your colleague seems to be that he didn’t offer you his condolences, which is just bizarre. Other than that he sounds like he is trying to manage the poorly managed backup process while he will be on leave.

You should really discuss these issues with your manager so this can be changed going forward.

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751722#Comment_118751722

Thank you!

This is what I was trying to express the whole time. You perfectly expressing what has been going through my mind since I returned.

This is why I don't agree with the posts calling me "entitled" when it really isn't the case. It's not about co-workers sending me their condolences or acting as my therapists.

TheGlossy

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TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751733#Comment_118751733

Where the heck did I say my issue is that he didn't provide me with condolences? You're severely extrapolating here. Nothing to do with condolences. What a ridiculous assumption.

Do you think I have time to worry about random people giving me their condolences? I'm not sure if you've ever experienced a death in your life, but if you have, you should know this type of stuff is at the bottom of a grieving person's list of priorities. I've better things to worry about at this moment than to count how many condolences I got. I'm trying to keep my head above water here.

Zeek12

I would say the colleague is being unreasonable, first off.

Who needs FIVE people to cover their space - for just three days off? Sounds fairly unrealistic. And the OP already made it clear they were unavailable for backup anyway because of other workload commitments.

But OP, there are clearly issues here with managing the workload assignments. And out of office cover too. From a team manager standpoint that has to be managed and addressed or you'll forever be stuck in a loop with this type of thing, irrespective of the bereavement situation.

If you genuinely feel this is not something you can take further with management, for your own sake you may need to consider moving elsewhere. Jobs market is quite healthy right now in many sectors.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

Liberty_Bear

When I have my staff who come to me and say they are swamped I sit down and go "what have you got on hand and what can we do". I did a time in motion study so know roughly how long each task approx takes and I will give them cover or re assign where needed. Can you take stock of the tasks you have, do a rough calculation of why everything will take you as long as it does and just say that you cannot but in the future that if work allows you will dig out where needed. This gives you both a way to save face (by giving what tasks you have and why you dont have time) but also the reconciliatory nature of helping in future shows you have a degree of flexibility. You suffered a bereavement (sorry to hear about that), maybe there might be some grief just adding to the mix. Just take care of yourself and hope you get back on your feet soon x

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751855#Comment_118751855

You have mentioned his lack of empathy, and how inappropriate it is to load work on a grieving employee etc etc. Cant remember the actual phrasing in op before the edit. You are back in work, and it is not your colleagues job to manage your situation.

Your issue is with management and not with this colleague, so stop wasting your energy on him…

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751919#Comment_118751919

As I said, I'm not asking for him to manage my situation. This is not it at all. You missed the point.

Pistachio19

Sorry for your loss. It's bad enough going back to work after a bereavement without having to deal with this. I'd just ignore his emails. You've already told him you cant cover any of his workload so there's no need to repeat yourself. Take it that he just hasn't bothered to remove you from the mailing list of people he's asking to cover for him.

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751871#Comment_118751871

That's a good idea, but trust me, they will never do this. I addressed the workload situation during my performance review last year. Their response was: "We acknowledge that but you're very familiar with the processes and deliver adequately so we rely on you a lot at the moment" then proceeded to add more work on me. This type of conversation only works when your management is receptive.

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751949#Comment_118751949

Thats a tough situation to be in. I asked them when they did it before what they wanted me to slow down on

pjdarcy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751949#Comment_118751949

"We acknowledge that...you deliver adequately..." Ouch. I'd be looking for a new role after a review like that tbh.

P.S. sorry for your loss OP

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118752003#Comment_118752003

He didn't use the word "adequately". I changed the word purposefully because I don't want to seem like I'm "bragging". I just used a more "neutral" term for the purpose of the discussion on the forum. He used a far more positive word during the actual review.

Besides, if he had actually used the term "adequately" yet said they heavily rely on me because of this, then I wouldn't dare to image the level of delivery provided by the other employees who are not trusted with this amount of work.

28064212

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751651#Comment_118751651

40% unpaid overtime? It certainly does say it all. It says that you're a chump who can be relied on to cover other people's failings and say nothing. That any time management need to patch a resource hole, they'll just get you to take on more work. That they don't actually have to do any management of problem employees.

It does say it all, you're just not listening to what is being said.

bucketybuck

If you are the best performer, they rely heavily on you and dump all the work on you, then are you demanding recompense for that? Are you prepared to move on elsewhere if they don't reward you for this?

The whole bereavement and co-worker thing appears to be a red herring in all of this, it probably doesn't help you to have them be part of the discussion.

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118756215#Comment_118756215

Yeah, I agree. I only gathered that in the last few weeks. I didn't realize it at first, but last year was absolutely horrendous. I couldn't even take any annual leave because they kept piling work on me and I had a different deadline to meet every week. I remember asking for one day to have a long-weekend last year, I was told "no" when the rest of the team all took off that the same time that same week. Last year, I only took 15 days annual leave. It's insanity, especially if you're working 12 hours day + weekends. They're trying to do more with less.

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118756231#Comment_118756231

I was told I would get promoted this year, except the managers who wanted to put my promotion forward have now left the company. I can't even trust the promotion promise, because it could be a carrot dangled over my head to get me to absorb some more work. This therefore brings me back to square one because any new manager would not have any visibility over my previous work and commitment.

I have started looking for a new job, but I got rejected everywhere. I'm probably getting one rejection per day at the moment. I even applied for an internal role and got rejected within 3 days with a generic email (even though I had the required background). So right now, it is very much status quo.

The bereavement "thing" is very much an important component. They never should have piled work on me behind my back during my sick leave without discussing with me first. What are the other people doing? It's not appropriate when it was crystal clear why I went on sick leave. I'm not trying to use bereavement as an excuse to do less work, not at all, but the truth is a grieving employee is a lot less efficient. Additionally, they knew full well I was working 12 hours day before my bereavement, so any additional workload would just lead to more unpaid overtime. Do you really think a grieving employee wants to work overtime? I have external responsibilities resulting from this death (not their business, sure), but they can't expect me to work unpaid overtime at this time.

Unfortunately, all the ad-hoc projects cannot be completed during business hours as I'm already swamped, so they need to be done during overtime. If you can't fit all your workload into your business hours then there's a problem, no employee should be assigned projects that they can only work on during overtime.

Flinty997

What they are doing is paying you less per hour the more work you do.

You need to think about that.

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118760790#Comment_118760790

Oh trust me, I think about that every day when I'm writing off paid hours with unpaid hours.

Just yesterday, I started at 9am and finished at 8pm.

Flinty997

That's company culture. Only one way to change that. Change job.

28064212

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118756814#Comment_118756814

I think you need to realise that this isn't being something done to you: it's something that you are doing. This is all happening with your active participation. Was there someone physically restraining you in the workplace at 6pm yesterday? Or did you make a choice to stay there?

You say you only took 15 days annual leave - did you apply for the remainder at any time over the year? Even if some of it was turned down (which management are entitled to do on occasion), did you then reapply for later dates?

There is no point in the future where management go "Oh TheGlossy is a bit overworked, we better bring in some new staff". So long as work continues to be done, they will not care that one person is doing the work of two.

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118761988#Comment_118761988

I had to stay late yesterday because I had to perform some last minute task requested and it had to be done on the same business day. I was told about it at 5pm. I couldn't have logged off even if I wanted to because I only received the supporting files for the task at 7pm. This happens rather frequently.

That's the type of stuff I have to deal with. I'm not doing overtime because I want to but a lot of what I do is time-sensitive. If I have a deadline and the amount of work I have cannot be absorbed within business hours, I have to do overtime to meet all deadlines. Simple as is. I could choose not to overtime and miss the deadline, then I'll be the one held responsible, not them for piling work on me.

I know some people in some other departments who very rarely do overtime. It's a team culture issue, rather than a company-wide problem.

miamee

I'm very sorry for your loss @TheGlossy .

I think this loss and the subsequent time off has made you re-evaluate your workplace and see it in a new light. You now realise that you are valued a lot less than you thought, that even when the worst thing possible has happened to you, all they are interested in for the most part is how much work you can get done and when. It's an awful position to be in but the only reward for being great at taking on extra work is even more work.

My younger sister was in a somewhat similar position last year, more and more work being piled in her, doing 14 hour days working from home, she had no life outside of working. She was stressed, overworked and it was making her ill. I told her that no one from her company was going to ring her at 6pm every night and tell her to log off. No one was going to say "You know X has enough work now, we'll give this to someone else" because she took it all on and never said no. She had to make those calls herself, log off at a reasonable time and if things didn't get done, then they didn't get done. You need to make the call and draw a line as to what is enough for you. After she had some time off with stress, my sister went back and kust logged off at 5.30 every night. Not a single thing was said to her. People will just push things on others to suit themselves. If you are doing the work of two+ people it just saves them having to think about hiring someone else to cover the extra work.

28064212

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118762450#Comment_118762450

Define "had to": Was someone going to die if it wasn't completed? Was the company about to go under? Were you told you'd be fired if it wasn't done? If any of those applied, then yes, you "had to" stay. If none of those applied, then no, you did not have to, you chose to.

I've been requested to perform tasks with deadlines that would have required overtime. 95% of the time, my response is simple: "no, I do not have time to do that". In genuine cases of emergency and where it doesn't have a significant effect on my life, I have stayed. Note that emergencies are, by definition, rare. There's no such thing as "routine emergencies" - that's just "routine".

Do you know why people ask you to do things at 5pm that take three hours? Because they know you'll stay. Once people start understanding that you won't be staying, suddenly they will "somehow" manage to get their requests in at lunch time.

Flinty997

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118762450#Comment_118762450

You didn't "have" to. You made the decision to put your money in someone else's pocket.

mrslancaster

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118761718#Comment_118761718

Sorry for your loss OP - it's very difficult trying to get back into a work mindset so soon after a bereavement.

You should be getting email requests in time for you to do the work during your normal hours otherwise it waits until the next day.

You need to read this:

https://www.workplacerelations.ie/en/what_you_should_know/codes_practice/code-of-practice-for-employers-and-employees-on-the-right-to-disconnect.pdf

n0minus1

Sorry for your loss.

But it sounds very much like the difficult co-worker is yourself.

This is how teams work, you cover for each other even when overloaded with work or tasks

You just prioritise the tasks yourself. Saying you can't help outright only sends a message you aren't a team player. If your colleague is doing anything wrong it's bothering to include you. Just don't expect anyone to help you when you need it.

Flinty997

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118769122#Comment_118769122

This reads like you only want yes people, and don't want to hear when something is impossible.

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118769122#Comment_118769122

-

n0minus1

Hardly.

Depends on your definition of impossible really